Several have asked to hear my story. I can’t afford to dwell on it too much, but I’ll try to bring you up to speed.

About 7 mos ago I started an OLA that quickly became a RLA with a MM. Neither of us went into it with the intention of leaving our S’s. OMW found out fairly early and confronted him. He admitted the A and refused to stop it. So we carried on for several months with her knowledge, seeing each other approx. once a week. We did sleep together a few times, but usually it was just a bunch of hand-holding at the park. At any rate, our emotional attachment grew very intense.

It was around Valentine’s Day that it hit me that I had to stop seeing him. I was growing too attached to him and my unsuspecting family did not deserve this betrayal, not to mention his long-suffering W. At that point, we weren’t seeing each other as often, but still talking and emailing. Still, it took me a month to gather the courage to tell him I couldn’t see him anymore.

Nearly a month has passed since I last saw him. We’ve talked a couple of times and exchanged some emails. He respected my decision to stop physical contact until last week, when he asked if we could get together for coffee. It was a vulnerable moment for me, so I simply refused to answer for several days, until I could gather the strength to say no, which I did earlier this week.

In view of my other post, which has been mentioned here, I’ll tell you that this business with OMW calling me and IM’ing me was not discovered by me until after my last meeting with OM. Lots of phone calls while I was on vacation with my family (phone was off). IM’s saying, “Call me, baby, I miss you,” etc., etc. I found it bizarre. I talked to him, and he talked to her, and she stopped. Then, right after I told him no, I couldn’t meet him for coffee, I was reading on the forum here and found her posts. That put me in a tailspin that hasn’t really stopped.

That’s fairly bare bones. I was trying to avoid writing a book.

I am stopping all contact with him. I was surprised to find myself going through the grieving process all over again; first when it first hit me, second when I told him, and now, knowing that I need NC. Goes to show that clean cuts heal the fastest.

thanks for your story. NC is difficult but the way to go to help the healing process

OK, next steps - have you come clean with your husband?

Have you written a NC letter to him and his wife, apologizing to her as well?

WAT

No, have not told H and am not sure that I will. Can't confront that yet.

No, not sure what to say. Some of what she said in her posts really p'd me off -- at him. Need to find my footing again...

Does any of this make sense?

blackbelt...

you would be much better served in not reading another post from her....

It does not serve you or her well at all...

ARK

BB, go to "my home" and go under main Configuration click on ignore list. Put your MOM's BW on your ignore list! This will help you focus on your own issues and marital recovery.

Do you not think your H will find out anyway? Don't you think it will be far better coming from you than someone else? I am a FWW. I hid my A from my H for about 10 years, then someone spilled the beans. I so wish it had been me that had the courage to tell him the truth. He was angrier about the deception than the A itself. Plus the hiding the truth put up walls in our M that hampered intimacy.

OMG, it was bad enough when I talked to the one of my (then)H's OW and she told me "he loves us both"... yack... that was hard to hear... Plus, to be honest, I remember the OW's names to this day, um, 15 years later... and I wouldn't have too many nice things to say about their affairs with my (then)H, either.

But when I think of what the OM's W says about me... I figure I deserve it... and go on with my life. It's not like she's ever gonna say anything *nice* about me or the affair. Of course not!

These are the kinds of things that divert your energy, BB...

Follow the advice here... put her on ignore...

No.

The part about not telling your H may make sense to you at the moment - because it's the easy way out - but it doesn't make sense to me for your long term recovery.

JMHO

WAT
---------------
Embrace your inner fish.

Actually, she doesn't really say anything bad about me. It's about him. I've suspected for a while that he verbally abuses her, and her posts confirm it. I'm mad at him, sad for her.

Anyway, good advice about ignoring her. I need to for my own recovery.

BB

blackbelt...

also lets go back to the reason of this site..

marriage builders...

if you are here to ask questions about the BS while seeking no insight on helping your husband heal...
then it makes it difficult for people here to help you...

why did you have an affair....
what is going on in your marriage...

and you do grasp the fact that your husband has the right to know.....

that he has the right to choose what he chooses with the information...

and infact...you most likely need to tell him....
for the BS obviously knows you and has access to him...and the information will be much better received coming from you to him than her....

ARK