Post deleted by emac

I have not done that myself, but if I were in your shoes I would do it ASAP. I probably should do it too, but it's a little different for me.

Yes you should, IMHO.

Think of snooping not as deceitful spying, but as necessary affair research.

Do you have no other sources of intelligence?

Yes, most definitely put a keylogger on her computer...do whatever snooping that you have to...Keep in mind that I am a FWS, I say this so that you will understand the perspective from which this advice is coming...

In having an affair, your W made decisions about your life without your consent, it is your RIGHT to know if she is continuing to do this...

Additionally, affairs are addictions, which makes your W an addict...If she was addicted to crack, it would be your responsiblity as her H to help her free herself from that addiction...same goes here...SNOOP AWAY, IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO...for ALL involved...


Mrs. Wondering

Yes.

The only thing I have to go on is her honesty. At this point that isn't worth much. I just feel that I'm betraying her trust in me by having to "spy" on her.

Messy business, isn't it?

You would be wise not to believe anything she says regarding her feelings for you and the sate of her outside activities.

WAT
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Faith is believing in what you know ain’t so. Mark Twain

I would put on the spyware. As a sex addict who had many affairs, changing the password usually means trying to hide access to the emails for whatever reason. It means she is not being honest about her behavior, so I think you have a right to look into what she is doing. Think of it this way, you are trying to protect your marriage. If someone were trying to break into your house, would you put up survailence in an attempt to try and catch them? Someone is trying to break into your marriage and you are trying to protect your wife. You want to fight for your marriage.

You would be a fool to trust her right now. You should not have to spy she should give you access but she probably won't do that.

As Ronald Reagan once said "Trust buy Verify". When you asked her about cheating she denied it before, what makes you think she is going to be honest now? Don't be afraid to snoop if it will help you save your marriage.

Also people want space when they are having an Affair and want to keep having an affair. I noticed she wants to "Date" you! Wow, that sure is nice of her but does she want to "Date" others.

The fact is you have not been married very long and she is already cheating. Maybe you can save your marriage if you still want to but it is best to know what you are up against.

In this day and age there are serious health concerns when you have a cheating spouse. I personaly would not want to have sex with a spouse that is having sex with someone else. I don't think it is worth getting HIV or any disease. Just something to think about.

OK, emac - I've gone back and read all your previous posts.

Two questions:

How old are each of you and do you have any children together?

WAT
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Faith is believing in what you know ain’t so. Mark Twain

Thank everyone for your feedback!!!

WAT - Ages H35/W32 no children. I didn't even start to get into sharing our issues w/ children on this site yet...

On a parallel path, I recommend you hire an attorney and start setting yourself up for the most economically favorable divorce you can get.

No kids, married only 2.5 years.

This is her second short term failed marriage.

You deserve a better woman.

Strategically, consider NOT letting her know you're consulting a lawyer. Assume she will eventually move out and get whatever legal intsruments are available to you ready. If she moves out, implement the legal stuff and go to Plan B immediately.

JMHO

WAT

The advice that WAT gave based on your situation does make sense, that being said...

As a FWS, I offer this...

Should you decide that you do wish to continue being married to her...

SHE MUST BE COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT TO YOU...NO SECRETS...SECRETS HAVE NO PLACE IN A MARRIAGE...NONE!

I am 100% transparent to my husband now, as he is to me...I fully understand that my not being this way robs both of us of the joy that marriage was intended to bring...Further, based upon my past behavior and selfish choice to have an affair, I wholeheartedly embrace the right of my husband to monitor anything that he deems suspect...

Remember this, "People that have nothing to hide, hide nothing"...Choosing not to monitor your W, based on what you know to be true of her in addition to the appearance of her continuing to hide things from you would essentially be the equivalent of your volunteering to be a victim...Inspect what you expect...


Best,

Mrs. Wondering

Post deleted by emac

emac
what do you know for sure?

I had no contact at all with OW or her H although I have dreamed of doing so many times.

IMHO, exposure is the right thing to do. I wish someone had told me. I really really do. There is some poor woman who may think she has a wonderful marriage and her H is having an affair. Not to mention STDs ( I am going next week for that fun conversation with my doctor).

That being said I think you need facts. I hate to see you go in to exposure with gun blasting and have no prooof. OM wife would probably not believe you as I think I would not have. OM could deny.

Good Luck!
HF

What trust do you speak of, my friend? Her trust that you will sit by while she has an affair? Her trust that you will stay out of her phone and computer while she makes plans to be with another man? What trust of hers is it that you value so much?

She is having an affair. She will lie to you while looking you in the eye, she will say the most horrible things about you to the OM in order to justify her actions. This is dirty stuff, and if you want to pull her back into the light, you need to be Chuck Norris and go roundhouse kick this affair's @ss.

Here's some things I recommend:
1. Put a keylogger on her computer. It'll record all that she types.
2. Forward all her emails to your own personal email account as evidence.
3. Definately tell the OM's wife about the affair. Even if the affair is over, that poor woman deserves to know the truth. Wouldn't you expect the same for yourself?!! Don't tell your wife or anyone that you are going to talk to her, just do it.
4. You don't need pictures of them in each others arms in order to have proof. What did the emails you found say that was incriminating?


Ok, the affair is still on. You need to gather evidence. Do you know where they are meeting? I'd be giving his wife a call around the time they are meeting up and tell her that her husband is having a secret rendezvous as you speak.

Being that that OM has a wife and child, you need to talk to the OM's wife ASAP. She'll be your best asset in busting this affair up. Do it now.

You have caught her in continuing her lies and now she is meeting up with the OM? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. How much humiliation and disrespect are you going to endure in your short marriage? Are you going to wait until you get an STD? You need to expose immediately to the OM's wife. Clearly your wife has no problem lying to your face and continue to cheat on you which shows she has no respect for you at all. If you do not respect yourself then who will? See a lawyer to understand your options. Enough is enough!