My FWH had a 2NS 4 1/2 years ago with a woman he knew little about. He didn't tell me until 8 months ago. We are making great progress, and he is being radically honest with me. I know why he had the affair and our marriage is so much better now. He is working so hard to make this up to me.

What he knew about her, he told me. Well, I am a really good detective and I found out so much more information about her. I know now that she and her husband (who she married after her and my husband's PA) are selling their house. I am so tempted to act like a prospective buyer in order to go see it and see pictures of her.

Is this crazy???? Would you do it? I try to just let her go, but I am so darn curious as to what she looks like. FWH has explained what he remembers that she looks like, and I know she isn't very pretty, but I just am dying to know.

is it important to your marriage?

Forget it. If she is very beautiful, you will feel bad, and if she is coyote ugly, you will feel even worse. You have nothing to gain, and everything to lose.

You know, I haven't seen other woman either. I did once, a few years back at a school function, but she wasn't OW yet, so I don't really remember her looks--just that she is thinner than I am and taller, too. I have been debating the same question--even to the point that i wanted to drive to the school and park by her car just to see the woman who has done this to my family--but I decided no.

Today I decided not to. And reading your post stood out to me because like Believer said--there is nothing to gain by it. NOTHING. It will only hurt me. Pretty or ugly or whatever. We never think of ourselves without criticism to begin with (we're women and we're hard on ourselves)--and i don't want this nasty OW, however beautiful she may be, to be the measuring stick I use against any part of me. Just knowing she is thinner than I am already has put a damper on my self image--and I am not gonna live that way. It's not healthy. It's not beneficial. And it's not how God views me anyway.

I might have to see her one day. He says they are getting married within the year. If that happens, then yeah, I'll see her. But I'm not gonna purposely do this to myself any longer.

You are on the road to recovery. You need to grieve what has happened in your marriage, but I don't think you need a face to do that.

hang in there--i am sure these feelings will pass. But you are the best judge of that.

OH GAWD NOOOOOO!! you will hate yourself for it....just keep moving on in the direction your going...doing that is GOING BACKWARD!!!!

beatiful or ugly....who cares....men look at women differently than women look at each other anyway.....

just fight the temptaion....not worth the hassels in the long run.

I never saw the OW, but I must say I am tempted. I have just convinced myself I KNOW I am better looking than her, better dressed than her and all around better than her. There's nothing she has that I don't. That's the way I look at it. This keeps me going for now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />