I do believe it's mainly the FEELING that the OW provided that maintained my FWH's Affair..

But now that we are on this subject, I've noticed something weird that I haven't been able to figure out...

I don't think it's conscious on my H's part so I haven't mentioned it to him yet...

I'm not sure that it even matters....

Whenever we are in contact with a woman who has the same physical features as the FOW...haircut..height..body type,etc...she really captures my H' attention..he seems instantaneously almost spellbound...

My theory is that he was ADDICTED even to her PHYSICAL PRESENCE or FEATURES...weird....

Any thoughts on this?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

or maybe its like Pavlov's dogs? Whenever he sees a woman who looks like that ole dawg, the fantasy feelings come back? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

DOG IS RIGHT..SALIVATION AND ALL, HUH!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mel, I've been meaning to tell ya...I bought some INDIGO BLUE COWBOY BOOTS last weekend...H was with me and encouraged me to get them..we were playing dress-up at a Western store.. He even bought himself a Cowboy Hat..coloring outside the lines... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WOOF! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I love cowboy boots! I bought myself some Steve Madden boots for Christmas and DH loves them. Sounds like y'all have fun, Mimi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

mimi,


Is her type like a fantasy of what beauty represents to him. I mean, like the way a really muscular, handsome dude, just kinda makes me blush. Do you think this is like his ideal look of a woman?

How does it make you feel him being at attention like that, it being visible?



Lol, so true.

LLG,

I hope this is not the case. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She is as different than me as DAY and NIGHT. Not unattractive..but maybe he finds that type to be SO DIFFERENT and EXOTIC, maybe. As some on here know, my H remained highly physically and sexually attracted to me during his A...so I'm not sure exactly what it is...

I think it has something to do with the salivating Pavlovian DOGS (which she is) and the FEELINGS that get rekindled....like our mouths water when around one of our favorite foods?... Yuck...shudder the thought..

Maybe I should have thrown a poll in here, too... that might have been interesting... especially for those who don't want to respond but want their "voices" heard.

My ex remained sexual with me during his affairs, and mine, for that matter. There was always a strong attraction, though I suppose that for him, it was my enthusiasm (I can't spell - nobody call me on it, I have a learning disability - for real, and I don't feel like pulling out the dictionary to fix it, although in the time it took me to write all this I could have <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />)... ahem... anyway, I think it was more that than how I looked when I was super-heavy.

Mmmm...

I think physical attractiveness does mean something to me. My STBXW is a buxom Martina McBride lookalike. The ex-OW could have been Faith Hill's twin. But PA isn't defined by weight...my optometrist in the States was a gorgeous woman at ~200 lbs. I would melt when she looked into my eyes...

But Mel and Mimi are right on...The ex-OW showered me with admiration, respect and SF. That's what got me.

Low

No poll yet, New BeginningII?

LLG, uh, it was just a musing... I don't wanna do a poll... it's hard. LOL

In my sitch the OW was in some ways different and some ways the same. I saw an old picture of her (about 5 yrs ago) and b4 I ripped it to shreds it startled me to see how much she resembled me about 15 years ago when I had real short hair. She is only 1 year younger, thin, no chest. I too was thin (I've put on weight and am av. now) and w/o a chest. I've only met her once but my quick impression of her was that she wasn't friendly, bossey, and I always thought her sitch was odd. She was a clerk where my WH worked and her H was the maint. man at their apt. building and an at-home dad for their two daughters. They moved from NJ to a rural NY farm house where the OWH was an at-home dad and performed odd jobs while the OW stayed with his parents and still worked as a clerk in NJ during the week. Now I realize she did this to be near WH, I believe she targeted him for the A, and WH fell for it due to the reasons mentioned by many of you, attention and appreciation. My WH was two level above her so she felt he had power and position. I am in a similar type of company and am in a higher position than WH and make more money. I know I look young for my age and I am ok as far as looks go. My WH is handsome and charming, but has a few gray hairs and a few pounds on him, I don't think looks matter that much. It depends really on what the WS values to begin with, if they married for looks or appearances only than I would expect that type of person to easily have A's.

Everyone,

I am 5'2" and 110 lbs. been that way since high school. My husband is younger than me, by 10 years - he's 6'3" - we've been together for over 20 yrs. I've had 5 kids - no stretch marks, no saggy boobs (still perk up). I'm attractive, not being concieted, everyone tells me so, except my husband, long naturally curly bonde hair, blue eyes,intelligent - worked as a sales administrator for 20 years, look 10 yrs younger than I am, good shape, no wrinkles, don't smoke, drink, cuss, good cook, sew our own drapes, do lawn work, get the picture. Guys in my husband's job told him they were waiting till he got divorced, so they can have a chance to date me. I am not just saying this to be "full of myself". I'm usually a very "happy go lucky person". I also care for my invalid dad. Don't want to sound like a saint!!!

NOW: the OW was shorter than me, big nose, no shape, wrinkles galore, unattractive, saggy boobs,cusses, drinks, smokes, has been around the block several times - with other married men in the office, not smart, looks like trailer trash, get the picture. I was shocked at who my husband chose - I always thought it would be someone younger and prettier than me.

So, the moral of this story is.......it doesn't matter what the other woman/man looks like - never did - never will. They are just waiting - they know what to do - they know what to say. Appearances do not mean a thing. But, what my husband didn't realize is that people are not as honest as he thinks and that they will not stand behind him thru "thick and thin", no matter what, like I did. He had to learn the hard way.

Thank God, my husband came to his senses and realized what he might have thrown away, the marriage, the family. His fling was not worth it.n I took him almost a 10 long hard months to realize it - but it did happen.

Oh, why can't my OW be coyote ugly?????? She is 20 years younger and very beautiful, with long blonde hair. She is tiny, and looks like a little doll. DRATS!!! I'm 5'7" and 135 pounds. She is less than 5' and probably less than 100 pounds.

Did Just Learning tell you this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Believer,

Ok, so your OW looks something like me. What do you look like? My husband is tall, dark and handsome. I'm petite and statuesque. So what???? Does the fact that she's 20 yrs. younger, make you feel good? Well, my husband is younger than me. Do you think the OW would stay with you????

Age, beauty, has nothing to do with anything. Believe me, I could have cheated on my husband many times, I've been approached many times, but I love my husband and would have no one else - even though he was a dummy for cheating. He had to get hit on the head by a couple of 2 x 4's to realize what he had at home. Nothing is worth loosing my marriage.

Glad you asked. My WH is 6 feet and 275 pounds. He was 170 when we married. But I loved him for himself, not his physical appearance.

I keep thinking that one of these days he's gonna roll over in his sleep and crush her......<<snort>>............

Sometimes attractiveness is a factor, sometimes it isn't. There seem to be no strict rules. Often people share a common interest or hobby that their spouses aren't involved in.

In my case, the OW was Asian, petite, and younger than me by 5 years. I'm a bit overweight, blonde and buxom. My body is worse for wear after a twin pregnancy so my immediate reaction after Dday was feeling very low about my physical appearance (hence my screen name). Later, in one of our discussions he told me it wasn't about the sex, looks were a factor, but the most important thing was he could talk to her! This made me laugh - she could hardly speak English. So obviously, she listened and tried to learn and made him feel important.

It's hard when your physical attractiveness comes into the spotlight. We are so bombarded by images of how we are supposed to look - my self-esteem definitely took a tumble. But as time has passed, I really do believe this A was all about him and very little to do with me. To all the women whose husband cheated with really young bimbos, you are stars. It must be awful. TT

I found myself standing in line behind OW one night at a convenience store and my mouth was just hanging open aghast when I realized it was her. I had stopped at a store to get a pop, got in line and noticed the tall haggard lady in front of me was a PAINTER because she had on scruffy jeans and a white t-shirt covered in house paint. A light bulb went off and I realized it was HER.

She plopped down 2 Jumbo Buds on the counter and asked for a bottle of liquor. The clerk apparently knew her and said something to the effect of "starting early this week, huh?" [it was Mon or Tues] To which she responded, "yah, we goin to TIE ONE ON!"

She was justa oozin' with CLASS and GRACE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I was standing behind her in a designer suit on my way home from my job as the director of our state for my company. Completely different worlds!

My W's friends said the OM looked like a "monkey".



Here's a picture I took of him one day when we were at a company picnic. I'm sure I got his good side.

Anyone else got pics of the OP?

S&C

Mimi,
My H did exactly the same thing. He was a serious attention hog and she fed him everything he needed. Too bad he was too stupid to figure out that the more attention he gave her/she gave him the less he got from me. We (H, OW and I worked in the same place) The constant flirting made me physically ill!