Be cautious when asking your employer to get involve in your H's personal affair. His employer will see him as a liability and give him the pink slip.

When legal accusations are filed against you, your only means to fight back is the legal way. If your phone co has a service that will involve the law, the law IS your best defense. So what if it's a local number? So what if it's a block ID? The phone co will trace and record each call. Let the phone Co do the legal steps for you. All you're doing is answer the phone like you normally would.

You guy's are so great! I am learning something new to protect ourselves everday.

Arabesque: Wow! your OW sounds awful. I can't believe she was so diabolical as to set up an account in your H's name. How unbelievable. They think they are so smart. But, I love that you busted her with those fake emails. What did you mean by she made threats through Yahoo?? Was it a blog?? How did you find it? Your OW sounds just like ours and I hope that she won't take it as far as yours did, but so far, she has come through with every threat she has ever made. I wish so badly that she would get caught asap, so we could end this nightmare, but she is good at this, makes me wonder if she has done this before?

Star: thank you for the good advice. The only problem is that she is not calling our house and we can only speculate that she has tried to call H at work because she never get's through to him. Why would she be trying to call him? doesn't make sense that she would risk this since she has an RO on her and that she has one now on H. The only thing I can think of is that the police have done nothing when she has contacted H and she got away with it so far and thinks that nothing will be done.

Orchid: Are you serious about OW claiming your an unfit mother?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Outrageous, if our OW did that I don't know how I would contain myself. I would surely want to kick her A**..How dare she. It makes me mad as He!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> just thinking that a low life scum homewrecker would ever try to pull that.

I am not diabolical or crazy, so it is very hard for me to figure her out. Anybody major in physcology? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Is this really going to go on for years as others have for you guy's?

After the RO was filed, the OW tried to call me at work. I had cell records to prove it but the RO was NOT against me so it didn't do much good.

Yea, the OW in her effort to paint herself in a good light, decided if she could label me as a lesbian, child abuser, husband beater and having an A with my FIL, that she would score big points. What the nutcase didnt' realize is that I would give that info to those I felt needed to know. LOL!!! That included, the school, FIL, relatives, neighbors, HR dept @ work, the police department in her town as well as mine, etc. They all laughed and said they would stand up for me in court. Armed with that support, I instructed the then WS to go tell his OW that I was none of those things.....that sparked a fight between them since by then even the WS knew the OW was lying. Broke that fantasy with her own accusations. LOL!!! There are ways.......

L.

THE INSANITY OF IT ALL IS OVERWHELMING!!!!!

Is any Man or Woman worth obsessing over to the point of dementia???

If my H decided he didn't love me anymore and left me, I would never do what these sad people are doing, I have to much respect for myself....

I guess if a woman or man enters into an A knowing the consequences, he/she doesn't have any self respect for themselves anyway and are completley and totally PATHETIC...

Do not change your home phone number..

This is what you do. You take the phone to that number, place it on silence and put it in a closet or under the bed. Then get a new phone number (a new phone line will need to be installed) and give the number to only family and a few close friends. If you change your number she'll pay to find it (yes there's no such thing as an unlisted number anymore, any PI can find it). By not disconnecting the number she knows, she'll call it and think either you're not at home or not answering. She'll have no idea that you have the new number and won't go searching for it. You'll have some freedom that she can't destroy.

Other than hiring a body guard to be with your husband 24/7 there's nothing you can do other that document her antics. I suffered with this for a very long time and soon she grew tired. She and her sickness just moved on to other victims.

Good Idea JPH. Did that work for you?

When we called the police about the pictures being sent, he said that her number had been changed and unlisted so he would have to call her at work. So, if she changed her number how could H have been calling her there and harrasing her??? I hope time and no contact will end her obsessive behavior.

The 2 phone idea is good. Recording all incoming calls to that number is also good. The police can put that line on trace calls for about 30 days if you ask. So all numbers w/b visible to them. See if that same service is available via a private vendor as well.

L.

To answer your question about the threats made through Yahoo...

The threats she implied on her Yahoo profile are on the page which shows her user name, age, gender, marital status, etc. There's a section which you can type in "latest news" and "favorite quote". She loves to use these to her advantage. In fact, for over a year, she would update her profile with little messages about a baby that she had claimed to have given birth to, that was my husband's. Of course, she was never pregnant, but she tried to convince us otherwise. In fact, since you need some comic relief, I'll give you the link to my first posts on MB's when she first started all of her games.

So, ever so often, she'll change the latest news section in her profile with some ominous message. For while, it would really stress me out, but now I just <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> and praise The Lord that I have my sanity at least. I remember the day that we were to meet with our attorney for the RO...she had sent an IM informing my husband that the Amy Fisher story was on tv that day. (hint hint) That little tidbit couldn't have come at a more perfect time...the attorney made good use of it!!

You'll be ok...just don't let her gain power over you. You're in control and you're the one who has her sanity. I personally think that your OW may have self-esteem and rejection issues. She must be in control and can't stand to have anyone end a relationship with her. It kind of makes me wonder what happened to people such as this as children. That's as far as my sympathy goes, however. They're responsible for their actions as adults.

Edited to add links to my first posts.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...true#Post822103

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...true#Post822365

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...true#Post824701

There's more, of course...but these 3 seemed to sum things up quite nicely. Enjoy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Oh...and to answer your other question as to how we found the Yahoo account...it was the way she and my husband would chat secretly. He has since deleted his account. The account that we found the fake emails on was actually his account. She had changed the password...to my mother's birthday, which my husband didn't even know. That really creeped me out.

BTW - Just to protect yourself further....call all 3 credit reporting bureaus and put a flag on your SS# and your husbands. Also call the federal trade commission and do the same. You never know if she has your numbers, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Hi Arabesque,

I read every one of the threads that you gave to me..I don't know what to say except OMG!! I could not believe what I was reading. Your OW is like the Black Widow, she makes our OW look pitiful in her measly attempts to harass us. Wow, I am still trying to take that all in. I need to read the rest, and I would like to know if you and your H finally are rid of her and did she have a baby? Please send me all your links so I can see if you ended up busting her A**. You are a wonderfully strong woman and I am honored that you chose my post to lend your advise too. Please keep in touch with me here. If the OW does decide to up the anty on us, I would love to have you in my corner. Thank you so much, this was a total eye opener. Believe me, I was reading your threads and thinking to myself, please, please, please do not let that happen to us.. Awful just Awful..I am so sorry that you had to go through what I can only call the worst imaginable He**.

Beauty-

One last advise.

DO NOT, DO NOT have your husband accept her calls when he's at work! By doing so,

1) your H is only enabling her to keep calling him at work which will cause disruption and his employer will see him as a liability and let him go.

2) The OW will claim that the affair is still going on.

3) The OW will tell police that your H had called her and all she was doing was returning his call work.

4) It gives this psycho a false sense of power to continue harrassing you.

Your H's comapny are already aware of the situation. The receptionist already knows her voice. The minute your H instructs the receptionist to put her calls through to him, he may lose support from the receptionist and other co-workers. It's easier to maintain support from co-workers as long as they know he is not accepting her calls.

Good luck.

Beauty-

DO NOT, DO NOT let your husband take calls from her at work. It will cause more problems.

1) It will encourage the psycho OW to keep calling as long as he takes her call. He is only fueling the fire on her end.

2) The OW will claim to police that she was just returning his call.

3) If your H takes her call, she will have a record of the length of time they have talked and will only prove her case against your H.

4) Your H will lose support from receptionist and co-workers if he takes her calls.

The receptionist already knows her voice and documents every calls from her. Let the system work itself out.
Good luck

Star

Knowing the voice and getting a commitment of the phone # and recorded message is what the police needs.

RECORD the messages and save them as evidence.

L.

I spoke to H and gave him your advice. I said do not take her calls, even if you think you can trap her. He agreed and wanted to know if you guy's thought he should contest the RO. He has 30 days to do so..by May 3rd..What do you think?

But the RO protects YOU all from her, too? If she breaks it by contacting you...she's SCREWED!

Right?

I'm thinking that she can either call the cops on him, accusing him of anything (as in the case of my OW's previous victim), and the courts have no choice but to take each accusation as they come and deal with them.

or...

While she calls the cops every other day, eventually, it will look like she's playing games (crying wolf) and the court may let the DA handle her accusations. As she gets more desperate for attention, her accusations may get crazier. ??

Still...he's going to have to prove his innocence with each accusation. So, if she's got this RO against him, and both of you want NC, then give her what she wants. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Shouldn't be too hard to do, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Honestly, the OW is her own worst enemy. Remember what I said about being thought of as a fool....eventually a person bent on revenge will think of nothing else but achieving it and make a mistake somewhere down the line. You simply wait and be on guard. Stay above board with this...don't do anything illegal to try to catch her(as tempting as that may be). Let truth and the legal system prevail.

Did you get a copy of the actual RO that she got against him? Read through it with a fine tooth comb. I've only had experience with the RO we got against our OW, and even though most of the threats were against me, it only protected my husband and wherever he was, such as work, home, etc. I even thought about attaching myself to his hip. LOL I think I would have had to file my own petition and pay another fee to get one for myself.

One word of advice though, that I've learned by experience.

She hasn't come after you yet, right? If she's anything like my OW, she will. Only because that would be the most effective way to hurt your husband...the person who she believes had hurt her. Hurt the one he cares about (you). I got the impression (in my situation) that the court believed the OW's accusations against me because SHE was the victim, not me. I was the betrayed spouse, who had every right to seek revenge. After all, in most movies about infidelity, the betrayed spouse goes after the OP, don't they?

Be quiet, yet on guard. By not letting her get your goat, per se...you're showing that you have more integrity than she does. You know that you're innocent of what she may accuse you of, so does God. That's all that matters.

If the phone system has a built in speaker phone system in which the receptionist can turn on by simply pressing a button, and a tape recorder (provided by your H) handy, that will be your best defense.

Another suggestion would be is if a call comes through and your H's office is seconds away from the receptionist desk, he could go to there, have the receptionist as a witness, put the call on speaker phone, turn on the tape recorder and instruct the psycho woman ONE last time.

If you live in a state where it is illegal to record a conversation w/o letting the other party know, have your H advise the psycho after she identified herself and let her blab a couple of sentences and then say the following:

"I know you have been calling here. I want you to know that this call is being recorded. I do not want you to call here
ever again! I love my wife and family and I will never leave them. Stop harrazing me and my family. Go and find someone who is available for you." Then hang up.

If the OW is a super psycho, her next move may become more desperate and she may actually start stalking your H and you. I pray that it won't come to this. But still, be prepared especially since she had fabricated lies againts your H.

If you're an at home Mom and your family has no allergies, I'd adopt a dog at a shelter. As timing would have it, (I think it was fate) a dog, mixed Spaniel, wandered into our neighborhood nine months ago without a tag. My WH OW has threatened him that if he didn't leave me for her she would come over to our home. D-day was 2/1/06. Kicked him out that night. But my dog has been a source of companion, distraction from WH messy affair and one heck of guard dog who is also friendly to the neighborhood kids. H & I are in recovery and MC.

Keep us posted and I'm sure many of us here will support you and your H's recovery and give you pointers as we think of them.

Good luck.

beauty - I assume you didn't see my response to you WAY above about this (since you didn't comment).