oklahoma

i cried as i read the last two pages of your thread

i feel the same as you do....i too want back the life i had with my h

it WAS a good life....it was the life i always wanted when i used to dream of how my life would be when i was grown up

i also feel as though a divorce is more than a piece of paper...

i wish that i could find the strength that you have found to help you get through this

i don't read here that much anymore....somehow it is too hard for me

but when i do check in, i try to catch up on your situation

i am praying for you

June is a long ways off.....

Eav and everyone,

Thank you for the supportive words and prayers.

I know June 28 is still a good two months away. But if nothing has changed in the last ten months I can't imagine anything will change in the next two months.

As I said before this is all in Gods hands now. I have let it go to him and his wisdom. I pray he can help my H become the person he once was or maybe someone better than he ever was.

Whether he ever comes back to me or not I want him to be humble with the Lord and become a decent , honorable man again.

I will be fine ..... I just know it

Hurting

{{{Hurting}}}

You are an inspiration to me. I know the pain you must be going through and admire your courage in love you still have. Blessings to you Hurting.

WOL

Hurting,

Sometimes it's hard to post supportive words. Not because you're not supportive, but because sometimes, more is conveyed in a look than can be said or because the words simply won't present themselves to be said.

I posted on another thread this morning something that I took to heart from church yesterday morning. You said,
Five little words stood out yesterday morning and can be applied to virtually anything. "I will, with God's help."

I know you will have the strength to fight when the time is right to fight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

oklahoma

i too had a date in my head....april 10th that my H could file....and now he can't because he has no money

not what i'd hoped for-but i'll take whatever i can get to stall for time

anything's possible

Well I jst got of the phone with my attorney...

June 28 is the day for the trial , he says th judge has it schedualed to last 3 and one half hours. I have to go in two weeks before court and get all of my exhibits ready for court. Not sure what all that is so any help anyone has would be greatly appreciated.

he says the judge will make his descion that day, well of course we all know what it will be. They don't deny divorces I would assume..... I never wanted this and still don't but I will use all of the strength and dignaty I have to be the better person...

Hurting

((( Healing )))

Hon, anything can happen within the next two months... But ~~ remain the course you have been on.

Look how much YOU have grown !!

regarding exhibits ~~ maybe things like the shut off notices for the utilities, stuff like that...

Does your WH have insurance where he is now working ? If so, have him (make him) put you on the insurance for a period of time. or until you are able to get some.

Not trying to give legal advice here, I can only speak for myself. But in my D from a long term M ~~ my X had to put me on his insurance for 5 years and pay house taxes for the same time frame. In these long marriages the judge (at least here in Texas) make special decisions. Hope this helps.

And, always remember ~~~ we are all here with you !!!

Carnation

Carnation,

Thanks for the information I will gather all of my bills and stuff for my attorney.

I have made some descions regarding my life. Some of you may think I am jumping the gun here but I feel its something i need to do for me.

First off once this divorce is done I have decided to move away from here and go be with my family in Va. I think its best for me and it will help me heal. I don't feel staying here around the memories and seeing my WH with the OW will help me at all. So with that said just let me say if by chance WH does see the light he will know where I am and he knows my moms phone number and where she lives as well.

So on to the other news.

Some pretty cool things are gonna happen for my family in the next few months.

First off my DIL had some exciting news her parents who have been divorced for over 18 years are reconciling. Amazing isn't it... Anyhow her father lives in Virginia about 40 miles from my mom. So her mother will be moving from Indiana to Va. sometime this summer. With this my ODS, DIL and my two grandbabies will also be moving to Va.

So once I move to Va. myself I will have my son and his family there with me . This is such a comfort to me knowing I will have them and my whole family around. This will be wonderful for me. My grandbabies are the lights of my life, I have missed them so much. To be able to watch them grow will be a joy.

Now as far as YDS goes I am going to let him know about the move and tell him if he chooses to come with me I would love it. And i w ill let him know if he chooses to stay with his dad I understand that as well but if at anytime he wants to come to me he can.

DDI am not sure about yet, she really does not want to go to Va. but she is torn to be with me or stay here with her BF. But I told her today if she stays and it does not work out for her she can also come to me whenever she wants.

So even though this is not want all I want to happen i have something to look forward to. Being with my family and my grandbabies. WH is going to miss out on so much with our grandchildren and family. I do hope this has all been worth it to him.......

Hurting

Hurting, that is great news for you. Being around the rest of your family will be very good medicine for you. And also very great news about your DIL's parents... That gives me hope that anything is possible!

I truly hope your YDS and DD make it out there with you.

Sadmommy,

I also hope that DS and DD come with me on this move. Yuor right being with my family and grandbabies will be just the medicine I need to heal.

About my DIL'S parents it does show that miracles can and do happen. As everyone tells me its all on God's time line not ours. If its meant to be it will happen.

Hurting

I think it is a great plan. You will be near your mother and your grandbabies !!!

Perfect plan and something to look forward to !!!


carnation

Thanks Carnation it is a good plan and I am lookin forward to it.

I just hope its the right plan in the long run .....

Hurting

Ok I am very angry right now. WH is being such a jerk.

My SIL called me this morning to give me heads up that WH told her he is bringing DS to court on June28. Seems he wants DS to tell the judge he wants to live with his father.

I know for now thats what DS wants and he is old enough to tell th judge what he wants. I will present my case against it but ultimatley its up to the judge and DS'S wishes are taken into consideration by the court. What I don't understand is why WH feels the need to bring our son to ocurt and expects me to allow him to sit in on the proceedings and hear all of the crap that will be brought out in the open.

WH is planning on using things from years ago to justify his behaviors and paint me out to be a bad, unaffectionate wife. He is picking out little things that happened years ago to use. My thing is if they were such a problem why did he stay then, why is it it took an OW in his life to make him decide these things were so bad?

he is using excuses such as the house was not clean enough, well crap when you have kids and grandkids living with you adn you have a H who just drops his stuff whereever he chooses its hard ot keep it up perfect.

He is just grasping at straws here, he wants to drag stuff from the past to hurt me, what about things he did in the past that were not all that great, how would he feel if I dragged out all of his skeletons... If he wants to play dirty to make himself feel better then I guess I need to play back.

I am so mad right now....

Hurting

I doubt any judge is gonna listen to all that kinda bull....they just usually dont get into all that.

Your sister in law should be called as a rebuttal witness as to what WH said to her - it implies he is forcing DS to say this and that DS is not saying it on his own. "He is bringing DS to court..." Not DS wants to come to court....

BB

(((Hurting)))

Try to breathe. This is the same b.s. STBX was going to pull w/me, only his plan was to accuse me of having a gay relationship with one of my best friends AND having a mental disorder. Neither of which are true. Then there's the stretch where he and OW were frantically trying to come up with evidence of me being molested or sexually assaulted in my past. Not true either.

The reason WS's play dirty is b/c they're scared. They know they're doing wrong, and they'll try to do anything they can to deflect the heat off them onto you. It's totally infuriating and unfair. Hopefully, whatever he's told your SIL is just trash talk or just his fantasy. Surely his attorney has more sense than to go along with some b.s. like that! You will be beacon of truth, and believe me, the judge will see right through the cr*p.

Talk to your attorney about your WH bringing you DS to court. See if there's anything that can be done about that. Your DS definitely doesn't need to be in the way of any mudslinging that may happen.

Praying for you, friend.

Not to worry I am going to talk to my attroeny about DS being in the court room. I am going to request he be kept out of the procedings.

I am preparing myself t ohear about anything come from WH'S lips. I am not going to put it past him to make up stuff to take the heat off him ...... One damn thing for sure whatever he says he better have proof to back it up....

I have all th proof I need to show his adultry, and I don't think anything that ever happpened say 5 yrs ago will matter anyhow.... Seeing how if it bothered h that mcuh why did he stay????

Hurting

ADULTERY is your best defense. Let him come to court with that cra*. The judge is going to laugh at him. Just imagine your WH stating he had an A because the house wasn't clean enough. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Just sit back and watch H put his foot in his mouth. When he tries, you just keep your cool and come prepared with the real legal stuff, like dividing property, Custody, CC statements, Cars, every bill there is, insurance for the kids, Child support. He may be trying to sway your youngest to stay with him to avoid CS payments, Alimony. That is what the judge is there to determine. Gather everything you can think of that will benefit you and your children. Your son may be old enough to decide where he wants to live, but make sure the judge knows what kind of environment you son will be exposed to while living with the OW who broke up his parents, home and 24 years of marriage. Fight for custody of your son, he will be much happier with you in a sane environment.

Just some friendly advice.. I am so sorry that you are going through this. (((((HUGS)))))

Can you imagine his defense when you show the judge the shut off notice?

okla,

I just knew this would happen.

Just go for the spousal support. Your STBX is over the top. He had you stay at home and raise those kids and now he wants to boot you out with no support. You deserve to be retrained, college, etc, if you will and have what you need in order to make a decent life for yourself.

You did what your both agreed upon and now you have been dumped, put on your own after you kept your half of the bargain.

Your STBX is wanting to get out of this with nothing. He can influence your children, get your son to say bad things about you because your son wants so much for his father to be there for him. I really don't think your STBX has been there as a father that much. I have said this before. WS was all fun and games and you held down the fort. So sad.

Well, God will get you thru this, and give you better. You deserve better. You are WORTHY.

It is what it is. You get that spousal support and make something of yourself. Move and move on. Let STBX try to make you look bad. I hope and pray you have a very good lawyer.

And I really do NOT understand what it is that your WS has over your two youngest children.

Just be the sweetest you can be.

You have my prayers. Do NOT be walked on, anymore!!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M