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ChaCha,
I like the name change it looks good on ya....
Not sure when I will change mine as it still fits right now.... Maybe oonce i make th move and start feeling better about all of this I can think of something to change it to.......
packing is going slow but I have got to speed it up time is running short. I do ok as long as its my stuff its when I run across something of WH'S I have a problem. But I will get it done....
DS is here for the weekend, it was a surprise for me and i am so happy to have him here. I miss him so much.......
Well I am off to bed now .....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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R the kids helping you pack? Good exercise in giving them a reality check. They may not want to pack their things and if so, will be stuck wonder where those things will go.
Either way it w/b a change they must decide on. As for the WS' things..... may I suggest a pile. If that's too messy, purchase a 'new' clean large garbage can and put his things in there. Yep papers, all intermixed with other 'things'. He can sort through them and while he does he may realize his life is just like that garbage can.
JMHO,
L.
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Hurting I feel for you. This is a terrible time right now, but once you are moved and settled you are going to have a wonderful life!
I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that your son is home this weekend. That is the best news I have heard in a long time. I know it makes you happy. Enjoy him!
By the way, I like Orchids suggestion of putting your WH stuff in a garbage can. Let him sort through his life.
Zorro94
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The weekend with DS didn't last as long as I wanted he left on Saturday night.
WH and the bimbo came and got DS about 11:30 pm saturday night.
Seems DS said he had something with the basketball team sunday and plus he needed to clean his room... I did make a joke about that and said dang wish you had cleaned your room when you were here...
We talked about my move and i explained i was not leaving him but it was something i neede to do to heal me and be happy. I didn't lie and did tell him it was to hard for me to be here and watch his father live his life with someone else.
He said he understood that and he used the exact same words his dad did, " Well this will be the best thing for you mom, you can move on and be happy." I know he has heard his dad say this, because he has said it to DD as well...
I also let DS know if he ever decided to come back home to me I will always be ready and willing to do what ever it takes to get him there..... I let him know I love him very mcuh and only want the best for him... I told him I would not force anything upon him and it was is descion on what he wanted to do... He said his dad told him if he ever wanted to move with me to Va. he would be ok with it..
I never once asked any questions about " THEM" nor did I even mention "THEM", boy that was hard but i did it...
I did talk about bein excited to be with my family and how my job at CVS is going to try and mabe do a transfer if possible... I said I was excited about starting over and knew it would be ok for me....
Anyhow as he left I did start crying as I hugged him bye and told him I missed him very much and to please c ome see me again very soon..... He said he would as soon as he could.
I stood at the door watching him drive off with the two cheaters and my heart broke..... The OW sitting in front of my home driving my H's car like she is someone special.... Afraid to let him come alone to pick up his child for fear we would have contact...... I am so angry right now about all of this..... God forgive me but I hate them both right at this moment.....
Anyhow it was wonderful to have DS today and we went out to eat like a family, him, DD and me....... My baby boy please come home soon........
sunday update:
Well here is what happened yesterday. I got up about 9 am because I had ot be at work at 10. Someone knocked on the door and it was DS. I said what are you doing here, he said we are getting the rest of dad's rocks from the yard. I didn't say anything about his school function or the cleaning of his room as reasons he had to leave the night before.
Anyhow I left for work and saw WH'S car at his mothers, he was waiting for me to leave before he came down here.
I got home about 6:15 or so and stopped by my MIL'S. She said they had just left the house about 30 mins. before i got home. So DS didnt go to any school function or clean his room he was here all day working.
DD then tells me WH came into the house while I was gone. She knew he was not suppose to but he came in on the pretext of getting water. She said he sat down on the couch and talked to her bout her BF and then said he would cut the dogs toenails because he knew i was afraid to do it because I have made them bleed before. So he took care of the dogs feet. She said he then wanted to see her kittens so she took him to her room and as he went down the hall he noticed my bedroom door locked but said nothing. He did look in the bar to see exactlly what I took out and packed. I guess making sure I didn't take his stuff.
Anyhow the house was a mess due to packing and going through things, boxes everywhere, papers on the couch... So I am sure he saw the mess and thought see she still can't keep things neat glad I am not here..... DD did say he never said anything about me nor did he ask anything.
It just makes me upset he came in here knowing I don't want him in the house. But I am not going to say anything or react because it will get back to him I am sure.
He is suppose to be here next saturday to put dirt in the place where his rocks were. I will be home then as I am off work. I am not going to leave my house while he is here. I will stay inside and pretend he is not here. I see no reason I should leave just to make him and the OW feel comfortable.....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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God forgive me but I hate them both right at this moment..... me too I hate them both just letting you know.... Pep
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I see no reason I should leave just to make him and the OW feel comfortable..... Nope, no reason at all that YOU should have to change your plans to accomodate HER paranoia. {{hurtin'}} big hugs and prayers for you.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Thanks guys for the support...... It will all be ok.....
I will move past these feelings ....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Hurting,
Just wanted to send hugs and admiration for your strength.
I'm glad you had the nice day with your son, and am sorry
it was cut shorter than planned. Didn't sound like it was
because your son wanted to though, more like his Dad told
him he needed to help him with the rocks.
Sure does sound like your WH still has an interest in what
you are doing and misses being part of a real family and
real life- thus the helping with the dog, and looking around
at things.
If it wasn't so pathetic, it'd be funny that our WH's must
be trying hard to convince themselves they are happy and
"free" when they are actually on such short leashes and
controlled like puppets by the OW.
I understand totally about really feeling hatred for the
WH and OW and what they've put us through- I think all of
us in the same boat have had those feelings now and then.
Haven't seen or heard anything from WH for several weeks now, other than the message he left last week to say we
"needed to get the house up for sale soon". Got home today
and he had been here- he had dropped off some receipts,
a bank deposit slip,and dog treats, and took a few clothes and his bike. I am at a loss of anything to do other than
the Plan B letter which I will be giving him later this
week, and putting B into action,along with lots of prayers.
Seems like so many things are going wrong at the same time
that I don't know anything to do but pray (more details on
my post)
One of the best reminders that all things are possible is
from the Stormie Omartian book "The Power of a Praying
Wife", and is says "Look to God as the source of all you
want to see happen in your marriage, and don't worry about
HOW it will happen. It's your responsibility to pray. It's
God's job to answer. Leave it in his hands".
Hugs to you,
Slammed
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((( Healing )))
So sorry I have not been able to post to you lately, I have been out of town.
Moving back to VA will be the best thing. I believe that two things may happen then -- You will start to really detach from WH. and -- WH will start to really miss you. Just my opinion, but hope it works out that way !!
You do know that you are our HERO !!!
Sending you my very best, carnation
Me - BS 55
WH/FWH 50
OW 30
Much evidence says that my H was/is
deeply involved in a very long term PA
Prolly will never know much more than that
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Carnation nice to hear from you. Hope things are going good for you.
I am ready to get ths move done, I am praying it happens by the end of July.
Your right me leaving will give me the chance to detach from WH as I still know to much about him and what he is sayign and doing. its hard not to know when I have the kids and inlaws talking about it....
As far as him missing me I have serious doubts about that one. Even though he came into the house this ast weekend and looked around I would say it was more to make sure I was not packing his stuff.
He told my MIL I know you all want me to go back to BS but it isn[t going to happen, I can' do it. Plus he told them he feels they dont care about them since they are taking care of me and standing by me. MIL says he is jealous that I got their support and not him....
So I feel me leaving will be a big releive to him and the bimbo... Maybe he can heal his relationship with his family with me gone.... Even though less than two months ago he acted like an said he still loved me, I have come to realize it was all an act.... he was keeping me on th back burner just in case..... He d oes not care anymore 25 years thrown away so easy...... Wish I could do it that easy....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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He d oes not care anymore 25 years thrown away so easy...... Wish I could do it that easy.... no you don't becoming blunted to one's feelings is not very pleasant he's gonna make a lousy companion for bimbo because in order to be with her he had to sever his most noble character parts bimbo gets adultery-substandard-conscience-cheater with a warped self image someone is going to have to blow sunshine up his butt to make him feel good about himself and that on-her-knees-position becomes a HUGE sacrifice for bimbo after awhile wait .... they will self-destruct in these relationships there is always one who sacrificed more than the other ... and the seeds of future resentment are planted ... "WHAT? YOU treat me like this after all I gave up for you???" *harumph* *poop-heads-always-stink* Pep
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You never know whats gonna happen...you just keep breathing and put one foot in front of the other. Even though YOU have been in plan B WH's family definitly has not been. If he wants to check up on you its easy. When you are not around to blame, check on or spy on...it may be a whole different story. I really like Orchid's idea of throwing all his stuff into trash cans. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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I think a rented dumpster would have much more irony. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Not to mention capacity! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Hang in there Hurting. We are ALL pulling for YOU!
WTF
*** Warning *** Make sure brain is engaged before shifting mouth out of Neutral.
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""someone is going to have to blow sunshine up his butt to make him feel good about himself"" Very Awesome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Well one thing for sure it won't be me blowing sunshine up his butt......
he needs to realize the sun does set and darkness comes..... Lonely place the dakness can be.....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Just a suggestion; why dont you leave all of wh's stuff at the house for him to pack up after you move out???
reewil
Me 39 WH 40
Married 21 years
2 daughters 18 & 21
Affair began Sept 2003
Affair ended Aug 2004 (found out about affair continuing 3 times in this period).
In recovery, doing well (most of the time).
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reewil,
Not to worry all of his things wil be here for hinm to pack. I am not packing one thing for him.....
it will all be in little piles in whichever room I fnd it in. I am not moving any of it for him. I want this man to have to walk into every room in this house and see them empty except for pitiful stuff he left behind. I want him to see all we worked for for all these years to be gone from his sight..... I want him to see all he has lost everything he once held dear is gone......
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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(((H))) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Stay Strong hon.
BS-58/XH48
D final Dec31/07
Long hard road & at peace now
Unrepentant serial cheater living with DP4 for 4yrs
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Ok I am so frustrated and upset right now.
I went on line to check the staus and dates again for our D trial.... I knew it was set for June 28... Well as I am looking we have that date set with Judge XXX, but down further is another court date f or trial for July 25 with a totally different Judge.
I can't call my attorney until tuesday. So what I don't understand is if June 28 was suppose to be the date why are we also schedualed for July25.....
I cant imagine why we have two court dates. This is just dragging out. I had so hoped to be able to leave by the end of July but if we have to go back to court thats not gonna happen.....
Why can't this just be over?????
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Okla,
Just woke up this morning with you on my mind, so I sent up a prayer for you.
It just keeps coming at you, doesn't it. I sure hope you find some peace in all of this.
I don't know what to think about 2 court dates. Keep us updated when you talk to your lawyer.
I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will be a relief for you to move and not have to have this all in your face anymore.
Is your DD moving with you?
I believe the Lord has something better for you. And I know it is very hard for your right now to believe that, but have faith.
You are WORTHY.
God Bless,
Love in Christ,
Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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