I think most of us who have been BS have witnessed the WS ability to rewrite history, but what about WS or FWS who has complete lapses of memory for seemingly insignificant events? Is that common with As, or is it just my XWH?

For example, XWH has been in touch with me lately and is inviting me to spend time with him. He asked me to come by and watch the last Star Wars movie because he just bought the CD and can't wait to see it. I reminded him that he already saw it, with me in a theatre (it was long after A ended, so I don't think he was in the actual fog, although he still has a WS mentality). He doesn't remember a minute of the movie and he loved it at the time and talked about it all during dinner. Plus, he never forgets a movie. I could give numerous examples.

He also changes his mind about things, such as whether he is religious or not, and then doesn't remember saying contradictory things. (We don't talk that often, but sometimes it's hard not to ignore him when he is sad and begs me to talk with him.)

He tells me that his Dr. has diagnosed him with mild bi-polar disorder, although my friends think there is something more serious involved. Could that be the cause? I asked a nurse I know, but she doesn't understand the A "fog", so I thought I would see if anyone here has seen memory loss in a WS or FWS.

Thanks

ok...im a bs not a ws....but when i had my "mild" break with reality it left me with huge memory gaps. similar sounding to your hubby. we went to this one kids play place....a yr or so went back to book ys birthday there...i would have bet my kids lives i had never been there. my youngest explained the whole day we spent there "last" time....i know he wasnt making it up...but for the life of me....i have zero memory of it. i also experienced fuge states.....it really is scary to have huge chunks of your life and memory just gone...

I have experienced lots of that with my FWH. He will still not recall something specific that he told me, then it seems he is trying to make me feel crazy when I tell him that he is contradicting himself. Then I question my own memory or communication or listening skills.

He had lots of memory lapses about events that occurred during his A's.

But, I have had a couple of times where I recall an experience myself, similar to the one nikko related.

Never,
Hi, I'm no expert by any means, but I will relay my experience and hopefully it will help. When my 14yo was younger, he had to have therapy for anger issues resulting from my WW first marriage. According to his counselor, it's not uncommon at all for someone going through a trauma of any kind to "block" memories that may be associated with it, consciously or unconsciously.

Anything could associate memories. Smells, tastes, phrases, colors you name it. If I were in your position, for the sake of his health, I would journal as many incidents as I could for his Dr. to see.

Hope this helps. GOod luck.

If you have ever seen a brain scan of PTSD there are high levels of anxiety and depression present. With PTSD it is common for people to forget things or block memories and even create experiences. It's the brains way of coping with stress. If someone has going through a traumatic enough experience it's possible for some of things you have mentioned to take place. A lot depends on their personality and their coping skills. It wouldn't hurt for you xwh to take a series of psychological tests to check his mental health to check on his well being. There is also The Amen Clinic which can perform a brain scan, but is a bit more costly. www.amenclinics.com

neverthesame,

Changing your position on things during life is normal and during an A is probably expected. Having absolutely no memory of a 2 plus hour movie may be an indication of a more serious problem. Have him get a medical exam first and a psychological exam after.

Best of luck

Thank you for the responses. Like Nikko and Trix, I forget things at times, but nothing like this. Also, when he has absolutely no recollection of these events it makes me question my own recollection. However, there are friends who have been there when some of these things occurred and I also keep a journal.

Although he claims to have had a thorough medical check, I will ask him to get checked again by another doctor to confirm that there aren't other issues. A brain scan may be the most conclusive -- I'll leave that decision to the medical experts.

Cymanca - your words increased my concern, because it's not just one movie, but two so far (Star Wars and The Incredibles) and there are plenty of other examples of things he should remember (planting trees with me in the yard, etc, etc).

Although he was particularly cruel to me during the A and subsequent D, I don't wish him any harm or ill health and I will do what I can to help him. Thank you for the comments.

I guess I should have added too that there is always the possibility of a physical problem as well. An MRI of the brain can rule out tumors, clots or other physical problems related to the brain. Also, there are some medications can cause memory problems.

Bipolar Disorder is VERY SERIOUS if untreated...memory lapses and affairs are but a couple of the symptoms of this disorder...Bipolar Disorder gets progressively worse with age...Your XWH should be seeing a psychiatrist regularly...

Mrs. Wondering

I did not realize bipolar disorder was so serious. He is no longer my H, so I didn't read up about that. He is under the care of a psychiatrist, but unfortunately, I think his psych is not a good or skilled doctor (to say the least). I have suggested that he seek a better psych and gave some recommendations from the Top Doctors book, but the decision is his to make.

Is there a reputable website regarding bipolar? I don't want to invest too much time in this because we are not M'd and I need to protect myself and my life from further destruction & pain, but a general overview may help me to help him when the opportunity arises. Thanks

Hi Never...

Sorry that I did not see your question earlier...Here is the Link for NAMI (National Association for the Mentally Ill)...Yes, Bipolar Disorder is considered a mental illness-try not to let the stigma get to you...When you visit the site, just type Bipolar Disorder in the search window and you will find tons of information...Additionally support and other resources can be found by state...

Bipolar Disorder really is VERY serious, more than I can express to you...My father is 60 years old and has been having discernable "cycles" since the age of 35...his life, because of his refusal to accept and be treated for this managable disorder has been quite tragic(he's on meds now, FINALLY)...

I hope that your XWH will be proactive regarding his disorder, if so, then his quality of life will most certainly be increased...Good psychiatrists are difficult to come by when it comes to Bipolar Disorder, however, if by some amazing odd chance you happen to be located in GA, I can provide you with the name of wonderful doctor(my dad's guy)-if not, I think that you may have success with the NAMI site in assisting your XWH...Good Luck to You...

Mrs. W

Oh, I'll add in too that BI-Polar is a very serious mental disorder. It can even lead to psychosis, paranoia, and other problems. I have had several friends with the disorder and if left untreated they go through mood cycles from highs to lows. One week they can be in fits of rage and the next week they can have suicidal depression. I had another friend who would have a high that would turn her into a party person and they she would drop into a depressed state and would not come out of her room for days. With one of the friends during someone periods they would believe someone was out to get them and they would hide away. It was part of the psychosis and paranoia. They actually thought they heard people coming to get them. And then then cycle would retreat and the problem would go away for a while.

The NAMI site MrsWondering mentioned is a great site for information.

Also the National Institute of Mental Health is a good one.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/Publicat/bipolar.cfm