Funny, that's exactly what my colleague at work said....along, with me about my XH and his OW who he SO in love with and who was SO in love with him - once we were Divorced (which I had to file for and pursue BTW because XH never did - even though he had been with OW for 3 years) they were together for exactly 1 year and split up. She is now living with yet another guy and my XH was left with nothing.

Believe me, in this day and age, it is VERY easy to find a way without the BS knowing. I know of a guy who had had an on again, off again, A for 15 years now. His W had absolutely NO clue. He was with this woman all hours of the day and night, introduced her around his social circle, met her social circle. His wife was, recently, critically ill and lo and behold, when he ended it with the OW, he told her his W meant more to him than anything and if he really wanted to have a life with OW, he would have left his W long ago - in other words, it was nice kiddo, but that's all she wrote....We all see that he is now truly a changed man.

Regards,

BB

Regards,

BB

AF,

Don't delude yourself any further ...

You ARE the OW, NOT SORTA

But don't you see? You are not in marriage. I AM. My H married me. This man won't marry you. He will only use you and leave you empty handed. No committment, no nothing.

So, my suggestion is to at least be as smart as a prostitute and get paid for your services since you will be left with nothing else. If you are going to act like who** be smart enough to get paid for your services. At least a prostitute is smart enough to get some compensation. You will end up with NOTHING. She won't.


Frankly, someone who is as easily fooled as you is not taking "calcaulated risks" because you do not have the ability TO calculate or to see the reality of your own situation. Chasing a man who is a demonstrated liar and an adulterer is not taking a "calculated risk," it is being a fool.

Of course he isn't going to "let you know" and of course there isn't a future here. He has no intention of leaving his wife, but will tell you whatever it takes to keep you putting out for FREE.

And just think, he has you successfully deluded at least until December. That saves him the cost of hiring a prositute. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

You seem to be avoiding our suggestions to CALL his wife and verify everything he has told you. Your reluctance to verify his statements tells us that you know he is lying and are CHOOSING to be deluded.

Got it. Operative word throughout is MARRIAGE .. as in he is MARRIED and she, Alls Fair, IS the OW. Hence an affair which is illegitimate and sleazy.

Allsfair, did you miss my earlier post:

"In other words, you are AFRAID to call her [OM's wife] because you know he will dump you like a hot potato. And we all know why.

You know you will find out everything he has told you is a lie and you are only being used. There is no "divorce," dear. "

Ahem...Allsfair...your *CHOICE* not to even acknowledge me and my offer to you is conveying a message quite audibly to all here...I wonder if you realize how very telling that that choice is regarding your actual motives here...I challenge you to prove me wrong...

Mrs. W

Allsfair-

You sound SO much like my FWH's OW that it's disgusting! You're disgusting!

My H had a 2yr A. Like you, this OW thought my H was the "perfect" husband: affectionate, loving, blah, blah, blah. Like your SO, my H had the OW convinced and fooled. You and the OW fell right into their smooth talks just so you would put out. You two spent nights and every waking moments thinking about our H and how you two would lure them away from their oooh, "abusinve" wives and family. You and the OW do ALL that you can to "SELL" our H how "YOU" are the "perfect" one and only one for them!

Then when you can't get our H, you as the OW start giving our H's ultimatum all the while you claim yourselves as "smart." If you and the OW were "smart", you two would know giving our H ultimatums ain't going to work.

When my H confessed, I kicked him out. BUT, he never went to the OW. As the OW, expect you won't win. If he truly loves you and you feel you ARE the one (you've done well to convince yourself this) where is he? Don't think he'll come running to you even when his wife kicks him out!

Like my FWH's OW, her xH of 10 yrs also cheated on her. Well, you'd think she'd wise up after that. Like the OW, you are nothing more than a "security blanket." If you are smart and intelligent as you claim to be, why stoop this low and settle for crumbs from a married man? You already know that this is all that you are and will be getting!

My only advise to you is you deserve someone who is "available". Don't latch on a married man or any man who is NOT 100% emotionally and physically available. You are nothing more than a part-time lover. That's all you are! But hey, if that's all you're willing to settle for, then hang around. But expect that his wife may not and will not give up her husband without a fight either!


Click on Dr Phil's advice on OW like you which he refers people like you as "thieves in the night; like sharks lurking in the water near the shore waiting for that opportunity to attack". Pretty powerful statement, don't you think?

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/41

Go away and leave that man alone. How would you like it if the situation were reversed? You the BS?

Stargazelily

AllsFair can try to polish this turd till her arms fall off, but ultimately a turd is just a turd.

She is in an illicit affair and being used by a MARRIED man. Which makes her an OW.

jaysmom,

I actually like you, which is why I can respond easily to you without being rude. And I appreciate your tone with me even though I'm sure you may feel similarly to some others here about me being 'scandalous'.

I know the DD that he DOES have, I've got LOADS of pictures of her and she knows about me. We're planning a meeting as she lives abroad. I am very up to date on her life. First time we met he whipped her picture out of his wallet proudly.

I won't go to her behind his back. Not because he asked me not to - he wouldn't DARE ask me such a thing. AND I've CLEARLy told him from the beginning that I WOULD NOT LIE if asked straight about our relationship because that would be too insulting for me and the situation is bad enough as it is.

If I truly doubted in my heart heart that he was telling me the truth, without a shadow I'd call her up WITH HIM STANDING THERE and ask questions. I have no time for foolishness.

But as it is I don't think he's lying to me. And I have to trust that and him if I truly believe we stand a chance as a couple.


Resilient - I said "keeping a close eye on what HE SAYS about the M". Try again.

And don't be childish. I think he's telling me the truth because he's consistent, because it makes sense, because he's been long suffering with the pressures I put on him as his SO, because he lays his life open open to me - no HIDDEN access to anything. Because he gives me access to his W and I feel he wouldn't if he was being scandalous.

And what's the obsession with sex with some of you guys??? Seriously, I OWN a dildo, it's not that expensive to buy, I can have SF all by my merry self!

Eav - I don't agree with you on this one AT ALL. EVERYONE is capable of having an affair, it's not a gene some are born with. Its all about ENs, LBs and LBanks.

And yes, our situation is complicated. But I am giving it a chance because I SEE IN HIM GOOD MARRIAGE BUILDING INGREDIENTS regardless of what y'all think about how we kicked off.

I KNOW what '******' looks like. And I know someone in a tight spot. No they shouldn't have stayed in the M for economic convinience. But they did. So if our relationship is worth more than money to him, like I said in my email, he'll act accordingly.

Moveforward - Dr H. and J said it was a difficult situation. But that under no circumstances would they advise beginning a relationship until the papers where signed. Because he said it would be easy for him to use me as a crutch while he got over the marriage. However, he said there were caveats. 1) That there were no children involved and 2) That his W filed for D and has an OM. But still, he was clear that his business was saving marriages and so he would advice that I waited till after the D to see if he still felt our relationship made sense. Almost verbatim.

I will post my ff up email to the H's.

Just so you know, I agree with his adivse by the way, and we tried to do it this way because my SO was particularly worried that things would get so ugly between us because of the M that we wouldn't have a chance after the D. We BOTH tried. We just never quite made it. So for me, if our relationship has the quality that we both feel it does, then it deserves respect, as 7 months has shown it's probably not going anywhere anytime soon.

And, no, I don't feel economics is a good enough reason to delay the D.

Mrs Wondering - Yes, I accept your offer. Because I want to know what you have to say and I always appreciate advise from people older than me (many of my friends are btw). Thank you for offering this, and I hope you will be as open minded as I'm trying to be by sharing this with you. There are no BLANKET TRUTHS and as long as you hear me out fairly, I have no problems talking with you. I don't mind calling you, so I'll email you my email and you can give me your num. If the call goes on for too long I might have to ask you to call me back though!

lol... towtroll. very cute.

Fair enough, Allsfair...I look forward to speaking with you...It will have to be after 4pm EST...I'll keep an eye on our inbox...Btw, I work with many people your age and younger, and I truly enjoy their friendships and perspectives...I think that ours will be a fruitful conversation...I really do look forward to "meeting" you...

Mrs. W

you said

"EVERYONE is capable of having an affair, it's not a gene some are born with. Its all about ENs, LBs and LBanks."

well then.....how can you explain all of the BS who most certainly ARE NOT having ANY NEEDS MET RIGHT NOW FROM WS, who are getting LB by them as they cheat and lie to us everyday, and who's LBANKS are ar from getting deposits........and yet we are still faithful and committed to our vows?

could it be becuase we have MORALS and VALUES and are making a CHOICE to be faithful??

newsflash.....everyone and anyone IS CAPEABLE of having an affair...if and only if, they are the kind of person who CHOOSES to.....no-one forced them to make this choice

but they were WILLING TO

so everything i said, still stands...you are making a choice also.....and again i say "what a fool you are"

Thought we should alter your sig line to reflect accuracy:

AllsFair SIG:

[color:"blue"]--------------------
Me 24 OW
SO 38 MARRIED MAN

Affair 7 months old
SO is lying about seeking a divorce, I want to believe but affraid to confirm with his WIFE. No kids which helps with my guilt in boinking a married man. M 12yrs.
Goal: Give him an ultimatum to leave his WIFE so we can be together so I can eventually experience what she has, betrayal.[/color]

You mean you have no time for the truth. You know you will find out he is lying and don't WANT the truth to interfere with your little fantasy. You would be dumped like a hot potato because you know he will choose his wife over you. He already has.


Of coures he is not telling you the truth. That is silly to believe he is. He is a demonstrated liar by his words and his actions even though you are too immature and naive to see it.

But you can easily find out by calling his wife TODAY. If you are so certain he is telling the "truth" then you should WANT to do this.

But you and I both know you don't want to do this because you know you would be dumped like a hot potato. The "divorce" story is a lie. And you are AFRAID to find this out.


Is that the TRUTH? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

*********************edit*********************

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Patriot <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...I think that your P.O.V. could be quite valuable to AllsFair...How did what you told the OW in your situation differ from your actual feelings?

Mrs. W

AF-

Take ML's advice!

Like my FWS, he told the OW we were divorcing for the 2 years he was screwing her for free! The OW believed my H. She went as as as telling her kids my H would be moving in w/them to become a family! Yeah, right!

I called the OW! Told her the TRUTH and her kids the truth! There was NO divorce!

D-day was 2/1/06. Kicked H out that night. I asked for D 2 wks ago. He called the next day. He begged I reconsider. We started MC, his idea. We just got back from a 5 day cruise to Mexico, his idea.

Your SO will not leave his W for you. If he wanted to, he would've done it a long time ago. Besides, since you're much younger than he, financially independent, you would be one heck of a catch, don't you think? You could make up the financial loss he would incur in a divorce with his wife. One thing for sure, if there is a HUGE financial loss, unless you're Trump or Warren Buffet, getting a divorce would be pocket change.

Get a grip of realtiy AF, he's not going to dump his wife for you!

I agree with you (except for the fool part of course). You guys really need to get that I'm not losing anything in this. And I'm getting alot of ENs met in the meantime.

I have set my limit and threshold and I'm sticking to it.

I just wanted to comment on this and then bow out as I am still unclear why you posted in the first place on the indidelity section of this site.

You wrote:

I am a BS. I was a very devoted wife and a good one at that. I had plenty to fight for when WH walked out and had an A--BUT I did not bang down any door. Some do, some don't. This site doesn't particularly advocate it anyway--just adds more fuel to the infidels.

This comment caught my eye because I think you are comparing what you would do if ypur H was having an A to what she hasn't done. Now, could be a couple of things:

1. She doesn't know!
2. She's like me and chose to fight for her M in another way. You don't have to bang down doors and attack the OP to fight for your marriage, AF.

We are close to the same age, and it just saddens me that you would settle for something like this. I would never settle for a relationship that started off like this.

I think you might be afraid to find out the real truth, because then not only will you lose this SO, but you'll have to accept your part in this destructive path.

You keep saying if it ends, then "oh well--I will at least leave with something." Huh? If a relationship I was in ended and I was in love and was considering marriage--I would upset and not just write it off so easily. And I don't think you will, either. I think you want to sound so strong and confident, but really deep inside you know this is the wrong path for you.

Does he live with wife still?

You sound very defensive and angry, dear, and can't disagree with a word I said, can you? But how does any of that answer my questions? Calling me a bitter old hag might make you feel good, but it answers nothing. Why not try again? Let's put on our thinking cap and be thinkin' gals! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I realise we are asking tough questions you might not like, but answering by calling names just makes it look you want to change the subject for some reason. And we know the reason, don't we? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Let's try again, ok? You claim to be a smart girl, lets see you prove it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

p.s I am very happy in my marriage, thank you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />