I will call. We've been emailing to exchange numbers.

Jay's mom, again me telling him "I need to come clean with your W" over rides his feelings or readiness to do this in the way that he thinks is best. POJA. Even if he's not doing it with me right now, I am with him till September.

He needs to do that. And contrary to a few opinions on here, I'm not scared of what she might say, or what I might find out. If I thought he was lying, I'd uncover it myself (and I have before. I researched some of what he told me about their business and how it tied them together in the public, and it panned out).

I am soooo sorry about your H past <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I remember being quite young and hanging out with a nice lady that turned out to be my dad's OW. I never really appreciated how awful this must have been for my mom till an ex (we were together for 3 years) showed me something 'special'). I'm sorry he took your DS around her and was dishonest.

From the bottom of my heart I do not want to pour salt in the wound of BS in MB.

And I am about 99.9% confident in SO. I'd bet money that he is honest. This is why I don't feel the need to push it any more than tell him my feelings and expectations.

If I find out he has lied to me ... I would be disappointed. I would want to know why. I would tell him it wasn't necessary. That he put a REAL friendship on the line with his lies. But I would forgive him. If his W confronted me revealing that he has lied I would apologise from the bottom of my heart and DISAPPEAR from their life. Disappointed, a little wiser but free in my heart that I did the best that I could with all that I knew.

I'm not self-deluding here. I know what our situation is. And I understand what must come of it in the near future. SO has been and still very much is worth a year of loving and being loved even if it doesn't end up in a marriage.

"Did you look at the thread (link) I referenced way back on page 2? The one where an OW had been married to her affair partner for 19 years and then found out he was cheating? So, so, so much heartache there... and her guilt over the beginnings of her marriage... and the contributions of other posters, including myself, who put our stories out there... to warn... Did you hear the warning? Do you CARE?

I can't believe this thread is still going... so much harm and pain you cause(d) by posting this here.

I hope to God you aren't yanking our chain, here... I'm beginning to wonder, TRULY, what you want from us. (PS: I asked this before, also, and you said... what?... ) "

New_Beginning - I hear, I care and no, I'm not yanking your chain. I didn't intend to post in a place that would cause harm. We obviously see the situation (necessarily) differently.

I am here, to chart my progress through this relationship, to learn from other's experiences on here. I want NOTHING from anyone.

You DON'T have to read this. And you DON'T have to post to me.

According to who, him? -- a cheating, lying MARRIED man. Good gawd!

no, we don't have to read or post to you, but it is like a train wreck- you can't help looking at the devastation and destruction.

Please realize this is a marriage building site. there are other sites that are set up for OW. www.gloryb.com is one of them.

Please go there.

Many of us who have posted to you are in recovery.

Use whatever decency you have and leave here. Can you imagine how it would be for a BS who has just found out their spouse is wayward to read your post justifying your illicit relationship?

Please, please go away.

When his divorce is final and you are married to him and have a Marriage to Build, come back. Until then, please go.

No resilient. According to me. About "your Gawd" ask a question, don't assume.

As much as you'd like to kid yourself into thinking you are not an OW, you are. You stated yourself in so many words throughout your thread you stand for "Survival of the Fittest -- regardless of who you tromp on".

You my dear, are a complete and utterly shameless PREDITOR.

Take a minute and look in the mirror.

Then breeze on back to where you belong, TOW. Its thattaway ------>>>>>>>>

You don't need to remind me that I don't have to read or respond to you... after many years here, I certainly know that already.

What you fail to realize is that this site, Marriage BUILDERS, is for folks wanting to build their marriages - current or future. You are not a newly engaged girl wanting to learn about marriage, or in a troubled marriage, or married. What marriage is there to build?

What troubles me most is that you are intelligent... so very articulate and bright... what in the he11 are you doing with a married man and then coming on a site for building marriages?

Not only that, this site is (sadly) mostly filled with those fighting against infidelity - current, past or protecting from future.

This is why I asked about yanking our chain. No intelligent person could read here while *in an affair* and think they wouldn't harm the community by posting about how wonderful the affair is...

Finally, if you really read what I've written to you thus far... I came from a place of understanding and compassion... clearly, you see what you want to see. I suspect the same is true in your affair.

Allsfair..

first of all, your screen name tells me a bit about you...alls fair in love and war right?

Well lemme tell you...I believe that is a lie.

I am 100 percent here committed to making darn sure that all BS here don't PROPEGATE THE LIE.

that we fight and win against the evil that is adultery.

you're fogged out hon. naive and fogged out.

My xh told the ow (both of em) that we never slept together...that we had no feelings...that it was drawn out b/c of our son...business...etc...when he had many false starts with me.

I divorced HIM> becuase of his lies. he did not present truth to the mistresses. Never did.

wanna know our story? we divorced. he married the preggo golddigger (who gave legal ultimatum to him)3 days after it was final.

she has never known one day of peace. he has continued cheating, he is unhappy, and he did not want the ow. he was forced to make sad choice and I had at that time, chosen to divorce him b/c of the horrid situation (ow deliberately got pregnant to force him off fence).

You sound tons like the youngster who hooked my xh...

your rationale why you wish to fight for a married man and probably somebody who's a dad also:
Your words hon:
"He has a social conscience and participates in community revival at home and abroad (If he had a conscience, he would not be having an affair...)
- He is a self made man, which I greatly admire.(YOU WANT HIS MONEY...HIS STABILITY)
- He is respectful and honest.(NOT TO HIS WIFE...AND REMEMBER, IF HE'LL DO IT WITH YOU, HE'LL DO IT TO YOU...honesty? come on girl.)
- He is good with children and is very close with his family (M, F, D from childhood relationship)(the kids don't like the mistress...THIS IS THE TRUTH...you're forever a homewrecker. Does A GOOD DAD OR MOM CHEAT AND RIP THEIR FAMILIES UP? A CHILD IS A COMMITTMENT...)
- He is the marrying kind. He did strive to make his marriage work. He was gutted that it didn't (I would be gone if he was abusive about his W)(WOW...THIS IS HUGE HONEY...HE IS THE MARRYING KIND...WHY? THE MAN IS MARRIED. NUFF SAID. AND IF HE ISN'T OVERTLY ABUIVE? LEMME TELL YA FOGGY CHICK, AN AFFAIR IS THE CRUELEST OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE YOU CAN INFLICT UPON SOMEBODY ELSE..D DAY WILL SHOW THE PAIN YOU ARE CAUSING...BOTH OF YOU ARE CAUSING. QUIT BEING STUPID AND NAIVE ABOUT THIS.)
- He loves me."

As you can see, Me, peach, have added in words of truth embedded into your fog. Please read and reread and see it for what it is.

If you are all you say you are, attractive, intelligent, (yet still undegreed at age 24)and the like, then GO AFTER A MAN WHO IS ATTAINABLE AND AVAILABLE AND WHO WILL MAKE YOU PROUD TO INTRODUCE TO OTHERS...how does living in the shadows feel? how will it feel to meet his family (maybe..that is if you ever really do)and have them behind your back roll their eyes and talk badly about you (my xh's family does to the ow..to both of them)...have friends of his and the wife also pretend when around you...have his kids know the truth and they will treat you accordingly..trust me on this one.

It's easier to have somebody you can have integrity, honesty, and fidelity with. Your lover loves you? Wow, he's committed to you? Wow. HOW ABOUT HIS COMMITTMENT TO HIS W? HIS RELUCTANCY TO DIVORCE? WHERE DO YOU REALLY FIT IN? I will tell ya hon.

You are viewed as a cute little piece of cake he enjoys on the side. Maybe a touch of frosting too. You're the chocolate to his wifey's vanilla. His wife meets his En's or else the man would ALREADY BE DIVORCED. If a man wants a divorce, really does, come ****** or high water he will get it. His reluctance is not about the money...it is about the fact YOU are a MISTRESS and he doesn't really want the blood on his hands of destroying his family. He'd rather have a half life with his wife, not being strong enough to MAN UP AND WORK ON HIS MARRIAGE and a niave and gullable mistress on the side to meet his sf needs...

Truth: AFFAIRS ARE FANTASY. Just ask my xh..who incidentally asked me out on a date last summer...and whom I turned down. When you get with that formerly married man...when you finally get the shack up apartment, he's filed for divorce, the family's ripped apart...what do you REALLY GET???HMMMM?

Let this veteran tell ya straight. You get bills. You get kids there some of the time...kids who DON'T WANT TO GET TYO KNOW YA BTW...kids sad and confused. You get to deal with a custody schedule. You get to have less entertainment money b/c your married boyfriend HAS TO PAY SPOUSAL AND CHILD SUPPORT b/c hey, he cheated, it's his fault...it's YOU'RE FAULT TOO...and you get to scrub toilets. You get morning breath. You get to wash clothes. The stolen moments of happiness, sf, and fantasy are gone forever.

Now if you had a single guy, you'd have more time to build a relationship rather than deal with kids, custody issues/wars, monies to the xw and kids...it's hard enough to deal wtih a budding relationship period...and when it's with a married man, you got all this crud on top of the basic stuff to deal with. Plus, you have shame. Which is in the end, the nail on your relationship's coffin.

My xh's wistress (whatI call her) called me in tears last summer after he cheated on her yet again. She called me saying that "she got what she deserved." said she was so sorry. that she is paying the price for wrecking my family and marriage. Me? Felt sadness and regret for her...but the money was what she was after all along. She wasn't in it for a family, she was in it for the money...so I am not sad for her. She cried to me this "Peach he has said to me that he'd be happy today had I NOT FORCED HIS HAND...that he MADE A MISTAKE WHEN HE GOT A DIVORCE...THAT HE WAS NOT READY FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP..." Thus, straight from the wistress' mouth (AND BTW...SHE IS YOUR AGE) that my xh is not happy, didn't want to marry her, and is regretting his affair marriage.

My xh makes stupid reasons up to call me. Two days ago, when it had been our 10 year anniversary, or would have been, he called me twice for mundane issues...with total sadness in his voice...I could hear it dripping over the phone...he was miserable. He was wishing for what could have been..but now will never be. And I can guaran-damn-tee you Ms. Mistress, that he wishes he'd have been with me celebrating..than in a miserable self created ****** with somebody who thought that living for the moment and taking his money was more important than seeing reality and fact for wht it is. And sadly? I got it. I changed. I became sexy, even more intelligent (got elected state prez of my med society), appear at least the same age now as the wistress is...so the xh lost alot...in the process of me getting single again, he lost an incredible and renewed and vibrant woman.

Aspire to what you truly want to be...get a career. Get out there after you graduate and live a little. I did. Then meet somebody SINGLE. Live in the light...do not live in forced shadows. GAIN RESPECT AND DIGNITY...give kids their parents...and DO NOT INTERFERE IN A MARRIAGE THAT YOU DO NOT BELONG IN. Live knowing your heart is clean, that you decided to do the right thing...and move on.

I won't post to you again.

There is not anything left for me to say.

Just get a real life please. It's waiting. Reality is waiting. The fantasy WILL DESTROY YOU IF YOU CONTINUE...and at such a young age. aS FOR ME? HMMM...I am seriously dating the guy I almost married..my college bf. A truly self made man...A SINGLE GUY...divorced with no kids...intelligent and attractive. A man of REAL INTEGRITY AND DIGNITY...somebody that makes me proud to be with. Somebody who values fidelity.

We're making a great go of things now.

But I will forever strive to help families in crisis here. And i will NEVER ENABLE AN INFIDEL. Families are being destroyed every day for selfishness and for the insanity spreading across this planet...it's called LIVING FOR THE MOMENT.

Go hang on another board if you want support. I am NOT HERE TO TEACH YOU EN'S. I am here to tell you the truth. You're treading on thin ground and you will fall and fall hard. You're on the edge of a very dangerous cliff. And if you choose to fall, it is nobody's fault of your own. I told ya the truth.

we are NOT gettijng through to this woman....she has convinced herself that her affair is okay....

like a WS, she is living in a FOG

also like we do to a WS who is justifing thier affair-we need to STOP ALL CONTACT with this person and let her live with the consequences of her choices

she is not worthy of our time or attention

MODERATOR: OUT OF RESPECT TO US, THE BS HERE..AND B/C OF THE INTENT OF THE POSTER (to continue and propegate her affair with a married man and father), PLEASE END THIS THREAD. Investigate and do what is required.

This is a MARRIAGE BUILDING SITE...WE ARE PRO FAMILIES HERE...WE ARE NOT PRO AFFAIR.

Yes, we can see how "important" she is to him. Not "important" enough to marry, but only "important" enough to get some free sex with no strings attached. At least a prostitute is smart enough to get paid, a who*e gets nothing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I thought you and him are out in the OPEN. You know, everyone knows and accepts you as a couple.

WOW .. I wonder why he has to hide you? Hmmm ....

Could it be he lies ... naaaahhh, not him, not a married man who has been seeking a divorce for TWO WHOLE YEARS without success. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just Peachy - ONE thing only to say - They don't have children. This tells me you did not read anything prior to posting. Therefore, take no offense at my one line response.

Well, before I log off for the afternoon (since my H and his kids are almost home)... all I can say is this:

All is NOT fair... and if you haven't yet figured it out, you will.

And there is no such thing as a clean fight between a wife and a mistress. There's dirt everywhere... and it's all gonna land on you.

Good luck to you. You'll need it... You can't say you weren't warned.

Enough of this. This is a marriage building site. This thread has been locked.