Ok...this weekend is NOT awesome. Call schedule is screwed up. I am on call and have ds again with me. usually it's designed so that I am not with ds when I am on call.

Last night, lived in the hospital until 330 am. Had ds with me. Had him sleeping in an exam room (brought his pillows and blankies) beside where I was working. My coworkers on call kept eye on him (he was twenty paces away, but in another room) and were sweet to him. He was a litttle champ btw! He's awesome.

Got called in twice for SAME PATIENT...doc screwed up in ER terribly bad. And I have to clean it up. bleech.

But the BF? awesome. He stayed awake and talked to me on drive to/from hospital to make sure I was coherent, awake, and able to make the 40 minute drive in. He lives 4 hours away, but he was so supportive. He said "well hopefully someday, you'll either never have to take call again or else I'll be there to watch ds and make you a great cup of cappucino if you ever have to work emergenies ever again". He is so supportive and caring. Totally all about my safety and ds' safety last night.

Six days until I am in nashville with him. Cindy? Ya there girl? I'm headed your way next weekend! But will be (ahem) busy most of the weekend. Maybe we can get coffee? could be fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He asked me to a huge event with his firm. He is cochair of it. It will be a weekend I have ds. He said he could get his parents to watch ds or else find a nanny for a few hours. Ironically, his xw (the one who cheated on him) will be there...and he is on good terms with her..no kids, he wanted out by the time he found out she was the cheatin' kind...and he told the xw he was finally happy...get that? wow. She was kinda melancholy b/c she was the next girl he had dated...and she knows who I am and all about me. Her loss!

His family is excited. My family is too. It's all good thus far. He is incredibly supportive and believes my son is the cutest kid ever...he said to me this morning "always knew you'd have gorgeous babies...and maybe we can address this issue in the reasonably immediate future...not tomorrow mind you, but maybe after we resolve things"....and yes, we're both marriage before kids ok??? I told him this morning I needed to travel some first before that.

we're definitely going to Orlando in the fall with the firm partners and their wives. He said by then "things will be more permanent most likely with us and we could even consider by then taking ds to orlando with us"...he knows how I am 100 percent NOT letting my ds see anything negative in my home. No overnight visits by any guys...no mommy sleeping around, etc. So J is good about this too.

So the biggie questions now ...do I love him? Did I really stop? Why did we break up in the first place? And could this make it a forever thing?

1)I do love him. That has become something rather apparent. Incidentally, I never realized how much deposits he had made in my love bank until yesterday. He's awesome at that...knows my EN's and is learning MB principles..awesome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Plus, when we dated for almost 4 years, he was always good at that.
2/3)did I stop loving him? No. I got distracted. We both got distracted. He was in law school/mba school and I went off outta town to med center several hours away. We both allowed things inbetween us. This also answers why we broke up. It was a friendly break up...and we always thought we'd reconcile. It was sad. But we were too distracted to really process how sad we were.
4)Could this be forever? He said it was. I think so too. He said had he been at end of law school and me closer to finishing up at med center, he would have asked me then to marry me. but we had soo much stress on us, so many demands, we pulled apart rather than pulling together so why we broke up. He said that now he's learned...and the hard way after losing "us" the first time that even the best relationships take work (very pro MB attitude btw). And that we are gonna have to work at it and that he looked forward to this kinda fun work.

I realize that after J, I dated two guys completely different from him. I dated my final college bf next, a great guy, a fun guy, but very different from J. He made me feel alive and I had just gotten out of med center and wanted to "live a little" at that time. When I met darth, which was instantly after breaking up with M, college bf 2, I was on rebound...and was living in the moment....not thinking as much as I should have.

J and I did talk when I was dating darth btw. J had called, to catch up with me the summer I'd first started dating darth. He was also dating his now xw at that time. He said yesterday that he had called me b/c he missed me...and that he was afraid dating his then gf, that she was wrong for him. The night I married, he was at a huge party attended by many of our mutual friends at an architectual firm. My friends came in from my wedding and saw him. He saw them all dressed up and he asked how I looked. He said when they told him how lovely our wedding was, that he teared up. He said the night I married darth was the saddest of his life. He married his gf 2 years later b/c he said "well, what could I do? you were married then."

I think he's the one. I think he was the one all the time and was too stubborn to notice it. Darth was rebound. But a marriage is a marriage and I was committed to my family. So I did my best.

But karma also happens too. Karma, fate, and Will...I think all 3 have happened now. I think that this relationship is going to go the distance. We both are 100 percent sure of it.

For all of us who believe we'll never find the one...or that our hearts are far too broken to ever mend again, think again. All the wonderful things we've learned here are NOT IN VAIN...one day, when you least expect it, somebody will suddenly see you in a different light for the exquisite creation you are...and the fact you are steadfast, loving tough, and committed will make you only more attractive.

And you'll get happy too. I've been alone and happy now for quite sometime. And I think you've got to get to that place in your life and be good with it completely before ever being able to open your heart to somebody. I oughta know. I dated a few guys, but at first, even after a lengthy separation/protracted divorce process, my heart was just not ready a few months after my divorce to date again.

Contratulations!!

I'm glad you have found happiness. It really sounds like you are looking at this rationally, and I hope that it all works out for you!

cm

Thanks CM.

He's doing great.

I have had a horrid weekend on call. Ran fever until this afternoon. Got worse actually. Was called in 2x over weekend with last call being at 1 am friday/early saturday morning. Got in at 4 am. bleech. ds slept in call room at hospital maybe 20 paces away with my call friends/buddies at work and myself checking on him every five minutes. The evening secretary also watched him and brought her spectra phone in with him to make sure he was peaceful and felt secure when he slept. did NOT get called in late last night. Just one call at ended at 8 pm. Ds was able to go into my office area and played on nick.com for the hour I was there so it was nice <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am drained. Totally. Friday night when I went in on call both times, BF called me and made sure I was coherent and alert when driving in. He was so worried the second time I got called out. He was worried that I'd fall asleep or that I was too sick and exhausted to carry on with the procedure and ultimately was worried about ds and me.

He's very sweet. He stayed in constant contact w/me the second I walked outta hospital. He stayed up with me to make sure I was sfe. He said this worries him, my work sometimes, but he supports me 100 percent. He said that if we end up making this permanent, he will personally get up with me, make me a darn good cappucino, and tend to ds when I go into hospital. I trust him 100 percent as I know him and his character btw.

Gotta go. ds is outside and wants me to play hide and go seek. gotta go seek!

Peachy,

I don't mean to be a stick in the mud, b/c new "love" is VERY exciting, and you should enjoy it and be excited by it and everything about it, and I also realise you have a previous history w/ this old/new guy, but try to take it a bit slow. After only 2 weeks, you both are talking pretty seriously, relationship wise, even though you haven't even lain eyes on each other in a long time....you are relying on your previous "old" feelings for each other, but 13 years have lapsed and you both are different people than when you were when you dated way back when. The "core" is the same, be we ARE all colored by life and all it's experiences, the good and the bad.....

I know you know this deep down, but sometimes it's easy to forget in the midst of all the giddiness

That being said, HAVE A GREAT TIME!! I truly hope it all works out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

DW

DW,

true...but however, we talked for two weeks before we met again...and it's all there.

never was any issues with character or integrity. we both were at a bad place in our lives...too many demands. now we are in a bit different spot. so it is completely do-able.

but will always proceed with trepidation and will use the brain. yes, the good feeling hormones are there...but my brain is STILL WORKING despite the en's being met like crazy and the hormones. so this is good.

Peachy,
I love reading your story, and you deserve great happiness!!! I pray everything works out for you and your new BF......
It sounds great!
God bless!
KK

I have to second DW's comments... Peachy, you have been apart from this guy for 13 years, and now after two weeks of chatting with him you are talking about marriage, children, and saying that he's "the one"...

Not saying that he's not "the one", just remember that "old flames" are exciting because it's easy to remember only the good times you had all those years ago. At some point, you will also remember why you ended up not being together, and only then will you start getting a better feeling for whether he's "it". Oh, and I am equally concerned about him "slipping a certain word to you" already, and talking about moving and having kids with you. Doesn't that concern you at all?

Having said all that, enjoy your weekend, but keep your eyes open <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

it's been longer than that!!!!I saw him 2 weeks ago...we'd talked two weeks prior to that.

he and I were very very serious before.

and everything is fine, comfy and ok.

funny thing is that we are having more fun now and are not all about the past...it's now that's more exciting basically...we were too serious (with life and school) before..now we actually can go out more, and enjoy company rather than cram for tests and spend hour upon hour in libraries. but we still made time for each other then.

and yea, many of our mutual couple friends are married. we have same circle of friends from back home and all know us now as well as then...and they think this is a great thing.

eyes wide open. just because it feels right, seems right, and may very well be right, does NOT mean I totally let guard down nor does it mean I do anything rash. and no, nothing he says makes me nervous because we went thru all this before...during the almost four years. we discussed it back then (marriage and kids) so it's not frightening to me at all. he is morally sound and the same guy inside.

although he has gotten a teeny bit grey...(he has clooney hair! hot!)and wiser...and me? well still blonde though...but hopefully wiser too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Not at all. And I am with ya! thanks for your caring. means alot that my buddies here who went thru all the prior stuff with me (the bad stuff) are here to help me guide thru the good stuff now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If you have questions about this city before you arrive, let me know.

I will email you on the addy for you that I've got...that one still good????

Wise words from DW.

It was so comfortable when Westley and I reunited. The core person is definitely the same. Had long thoughts about why it didn't work out the first time. He is good people.

But oh, the stories from the years we were apart ... his friends never shied away from sharing every gory detail of his less than straight-and-narrow path through life. Had to make even more difficult decisions about what was in the past and how much it mattered now and in the future.

My path wasn't down the streets of gold, either. There are certain things we just don't discuss. "First and last" is what we decided was important. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

address hasn't change it still says I am 4 this place....get my drift.

Thanks friends.

went back this weekend and had a great time. Cindy, I will email u tonight. tell you where we went.

all's good. he worked late last night and I am on call this holiday weekend....taking life slow and we're not rushing in. we both had less than perfect situations with our x's and that's past. we've discussed pretty much everything...including dating faux pas. and I have a few lemme tell you. him too. but nothing truly ugly or unforgiveable or something that could make me take away from who he is deep down.

just gonna be slow and laid back about it all.

Real slow - remember, you are not the only one your mistakes affect.

so slow that Cindy I will not let him meet ds until we have firm committment. Son's heart is too important. I want him to feel safe and secure in my next relationship when it gets to that specific point...but not a nanosecond sooner. BF knows this. I've told him.

But it's good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He has told his family about ds. And they keep asking alot about him...they have only one grandchild in the entire family...so they're kinda wanting more. I have known them a long time....and they're great. So if it gets to that level ever, it will be great. They're actually somewhat normal...if anybody can be.

It would be soooo nice to NOT have Bible whacking/thumping Jim BAaker wanna bees (complete with adultery in the bible study groups), WS enablers for inlaws. People who would not scoff at me for drinking a great glass of wine at dinner firing insults at me (religious ones) only to have xfil go home and cheat on xmil. But ask for forgiveness sunday morning about it.

Oh my, we had the same mil, and I thought I had her all to myself?!!

I lived the exact same life for 18 years. My x cheats and his mother wants him to be happy, whatever makes him happy he should do. I Drink a glass of wine, go straight to H3ll!

K.

sadly, I am no longer on the fast train there....got off on thursday. Can't have any vino b/c of the call weekend....thwarted it two times so far! but not completely. gotta go in early tomorrow morning *(8 am)...for scheduled "emergency" procedure. bleech.

my xil's used to say "they'd always love and suppport me" thru all this. how wrong! when they found out I was NOT letting my xwh off the hook and held his feet to the fire, they quickly remembered WHO signed their paychecks (it was xws) and retreated into his camp. apparently it's easier to enable people if your wallet is fat. i barely hear from them at all now. just two years after divorce...12 years knowing them now and they just disappeared. but cool by me...as I like the vino w/a good dinner <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I like kinda normal people now. no drama. just no bible whumping on my noggin'. my soul has always been in a kinda decent place.

I am glad to hear that I'm not alone, too. My xil also said they'd always support me, and that I'd never lose them. I hear dfor 10 years now I was the best thing that ever happened to their son. But just like you, Karona, I guess it's more important for their son to be "happy" than fulfill a commitment to his family.

cm

*sigh* amazing isn't it cm?

I wonder how happy these ladies boys really are don't you?

I will never hear different, not from my x.

Funny, my x-mil called the ME the other day, wanting her prized son's cell#. He has had same # for 3yrs now. My yd said, she just wanted to hear your voice. Strange but funny.

Karona

Peachy, I’m interested in what you mean by firm commitment. Do you mean engagement?

I waited several months before introducing M to my girls. I was going to wait longer, but two items got in the way: my feelings and his. I didn’t want to put him or myself in a position where we’d be devastated if the relationship ended. And I would end the relationship if M and the girls didn’t like each other and get along. Besides, I wanted to see how he acted around them.

So, far they’ve met him twice, and we’ve been dating since November. I’m slowly upping the ante, making sure the girls know they are top priority. So far, they like M and think it’s hilarious their mother has a “Boyfriend.” Accent on “boy” with a long drawn out “frieeend.”


On the topic of in-laws…
Personally, if one of my girls had an affair, I’d back her husband until they decided to divorce. Once they’d decided to divorce, I don’t think I’d lose my daughter just to keep a son-in-law. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be destructive or impolite to the former son-in-law.