I'm not so sure that not notifying him about the game is the right thing to do. Keep in mind, tho, that I've never done Plan B, so my advice may not be what you need.

Here's where I'm coming from ----> None of you was aware that there was a game scheduled, so your WH obviously had no way of knowing about it before now. He is your son's father, and I wonder if perhaps it would be wrong to intentionally not tell him about his son's very last game of the season....? Not very fair to your son, in any case.

ON THE OTHER HAND, if your WH has never been "into" your children's activities, and hardly ever goes to the games anyway....then not telling him probably wouldn't be a big deal.

I know that Plan B is supposed to be a wake up call for the WS...but will your son be very upset that his dad wasn't there for his last game? I guess THAT's my point. If son doesn't care, then no problem.

Maybe some of the Plan B experts will weigh in on this one! Good luck!

Lori

(p.s. I think you've done a great job so far!)

Just a quick reply...but thanks so much for weighing in.
WH was son's baseball coach for 8 years...this is the first season he hasn't coached due to work obligations.

I guess when I get home I tell the kids about the game...I am sure DS will call WH...WH is about an hour away, with short notice I don't know if he will come down. DS would be crushed if WH wasn't at the last game.

I won't call him or facilitate it to make it easy. If he shows up at the game I will not approach him, or engage him in conversation. I would skip the game but if he doesn't show up then DS would have no one at the game.

Uuuggghhh this stinks!
Pray for rain! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hey Cha Cha,
Glad your "jump" into Plan B is going well so far, but sorry
you have to deal with the dilemna over what to do about the
game.
My day's been okay. I've gotten used to not hearing anything
from WH during the day but it's still tough at night, since
we used to talk ever evening. Hard to know if WH has even
read my letter, but hopefully he at least read it quickly
and kept it so he can read it again eventually...

Hope you'll have a nice weekend and fun things to keep you
busy and your mind off Plan B-
Slammed

Plan B is intact!!!!
My DS13 is amazing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
The coach called not only is there a game tonight but Saturday and Sunday as well. Its a Memorial Weekend tournament. I talk to DS about it and he did not want to play at all. This coming from the boy who as been dragging a bat and ball around since he was 3. He said "We had some really cool things planned this weekend I would rather do that." I told him he could play in 1 or more of the games and his Dad and I could take turns. He rolled his eyes "Do we even have to tell Dad about the games?"

I told him that I didn't want to see WH. He said "Me either I could use a break from Daddy. I was hoping we could just have fun this weekend and relax." So we pinky swore and decided to keep the game schedule to ourselves.

WH called before I got home from work and he called a few minutes ago. The kids talked to him. He didn't ask to speak to me. I turned my cell phone off.

I talked to SIL on my way home from work. As we were talking WH pulled up to their house.

I guess he read the letter.

mimi and believer....thanks for guidance. I think part of the reason I posted my deadline for plan B is so that I couldn't back out of it. It is my nature to "smooth things over" I am a conflict avoider. I need a "shove" in the right direction. I appreciate you keeping me on point. Looking forward to a DARK weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Strongest and at peace ...you know those names kind of go together to send a good message. Thank you for posting your support and encouragement.

Slammed ....My fun plans start tomorrow. Tonight? I am shampooing my carpet, my poor dog had diarrhea while I was at work. At least I can clean it up and not listen to WH complain about the dog. Tomorrow the kids and I head to the beach to meet up with friends for the day and Sunday is the town fair which is held at an amusement park/water park we have in town the weather is suppose to be awesome, there are 2 concerts that day and lots of BBQ.

Lost in the City -how are you? Is your WH still fence sitting? or has he opened up? Does he retire soon?

We hung out with our friends for most of the day then thier DD came with us...we hit the boardwalk had Mack & Manco Pizza and boardwalk fries w/vinegar & salt, went shopping and watched people build an incredible sand castle. When we were at the pizza place my son mentioned how this was OWH favorite pizza....and "why haven't we seen them its been like a really long time." Then they were on to the next subject.

Each of the kids have a friend sleeping over. Its busy here. I miss my H.

I decided today I need to write a journal. All the things I want to tell my husband. Its the stupid the little things. Like about my DD shaving her legs for the first time, about how I wanted to get carmel popcorn for him at the boardwalk... about how DS was gaurding his french fries from the swooping seagulls ...about how beautiful the sun was setting across the bay.

His birthday is coming next week. I am going to buy him a his birthday present and wrap it put it away. If he ever makes back from lala land I'll give it to him...it not I'll give it away. I've been buying him birthday presents for 20 yrs...I have to get something...even if its plastic dog poop!(I have no intention to break plan B and give it to him. I will pack it away)

Tomorrow is the town day at the local amusement park. We will be there most of the day. I'll be with the kids and friends. Hopefully the triggers won't bother me. OW use to come to this event with her family too. It was at this event in 2003 that I first started to suspect inappropriate friendship.....life goes on.

Just got home from the amusement park. Short post before I go to bed.

I think I did good. I did good! I didn't dwell and let old memories haunt me. Although there were a lot of "Wheres XXXX today?" "Hey where's your other 1/2?" Some I answered, some I waved off. We live in a town less than 5,000 people. I was surprised so many people DIDN'T know he moved out. I guess his performance at the art show was convincing.

I got lots of support and offers to go out and get drunk! Too bad I'm such a light weight. So why is it when people find out your H left you that want to take you out for a drink? To celebrate? To drown your sorrows? I took the offers as a friendly gesture of support.

All in all it was a good day. WH called the kids in the AM, I went outside to scrub window screens. I didn't hear the conversations and I didn't ask. The weather was beautiful, I socialized, floated on the "lazy river" and ended the night on the ferris wheel during the fireworks with my DD and her friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LOVELY, CHA-CHA!!

Sounds like a fun weekend and you did great enjoying the
activities, despite the thoughts of H.
I've been the same way- can't help but remember the fun
things we used to do on a holiday weekend but I am trying
to stay busy and keep an upbeat attitude so I don't think
of it all too much.

I've saved a couple of errands for today, may cook-out w/
my parents, have a few more things to get done in the house
and plan to have a nice soak in the tub, face mask, put on
some "fake tan", do my nails, etc... to start the week out
feeling good.

Hang in there !
Slammed

Sounds like you are doing great!

Keep it up......

I think the journal to your S is a very good idea... for several reasons.... it will help you with PLAN B whenever you have the 'urge' to talk or see WS.... and in case of M reconciliation in the future..... something to offer and share with S.....

For me, the MB board was the 'lifesaver'......

(((((((((((CHACHA)))))))))))))

CC, glad to hear things went well this weekend. As time goes by you should start to focus less on your WH and focus more on things for you.

Hang in there!

I echo HopeThisWorks's words!

ChaCha, your DS sounds like a great kid....smart, too! Kids really are more aware and observant than we realize sometimes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's great that you had a such good time with your kids at the amusement park! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Lori

Thanks for the support guys!
Well one holiday weekend down the rest of my life to go!

I had a talk w/ my DD11 today to try and explain that I did not want to see or talk to WH. She clung to me and sobbed. All she could say is "I want Daddy." I held her quietly and let her cry. I told it was ok w/me for her to spend time w/her Dad but that it hurt my feelings for ME to see him.

We worked on the pool yard today. I was a little overwhelmed just looking at everything that needed to be done, scrubbing the furniture and the deck, vacuuming the pool, the grass, the weeds...uuugghh. This has historically been WH domain. I figured we get done what we can.... it doesn't have to be perfect.

My DS started cutting the grass after about 15 minutes announced the tractor was broken. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> He finished cutting w/ the manual push mower. DD offered to vacuum the pool and I was going to tackle the furniture. I assured the kids whatever they could do to help was enough because it was that much less I had to do.

So as I was setting DD up to vacuum...pool filter blows a 3" pipe...water exploded every where. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I got the pump turned off then my waterworks start to leak. All this stuff to deal with!!!So I try to calm down and explain to DD that we will figure this out. So as I'm looking for a screw driver to change the rubber gasket thing....DD runs for the phone and calls WH and tells him the pool is broken. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> In the midst of all the commotion DS stops cutting the grass to come help and MY Dad (who was there changing the lock on the door) came out to help. Between us we figured out that I forgot to turn a switch off the water intake for the vacuum (new system last year).

We get the gasket thing tighten I get the pump/filtered/lines primed and its working without a problem. I told DD to call WH and tell him not to worry we got it taken care of. ( I didn't want him to drive down and save the day.) DS yelled at DD "Why'd you call Daddy we got it fixed?" I can't blame DD thats what your suppose to do in normal circumstance. But I did talk to her and explain that I need to try and handle this stuff myself first before we call in the troops.

So we got most of the outside stuff done. We invited my parents, my best friend, her H, thier 2 kids and a friend of DD over for a cookout. Neighbors stopped by w/an apple pie, another neighbor came over and gave us some inflatable pool toys (they aren't opening their pool). We had an impromptu casual party. The food was good, the company was great.

When WH comes to pick the kids up tomorrow night (DS has his 1st playoff game...I won't be going) he will see chairs around the fire pit, the pool up and running, tables, chairs, umbrellas and grill all in place and lots of trash bags. Life goes on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

People stopped dropping by last year...they were uncomfortable around WH. It was a nice day. I know all this is tough on the kids but they were a big help today. DS even chopped wood for the fire!!!

Hi CC,

quote:----------------------------------------------------
We worked on the pool yard today. I was a little overwhelmed just looking at everything that needed to be done.... This has historically been WH domain.
----------------------------------------------------------

I know what you mean! This past weekend I also 'dabbled' in WS's domain.... did the yard..... bought a couple of pieces of furniture and DS15 and I had to assemble them.... needed to borrow drill from neighbour....but all in all...managed!

Life goes on....

Like yours, my WS also on the occasion needs to 'drop by' the house (when I am at work)...and will see....that in fact...life goes on...with or without them!

Keep up the good work, CC.... one day at a time....

Hi Luna...thanks for stopping by!
It does get overwheming sometimes there is so much stuff to deal with. But ya know..when you do something out of your comfort level... like putting together furniture..it feels good>>>>you just expanded your comfort level!

I'm proud of me 2x today. This morning DS and I put in the window air conditioner in my room.(expanded comfort level)
I was in contact w/financial planner to have WH life & disability insurance come out of his personal account and not our joint account. I gave financial planner WH contact info for him to contact him directly instead of going through me. (avoided temptation to contact WH)

At the amusement park I did hear a little tid bit about OW...she apparently has gained some 30-40lbs is letting her hair turn gray and looks miserable .I commented that her inner beauty must be coming out.(I haven't seen her in 16 months which is fine w/me)

Cut and paste from slammed's thread:

mimi thanks. I wish I could be a fly on the wall sometimes. I tried to do things MY way (not MB way) last year when he left...it didn't work. I am determined to do a good plan B. It was difficult not to eavesdrop when the kids were talking to him. I forced myself to go outside or in the bathroom and run the water. Then Not ask the kids what he was doing this weekend.

I once told WH that I would whatever I needed to do to protect my family. Right now that is plan B.

(I'm gonna paste this to my thread too)

Added: He is not living w/OW I'm not even sure that he has seen her. So he may not be looking to her to fill EN's. Iguess we will see how this plays out...

Just have to share some good no..GREAT news!!!

My job...I have been working full time hours but perdiem...that means good pay but no vacation/sick time or healthcare benefits. I just got a call from my director...they are making my position full-time WITH BENEFITS!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am so excited!!!!

Stupid Alien WS...I can't even share the good news!

WH came and picked the kids up before I got home from work. He took them to DS's 1st playoff game. (they won 17-10! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

When they got home I was up in my room taking a nap. WH didn't come into the house but went out to the pool. Where they ate ice cream. DS came up to tell me about the game and take a shower.

DD came up to ask me if I would pay for them to take WH out to dinner. I told her if that was what she and DS wanted to give WH for his birthday that I would give them the money for it. They will be w/ him Fri/Sat/Sun.

DD called DS to come down and say goodbye to WH. DS came back up stairs about 5 minutes later I left my room to go to BR. Well, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs grinning up at me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />? Yup... WH. I was like a deer in the headlights, I just stood there. He said goodbye and I just waved. I'm just thankful I didn't have my nightie on...I mean I had regular clothes on.

Thursday is DS next game...my turn to go to the game. That day is also WH's birthday...I have a feeling he will show up to the game. How do I handle it? Its not like there is a huge crowd there. I hated missing this game (I so happy they were not eliminated) but...more opportunity for possible contact w/ WH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Plan B advice please!!!!!!

very VERY VERY dark sunglasses and a hat

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

and be on your cell phone if he comes close like he may talk to you

wave him off

and bring a friend with you to the game

and laff and have FUN