Good to hear from you Nogrom. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Look forward to catching up soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

No local indoor facilities for my DD to practice riding in... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

But I am thinking about converting part of the machine shed... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

LA,
Thanks for your response. Hope my computer lets me post more frequently now...but still not reliable yet.
Yes, green and beautiful here but also muddy and wet!!.
Will gather my thoughts soon and update, as briefly as I can, on my situation.

WTF.
My last Horseball match was in November 2006.I came away bruised and battered from a VERY enjoyable weekend. At my age...nearing 70...with children to look after..I have to now be careful to avoid injury. So, am currently just riding flatwork, hacking out and the occasional dressage test. Even so, I received a kick on the knee a few months ago which is now almost down to its original size!.

We had strangles at the yard this summer which wiped out most of the competitions there and we were not able to ride out...just in our own fields. DD13 had planned to visit many show jumping events which we now hope to do this year.
Last autumn I took DD13 and her pony to the seaside several times and the "played" in the sea together.

CLJ67...Thanks for your comments.Yes, this place does help, but I am beyond Plan A...!!....

Have had virtually no direct contact with WW since Christmas 2006.
Came face to face with her for a few moments in early 2007 when DD13 had a riding accident. A few words on the phone in the March and 2 distant sightings....and she is only 5 minutes walk away.
I do not ask about her. But from occasional remarks from others I am sure she has another OM. She still has her rented apartment.
OM no.1 dumped her in September 2006 before she moved out but she has not lost contact with him.
In Sept 2006, before she moved out she commented on one of her frequent incoming text messages..."Oh that's Mi..es, he's just a friend". There was no need for her to have said anything. Anyway, in other words..OM no.2.

I have mentioned all this as I feel it makes our reconciliation even more unlikely!?.

Several people have told me during mid to late 2007 that they had seen WW but that..."she does not look happy".

WW invited DS25, DD22 and family, DS19 and DD13 to a meal before Christmas.
DD13 told me her mum wanted £15 for DD13s meal from me. I said no, and passed the message on via DD22.
DS 25 told me later that he did not want to talk about his mum but that she had told him that she did not want the house sold.

Nagrom...how goes the financial separation? I remember that she had a healthy account for awhile after she moved out...out of your control...has that all gone now?

Bravo on saying no through DD22 about the money for the meal.

I know you got legal advice on what you have to pay and don't for the legal separation equivalent of where you are in England, right? How does that go? Is there a time limit on it?

I'm off to the gym, now...only place warm to work out right now.

Are you readying Bugsmom's thread? Have you read all of Mimi_here's threads on Plan B? Use the search and find the people currently in it with you...I really think the more you post on their threads, the better the responses you'll get...spread your wings a bit, now that your internet stays up awhile...please?

((((Nagrom))))

LA

Further jottings....I often read other postings on MB, especially those relevant to my own situation...Luminares' story is interestingly similar to mine..her feelings and ups and downs seem to parellel mine.
Although I have ceased thinking about WW all of the time I do miss her.There are frequent "triggers" and so much to remind me of her..W!.
At such times I sometimes think of LA's words in a later posting...."You and her family are her reality...not fantasy...she has great loss right now...
and you could both get to thriving, better than ever, if she would choose to end her affairs...especially the one she has had all her life with resentments. Be strong and know this...she loves you... Her loss is greater than her own....because she lost herself, her marriage, her children...everything.
Doesn't maker a victim or more hurt...Just good to know".

These words "stabilise" me at bad moments and make me feel better. Anyway I luckily I have much to occupy my mind and time.
I intend Plan B to run to April 2009.
WW may not be able to legally divorce me before November 2011....but anything could happen between now and then!.

In my MB site readings I have noted that several posting "advisers" have said that separation leads to divorce. Plan B is separation!!!!.

LA,
My previous posting followed immediately after my other. You managed to respond amazingly quickly between the two!!
I will reply to yours later.
DD13 and I are off for a hack in the forest now.

Will send a posting re DD13 soon.

Regarding my reference to virtually no contact with WW, I forgot to mention the following:-
WW knows and accepts she is not to ring the house phone..and never does. Her contact with DD13 is by texting DD13 or DS19 (or ring their mobiles), or via DD22.
But a few weeks ago I picked up the phone and said hello... It was WW...she said.."Oh, sorry, DD13 asked me to contact her"...I said.."Shes out at the moment" and hung up.

Anway...LA....to respond to your questions. WW was made aware of the £30,000 of my savings invested in her name last April, and the Bank were contacting her about it. The interest from it continued to be paid into my account. My only check on whether she is drawing on it is by checking my monthly statements to see if the interest payments have been affected. My December statement is the first one to indicate that she may have started making use of that money.
So I would think she has used very little of it yet.
She still has her part time job.
The only way I can find out whether she is using this money is from my bank statements, or by asking her!.

Legal advice was that WW cannot divorce me before 5 years from separation unless I agree. That takes us up to November 2011.

I will look at the threads you recommend I read.

WW has just rung the home phone again, to speak to DD13. Hope this does not keep happening! Luckily DD13 reached the phone first!.

Nagrom...thanks for the further update...

About her calling...you did great on hanging up, I think. However, I would send her a message through DD22 to state: I appreciate you not calling the house phone because hearing your voice a few weeks ago really hurt inside me. Please continue with our previous system."

I don't want you to feel like you're dodging bullets in your home...not a Plan B wonderful...and after you relay the message...and if she calls again, change the home phone number. Healthy boundary enforcements.

You were gonna tell us how DD13 is doing...what does she talk with you about on your rides together?

That is, if a hack in the forest is a ride. Could involve large machete's and underbrush. I dunno.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

LA,
I will gather my thoughts about what to say about DD13.

Meanwhile, I am unsure whether to respond to WW's 2 phone calls...yet...in the way you suggest. Surely it might show weakness and increase her contempt for me?.Best for me to remain completely dark....unless she continues doing this sort of thing?.
Perhaps she is trying to break my Plan B.
A year ago after the Christmas lunch, as she left, she said we can still remain friends. That's the only time I emotionally broke down and told her I could not just be her friend.
She might well wish to have friendly contact with me? But I am not ready for that.

Some jottings re DD13.
There is no doubt she loves me, the house, her pony...and her mum.
Contact with her mum (WW) is now and again. I tell DD13 she can phone and se her mum whenever she likes. Her mum has been contacting her a little more recently.
I would prefer contact to remain like it is for now rather than more formalised.
DD13 often tells me she loves me and often ends telephone calls with.."I love you dad". An I tell her I love her.
The other day I said as we were chatting. "You know I was the first person to see you enter this world"?. She said"Yes, I know dad".
Her birth was dramatic as she was premature. WW was exhausted and kneeling...DD suddenly dropped out..looking like porcelain, and still...the nurse was otherwise preoccupied!. I shouted and bells were rung and the "crash team" rushed in and revived DD. Amazingly she has turned out to be a tough, strong and healthy girl with a very strong will!...
to be continued...

I sbmitted post as draft kept dissapearing!...

DD13 does not like school...she tells me...although she has lots of good friends.
And does not like Authority. After we together met a local education authority counsellor last summer, this last term went fairly well until the last few weeks. She then truanted several times...most of those times spent with her pony.
I have all along kept in close touch with the school...but have been warned that due to her high % of non-attendance I may well be find. A musingly!? WW could also be fined.
DD13 will probably be seeing the counsellor at the beginning of next term...ie..next week and I hope matters will improve.
She is a lovely girl...loves life, but causes me stress...has many good friends...is very popular...everyone loves her, both young friends and parents.
When out hacking..riding...in the forest we generally talk only about what we are doing then...what we are seeing...deer...bluebells ( her pony is a blue roan called Bluebell!)..etc..etc... we avoid talking about family and school and other serious matters. That's for when we are sitting together in the evening.

The computer "playing funny tricks" spoilt my train of thought earlier.
My mentioning her traumatic birth led her to saythat she was always closer to her mum than me (before the Affair). This may have been so. I reminded her of many things we had done together and as a family..and all the many long Horseball weekends away ..her and me.
But...she said she could not remember!!.I was very taken aback, she seemed to have had a loss of memory!!.

But a day or two later her memoryseemed to return and she then covered one wall of her room with photos of the past and present...family..WW...Herself..pony...etc.

I feel now my thoughts and efforts have to be towards DD13...and DS19...rather to a hope for a future reconciliation with W.
I had not ignored the earlier practical advice of BryanP and MiM for which I have been grateful.I feel their "premonitions" are proving accurate in that WW has moved on to at least one other person....in fact since September...though probably with a long overlap with the first OM.
This last year I have not tried to find anything about WW's current life, but do know and hear enough to be aware that this has happened.
I had tried ..unsuccessfully...to move WW out for a Plan B early in the Affair and she eventually moved out November 2006. So, I had tried to follow MB principles aiming for a possible reconciliation....rather than take the advice of some to give up and divorce her.

As previously mentioned, WW should not be able to divorce me for about another 4 years. In which case I can fully support DD13 in the matrimonial home with my finances still almost intact.
So by the time I may be forced to divorce and halve property, and income, DD13 will be about 18 and almost indepandant.
I feel too old to restart life from scratch now and so my present intentions suit me best.
Whatever happens, MB, and especially you LA, have been an invaluable help to me.

nagom67
your life has been very hard
i have read a few of the posts.. but the whole story is
a bit much.
in all this have you gotten any professional psych help?
i really think your situation would be beyond an average man's ability to fathom. i really feel that its [censored] that your wife can play you like this and still get half the property.. and go on her merry way.. or so it seems..
waht do your friends and family think?? she has destroyed your marriage and that HAS to freighten the women she knows.. what kind of security can anyone feel when your wife can cat around like that and "thrive"
how did the "health " issue turn out
all the best
JB

JB,
I read some of your posts on another thread and thought you spoke a lot of sense. Thanks for your comments here.

Friends and family hate what she has done...especially her mother.But her parents and our children still love her.
Though the older children do not really want anything to do with her. DD13 though obviously misses her.
I am sure my wife was encouraged into this affair by a fairly recent friend in her life who had recently separated from her husband.
If it was not for the children we would have divorced by now.
I have nothing more to add yet re the "health" issue.I am absolutely sure she caught an incurable STD and am lucky it does not seem to have been passed on to me.

nagrom
this STD thing is freightening and why BS must guard their families. i think you have handled this well. as well as can be expected...I think the manly thing is to be
"civil" to her..but remote physically and emotionally.
and be prepared for the outcomes of her behavior..THINK
for yourself
she is not being a "wife" so she does NOT deserve a husband
Take care of you
enabling "friends" are a common element in this adultry thing
a social circle that "allows" adultry also is anenabler

I will mention again professional counseling for at least YOU.. and
she could have a bio chem imbalance
Bi Polar women are usually very sexual and irresponsible..not to mention the narsacistic people and the sociopaths
and its just a suggestion.. i never advice
you mentioned being to old to start again..RE think THAT
the men in my family stay helathy well into theri 80s and the women into their 90s..but THATs with a STD FREE lifestyle
read all the stuff here on MB...
your happiness, possible reconciliation, her remorse
and repentance.. ALL are possible..
there is a book ( yet another) two books really by michelle langley on womensinfidelity web site.. they are E boooks
they talk about women's biochemical driven urges..they really are for men trying to prevent affairs
there really is good advice now.... i wish i'd had during my hard times relationship
happiness must be guarded and worked for
all the best
JB

JB,
In response to your comments. First, re the STD aspect. I have no conclusive proof...and had not discussed with WW....but all the evidence points to her having caught one...I went into more detail earlier in this thread..most likely Genital Herpes. (I t must have been at least GH due to the several hospital visits, obvious precautions taken and occasional ill health).
I expect this disease is fairly common now...and no big deal...and whether It has affected her lifestyle and decisions I have no idea.

I am of course now remote from WW physically and emotionally as she moved out in November 2006. And I went completely dark in Plan B in April 2007.

I think she had made several "enabling" friends..and a married couple, mutual friends of ours for many years, appeared to be supportive of her.
I don't think she is bi-polar but might be classed as narcacistic...though perhaps no more than many women.

I have, and have read, the 2 books by Michelle Langley.I felt they strongly indicated that there would be no chance of reconciliation with WW.
As with much of the information on the MB site I reckon the Affair might have been avoided had I read them, and viewed the MB site some time before the Affair.

nagrom
Well you have certainly been well up on your situation
it seems to me..
so now what? i know you are focusing on beig a dad to your daughter..AND of courses protecting your money from WW as best you can.. what are you doing to protect you emotionally from WW.. should she desire a return.
jb