Ok, I was here as a discarded wife about 7 years ago. Got divorced, ex-H married the other woman. Yes, I went through some very bad times. It was very difficult. It took a lot of therapy and soul-searching, but ultimately I accepted what happened. And you know what? My life is great now, with OUT the ex-H.

I'm not here to advocate divorce; every situation is different. I guess I just would like to say that there IS life after divorce, and it can be quite beautiful. My ex is still married to the OW (I call her my wife-in-law), and she and I have actually become friendly. She is good to my kids, and I respect her. She and I have even laughed about the man we've both been married to and his goofy quirks. My ex-H and I have a good relationship and talk often about the paths our kids are taking.

Now, I know this sounds idyllic. Maybe it is, but it did not come about without a LOT of work by all three adults in this situation. I think my kids are the better for it. All I've ever wanted in this situation, once I realized it was inevitable, was that my children were the first priority. Thank goodness my ex and wife-in-law agreed.

As for my life - I'm not remarried. I'm not sure I really ever want to be married again, but I've had one serious relationship that gave me great joy. I went back to school and I am now working on my PhD. I would not have done this if I'd stayed married. I have one child in college (graduated at the top of his high school class), one child on study-abroad, and one in high school wanting to be a chef and a musician (ah, well, youth).

So, what I'm saying is this... if your marriage has ended, I'm sorry. However, your future and how you deal with it is in YOUR hands. As someone once told me post-divorce, you can be bitter or better. Which will you choose?

Blessings to you.
Lirek

I really enjoyed your post. Congratulations on being able to put the children first. My WW and I and in the midst of our divorce. Thankfully the children are adults but they are hurting from this mess.

I have been separated for 2 years now and the marriage cannot be put back to together. I don't want it back to be honest. I like you choose to be better.

You give me hope to see the other side of this mess.

Lirek,

This is just what I needed to hear! I have been feeling like I am getting thrown away and I'll never be happy alone. I realize that my WH has too many problems to make our marriage work (He doesn't even love the OW. I think he only loves himself), but I am just so sad. Sure, I'll be better off without him, but it's hard to see that far down the road.

I commend you on the way you have handled everything and I am sure your children appreciate and admire you for it.

Thank you for coming back to post and providing inspiration for the rest of us!

AnneMarie

Well, thank you. Thanks for clarifying your POV. And the reason you are here. As you know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> your initial thread wasn't well received by me.

I now hold out the white flag and (while I cannot fathom befriending the OW) applaud that you have made lemonade out of a very lemony sitch.

Good for you.

I agree that there most definately IS life after divorce! I've been happily divorced for almost 12 years, now! (Wow, I just had to do the math on that one! LOL!)

We are also friends, now. But it was tough in the beginning. He was still doing unthinkable things, and just becoming scary.

But now, things are different, the kids are grown. I'm 38 and ready to live life to the fullest! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thank you, LK, for starting this thread! I know you got off to a rough start, here. But your point is now well understood and most welcomed!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Jen