You have a great weekend too, HL! As long as it's friendly and it helps you, then, I've done my job in helping someone other then myself!

I won't be mad at ALL, if you win! Best at luck, I know you'll have a great weekend!

I am so happy! I got H to read believer post about the HD. Of course, I had to post for him, but at least he looked at the site, and then, he looked at some of the pics with me.

Not to mention, we went outside to clean the bikes and I said that it appeared to me that everytime I had a question for him that he seems to get tense. He said that he does! We had a great talk, he said that he never intends to hurt me, and never wants to! I'm so excited, it's like a sugar rush! AAARRRRHHH!

I talked to him about PA behavior, said that we both are Dancers. I said I can see where I have tried to get back at him in the past. LA-He thought I was doing him a favor by leaving his clothes in the living room! LOL I asked him if he's noticed that I don't get mad anymore when we "discuss" something. I asked him if he could see how all the anger and resentment that we've held against each other in the past would prevent us from feeling love for each other. I said it's like all the negative was blocking the positive. H said we can see that! I talked about my A and said that I wish we could have seen all of this years ago; however, I thought that neither one of us wanted to see the truth then. H said one or two things about his but not really. It's okay, he's not ready yet! He)), I'm still ashamed of mine!

I explained that I wanted to change the dance that we have been dancing, and that I needed his help to do it. I also talked about being "in love" and explained that my goal was to have true love. H was so understandable and talkative!

I even told him that I don't leave the landry in the living room anymore to try to be mean, and I don't go to bed late to avoid SF anymore. I really feel like we both got alot said.

((singing)))I didn't interrupt him when he spoke! I was the bomb! ((((BOOM)))

I'm on the road to recovery! OMG!OMG!OMG! Recovery! My LB is getting there! ANd I'm happy because I feel like I was heard, and he opened up to me. I'm happy because I had the courage to ask the question that started the whole conversation! (Even though it took me two days to ask!) I feel like I owned my own feelings and thoughts! I reiterated I can control him that I can only comtrol myself. I praised him, and I felt like I didn't place any blame on him. I owned my past actions and took responsiblity for my part of having a bad M in the past.

H said that it was going to take some getting use to but he thinks he can do it! We will see! I think we're on the right track. I also said that I was pushing myself not him to make these changes. I'm not asking him to change, that is totally his decision, but I would need his help to point out what I need to change for the better. Observations!

I think we are all guilty of ignorance, we don't know any better in a given situation, so we handle it the best we can at the time, but until we are really ready to ask ourselves why we are handling it that way we have to first be open minded enough to say "I was wrong!" It's never an easy task to admit that we're wrong, and let go of all the negative feelings we have held in ,sometimes, our whole life, but the peace and knowledge that we all can gain is priceless!

I didn't ask H what I needed to ask him two days ago because I had to get over the fear of his reaction to the question. I was letting his past reactions to interfer because I was expecting him to react the same way, but since my behavior has changed, I feellike his has! I tried to create a safe environment for him to open up and speak his mind with me disrespecting his thoughts, and feelings!

I still have not explained MB principles yet but I thought if I could just find a place in which he could relate, I might get some where. We now know our primary and secondary LL and what we each need to focus on. He may not be able to apply the things that I have applied, but he's listening as least.

LH- Thank you for getting me started, without you nudging me, I would not have started standing up and speaking up for myself. It took me some time to figure out how to get the information across. You helped me move in the right direction.

LA and HL- I owe the two of you so much also. You two have been there for me everyday1

Broken, ChaCha, and everyone else-Thank you for your post also! You are all amazing people. I love, what I've seen as tough love, and unconditional love from all of you!

You are all wonderful, b/c never once have I felt judged, disrespected, or belittled. I'm glad to have so many angels by my side!

AND, NO, I'm not going anywhere, for those of you who chose to, you're going to have to deal with my thoughts, feelings, and ideas. LOL Anything else, oh, my bad jokes, LOL, if I can remember some! LOL

Oh, LA or anyone else, any ideas on how to get over feeling like I've been stabbed in the back my the neighbors, two in particular, the one I told and her H. I would like to get over it, I did confront her, and said Thanks with friends like you who needs enemies! that was a few days after! Hubbie's more friends with them than I am! H and she act like sister and brother, and she's so ignorant, poor thing! SHe's just not that smart, honestly! She confides in H, and since her H works offshore, she sometimes asks my H to help her with things or the five kids that they have. I don't want to talk to her or him anymore then I have to b/c I feel like they'll run back to H and rat on me if I say something that they can. H feels like I'm overreacting, he says he would have done the same thing. I have to stay civil because we do eat over there sometimes, our kids are all about the same age, and do alot together i.e. Birthday parties, holidays, etc. I just need help getting over the back stabbing feeling. I don't need to hold on to this!

I wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciate helping H get interested in the site even if it is about bikes.
Believer-Thanks for changing your thread name, and calling out all these wonderful biker people!

Just wanted to let you guys know that H and I chose some pics to send to Faith to add to the MB photo album. We didn't have a lot to chose from, just got the camera for Father's Day! LOL Let us know what you think!

Okay, I when to a flea market Saturday, and found

You can be Emotionally Free by Rita Bennett

It talks about becoming emotionally free though thr power of pray to heal those painful childhood memories. It's pretty good so for, I'm not very far into it. Howeve, last night I was reading SHMI's post on PA and there was some talk about childhood. All of a sudden, I had two memories form childhood POP to the surface. I had thought about them from time to time but never throught about them more then what they were just memories.

The first was when I was about five yrs. old, I went to the neighbor to play and when I got home the door to the house was locked. My M and SD were home, but didn't answer my knocking, I was so scared, night had fallen, and I went stand by the fence. I know I was crying and somehow or another, my M final open the door. I can remember hearing her say that she thought I had beem in my room, I don't remember a hug or kiss or anything. She just let me in the house.

The other memory was when I was about nine yrs. old, maybe a little older. My SD had sexual abused me, and my M had to go to work, leaving me at home by myself, nothing unsual. That night I cried and begged her to not go. No hugs, no kisses, she just said that she couldn't stay and went to work. Both times I could remember feeling abadoned. I look back now, and think that she chose her job over me.

So, I've come to the conculsion that I must have carried that fear of abadonment with me my whole life. After reading a few articles, I understand with that fear comes the fear of intimacy. I don't trust other people, and a tall tale sign of PA behavior. I can understand why I'm with my H. Anyway, I prayed on the memories as the book suggested, giving them to God. My question is: what else can I do to try to "fix" or overcome this fear?

As far as the weekend, it was good until last night! H wanted to play the PA game. I rented a movie, and H decided at 10:30 to put it on! I understand my tone of voice, wasn't the best when I said "why are your putting it on tonight, we have until Thurs. to watch it?" H didn't answer and when I finished blow drying my hair I walkedd back into the bedroom and asked why did he chose to turn it off? H said because I said blah blah blah, and said well, you could have chose to say something about by tone an answered the question instead of choosing to turn it off and getting mad.H said I could stop trying to give me a psychology lesson, and I could just stop. I said I wasn't trying to give him a psychology lesson and he didn't have to get mad about it. He got more mad, and as a matter of fact, he ended up getting out of bed. Usually I follow him, I didn't last night, I went to sleep and woke up an hour later! H was still up, I sat on the sofa for about five minutes. Enough time to ask him why he was up, said he couldn't sleep. Well, I went back to bed, and later he followed.
I was not going to let him pull me in! I know that he reacted to my tone of voice (which I will have to work on) but I wasn't going to react to him being passive. My question there was: Should I have said "tHat's PA behavior?" or how could I have handled the situation better?

Amazing how when you know what to look for how easier it is to deal with him. Him getting out of bed, would have bothered me in the past because I knew it was because of me and we would have argued.

I think that I'm still trying to be the recuser, trying to fix the problem. I understand that there is a think line between hoping and expectations. Today, I got "I Cherish You!" and when I picked H up for lunch I gave it to him. I didn't expect him to open it up or anything. As he was getting out of the car at work, he asked "what did I want him to do with the book?" I said whatever you want. Well, he decided to leave it in the car, which was fine with me, nothing he could do with it at work!

I was reading "Owning your Own," and I think I keep forgetting that this is suppose to be about me. It's not that easy to not shift the focus back to H. I was wondering if anyone has any advice of staying focused on myself.

NC,

Still with the same name I see.

This PA thing is a slippery slope. Don't get to down on yourself or over analyze everything.

You have to remember your H is much better at this then you are. You can't log onto MB and say my H just said this what do I do now and wait for a response. It takes practice.

The other thing to remember is that a PA agrees to do something and then doesn't do it. They also agree just to end something they don't want to talk about. He may be agreeing he is just to appease you.

You keep working on you and stop worrying so much about your missteps. You can't be perfect.

Thanks, I will remember to be "still."

You caught yourself, NC...you're going to learn to trust yourself the more you catch yourself...instead of falling into old patterns, eventually.

How did you catch yourself? By realizing that the previous night's conflict was you focused on him, same as today...and you know that focus has a payoff in you...find it. Will help in keeping your focus on you.

HL said it really well...

"You have to remember your H is much better at this then you are. You can't log onto MB and say my H just said this what do I do now and wait for a response. It takes practice."

Practice keeping your focus your own...can feel like your spouse sucks it into them...when they don't. Felt that way with me!

Retrain your brain...and don't do it by finding fault or blame in you to redirect your focus. I started out that way...like wrenching a part of myself back, only to beat it. Like that helped keep me on me. Ouch!

The whole movie renting/watching thing took place many times in my home...wow...now I get to ask you, why not watch separately?

You can gasp...I did...until I did it. Well, I gave up movies for three months because that's what my WH did with OW on their "dates"...rented movies for each other. Then we went through the agreement, breaking, sneak attacks...and I felt stomped. Luckily, by then I learned to do the drive-by O&H...and to say, "I watched that movie last night...can I take it back now, are you finished?"

You can see where you had two assumptions at play in your mind, NC...that you'd watch the movie together and watch it between last night and Thursday. Don't step over that when you rented it, you didn't say, "I'm going to watch this Tuesday night at 7:30...want to join me?"

Free yourself from assumptions...speak. You have a wonderful mouth...use it!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

In your recount of the incident, what did you find in yourself, re-reading it? "and said well, you could have chose to say something about by tone an answered the question instead of choosing to turn it off and getting mad."

Is that listening and repeating, validating H feels...mad, put off, trapped, told what to do? Or is that educating, saying what you want H to feel and when?

"H said I could stop trying to give me a psychology lesson, and I could just stop." Listen and repeat..."I hear you saying you hear my words as education rather than communication, is that correct?"

Reactive stuff...I'm not saying these are shoulds...choices you can make, practice with rehearsal and each effort tells your brain to act, not react.

"I said I wasn't trying to give him a psychology lesson and he didn't have to get mad about it."

Gotta say it here, right in front of HL...but that's abusive behavior, NC. You are telling your H what not to feel. And you kick your own tushie by refuting his statement as not your intent, rather than acknowledging you heard both...his feeling and his perception.

"He got more mad,"

Ya think?

"and as a matter of fact, he ended up getting out of bed. Usually I follow him, I didn't last night,"

This was a great choice...changing your patterns of following.

"I went to sleep and woke up an hour later! H was still up, I sat on the sofa for about five minutes. Enough time to ask him why he was up, said he couldn't sleep. Well, I went back to bed, and later he followed."

Are you saying after an hour of sleep, then you did get up to check on him? What were your thoughts and permissions for this, when you held yourself back the first time?

"I was not going to let him pull me in!"

Him pull you in? You went to him, got out of bed, is that correct?

"I know that he reacted to my tone of voice (which I will have to work on) but I wasn't going to react to him being passive."

He removed himself from the bedroom...withdrawal, maybe...space while he contemplates, maybe...punishment? I don't see it.

"My question there was: Should I have said "tHat's PA behavior?" or how could I have handled the situation better?"

How safe were you to be shared with? Determine this by flipping it over...were you reactive, though calm, (could be improvement) or did you feel entitlement? I finally had to identify my on-the-spot resentments, as they occurred to get those red-tinted glasses off my face...distorted what I perceived, increased my DJ's and abusive defining...telling another person how to feel, think or believe...and secretly, that gave me permission to NOT enforce my boundary when my H did it back to me.

Hard to say, "DJ!" to him when I was doing it. I did it anyway...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Until I found myself not taking the next boundary enforcement of saying, "Stop! That's abusive" because I did it and continued myself. Cleaning up frees you up...

My belief that permissions go both ways inside of us...what we do to others, we do to ourselves...so that if we say "Don't talk to me that way," and we talk to them that way, then we have pain inside...frustration...constricted throats...both enforcing boundaries and in identifying and calling our spouses' on their P/A behavior.

I wonder how many expectations we have which look and feel like assumptions to others?

A big part of my H's P/A behaviors was him saying that, "Being told what to do REALLY triggers me."

Wow. What did I think upon hearing that? Well, I had to be REALLY safe to hear it...and repeat...and not say...HOW JUVENILE CAN YOU GET?

I honor my H struggles, TRIGGERS to pain, fear and anger when he is told what to do...just like he hears condemnation and harsh judgment when asked why he's doing what he's doing...same issue, different manifestation.

NC, I have corrected myself while speaking my stuff many, many times..."Wait! That's me bitching, not owning. Lemme start over." See, I thought I was "complaining" and H heard "blaming." You are going to get there...like the rollercoaster feeling, you get it, you lose it, you get it again...praise yourself for getting it at all...I don't think we truly get it until we really want to get it...and who really wants to change decades of acting in a reactive way?

What a reader you are! Keep a list of all you've read...people will ask you later where you thought of that...and the books will blur together, or what you extracted while reading one of them to form your own...and pass on what rocks you, so I can get them from the library, 'k?

Uhm, please?

Bossy today, ain't I?

Try to remember that to attempt to educate your H is to tell him he's ignorant. Sharing what you learn, how it resonates, what you're working on changing, your goals, your thrills and spills...and apologizing for your own stuff...THAT is exampling. Authentic.

If you're finding your rejection dose of the day in his "don't educate me" response, and you take it as you not being thought smart, wise or educated enough yourself...drop it. Entirely. I believe your H wants to be shared with as much as you want to share...he doesn't want to be told who he is, what he should feel, think or believe...and that's what he's hearing. Not what you're saying...

Time...consistent practice...Don't come in the backdoor with your O&H...well, that wouldn't be O&H, would it? Why ask why he's doing something when there wasn't a previous agreement...state YOUR stuff...and I know you're getting this...sorry for repeating...

LA

That's a lot to think about! I can say this when I was writing this morning about last night, is when I realized that I totally dismissed his thoughts and feelings.

I didn't get up to check on him, I don't sleep well at night. I didn't realize he was up until I hit the doorway to the living room, after going back to bed, I woke up in another hour and did the exact same thing. H said this morning that he thinks I can't sleep because instead of waking up and not getting out of bed, I get up go to the bathroom and then do something else. I said thanks for the observation, I'm going to have to try that!

I will make that list, I haven't read in a long time, and I enjoy reading! Reading for me, I'm not much of a TV watcher, unless it's a movie! So, there lately, I sit on the sofa with H on the other end and I read while he watchs TV. Sometimes one of us will reach over and caress each other from time to time. It's working out well, before I use to sit there staring at the TV, not paying attention, in my own world. Not healthy for me that's for sure! I don't think H's to happy about all the reading that I'm doing but screw em'! LOL

Yes, making ourselves stay in bed, if I'm hearing you correctly, is tough. I found it to be helpful in combating my insomnia, though.

Sounds like your H likes to fix things, doesn't it? You got a sleeping problem? I'll fix it!

Do I sound off base?

One of the most stunning things I heard my H express when I got safe was..."I have a problem always being a pleaser."

I had to let that sink in and swim around for awhile...he saw himself as doing everything he possibly could to make me happy, and failing...fixing all the time, and failing...because he couldn't fix "it" enough.

I looked on my H as a taker, a receiver...and it's true, he resented from failing to please. Wow. So did I.

A lot to think about? Your brain is greased lightning, NC...you pop off the page...I can't keep up with your energy. And you ponder, roll stuff around, tip it over and look at the roots...I believe you do...take your time...what you need most will come first...find out if you're doing it for you, then act.

LA

Okay, I've thought long and hard. (WOW, that was a long time!) LOL Last night was me self sabogating! Yes, you heard right! The movie had adult content which I felt would led to SF, and I was in no means ready for SF last night. I was the PA person and I was blaming him for his behavior when in fact it was mine. Now, there's some honesty for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was completely focus on me: what I wanted, when I wanted, and why I wanted it! I'm not crazy, that was me! My tone of voice was my aggression and then I went passive instead of keeping the aggression going like I would have in the past. Yes, there was a behavior change but I'm not very proud that I'm the one who "egged" things on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Practice makes perfect...well I've had yrs of doing exact what I did last night! Nevertheless, I have to think long and hard about how I could have handled the situation differently wihtout making H feel like I was rejecting him. Last night was poor coping skills on my part...I mean how could I have said "Honey, I'm sorry but I feel like if I watch this movie right now,I feel like it will lead to SF, and I really don't feel like it tonight! I hope that you don't mind." That would have been to easy! I have to take the long way around and cause confusion to get what I wanted.

Who the PA here? The chicken or the egg? Doesn't matter as long as I realize what needs to be done!

I did discredit his feelings. This is something that had to change in our family. I can see that both him and I do this to the boys! (SHOCKED) we'll say things like "that ddn't hurt!" Like who are we to tell them that whatever it was didn't hurt, we're not feeling they pain. Sad part is this has been something that I've complained about in the past!
I want to be a better mother, wife, and best fried to myself. My Latin teacher once said "If you can not be your own best friend then, what kind of a friend can you be?" He went on to talk about being alone with yourself in a room with to radio or TV, just you! It's just something that has stood out in my mind from high school!


I'm not sure about him tying to "fix" the sleeping problem. I regarded it as just an observation, because I've tried reducing my caffine intake, changing my meds. around, and varies other things. I think that he could have presented it differently but that will come with time, I hope. If I remember correctly that was the first time that he's seen me wake up and go to bed. SO, I really valued his opinion on the subject, which I intend to at least get it a try. What the he)), sleeping aids don't even seem to work, I'll still get up, sleepy at all get out, but I'm up, fighting it! I did/do look at him as a taker, it wipes me out!

I can understand the "being told what to do," all to often I've heard that in the past, I'm trying hard to remove those expectations (I consider assumptions in the same realm). Thing about that is I don't think I've looked at that situation before, so that's something new I will have to make myself aware of!

And NO, I didn't find you bossy or demanding today! I think that was a wonderful idea, I didn't think of, and it may come in handy in the future.

I have known for a long time that I'm big on teaching! I love to Educate. I try to relate the inform in a method for someone else to understand by using experiences from they life. Here lies the problem, I need to change that to using experiences from my own life. If they chose to apply it to their life, so be it, if no, oh well!

Practice...at least I have alot of good things about me to practice with...I'm getting there...it's patience that's my down fall...definitily someting that can no be taught. It must be learned! LOL

Hello, okay HL, I have been thinking long and hard about this one...my mom actually was called this in high school and she got my real name from it. LOL

I had to read the story again before I decided to change my name, and I thought how appropiate for the new person I'm trying to become!

LA-let see if you can figure out your role in the story?!? LOL Same with you HL?!?

LH-How are you? You must be very busy, I miss you! Hope things are well!

Broken-When's the last time you read Cinderella? How are you today?

Need I say more... I hope everyone enjoys the story...
It's amazing what we're taught as children that we seem to forgot! LOL

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hi, I'm really sorry to step in and thread-jack but need some technical assistance, if possible.

Your story thread is just a little longer than mine, but when I hit Page 16, I suddenly lost tha ability to edit my first post (and then the title of the thread).

I thought it was a volume thing -- after so many you can't go back that far, but itlooks like you're still able to do it. Do you have any tips for me, or do I need to contact one of the moderators? (I was hoping there was something simple I was just missing so I wouldn't have to bother them).

Thanks for your help, and I apologize again for the threadjack!!!

-AmI

Hello, AmI, it's a pleasure to meet you. I've read some of your posts and I really appreciate them. You are amazing. I love the info on OWning, I believe you started that pg? I have learned so much! So, I tha nk you from the bottom of my heart.

As far as the posting problem, I do not know. I simple go to the first page, hit the edit button, and it pops up. I usually do this from the forum page. I guess you may have to contact on eof the moderators it you can not get to the first page. I'm sorry that I couldn't help more and no need to worry about the TJ. I love the opportunity to meet new people, and a change of subject is good every once in a while. LOL

Take care and have a wonderful day!

Okay, see if you can get to it this way:
AmI

Thanks so much for the great compliment...you are so wonderful, in college I could get away with eating the kid's meal for $2 something. RMFAO Great thing for a college student...when you had to be 12 or under to order that! LOL

Another book you maybe interested in is: 'The Five Languages of Love for Parents,' I was impressed with 'The Five Languages of Love.' I was so excited about the book that I read it in 24hours! LA thinks 5LOL's a great book too!

As for as H, no interest in site and hasn't said anything about the changes. I seem to be having a problem creating a safe environment in which he can express his feelings. So, I'll work on me somemore, one day I'll get it right!

Thanks for asking! Have a great DAY!

Ok I like the name I don't get it which would be normal for a guy. LOL

I know cinderella but I don't get the R in front of it. Is it for Recovery? Recovering Cinderella + Rinderella?

Rind is now your short name. LOL

Anyway creating a safe environment is tough.

I thought I was this whole time but my FWW said I didn't. Now the reason she didn't feel safe was the progressive enforcement thing. If the same situation arose for the 20th time of course I would be more hurt(or insert feeling) and then I would be more angry then the last time. Right. But as the same situation kept coming up and I was more (insert feeling) I was the bad guy for overreacting.

It is like it is a one time situation. Certainly not normal. Now on my side I don't feel safe because my FWW doesn't have progressive enforcement it is straight to very angry.

I think that is where our relationship took the left turn. I respected her boundries or it was very uncomfortable but she would not accept me enforcing mine with anything more then me telling her and letting it go.

I imagine LA has a way to make it safe without losing your sanity.

Good name change.

The "R" is not for Recovery, good idea though. Add a "y" to what you abbrevated Rinderella to and you have my real name! I would perfer not to use it because it's easy to use google, being that it's so usual. I use to hate my name but then, I realized one day that I could be like the name usual! LOL

I never understood the realation between my mom being called that or how she derived my name. Now, the story of Cinderella makes sense to me, and I relate it to my life. I came from nothing and am making my way to something. Even at my age, I have more than my parents had when I was growing up. So, in essence I feel successful, but I'm not stopping, I feel like I have a long fight ahead of me. I'm not to the point where I am Cinderella, I feel like I'm in the garden with my Fairy Godmother/Godfather. Together we're working on the coach, coachmen, my dress, my hair, JUST ME!

I'm getting ready for the ball and meeting prince charming!

Oh, what does IMHO mean?

LA-You were right, H does like to "fix" things, he asked at lunch, how many times I got up last tonight. After I told him, he said if you would just do what I told you to do. (Whatever, I left that one alone, just let it roll right off of me.) I thought there was no sense in trying to explain it's not that easy. Doesn't matter, I'll take care of it, I'm sure that my mind is just not shutting down, because I feel the need to go when I get up! LOL

Okay, I realize I'm not suppose to be focusing on H, but he's getting on my nerves. He asks me today when we got home, "why did you pull the car up so far, If I wanted to ride my bike today, it would have been difficult to get it out." I didn't say a word. Then, he says "I'm not trying to start any sh*t, I was just asking."

It's just a venting session, I'll figure out how to talk to him and response to comments like that one day. ARRRHH!

Anyway, to focus on me...I got a raise today, I can't figure out why I'm not as excited as I should be. Also, I had my evaluation today too. My boss knows what's going on here at home, and ahe, other employees, and H have made comments about me being so distant in the past month or so. I'm a take charge kind of girl, and I haven't been doing that. My boss and I talked about the fact that I maybe in her position one day, she owns the company! I just haven't had that drive over the last month and a half. We talked about my med, and think when the dosage was uped, that when I started getting distant. So, tomorrow morning I'm going back to half a dose like I started out on, now that my anxiety level isn't as bad as it was.

I bet getting a good night's sleep would help, She said I'm not as bubbly as I once was. I said I doubt that I will ever be the person I once was, and I'm trying to find myself right now. I explained that I had somehow lost myself along the way, and am searching high and low right now. I really was shocked when she gave me the raise and we signed the papers. I usually don't get a raise until the frst of the year, it did make me feel good, because I know I haven't been up to par lately. We hugged really tight before we ended the meeting, that's what I love about them. They really are good to me! I'm more like a daughter to them, and they are like extra parents. I'll be there six yrs. in October, right before my B-day!

H said "At this rate, I'll be making more then him soon!"

Well, I hope to hear from you guys. I need a little boost today, not sure what's got me down. I did get a bounce to me when HL posted.

Hey, Rin (and I like it 'cuz you're RinTinTin saving your marriage)...see how corney I can be?

You missed a great POJA opportunity with the car/bike statement!

"I can be aware of how far I pull up the car. Can we mark it so I can easily see how far?"

"You know."

"I'm glad to know you think I know. When you think of a reliable way to help me out, I'd like to hear it, 'k?"

Same way with the sleep fixers...acknowledge what you hear, "I hear you're concerned about my insomnia. That feels like love to me. Thank you for your suggestions. I'm working on it myself."

Congrats on the raise and the great people you work with! I swear, to me that counts more than what I'm doing or how well I'm doing it...who I do it with matters...so I get my lessons!

Coincidentally or not...I will have been with my company for six years this October...the job that changed my life in a lot of ways...who were there for me when I went through my toughest times...I remember my boss walking into my office and saying, "I can't stand to see you crying." And I said, "I'm still working, though."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

People who hang with you when you change, are changed, and come through, are the ones who get the best of you, even though temporarily, they might not. Those are gold.

So, double congrats on where you are, who you are with and where you going, each moment, Rin...

LA