You're welcome, Rin...you're my friend.

I didn't answer your question about people wanting me to post to them...how it feels...scary.

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Seriously, I often feel like a broken record...a one-trick pony...and yet I pray, re-align, and end up saying the same things, again and again. I'm trusting God to use me, even when I feel useless.

I know that I feel appreciation, admiration and acceptance when posters want my opinion. I know that I try to key into what God wants me to say and get myself out of the way...aware of my judgment being an impediment...and I've over and over again where I fill one part, and other posters fill in other parts...a wholeness by God's hand.

That's what I believe.

I put down the mantle of better and better for my goal...I had that goal for too many years and it's where my pervasive sense of failure was coming from...you may well be able to handle it, see it separate from earning love...earning what you need...I couldn't.

I do believe in recognizing we are doing the best with what we know right now...and sometimes, I forget to do that. That sometimes sucks.

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Posting reminds me to be compassionate to self, too...reminds me to be aware...everything I type to you and others, well, is me reminding me, too...and I learn...I do learn...from everyone.

LA

I would say that you have a great gift for communication. I am learning that in order to listen, I have to take a back seat to the conversation. To ask questions like you do? That's what so great about you to me, you make me think!

My Latin teacher in HS was a wonderful mentor to me, through he never knew it! I loved him becasue he challenged me to open my mind. I have a love of knowledge. I feel that my willingness to learn is one of the reason I feel I am successful. Which brings me to sense of failure, I don't believe I have failed at anything that I've tried to do. This is my opinion of self! I do the best that I can and I know my limits. I do have a fear of failure but I think it's healthy in respect to me. I would like to hear more of where you are coming from, if I may, on your sense of failure, as well as how you measure your success.

I think my idea of success is different from the common thought. I don't measure my success by money, or the things that I have acquired along the way. It's mostly about me. I have reevaluated myself from time to time and have to "fix" a few things that I wasn't happy with. I think now is no different. I attribute it to growing up! I don't think we ever stop growing up but only if we're open to it!

I strongly agree with your statement that we are doing the best we know at the time! Knowledge can turn into wisdom if we let it to it's work! Don't you think?

Yes that is what I was saying. LOL. I told you my focus was shot yesterday.

Become the woman that any man including your H would chase after. That is part of becoming a better person. Pretty soon he would think he was crazy for not adoring you.

Then heck if for some reason it doesn't work(which I know it will) then you will have men fighting over you. LOL.


I am neither. LOL. However when I was carrying an extra 50 pounds I looked just like William Shatner. LOL. Not the fat one or the skinny one the in between Bill. People kept telling me that and I would dismiss them. One day while on the bumper boats with the kids and Asian girl screams get Captain Kirk and without pause they all started to squirt me. That's when I realized I must look like him. I lost the weight and now I don't get called that anymore.

I like, x-men, spiderman, superman, oh heck I like comics.

My Favorite which would be almost too predictable is Wolverine. Not for the regular reasons but because I really like his Self Healing Power.


You can do that or you can look yourself in the mirror and say it until you believe it.

There is a sales book called "The one minute Sales Person".

In the book they talk about doing things in one minute time frames.

When walking out of a sales call you spend one minute on what you did wrong and one minute on what you did right.

Only one minute on each. Then try to correct what you did wrong. Don't spend 20 minutes on wrong and one on good. You will fill yourself with negative thoughts.

Self affirmation on your positives is essential. It will increase your self esteem and self worth.

HL-OMG, RMFAO:::in tears on the floor:::OMG...please I can't stop laughing! I'm sorry, that is making my day! My co-worker even got a laugh out of this! She said that was to funny!

And thanks for the insight! Wolverine was the first one I thought of...I like him too but I shall reframe from telling you why! I will get you a hint and say that I'm an arm woman! LOL

I'm having a great day! I feel really good about myself. I'm not sure why, but I keep asking myself why is my mood so great today and it wasn't yesterday or the day before...what had changed? I'm not sure and I don't know if I want to even ponder the situation today...just accept it is as it is!

OH, it's a meanless conversation day! Every body dance! I'm not being sarcastic, but I am being funny! HAHA!

I'm really in a silly mood and I like it! Have a blessed day!

Funny if it isn't you. LOL
Do you know how many times people have told me they think they knew me from somewhere.

It happened at my step sisters engagement party. His family swore they knew me. Played 20 questions with me about my past to see where they might no me from.

Then I say look you don't know me I look like a middle weight Bill Shatner. OMG That's what it is. Hey everyone look this guy looks like Capt Kirk. Then they expect I can do imitations. Hey say beam me up Scotty.

Oh and to boot my name is TJ. So then I get the TJ Hooker thing cause Bill played TJ Hooker. Oh the joy and fun they get out of that coincidence.

Someone shoot me. Thank god I lost the weight or I might be attending Star Trek conventions dressed like him.

I have to thank you again for helping to make my day the best that I have had in a while.

I do have a confession...I didn't take my AD med last night...or anything else to help me sleep...I'm a little concerned about it but I have been laughing and joking all day...I'm alert and happy!

I did wake up three times last night but I remember getting up, for one, and I was able to go back to sleep without any problems. I want to have a talk with DH about it. I have alot of concerns. Oh, I didn't eat anything in the middle of the night either! I'm happy about that too! I know I need to talk to my Dr. about it.

HL- You're talking about losing the weight and I've gained ten pounds from eating everything in the house and night...Is there such thing as sleep eating? I felt like I was losing my self-control!

Okay, who's going to fuss me, back out the 2x4...I'm waiting...I'm prepared!

Oh I lost the weight right before the A. LOL. Wish I would have known that instead of using self control and will power to lose weight all I needed was for my FWW to have an A.

I lost another 15 pounds after that. The good thing though is that all the sacrafices I made to lose the weight I eventually got to gorge myself on anything I wanted so I could gain the 15 pounds back.

I don't know if you have a Macaroni Grill around you but they have a desert ravioli that is Awesome.

It is Snickers and Chocolate Ganash(sp) Wrapped in a dough then deep fried so they melt together. Then it is served with French vanilla Ice Cream topped with Chocolate and Carmel. Oh and Cold Stones Ice Cream. I got the Chocolate Ice cream with chocolate chips, brownies and chocolate fudge mixed in.

I love sweets and because my FWW had an A I was able to just eat anything I wanted for a while. See there is a bright side to everything.

I never did sleep eat though. I wanted to be fully able to enjoy all the crap I got to eat.

Oh I forgot about the frozen Thin Mints I got from the girl scouts. Got 10 boxes and the Scout lady asked who I was buying for. I said me. There mine all mine. I will eat a box a day maybe two. You gonna be here next weekend? She said no. I said then make it 20 boxes.

Nope, not familiar with any of that stuff...I was doing honey nut cheerios, snickers, reeses, raisin bread, stole DH's cheesecake the other night (oops! sorry!), pop tarts, anything sweet I could get my hands on! I have almost finished two bags on the Ducks, Chicks, and Bunnys that you see around Easter time, and the kids have almost no candy in the house left. It's just not safe! Thing is I've never really been a candy eater. Candy could sit in the frig from one Easter to the next and not get eaten. I'm really not sure what's been going on.

Usually I'm the type that if there is vegetable or fruits around...partner...it's gone! Me and OS went throught three loaves of raisin bread in less than 48 hours! The raisin bread reminds me of my grandpa who pasted this last Easter!

Inner child thing maybe...I don't know!

OMG you are an amatuer.

YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF COLDSTONES!!!!! I am appalled(sp)

Ok they have real sweet cream ice cream. Then hundreds of mix in's. You pick the ice cream then the mix ins and they mush it all together. They have a menu for novice's.

Look if you are going to do this at least put some thought and effort into it. I am truly disappointed.

Your assignment from a pro at this is to go get the Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia Ice Cream Bars. Thats right the ice cream on a stick dipped in Dark chocolate.

Hagan Daz Ice cream bar that is mint icecream dipped in dark chocolate.

You chose which one or at least get one of the variety they have to chose from

Then walk yourself over to the cookie section and get som Milano cookies.

For chcolate I like the mixed bag of minitures. They have MR. Good bars, regular, dark chcolate, the crisps all mixed in a bag of bite size delight. Do not even think to go for the little bag either get the big one.

Now when you have progressed from here try the bake and break choc chip cookies topped with french vanilla ice cream.

Please do not insult a pro at sweet eating with marshmellow ducks. If you are going to be eating easter candy go with teh Cadbury eggs.

BTW what are teh vegetable and fruit things you mention. I have never heard of those before. Can you get them at a 7-11?

Okay? Any advice on tomorrow's party at Gn's house with HN there?

I did not response to her letter. OS told her D that I didn't want to two of them in the same class. Her D told her M, HN TMed DH asking about it! I explained to DH it had nothing to do with HN, I didn't want them cheating off each other like last year but it didn't matter now becasue OS wasn't getting off the bus at HN house anymore. DH and I made other arrangements because it's a new scholl this year and due to time constrains it was easier for him to be dropped off at the YS's babysitter's house and get on the bus from there.

From what I understand Hn is thinking that I'm doing this on purpose...I guess as a way to get back at her...I'm not sure on that it's heresay...and HN misses our kids!

The past is the past as far as I'm concerned...i hold no anger or resentment...I see in her mind she was trying to help and understand her concern kind of...I still have negative thoughts about her but like she's nosey, and putting herself in a place she doesn't need to be in like the last M she tried to help with...they're D'ed now!

I don't want to be the cause of any trouble tomorrow...should I be faced with some...I would like to be able to deal with myself in a classy manner.

Okay, I am getting tired of hearing about me through my OS and HN's daughter. Today, my 8 year old comes home and tells me that HN's daughter told him something about me and a shirt with my tata's out at a b-day party. These children are 8 and 9 yrs. old. I just told OS that it's bad to talk/gossip about other people like that no matter what. I mentioned it to DH too. H said to calm down; I said I'm fine It's out of my control; I'm just tired of hearing things. I don't need a "friend" like HN, nowhere in my lifetime. I'm done! I'll be civil with her when I have to other than that I done want to deal with her.

It's really hard to look at her as my equal LA!

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow...I keep thinking in my mind how cheerful and respectful I want to be...Why am I so worried...because I want my friend's daughter's party not to be interrupted...I'll be fine...things will go great...I'm fearing the unknown and I have the courage...I'm not trying to be the better person here...I'm trying to be true to who I am...enjoy the company of all my friends and acquinance who will be there...enjoy the kids running around and jumping and eating cake...that's what today is about not my miscommunication with my N...it's a celebration of life...

It's a day to relax and take in the small wonders...to be amazed at how fast time can fly...child grow...

Like Dad says..."Don't sweat the small stuff and everything's small!"

Thanks for letting me talk to myself...crazy...no! Not yet! LOL

My other eye is swollen today...still the pink eyed monster...watch out mt becterial state my get you...

Yeah, I'm tryin to laugh...not working...I was excited about today party...now I have to decide whether to go or not. I'm shouldn't be contatious...I'm been doing the meds. in that eye for a few days...but people as scare and I don't want them to worry about getting it...I'm going to do a cold compress...I did one in the middle of the night...after I posted last...when I think I got centered about the whole situation...

Only to wake up to it being worse looking...

Oh, I so want to see the b-day girl celebrate her 1st b-day...tearing into the cake...she just started walking!

I'm so disappointed...Dh and I went shopping yesterday together for her b-day present...

What's a girl gonna do?

I'm confused...

Are you saying that your intent is to not go to the bday party because pink-eye is miserable and highly contagious...so out of respect for others...

Or are you saying you don't want to look funky?

I think staying home and posting on MB (no contagion, though when I read your post, I was wiping my eye a lot), is a great idea.

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LA

Well, I went, I got over loooking funky...so what, we all look funky from time to time. I didn't want to miss the b-day and her cake...I came home for a few minutes to cool off...

It's really hot outside...trying to sweat my behindie off...

It's going good...lots of people...haven't talked to HN, fine with me...great for me...everything's peaceful

I'll be going back over in a little while...b-day tired out and needed a nap before opening presents...

I rested all morning...used icepacks to keep the swollen look down...LOL I keep my rice in the freezer and my other ice pack got hot...I fell asleep...so I got a snack bag and filled it with rice and put it on...worked wonderful...

LOL I like being creative! I shouldn't be contagious, I've been on meds for a week now...it's bacterial which is only contagious for 24 hours after you start meds...I started meds in that eye Thurs...

I figured I had to face my fear of being around HN one day...today's a good one! As usual fears are often unfounded, as mine have been today!

LOL...well, I'm off in a minute...going to cool down some more...

Today went great! DhH just left to go meet some friends...he said that he was going and I really didn't feel like it...I told him to take his time, not to feel like he has to rush home...I'm fine...

We do have plans to ride tomorrow with some friends...we're leaving about 9:30 in the morning and will probably be out all day...I feel I need to rest up for it...

My eye's down...still itchy and I still can't wear my contacts...The one eye pink monster will survive!

H and I seem to be doing good...I've gotten a few pecks before he leaves to go somewhere...I haven't checked the cell record...He mentioned today that he rarely talks to anyone on the phone anymore. He named a few people outside of work that he calls or calls him during the work day.

Believe me...I was listening intensely to him speak...I don't feel like I need to check it online; however I will look it over when I get the bill. Today makes 31 days NC, I thought about it at the party today...not sure why the thought came to mind...pushed it aside and had a really good day...

HN and her H didn't come back to the party...when I walked back over they were gone...well, later that night HN and her friend from out of town was headed back over...when her YC (just made two) was trying to get in the pool with the other kids...one of YC's brother was on the ladder trying to hold her from getting in...she had no flotties (sp) on...HN jumped the fence, and her H came out of the house(he's been working on storm damage in the house when he's home from offshore), I'm not sure what happen but he hit her. I wasn't going to look over the fence, there were enought adults tending to the sitch. There was lots of yelling and screaming, GN called their son back across.

DH looked at me once everybody was gone and said "And we're supposed to be fighting all the time?" I just said yea and told him that was one of the reasons why I really didn't like going over there, bacause I felt uncomfortable when they didn't argue 1/3 as bad as that.

I decided I am really fine with not having her as a friend.

So, thanks again LA for showing my that I have a choice in the matter. I'm learning day by day what my choices are, or even if I have any in the matter. Part of knowing what I can and can't control.

Good job, Rin! Glad you went and glad you didn't let the neighbor affect your fun.

Hope the eye clears up soon!

Thanks for much for acknowledging that. I needed to face my fear, of course it was unfounded and I got to see the turmoil that she is in. I got to hear it, loud and clear, seeing the projection from her life to mine.

It was a good lesson learned on my part. I feel for her, I wish she could see what I see, and know what I know. Perhaps one day she'll draw that line.

I've just resting and reading tonight. Reading some great material on how to talk to someone when you're mad, hurt, scared, frustrated, insulted, betrayed, or desperate. I borrowed the book from the library. It's by Harrier Lerner, Ph.D. called The Dance Of Connection. It really just reinforces what I've learned from all the wonderful MBers here (and you know who you are). It just from different perspective on how to speak up for yourself, what you can and can't control.

That's why I read to reinforce, to help me "get it," and strenghten my good areas. I enjoy it too, something I had done for a long time. I have Longhorn to thank for that, whom I haven't seen around in a long time. He's hiding, living life to the fullest?

Well, LA your little girl is slowly becoming a woman...

Hi ya! Rin...
I've been following your thread but not posting much.

I'm glad your survived the party and that your "evil" eye is improving.

Sounds like you are dooing great...growing everyday.
Keep up the good work!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks ChaCha! I will do my beat!

Well, Right Eye not so great! Half of my face is swollen and DH took one look at me this morning and said I'll be back in an hour. He's going line his guys up at work and is coming back to help out with the kids this morning. He doesn't want me driving, worried something will happen. DH has always been like that, even through A. When he wants to be he's so caring, loving and sensitive. So, I'm up early today and I figured while at the dr. I'm going to talk to him about my ADs. I'm sleeping better considering the eye since I stopping them.

I was worried about how I would feel but I'm doing good. We'll see what Dr. has to say about them. I guess I'll need to ask DH to step out of the room or just say what I wan to in front of the dr.

I hope that you all have a beautiful day. I'll update when I hear something about this eye. I have a feeling DH is worried that this is turning into Cellulitis, our YS was hospitalized for a week with it. He was two at the time, and was bite by a mosquito under the eye. I can hear the emotion in his voice, a sense of urgency. It remind me of when YS was born. I had to have an emergency C-section, my blood pressure was dropping and baby was in distress. DH looked so lost and helpless. I felt for him, his family wasn't able to drive the six hours to get here to be with him. He was on his own to face losing me and a child he felt forced into having.

I'll never forget the look on his face...once they stopped the pitoecin (sp)... and they gave me the epidermil (sp). They sent him out of the room for that, poor thing he was so lost. Once I was able to focus, I reassured him I was fine, made it a little better for him.

Well, I'll check in later!