Just a day or two ago I sent the NC letter to my FOW. It has been more than four months since my A has ended, and maybe two months since I informed my WW that I wished to have NC with FOW. She said she didn't care, that it was stupid that I wanted that, etc.

I waited to send the NC letter hoping to have my W review it first...I decided a few days ago that it would be best to simply send the NC letter now instead of waiting even longer. So I sent it....

Now the FOW's lover has responded calling me all sorts of names and simply insulting me as much as possible, saying that its wrong of me to blame FOW (and my W!) for what happened even though in my letter I only spoke of myself and of wishing to have NC.

Further, my WW has begun to spread a few rumors as well...which she may actually believe given the state of mind she is in!

Anyhow...how do I respond to this? I've written a reply to FOW's lover and have avoided blame, judging, defending myself against her personal attacks...all I have done is ONLY talk about myself, my feelings, and my actions. I haven't sent this reply yet, and I'm curious if I should even attempt to dispell some rumors that are being started and/or continued in this reply. The FOW lover has ALSO posted the response in their blog! And I'm sure they will spread the word as far and wide as possible.

At least MOST people we know won't fall for most of this crap...they know I'm not a horrible person, and this includes family, friends, etc.

Any advice would be great since I plan to send my response sometime tomorrow.

More words will mean nothing to them. Stand by your words and request for No Contact by maintaining No Contact from your end. Don't respond. Allow your actions and continued integrity from this point forward to speak for itself.

Besides defensiviness will only be posted on their blog and be ripped apart further. There's just no point in responding.

Mr. Wondering

Do not waste your time contacting these people any longer. You did what you needed to do and you should just leave it at that.

I see the logic in that and have considered it myself as a good option. Except one problem: they have made mention of a legal situation that my WW and I are involved in, which I would like for them to stop mentioning at all in any way. If it was just me I know requesting this would backfire, but they still consider my WW a friend so I think I should send a short note saying nothing but:

"All I want to say is please don't talk, write, blog, or post about our legal affairs. Not for my sake, but for my wife's since it greatly affects her."

Good, bad, doesn't matter? If I don't respond at all their idiocy will probably die in silence anyhow?

Wish to elaborate?

Rumors about you?

By "state of mind" to you mean betrayed spouse shock? Is she punishing you?

They will not pursue this if you don’t. Do not fan the flames.

Don't let their idle ego-taunting threat irk you. That's all it is. They have NO legal justification for a lawsuit. If all you did was issue a NC letter, you did the right thing. Because the affair DID happen, it would be impossible for either of them to have a case. No libel attorneys would even waste their time.

My FWH's FOW threatened me w/a lawsuite through him for sending out her deranged, fatal attraction type emails to her email contacts, friends, family and co-workers. According to my H, she lost out on some work (trade shows) because of it. I looked at my H (during plan A) and with a smirk on my face, and said, "She can sue anyone she wants. He11, she can even sue the President of the US or a homeless person. Do I care? Do you think I'm afraid of her?" Speechless, he just stared at me. Little did he know I had already talked to my would be divorce/civil attorney. Little did he know that if the OW did sue me, he would have implicated himself. Did I tell him this? Heck no! This would have been the moment of "when the fat lady sings" IF it came to that.

Any attorney will advise you to NOT make anymore contacts. Let them do the contacts. Keep whatever records you have or that you will receive. Let them implicate themselvs. That's your best legal defense if it ever comes to that.

For now, sit back, relax and enjoy this somewhat "comical" event that is unfolding. It's their ego.

worthatry:

Its one rumor specifically, beyond that it has just been that I am crazy, obsessed, and other minor things. I would rather not mention the rumor, even though I doubt it would be an issue, I'd rather not=) Suffice it to say that it is something that I could threaten and could use to get almost anything from her! Luckily, a few believed her, a few didn't, but even those who believed that I had actually threatened her don't believe I would ever actually do it (its not physical harm BTW--I don't think anyone would believe that about me).

Yes, betrayed spouse shock would probably be it...even though this is the first time I've heard that term! She is angry (and tries her best to justify it), hurt (and surprised that she still is), still loves and cares for me (surprised by this as well and tries to convince herself and others of the opposite), scared (hiding it), guilty (but tries to justify her A at every turn), etc. So she may believe the rumor by altering memories, exagerating, etc.

I don't know if it is an attempt at punishment, I think it is more an attempt at justification as well as trying to convince herself (and others) that she doesn't need or want or care for me.

UVA and Stargaze:
Perfect sense, I won't respond at all. It seems clear that very little they have to say against myself would have all that much weight in a court of law, especially when I can disprove it. It seems that the lover has wisened up a little bit anyhow and has modified the blog entry so that it is fully public BUT names have been removed (doesn't make it all that anonymous to anyone who knows a bit about the situation though).

BIG PROBLEM...WHAT DO I DO?

My WW just posted a comment on that blog entry with the crazy letter replying to my NC letter. She posted, "Well said, sister!"

How can she believe that nonsense?! Should I send my WW a copy of the NC letter I sent so she can see what I REALLY wrote and how off base this reply was?

...should I maybe file suit for libel?

S&W,

Let it go, focus on some other positive aspect in your life.

I'd stop checking that blog, it's one of a million blogs and you cannot stop anyone from posting anything. She's mad, she's in her own A (did I read that right?)... If you show any reaction they'll keep going. If not, they'll get bored. I'd pretend not to have even seen it.

Remove yourself from the drama! That's what you want, right? Please take care- Dru

Yeah, she is in her own A (long-distance, began before mine, but I allowed it, and only intensified just as mine died when I realized I also wasn't okay with it--that was late Jan).

I kind of knew that was the advice I would receive=) And I was pretty much concluding it too... all the same, something inside of me screams not to allow such, and so many, lies about me (and us!) to go unanswered...but I shall leave it be.

I try not to focus on it, and to avoid searching for information that will--usually--only hurt, but sometimes I can't. Well, here comes another attempt at trying!

Dru,

You said to focus on more positive things in my life, right? Well, just thirty minutes ago I got a call from HR at my job to tell me they have a better (in ALL ways) position open and if I would like it...who doesn't know the answer? I start...possibly Monday, if not, then next Monday for sure! My income just doubled: my WW can move out any time and it won't hurt (financially at least) one bit!

Somehow I have really good luck, even at the times when it seems like I have the worst =)

'My income just doubled' - her lawyer will love that!

Congratulations, anyway! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> - Dru

LOL, I didn't even think of that! Oh well, I'm not too worried, she hasn't thought that far ahead and hasn't contacted a lawyer...yet.

Anyhow, I think I should stick to one thread about my situation, so I'm moving over completely to my main one, "Freaking out--": http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1