It's been a while since I've posted in this forum. I usually go to the GQ forum. But this one seems more appropriate.

I'm going to my lawyer's office tomorrow afternoon to review/sign the separation agreement. After that, it'll be up to the judge.

I'm feeling some seriously mixed emotions. On the one hand, I know I can hold my head up high b/c I did what I could to save the marriage, and when I knew it was a losing battle, I started doing what I could to save my sanity. Part of me is looking forward to starting a new life for me and DD... moving into our new home (a condo I'm buying all by myself. I'm such a grown-up).

But the rest of me feels awful. I feel like a failure for not being able to hold things together. I'm scared about what my future holds. Can I make it financially? Will I ever meet anyone else? Will I end up alone? How will all this mess affect DD in the long run?

Hi there,

I am sending you big hugs. I'm very sorry that you are in this place. I remember feeling like I could never smile again, or that if I did people would think that I was accepting of the divorce, which of course I never was.

I, too, with the help of my parents bought my own place for myself and my two kids. I only wish that I had had the money to replace things like furniture and my bed, all of which are from my past life. Those things make it seem like my XH could walk in any minute, sometimes. Many of them are family hand-me-donws from his family. I can't wait until replacing all that stuff.

It gets easier with time, and with your own place and a young child, you will be awful busy for a while. Making things "yours" in your new place should be fun. I didn't domuch of that, because I bought a very old moblile home, but I"m saving to build a house next year and will enjoy doing all those little things.

Try not to think about being alone. You are very young. I used to think I would never find anybody either, and of course swore off all men anyway, but had convinced myself nobody would want an average looking almost-40 year old with 2 young kids. Well guess what? A very handsome 41 year old with his own two kids found me, and we have been dating for almost a year now.

Things will happen in their own time, and you have so much to do now for that little one of yours. My kids were not yet 1 and 3 when their dad left. they see him twice a month for 1 or 2 nights. I'm not sure what the long term effect will be. At this point, they are great with things. They enjoy seeing him, and are happy to come home. They love my BF and his kids.

I think it's important for kids to have a happy caregiver. So, that's what you need to put your focus on now. Your mood is very influential on a toddler, adn you want your toddler to be happy and not stressed. mom stressed means baby stressed. I know money is tight, but PLEASE take some time for yourself, a massage or facial once a month or so. I never did that during marriage, and feel guilty now for doing it, but it's really a necessity for your sanity.

Take care,
cm

I know when I signed my separation agreement it was such a relief to finally have it all over I almost felt like should throw a party but in reality I felt kind of sad about the whole thing. Its definitely a strange feeling.

While the future can seem a bit scary also think of all the opportunity that awaits you. You'll get the chance to do some things you never otherwise would have. You will also be smarter and stronger from what you have learnt from this experience.

So hold your head high and I'm sure things will work well for you.

Best of luck,

Miker

Sadmom,

First off you are not a failure no matter what you did...(Your human)
(Me too)
Your future holds your (new life) be patient and see what that is.
You will do what you have to do , for you and your Daughter.
The world is full of good men and in good time you will see your new life as your (only life)
You (will) be strong for your DD and she will be fine as long as you remember that "you CAN do it".

I watched my brother cry for 2 years about his WW and one day he met someone else, he wasn't looking, it just happened and she had 2 younger kids, younger than his 2 boys and things just clicked.
All along he never thought about "a new life" but now he can't even imagine being in "his old life"

His new wife even does his exw's nails (she's a nail tech.

Yeah, it takes time, but if he can do it, anyone can and thats what gets me through life.

I was divorced 14 years ago and never thought about, (getting married again) but then, when I least expected it, I met my current wife, I have a nice house, I have 3 wonderfull kids, and I remember thinking, "I will never get married, I will never have kids, theres nothing left for me, etc." but here I am.

Yeah, I'm having marriage problems right now and I'm working as hard as I can to keep my W but I know that if I do lose her, there will be life again for me and who knows what wonderfull things might be out there for me.

These are just my thoughts.
right or wrong they get me through all of this.
JS

(((((((SadMommy)))))) - I hope that this might help you feel better, so I wanted you to know that you are most certainly not alone with your feelings. With the exception of your concerns for your DD (I didn't have children) I had almost exactly the same questions and fears that you wrote above. All I can tell you is this - it does get better, you will survive, and you can be happy after divorce. As for your fear of ending up alone - no one can answer that as none of us can see into the future - but as long as you have family and friends, you are really never alone. I'm a bit over 2 years post divorce, and I'm living proof that the answers to most of those questions are a loud YES - we CAN make it financially, we CAN make a bright future for ourselves, and we WILL make it!

You guys are awesome! I really needed to hear some encouraging words tonight. Thank you so very much!

I spent an hour at the lawyer's office this afternoon, going over every word of the agreement, and it was over 30 pages long. I saw how STBX had initialled every page, and it made me think of all the paperwork we signed together when we bought our house. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I only hesitated a minute before scribbling my name on it. I didn't cry, not even when I got out to the car. I'm surprised. I was pretty sure I would cry. I must have looked like it, b/c my lawyer asked me if I was OK.

I am feeling pretty down tonight. I've been looking at photos from when DD was born, all the cute photos of our new little family. Hard to believe how so much could change in such a short time period.

Sad,






Ahh, but you also have photos of YOU when you were a little girl and look at all the changes in your life since then.

You need to think about all the things you've learned in your life and apply them to your "new life".

Good Luck Sadmommy
JS

I have been separated over a year, the divorce will be final around the end of this month. My children are 18 and 27. I married my high school sweetheart 36 years ago. It is really hard to imagine what my future will be like without him.He was my best friend for so many years. My D goes away to college in the fall and my S has already been out on his own for several years and lives about an hour away. I will literally be alone with the closest family member besides my children 3 hours away. My friends all were part of our life as a couple except for a few a work. I have to learn not to feel awkward around them. But I know I can make it. I have made it this far in spite of my pain and heartache that H dished out with his A and his leaving. I will be ok financially, the good Lord and my attorney made sure of that, though I struggled for over a year, the settlement is adequate for the next 10 years or so. I am ready to step out on my own and create a new life for myself. While I don't intend to jump into any relationships I do intend to concentrate on making myself the best I can be physically, emotionally and spiritually.God has been really really good to me and I feel blessed that I can look forward to a future without tears and heartache.Starting over at 55 is really hard. It has been a long struggle but I have learned to do what has to be done with what I have been dealt. You will learn this too. Each day will be better than the last and each day will bring blessings and miracles if you look for them. May God Bless you in your time of troubles. Know that many of us out here are feeling your pain and sending you support and love, but most important..........so is God.

Thank you, perservering and JSLost. Yes, I know God is here with me. That is one positive thing about all this mess. It brought me back to church. Wh never wanted to go, but DD and I joined one.

Best of luck to you both.