Post deleted by Hiker45

I say no.

Pull the trigger and get it all over with.

My concentric circle scheme vs Mels' carpet bombing ends up being pretty much the same once you get beyond the inner circle of other spouses and close family. You've already done that.

The fact that she resents you exposing is proof enough that you should do more. Keep exposing indiscriminently until either the affair stops or you run out of listeners. Rinse and repeat.

Don't use exposure as extortion. It's better as a complete surprise so she has no chance of pre-warning potential targets.

JMHO

WAT

Post deleted by Hiker45

You have already exposed to the primary people, correct? It sounds like you have accomplished what was needed in the exposure area. I don't see how letting the world know will benefit you, or your wife's 'future' integrity. Part of the hard part of exposure is still making a place for your wife to feel comfortable in. It's very very difficult for a fws to hang around people who know/judge them for what they did. -- and, just so you know, it's probably equally as unpleasant for the BS (male) as we tend to be viewed as weaklings for accepting our wives back--

Unfortunately, sometimes, the hardest part is waiting for the affair to die out, now that it is exposed. Reality has to set in, and that can take time. This is where you have to set your heart based on what you know...choose to love your wife or not to...then act accordingly, and don't let her sway your love, even if it means not talking to her anymore.

-hang in there

You

We actually had that topped once, I can't remember who it was. But they WS said they were upset over something the BS said. "I never said that." "You said it in my head."

Good one. Then again some things are just twisted slightly enough that they seem to make sense at first and you can only reveal their falsity by looking at the whole picture.

Personally, I don't care for threats. The purpose of exposure is to bust up the affair by putting too much pressure on it to continue. I don't think doing it with any sense of "retaliation" is a good way to go about it. If you slide just a couple more degrees down that slope, you'll be seen as doing it out of spite and for revenge. How about just doing it and get it over with so you'll have more allies who can help you smash this thing?

Hiker,

U r being waaay to kind. Don't try and trip up the WS, try to scare the H_ _ _ out of the WS. Don't worry, your W will remain. It's your W that knows you right?

Be smart, learn to RB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Post deleted by Hiker45

Hiker,
My wife is in this mode also. She has been since I exposed at the end of January. Pays lots of attention to the kids when I'm there, talks to the dog, etc. while totally ignoring me. It is a form of verbal abuse and is very effective. It is almost impossible to remain unaffected by this tactic. I've found that building a support system of friends and relatives who will talk to you is helpful. If I need information from my wife, I call her at work and she will answer specific questions regarding schedules, etc. This destructive pattern needs to be broken, however or there's just no point in continuing. Good luck!
68

Since January? Gosh, what do you have to look forward to? How can you Plan A someone like that?

Lost,

Is your wife still seeing the OM?

You are her third husband?

How did her last two M's end? Were A's involved?

Just curious.

Post deleted by Hiker45

How long was the second M?

How long have you been married to her?

That "two year" mark on the first M is a bit of a red flag. The example set by her mum is also a red flag.

Her second marriage lasted 12 years. She has told me it only lasted that long because she was afraid to leave and go on her own with two young children.

My marriage to her will reach the five year mark next month.

She also lived with someone for a year before I met her.

Not a good track record, eh?

No, not a good track record. It suggests that she may have some core issues needing to be resolved. If you didn't have a child together I might recommend you cut your losses. This is the opinion I typically offer to young folks in short marriages without kids.

But you have a son and IMHO this demands you do everything within your power to save the marriage and address whatever problems exist in either of you. It's not just your life.

JMHO

WAT

Yep, that was just what I was about to suggest as well.

Post deleted by Hiker45

Post deleted by Hiker45