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Lupolady,
Your story is so inspiring. My WH said the same thing about divorce, "I know God doesn't want divorce but this is what I want." He said he no longer prayed because he knew divorce was wrong. He stopped leading our Bible study and recently stopped going to church. I continue to pray fervently for my WH's heart to be softened and for his repentence.


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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Corinth & "Ready"

Let me just give a few points of wisdom from having gone through all this....

This is especially for you, Corinth....

HANG IN THERE! If you are truly "committed" to saving your M, then YOU have to be the one to "stand in the gap" during this time your S is losing their mind.

Jesus showed us what unconditional love looked like. He expects us to show it to our fellow man. Corinth, sorry, brother, but [color:"purple"] YOU [/color] are talking like someone who will show "unconditional love" as long as your WW is showing it BACK. You are talking like you are ready to throw in the towel just b/c she is still saying she is sure she wants a Div. and she wants OM rather than you. Corinth, she can't think straight right now! She WILL hurt your feelings. She WILL break your heart over and over. She may not mean it, but she really isn't thinking about you right now. This is why it's important for you to stand fast, stand in the gap, be loving at all times, and show her Christ's love, the Love He shows constantly to His Bride, no matter how much WE break His heart.

Yes, she is being selfish, nasty, unGodly and disobedient. BUT - that does not absolve you of YOUR responsibility as her H to do what God expects of you! That means praying for her, to protect her from satan's lies (which has already started happening). You must continue to cover your W in protecting prayer from satan as long as she IS your W! This is unconditional love.

I hope you understand this when I say - er - write it - BUT, I also believe God expects you to pray for OM too! He is a sinner in need of God.

Now, THAT'S unconditional love!

God Bless,


Lupolady M: 21 yrs. - H: 2 grown sons WH moved in w/old friend, '05-'02, filed for D. Plan A by mail - 10 months, Plan B? - no letter sent H granted D. '06-'02 OW tragically died March 1, '04 NOW: REMARRIED Xh!!!
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Thanks for the post Lady,

Yours is an incredible story, it's good to hear that sometimes even a tragedy such as an affair and divorce can end up with healing and mending.

As far as my situation, I've also told my WW that divorce is not the answer and she responds by saying "she could never truly be happy with me." Beyond that she's also given me a laundry list of reasons she cannot be with me. These are all things she doesn't like about me and I admit, some of them are true. I agree, I have faults! But it sounds like she's rejecting my personality.

This stuff all cuts so deep, I'm having a hard time with it. My biggest problem is how would I be able to rebuild after so much rejection and betrayal? The other problem is, she's not asking me to. She firmly wants this divorce and is carrying on a full relationship with OM and is proud of it.

The truth is, aside from God there's really nothing anyone can do for her. I pray for her everyday, I've also prayed for OM. But I also pray God will allow me to see when I should move on and I believe that time has come.

If God blocks this, or if my WW begins to show even a shade of remorse, I will wait, but honestly, she is one of the most self-centered, stubborn people I have ever met, and I have a hard time believing she will come to her senses anytime soon.

Like I said I'm trying to leave this to God and take time and be patient; however, I admit I am losing faith.


"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
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Corinth,

I totally understand the "losing faith" stuff. I also understand the "What would you have me do, Lord?" stuff.

I just stayed in the Word. Kept praying, kept seeking. HE let me know I wasn't going to be turned loose from my M vows. Even when my H was saying (and getting) the div.! We were divorced for a whole year before he started "coming around" - and we started a dialog. After that, another year of "dating" and talking, until we re-married (as close to our original marriage anniversary date as we could arrange!)

After a year of NO CONTACT, and continuing toward the inevitability of div., I conditioned myself to it, I believed it was my future, and I prepared for it. I even prayed that God would give me grace to get through it without too much pain. Yes, it's true, I was also NOT the proper wife I should have been. But, Corinth, That does not exonerate your S from their own obligation to remain in the marriage and work to make it better. So STOP beating yourself up here. Stop saying this is all inevitable b/c of YOUR behavior!

Your WW made the decision to leave the M vows and seek comfort somewhere else. Instead of talking to YOU, seeing a couselor, whatever, she left. That doesn't mean you don't have stuff to "clean up." We all do. It just means that you need to stop beating yourself up! You need to find out what Jesus is trying to teach you through this, and LEARN IT!

That's the only way you'll become the man He intends for you to be, and prepares you to be the HUSBAND you were meant to be. Maybe for her in the future, maybe for someone else. But in the meantime, get to work! Get to fixing YOU!

Take care,

God Bless,


Lupolady M: 21 yrs. - H: 2 grown sons WH moved in w/old friend, '05-'02, filed for D. Plan A by mail - 10 months, Plan B? - no letter sent H granted D. '06-'02 OW tragically died March 1, '04 NOW: REMARRIED Xh!!!
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Lady,

Thanks for the post. I need to hear this stuff. I know it's not all my fault. I KNOW it in my head, but it's easy to fall into pathetic thinking and a negative self-image after this kind of blatant disrespect by the one person who promised to stay by me.

One side of me wants to lash out at her, but the side of me she claims is not there, the side God is working on, KNOWS she is hurting badly and has deep compassion for her and where she's headed. I realize this may be how God changes her into the matured, unselfish woman she can be, just as He is also working on me.

So I wait to see what can God do with her but I have to let her go. I have no control over her.

My Hope is in the Lord completely. I pray for my WW everyday and I would like nothing more than to see her become a godly woman, a humble Christian soul and for us to heal together. But this is asking for a miracle. I wonder if I'm hoping for someone who is not my wife.

The other thing is: God may do this away from our marriage. This may not be the place for me anymore. So I'm waiting on Him, ready to go where He asks me to... trusting Him.

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I need healing and I desperately seek His face every day. I'm reading many books and examining where I can change myself. And as you said, either for my current wife or for my future wife. Either way I will be walking with the Lord and growing into a better person.


"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
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Corinth,

I just wanted to let you know how touched I am by your perseverance. While typing this, my eyes are welling up with tears because I feel your pain.

Every day, I go through WH's laundry list of things that I have done wrong in our M. The list is true, I could have done a lot of things better but I am working on it. Yes, I did take my M for granted. I took my H for granted. I am so sorry that I was ever moody or stressed around him. I am putting my entire heart into improving myself while my WH is still in the A, disrespecting our sacred vows and disobeying God.

I've accumulated a new collection of Christian books, ones that have guided me onto a path of self-improvement, spiritual growth and better communication. It's just too bad that WH isn't around to witness my changes. I continue to pray that one day WH will return to see the changes I have made.

Jeremiah 29:11 has been my most favorite verse during this turmoil.

I've released WH over to God. In the meantime, I continue to pray for WH and for our M. WH may have filed but our M isn't over.

Blessings.


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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Ready,

IMVHO, from what I've gathered over these past few weeks marriage is, among other things, about forgiveness. It is allowing each other to make mistakes and then learning from them together and moving forward with life.

That is part of the process of marriage and under that agreement there should never be divorce because no matter how seemingly insurmountable the problem, both H and W will either forgive themselves or the other for any transgressions.

Looking back on my M, I see how stupid I was in so many areas. I look back and I wonder how I could've made such boneheaded comments or took such an absolutely ridiculous stand on an issue that meant nothing. And most of the things I thought were so important mean nothing now that my wife is gone.

Not all of them, but a lot of them. What I'm saying is: I made a thousand mistakes. At least a thousand! And I can't take those mistakes back. I can't. They have either been said or acted out and now they just are, but no matter how stupid I was, no matter how inexperienced I am, no matter what, none of my mistakes are unforgiveable.

I did the best I knew how under the circumstances.

Now in fairness to me, not everything I did was boneheaded. I did many great things in my marriage, and so did you, Ready. And you will continue to do great things in life and possibly for your H still. If not for him absolutely in your next marriage.

We are not bound to our past, thank God. If we believe that, then Jesus died for nothing on the cross.

I'm working on forgiving myself for my part of the M. I have approached God with it and He forgives me, I have asked my WW for forgiveness and she says she forgives me (I'm not so sure about that yet) and I'm working on forgiving myself and my WW. It takes a commitment every day to do that.

With everything I've learned about M and relationships I see now how ill-equipped we both were in dealing with the realities of M. That means BOTH of us, not just me.

Forgiveness is the key. For yourself and your WH.

I know simply from the fact you are still loyal to your WH you have many more good attributes than bad ones.

Use your past as a rudder to steer in a new direction. Don't forget it just yet, but use it for good.

And remember, there is comfort in the Lord. Dig deep and trust in that fact. Take your sadness and regret to the foot of the cross everyday and offer it to Christ Jesus. He wants to experience this with you. He is taking every arrow of rejection right along side of you. He isn't just an abstract idea but a Savior who is with us each and every moment if we ask Him to be.

Rest in Him.


"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
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Corinth,

Thank you for your wisdom. I am very blessed to have "met" so many knowledgable people such as yourself who are so well-versed in the Word. I'm fairly new in my walk with Christ for it was my WH who brought me to Him more than five years ago.

I asked for forgiveness from my WH months ago and he forgave me. However, he is completely disregarding our M as anything sacred. He's a changed man, a man changed for the worst. I am heartbroken by his selfish decisions and lack of respect for me and God.

He just e-mailed me today and wanted to remind me about the D papers. Sigh...

What is God's plan? God hates divorce.


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

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Ready,

I wish I were wise, these are just things I've heard during my struggles with my WH and her affair.

My heart is broken, too, and I'm sorry this has happened to you. I read somewhere that adultery, quite simply, is the "scarlet thread of human tragedy." It is a perplexingly horrible thing, done by people we thought we knew and who made lifelong promises to us.

Adultery is done in secret, in the darkness, and it is surrounded by shame, guilt and pain, and yet with all this to its name people still justify it and continue to participate in it to their own detriment.

For rational people, it makes no sense but that's because it's not for us to understand, and I've realized that this is a good thing. If you could understand it, Ready, you wouldn't be right in the head. But since you are thinking clearly (oh, your emotions may be in turmoil) you are not meant to understand this.

I wish there were something anyone could say to heal the pain quickly and easily; however, it is a process.

All I can say is you SHOULD experience the pain, grieve fully and completely, don't ignore it, let it out. It will help you heal. Feel it when it comes, and don't chase it when it's not there.

Don't ever believe you deserved this. You didn't, this adultery was brought on by your WH. We as BS's can never hear this enough.

But keep allowing the pain to work it's way out. Seek Christ through this always, He is there for you. And begin to relieve yourself of the responsiblity for this. It is not your fault.

Do you have other friends or family you can talk to? I've been talking with many people.

A couple of websites I've looked at are www.bgea.com and www.troubledwith.com Read everything they have to say about adultery and separation.

2 Peter 3:9 says "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

You asked what God's plan is? I believe it is for all of us to seek Christ in our lives. When we do that, many other things will become apparent. It may seem like time is moving slowly and painfully, but God will bring you out of this and He will bless you for your faithfulness.

Ready, if your WH really acts like he wants to leave, let him. Release him. A couple weeks ago I wrote my WW an email telling her that I'm letting her go. I wished her good in her life, but said I will not try to keep her. I told her I think divorce is not the answer and that I love her but that she is free to go.

And I am prepared for that. If she divorces me, then I will move on with my life. For one, my relationship with God has been absolutely reaffirmed. I know I will be taken care of no matter what. I visualize my life beyond this marriage, and you know what, it's not half bad. Without being unrealistic about it, believe your life will be better whether you are with your WH or with your future husband. It is worth knowing you will not be abandoned in the long run.

Have faith in God, turn your thoughts to Him and let your WH experience the full impact of his choices. This may be how God works something in his life.

Blessings,


"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
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Ready........Corinth,

Have either one of you ever visited this site?

www.rejoiceministries.org

It was also a fountain of information and a ROCK to hold onto during the worst of my struggle through this.

God Bless,


Lupolady M: 21 yrs. - H: 2 grown sons WH moved in w/old friend, '05-'02, filed for D. Plan A by mail - 10 months, Plan B? - no letter sent H granted D. '06-'02 OW tragically died March 1, '04 NOW: REMARRIED Xh!!!
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Hi Corinth and Lupolady,

Thank you for the websites. I need all the resources I can get.

Thank you, Corinth, for your advice and input. As always, I am learning so much through what you have to tell me. It's very unfortunate that we are having to go through such agonizing pain with our spouses. I have to train myself to re-focus during the day because my mind has been wandering too much since my H became a WH.

I continue to find comfort in the Lord. I will continue to have faith in God. My relationship with God has been further solidified as well. What a huge blessing to find comfort in God who is always so loyal and faithful.

I just discovered that my WH is worshipping at another church. I am frustrated that he abandoned our church only to "start over" at another church. Could he be "pretending to be a Christian?" I want him to be held accountable for his sin. I wonder if Matthew 18 can be useful here. I'm frustrated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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Ready,

I've been praying for conviction of sin for my WW as well, but as I haven't talked to her in ten days, so it's hard to say what's going on with her other than that she is hurting deep down.

She also told me she was attending church. She said she always felt like I "forced" her to go, so now she's going on her own accord. To me this is nothing but a good thing because (assuming the church doesn't support adultery) my WW will be exposed to the Word of God. This will help convict her of sin and give her a chance to turn her life over to Christ. Sooner or later something will seep in and so I'm thankful she is going. I hope she keeps going.

You should be glad your WH is attending, don't worry if he's "pretending" or not. You already know he's pretending many things right now but I'm not sure going to church will help him believe he's not sinning.

While praying and seeking God I suggest trying to do some practical things for yourself like exercising, meeting up with friends, or getting involved in church. I know it's hard, but it will be worth it.

God Bless,


"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
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Corinth,

You're right. Exposure to the Word of God is always a good thing. I found it so ironic on d-day when I found his Bible sitting in his car. When he moved out, he took his Bible with him. I found reassuration in that but it didn't go very far considering he is in still the A.

After the initial shock of seeing that he tithed at another church (I have access to his acct), I felt grateful that he is at least seeking God on his own. Hopefully, WH will be convicted of his sin and be delivered from evil. Yet, the horror of the possibility of him worshipping with the OW has come over me. I need to stop thinking this way. At least, WH is going to church. He needs to work on his relationship with God.

I have been more active with my church. (Thanks to WH!) The Bible Study that used to be led by my H is now most favorite activity. Even though I miss his presence, I am surrounded by church friends that love me and care about me. I continue to grow stronger in my faith.

I'm thinking about running in a half marathon with some church friends too. WH introduced me to this church and I am so grateful. Though I never thought I could, I can function without him.

God Bless you too.


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

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Ready, it's strange though, huh?

A WS going to church while they live in the affair? It shows how much our minds can rationalize wrong behavior.

I try to concentrate on myself and stay in the word but this afternoon I began thinking about details of what my WW is doing. I mean, graphic things and it's really too disgusting to even think about, but it makes me realize how bad it's gotten.

I just know Satan has some sort of hold on her right now that she either doesn't want to or can't get out of.

But the bottom line for a WS is that sin is fun for a while, but then it begins to tear your life apart. No matter what we think independent of God, even if we don't believe it ourselves, sin brings about suffering. We can't run from it, it's like gravity, it's just there.

I know my WW is hurting, and your WH probably is to, hence his desire to be in church "doing" what he thinks he needs to be doing.

Anyway, I believe it will hit him sooner or later and probably already has. It's just a matter of how long he'll try to run from it and hide. Sometimes people don't ever stop it seems.


"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
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Corinth,
I'm not sure if WH is hurting. I wish he were because I've been hurting every single day. He seems to be distracting himself with the A, drinking, and partying with his immoral co-workers. When we were "trying to work on the M" I used to cry my eyes out, telling me how much I was hurting. He said he knew I was and he was sorry for the pain created yet he continued in the A. What a stab to the heart.

My IC said WH is in the A to avoid grieving. She said that when the A fizzles out, WS will realize that he/she needs to grieve. When that becames obvious, WS comes back to BS.
It sounds so simple but I'm getting very impatient.

As for WH going to another church, I called our pastor to inquire about church discipline (Matthew 18). I don't think this will be effective because WH isn't a member at the new church. Afterall, I don't want him to get discouraged about worship and stop altogether. I know God is working on WH somehow. I continue to trust in the Lord.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Blessings,


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

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Our pastor called me back this afternoon. He said church discipline won't be effective if WH isn't wanting to be helped. As I have mentioned before, once I discovered the A, WH refused to meet with our pastors and cut off his contact with our church friends. Church discipline is about holiness, encouragement and righteousness. WH's behavior shows no interest in any of this. At this point, I need to let go. It's just so hard! I need to work on myself and spend my energy on ME, not WH. I guess this is what a dark Plan B is.

Our pastor also told me that the "new" church that WH is going to is very conservative. Very interesting...


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

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Ready, I know it hurts. And I know all about being impatient. Remember people care about you because you are who you are. You are Ready!

You are the woman you were meant to be at this moment, no more, no less... and now this is your time to grow and go into a learning phase. Don't let yourself be cheated out of this learning. God uses tragedy to refine us. Embrace this as a time you hate to have to go through, but one that will bring you to a new place in your walk as a Christian and as a matured person.

I have to remember to accept the scars I will carry from this. I remember that warriors have scars, too. Men and women, both bear these scars of life. You can tell someone who has a scar on their soul because they are the ones who'll tell it to you straight. There is no deception in them. You could be one of those people. I could be one of those people.

God hears us when we cry out, Jesus weeps with us when we go through these kinds of heartbreak. The world tells us we are losers since our spouse has walked, but the world is upside down. We are winners because we believe. People on this board are the salt of the earth!

We carry scars we were not meant to carry and we do it with knowledge that we could run but we stay and fight anyway.

Ever watch a great movie where the hero stays and fights to the death even though he/she knows they might perish because of it. That is heroic.

You are heroic, Ready! Now take a look at yourself and KNOW this isn't just about suffering, this is about growing. Don't let your WH cheat you out of that growth, too. He is not the one who dictates your worth. God bestows all knowledge and wisdom and He blesses those who draw near Him. He strengthens those who weep and are broken.

Ready, this isn't about deciding when to live for yourself and when to forget your WH. You will never forget him, but that's because to forget means you don't get the maturity, the empowerment that comes with moving through such a difficult situation. Don't concentrate on forgetting anything, take it all in, then hand it over to Jesus. Yes, this is very much a spiritual battle. Renew your faith everyday.

We on this board are facing a tremendous challenge which we didn't ask for. Heroes are usually the reluctant ones, but when called upon they rise to the occasion. The path before each of us is a tough one, but this is life. Accept the challenge and know Christ is Lord.

If you call out in praise to God in the worst time of your life, imagine how much He will reward you later on. Yes! It is true. God proclaims this all throughout the Bible. Call on Me, He says, and I will give you life.

James 1:12
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

This is more than any promise your WH can give you. He is lost right now. He has been deceived and it is up to you to decide if you want to wait around for him to come out of it. He may not for a while.

My WW, I don't believe, will ever come back. At this point I think she'd rather live through her pain than come back to me. She has built so much in her mind against me, and unfortunately I helped her do it.

BUT, on the other hand, Ready, think a moment about all your WH's flaws, INCLUDING the fact he is cheating, and you still have not abandoned him, right? So this is not about who has the most flaws because we all have them. It's not about what's gone on in the marriage either. Adultery is completely foreign to marriage. It's what happens when someone allows it to break down.

In marriage people reunite to resolve problems, over and over and over again if need be. When adultery occurs it's because one person placed themselves on a pedestal. Not all of your faults or mistakes in your entire marriage stacked one on top of the other can reach this high, Ready!

That's why I say adultery is foreign to marriage, it corrupts it. That's why BS's have such a hard time with regrets because so much has been distorted by the adultery. This is my opinion at least.

Can we improve the way we love others. Fortunately, for me, yes! I get an opportunity to live and love other people AND love myself better. Each day I get that opportunity over again. Your WH right now only gets the opportunity to look after himself.

Ever spend all day trying to please yourself? Ever spend a year trying to please yourself? I have. Where does that usually end up? Unsatisfied. I've been there. I've spent most of my life doing that, this proves to me that it doesn't work. Your WH will realize that someday, too. But are you going to wait around for him?

Some time is good to wait. Work on yourself and your own outlook on life. Your actions and life are an extension of your heart and mind. Pray Jesus will help guide you, then get excited about your future again. Even if you only feel it for a few minutes each day, visualize what a great future you have. Eventually it will become an hour each day, then eventually it will just be!

Remember, your WH doesn't dictate your worth. Only God can do that and He loves you just as you are right now... with an allowance for you to grow and prosper.

Yes, it hurts. Just accept that it hurts and let the pain help grow you.


"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
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Corinth,

I am truly touched by your encouragement and faithfulness to God. Thank you for reminding me of God's promises.

I've been very hard on myself, especially recently. I continue to blame myself for H becoming WH. My IC told me this week that I need to learn to be my own best friend. I need to love myself first. This certainly hasn't been easy for me. I've been carrying the burden of this failed M on my shoulders. I am worn down. I feel like I've aged years both physically and emotionally since d-day. Unfortunately, WH is partying and erasing me from his mind while I remain loyal and committed to him. Those thoughts sicken me.

Adultery has destroyed my WH and our M. Though I pray that it is temporary, I have to let go of him.

I am constantly being refined by these trials. Acceptance of the pain and hurt is so difficult but I must grow from this.

The weekend is about to begin. Weekends have been especially tough for me because there is too much time to dwell on WH. I have to constantly keep myself busy to avoid insanity. I always look forward to Sunday worship.

Blessings,


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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I know, weekends are tough. Especially now that it's summer time and we should be out doing so many things with our spouses.

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I've been very hard on myself, especially recently. I continue to blame myself for H becoming WH. My IC told me this week that I need to learn to be my own best friend.


I have to work on this, too. Ready, did you used to try really hard to control your surroundings? I did, and I tried to control my WW. She was silent about it and I didn't recognize what I was doing.

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I need to love myself first. This certainly hasn't been easy for me. I've been carrying the burden of this failed M on my shoulders.

You sound like me, thinking it's my job to carry the world on my shoulders. I can't. I'm not God, and He hasn't asked me to do this.

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I am worn down. I feel like I've aged years both physically and emotionally since d-day.

You should be worn down, you are dealing with something no person was made to go through. You are worn down because it matters to you. If you were heartless, you'd be blinded like your WH is right now. Exhaustion is part of the distress you are under.

But try to find ways to ease that distress. Schedule a massage for this weekend, go to a beautiful park and just take it easy for a while. Little things will make a difference.

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Unfortunately, WH is partying and erasing me from his mind while I remain loyal and committed to him. Those thoughts sicken me.

My WW is partying, drinking, opening herself up sexually to a stranger. Yep. It is sickening, but you imagining it is no where near how sickening it will be for your WS when he realizes what he's doing. Keep praying for him, he can't erase God no matter how hard he tries.

I miss my WW's company, but more than that I look forward to being with someone who respects me, God and herself.

I made many, many mistakes in my M. Sometimes now I look back and I can't believe I did and said some of those things. I didn't fulfill my husbandly duty. I am embarrassed by it.

But my biggest fear now is that I will do it again with my next wife, so for me, it is a time to LEARN from these mistakes and love myself better. I need to give my desire to control up to God, humble myself, and love others respectfully. I will encourage other people, maintain myself better and take more risks in life knowing the outcome isn't for me to control.

What if this means I don't have to fear as much? If I can make it through this, I know many other problems will seem small comparatively.

I'll pray for you, ready. I am very sorry you are in this situation.


"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
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I know, weekends are tough. Especially now that it's summer time and we should be out doing so many things with our spouses.

Yes, weekends have been very challenging especially because everywhere I go, I am reminded of him. In fact, I was at the beach with a friend a month ago and ran into WH and his family. His family greeted me but WH acted with his alien behavior. He made me feel like dirt. It was horrible. Since that encounter, I have to avoid certain locations for fear of having yet another encounter with WH.

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Ready, did you used to try really hard to control your surroundings? I did, and I tried to control my WW. She was silent about it and I didn't recognize what I was doing.

Yes, I tried to control WH most of the time. He never said anything. In fact, we thought we complimented each other this way. I admitted that to him.

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But try to find ways to ease that distress. Schedule a massage for this weekend, go to a beautiful park and just take it easy for a while. Little things will make a difference.

That's funny you mentioned that because I just scheduled one for next week. I have been so tense. A massage is long overdue. My poor mind and body have been deteriorating.

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My WW is partying, drinking, opening herself up sexually to a stranger. Yep. It is sickening, but you imagining it is no where near how sickening it will be for your WS when he realizes what he's doing. Keep praying for him, he can't erase God no matter how hard he tries.

I will continue to pray him. No matter how far he strays, my prayers continue. God is always present.

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I made many, many mistakes in my M. Sometimes now I look back and I can't believe I did and said some of those things. I didn't fulfill my husbandly duty. I am embarrassed by it.

I, too, made many mistakes repeatedly in my M. I tried to meet my wifely duties but sometimes I became overemotional. There were things that I said that I wish I could take back. I know WH internalized the pain in our lack of communication and never spoke to me about it. The frustration festered and drew him apart from the M. (That's what our MC said.) However, I have worked on my past and weaknesses with my IC. Last month, WH said he has noticed improvements in me. During my own version of Plan A, WH said I was being the "perfect wife" yet he still moved out. He just doesn't get it.

I am embarassed about not satisfying my wifely role. I tried. But it is so much easier for WH to blame me for all our problems. I am very disappointed with myself. I know my WH's family is disappointed with me more than they are with WH. Although WH is in A, they seem to brush it off.

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I'll pray for you, ready. I am very sorry you are in this situation.

Thank you for your prayers, Corinth. I will be praying for you as well. I am also very sorry for your situation. We thought we found spouses that would remain committed to our marriage for better or for worse...until death do we part.


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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