One way my friend. She needs to hear a message. If she wants to go back to SA, she can always call you.

Here is my Plan B letter. Any suggestions?

Dear gemela,

I am willing to change those behaviors and avoid those mistakes I have made in the past to establish an environment where we can have a wonderful marriage and I can meet your needs. I cannot do that alone and it will not be possible until you commit yourself fully to helping me make this marriage a success. Pretending that the affair will go away in time will only create a wall between us and a wound that will never heal. Neither one of us is happy with the current situation and I don’t see it getting any better by not talking about it.

I have been trying what I know to help you get over the affair but I have been hurting very deeply and I can no longer stand the pain alone and I simply cannot live with you any longer under these circumstances. I would like for you to take some time away from all this and decide what is important in your life and what you feel you need to really be happy. I want you to know that I have always loved you and still love you with all my heart but I can no longer withstand the suffering that this affair has caused me when you make no effort to try to help me and ease my pain. This is the hardest decision I have ever made but you have left me no other choice.

If, at some time in the future, you believe that this marriage is really what you want and are willing to fight for it, we can discuss a future together. In the meantime, I wish to have no communication with you of any nature. I have tried to discuss this situation for the last 11 months but you have consistently refused to broach the subject of the affair. I do wish that you communicate with DD1 and DD2 any time you wish and I suggest you contact them via Skype. DD1 will learn how to use it. If you do need to contact me on a functional matter, I suggest you either do that yourself or through your sister to my sister who will contact me and I can respond in kind.

I will tell you now that before I would consider reconciliation, you would have to undergo and pass a complete STD screen (except for the HPV that we now know we both have) and that you pass a pregnancy test. I will not take responsibility for raising any children you conceive outside of our marriage. You will also never be allowed communication of any nature with the swimming instructor ever again.

I want you to have every opportunity to see the children. I will schedule my vacations to bring the girls close to Mexico and I will pay your airfare to see them. You and I will see each other as little as possible or not at all during those times. We can work out the details of that through our sisters. While you are away from the family, I will not offer you any financial support. You will be on your own. It was your choice and your choice alone to leave this family with your affair. You need to deal with the consequences of your choices. I wish you no ill will and I hope you truly find the happiness you seek in whatever path you choose.

If you do decide some day to come back to the marriage and, providing you meet the conditions I mentioned above, I will work very hard to help make our family whole again and meet your emotional needs. All I have ever wanted was for you to be happy and I failed at that. I hope to have an opportunity to try again but that can happen only if you truly want it. We need to build a new marriage that is full of happiness for both and allows us to trust each other and care for each other.

I have always loved you so much but, more than that, I respected you more than any other person I know. I always considered you my best friend – the one who would always be there for me and support me no matter what the circumstances. I still remember how you cared for me when my job was eliminated in Mexico and we had to move to Dubai. I had so much doubt but you never wavered in your support of me. That is the wife I would like to have back some day.

With all my love,
piojitos

gemela knows I am trying to interview a FT maid. She also knows I have said it is likely that DDs and I will not go to Cancun. gemela is being very nice to me the past couple of days. She is calling me at the office for no obvious reason. She told me she loves me several times yesterday. She got up this AM and hugged me while I was getting dressed (she usually just stays in bed and covers her head).

It could be that she is seeing that I am serious about her leaving and she is thinking she really doesn't want to leave or it could be that she is just trying to dupe me and make me believe everything is good so that I will take DDs to Cancun. It doesn't matter. I am also not interested in trying to read her mind or trying to analyze her actions.

I think once I start down the road of the Dobson plan, I have to finish it. I don't see any option but separation at this point. If gemela really does want the M, having time alone to reflect and be with her family in Mexico will not hurt her. It will help me to ease the pain a bit not having to be around her. ToddAC said One Way ticket. I have no other opinions.

We watched Phantom of the Opera last night. It was just like an affair to me. I hated it. I was miserable with gemela holding my hand through the movie. I was so glad when it was over.

I won't give her the Plan B letter until she is boarding the plane to Mexico. Until then, I am still on my best Plan A and counting the days.

Better go over that letter again. There are a lot of disrespectful judgements.

How many?

13

Want to know how many are to yourself?

LA

I am more interested in the ones to her but I think I could get the ones to me by difference.

Piojito's DJ's = (13 - gemela's DJ's)

So either way will work. I do want to rewrite the letter. I feel so much relief now that I have made this decision. It has taken a lot of weight off my shoulders.

Why if you are strong inside, I mean fuerte sentimentalmente, you posted that you are having an EA?

tear,

ToddAC is a man. It was a joke. I may be a lot of things but I am NOT gay. ToddAC has been a great friend to me. Trust me. I was only joking about the EA with ToddAC.

One thing worries me...

Located where you are you don’t have access to MC. So you two are trying to get along without outside guidance. Sure we try to help you but we only know what you tell us and are in no way an alternative to MC. Also MC is not the same as MC... You want a pro-marriage MC.

So possibly you have been reaching out and Gemela has not responded. Now she realizes there is some change in attitude and she is reaching out and you not responding... It’s a vicious circle.

As a last ditch effort consider phone consultation with the Harley’s. Although expensive I am certain that it will be less expensive than a divorce and I am quite certain that you can arrange to use Skype.

You and ToddAC WOULD make an interesting couple...

Yes, interesting couple but somehow I always knew if our EA became public, piojitos would deny it!!

bigger,

Consider it from a different point-of-view. Gemela has been saying from the beginning that she wants a break. Okay - they all do. At first it probably was to explore the A. Now it probably isn't. It is not very likely that she will have OM fly off to Mexico to be with her. I could explain why I believe that if you need me to but, in short, I think gemela has convinced herself that it was a fantasy but she still likes the fantasy.

We are not considering divorce. It is not a topic of discussion. We are talking about a separation to give her time to be with family in Mexico to get her head turned back straight and time for me to get away from Plan A. I just have had all of this I can stand. If we stay together any longer, I will hate her. Right now I still love her and am trying to preserve both that and my sanity.

I think MC is a waste of time - regardless of who it is - with gemela in her present state of mind. Many things can happen. Some possibilities are:

1) After a few months, gemela has a change of heart and returns to try and commit to recovery.
2) We decide we like separation and just work on visitation schedule.
3) Gemela decides she does want a divorce - we get divorced.
4) Gemela gets fed up in Mexico and runs off to England for OM.
4a) Gemela lives happily ever after with OM
4b) Gemela and OM split up
4b - i) Gemela comes back here
4b - ii) Gemela has no place at all to go
5) Gemela joins a convent (I am not joking - she really could)
6) Gemela falls in love with a Mexican
7) Gemela falls in love with an expat and starts the cycle all over

I think the Dobson thing may be the only chance we have to save the marriage.

I told her last night that DDs and I are not going to Mexico and that she is going alone. She took that very well. No complaints. We talked about what we are going to tell DDs and came to an agreement. When we got home, she initiated SF.

Keep in mind that she still holds a return ticket to Saudi for September 1st. It is possible she might even be in the airport departure lounge waiting for us. I hope not but I can't really prevent it either. It is all her choice and I think maybe believer is right. Gemela needs to know that it is all her choice and that she is in control of her own life.

This break may lead to our divorce or it may be the one key that has been missing that will get us into recovery. I haven't given up hope for the marriage. I will just let happen whatever will happen.

Let's face it - I live in Saudi Arabia. Not much chance of me meeting someone else here. I am not sending her away so I can explore other possibilities. Single foreign women are not allowed here and getting involved with a Saudi woman would get me killed. That's a deterrent don't you think? My EA with ToddAC is the only offer on the table.

You have always been here to give me guidance. I think we are still on the path to try to save the marriage. My desire has not changed. I am not giving up yet.

tear,

I am not sure who you were talking about when you said someone refused to change a post when you had asked. I remember you did ask me to change some of my posts and I did. That is why I changed one of my long and very heart-felt posts to simply ask you for a recipe for tinga.

I don't have any use for a recipe for tinga. And I won't eat any tinga here until pigs learn to fly! Not that I have anything against tinga. I love it. It is just that pork is not allowed in Saudi Arabia so, until pigs learn to fly and can bypass the normal border checkpoints (aduana), there is not going to be much opportunity.

The bad news for you is that putting someone on your ignore list will not prevent your husband from seeing the post you are concerned about. What you need to do is contact a moderator and ask him/her to delete the entire thread (assuming you were the originator).

pio
I wasnt talking about you, I know you have respected my decision and you asked for a tinga recepie. I appreciate your time and for be so kind with me, sharing your experiences if you see only you has been posting my thread... Why? I dont know, maybe my spanglish is not so good enough so you are the only one that can understand me, I dont know... or maybe its too bored.. for others,,,or whatever...

About your joke, I believed it because some time ago I read a case where a woman started an EA with another woman that she met online,, and their frienship started same way, just a friend, a close friend,,, and then they became too much closer,, and they were involved in an EA.. They incluse met, both had child, and one of the girls shared with me her experienced and suggested me to avoid any potencial EA that I could had....

That's why I believe you were talking the true, and for me every one can chosse his preferences, and even if you were gay or if you were became gay, for me you would be the same person. Im not homophovic, (is this the right word?) whatever, your good sense of humor shows me that you feel better than before and this is the most important... you have made your choice and you feel better... GOOD!!!

I hope make my decision and be so secure as you.... I always have doubts and at this moment I need more time...

Btw I didnt eat pork either, not even in tinga, so my recepie involves chicken not pork... (healthier than pork one, I guess)

Im curious about another thing, How many years are you older than gemela? dont worry I dont know gemela's age so I cant do calculations..

tinga without pork is just spicey chicken. I use pork loin or pork tenderloin so it has low fat. I even grind my own pork sausages out of tenderloin to get the fat content down. I have a 3 Hp Kitchenaid so I can grind just about anything.

Regarding ToddAC, I forgot to mention but he is really ugly. If I decide to go gay, I think I can do much better than him. I am way out of his league.

But you always told me you admired me for my mind. Speaking of my mind, I started taking Lexapro today. Hopefully, after it cuts in I can actually do an Excel workbook.

Yes I do admire you for your mind. I am so sorry - you weren't meant to read that. Oh please forgive me!

Hey Todd - I'm an expert exceler. Let me know if you need help. How are you feeling? And are you UGLY?

Why do you think he rides around in a knight's armor? VISOR!

ToddAC,

I had a very sad revelation this weekend. I was straightening up my bodega and it just occurred to me that I have more cable ties than I can ever use in the rest of my life. I don't know why I have so many cable ties. I have way too many. Interestingly I had to go to the commissary in the afternoon and I bought some more cable ties. Black ones. I found that I didn't have very many black ones. So I bought some. What does this mean?

Gemela has her shoes, you have your cable ties.