Dr. Frank Pittman maybe?

I dont know.
I do know Dr. Harley explains this and that is the reason for No Contact.
Every time your wife looked at her love letters or pictures she had hidden she broke No Contact.

Should we continue talking about road trips?

My friend comes to visit me once a year.
He is divorced and picks up his son for the summer from his ex wife.
He spends a night at my house on the road.
He likes to stay in campgrounds instead of motels while traveling.
He usually goes to the KOA campgrounds.

Personally I stay at the state and county campgrounds as they are usually cheaper than KOA. But KOA camps have pools which kids like though.

Yep. Pittman. Just found it.

As I said, there was never a turning point. Never any clear delineation. We just very slowly began to stop not talking until we got to the point where we almost never not talked. Now we have not not talked in many years.

I am not unhappy in the marriage. There is nobody I could ever imagine being happier with. Gemela seems like she has changed and it is not all about her any more. She is much more interested in the DDs and their growth.

My friend I mentioned earlier was at a dinner party and had had quite a few. His wife had gone back home for emergency leave as her father had died. This friend made the comment that she was a much stronger person and that the death of her father, while painful, would not hurt her that much because he had already hurt her more than anything possibly could. While he was right, it came across as if he did her a favor. We left the table.

Yes road trips are more fun.

I found the motels to be quite pricy. The Mandalay Bay in Vegas was cheaper than the Hampton Inn in Bug Tussle Arkansas.

I used to live on the road.
There are ways to get cheap motels and it starts by visiting www.biddingfortravel.com.
I stayed in Hiltons for $32 nightly

The fun and romance should have continued in your marriage. It is not a dream, but a reality for many, many couples who actually follow the program.

Your wife is not special in that a part of her is still addicted to the OM. That's run of the mill.

Marriage Builders is not about busting up affairs. The whole point of marriage builders is to overwrite the memories of the affair with positive memories in the marriage. There is so much to this program that you never did. You are nowhere close to having survived the affair.

I was pulled over in Iowa for speeding but the patrolman was nice and just gave me a warning.
Not like the California Patrol. They gave me a ticket and their prices are 3 times above every other state.

Prisca, your criticism seems to be particularly acute. I'm not criticizing your criticism. Just giving you me feelings. Having said that, I'm very open to it. I went back and started reading this thread from the beginning yesterday. Interesting. I tried to link to the other threads I had started but the links did not work. Maybe they were just moved. I do remember a time when one of the nicer mods (and many have threatened me - you know who you are) contacted me because someone in my community was, stalking is maybe too harsh a word, showing unusual interest and she deleted some of them against normal MB policy. Super lady BTW. The point is I cannot see any of year one. That was the worst.

I do remember that I was doing the very heavy lifting. Gemela wanted nothing to do with any of this and I remember that my Plan A was extremely protracted because Plan B, which I was preparing for, was (based on what our MC told us and I have since confirmed but admittedly never factored into the decision process) never an option. We all would have been thrown out of the country and I could not handle that financially at that time. Dubai had left us in serious debt as it does anyone who ever lived there. I forgot how long I stayed in what we shall Plan A(ish) but it was way too long and against MB practice and advice.

I want to clarify one thing. I said I loved gemela but was not in love with her. What I meant by that was that for 8 years, whenever I was waitng for her somewhere, I would get tingly whenever I spotted her in the crowd. I could feel it. I never have gotten that back an I sort of miss that. But now when I am in the same situation, I don't get the same physical reaction but, I somehow fell complete if that makes any sense. I tried to look at gemela's thread yesterday but stopped after a few pages. I don't want to go there again. Unfortunately I have found myself extremely down for that effort. My cats are helping. Well....not that much.

Gemela's mom put up with 19 years of infidelity. She was cheated on during her luna de miel. She just "dealt" with it. I don't understand how that factors into the equation but I am certain it does. SIL is still an OW after 17 years. That plays here too.

So beat up on me all you want. I am not offended. If that is your goal, you are falling short. What I mean by your criticism being acute, it just stops there. Not seeing you offer any alternatives.

And Jedi Knight, I think your criticism is harsh too. Iowa is not that bad.

There is an alternative: Actually following the program and recovering.

Once again, that is still more criticism than advice. I know it sounds like advice but it is only in a passive aggressive way. Is there anything you recommend in particular or is follow the plan pretty much it?

Following the plan is what we do here.
If you're not here to do that, then what are you here for? To blog?

He said hello to old friends, and received their greetings in return. If that's all he wanted to do, I can't quite see the harm in that, nor would I want to dismiss it as nothing more than the desire "to blog."

tl

Cats won't help much.
They only care about themselves.

Oh I wasn't complaining about Iowa. I was complaining about California. It is that bad. The peoples state of California is terrible in fact.

I dont know what you can do when you have a wife who places her sister above her husband.
I guess move into the basement.
Hopefully she would let you at least keep the cats for companionship. If the sister approved.

He has said a whole lot more than just "hi."

If he doesn't want to use the program, that is perfectly fine. But anybody following this thread should be warned that what he calls "survived the affair" is not what Dr. Harley calls recovery.

1. They still spend nights apart
2. No Just Compensation has been given
3. Extraordinary Precautions are not followed by either
4. His wife is not getting what she needs from him
5. Their marriage is wide open for another affair on either of their parts

This is not what a Marriage Builders recovery looks like. We certainly wish him and his wife the best, but there's problems here and this board doesn't just ignore that.

I thought about this and wanted to (and will) leave it alone. But yesterday I had six hours driving with nothing else to do and no scenery to distract me and, unfortunately, it gave me time to think. I have learned a couple of thing over the past couple of years and one of the two of them significantly altered my life. So here is the pretty much the whole story so that I can be properly analyriticized.

There are two sets of lies that I am aware of.

Mexico: Las tres mentiras Mexicanas
1) la �ltima y nos vamos
2) ma�ana te pago
3) la puntita y nada m�s

USA: the biggest American lies
1) the check is in the mail
2) "Hi. I'm from the US government and I'm here to help you."

I had been happy for quite some time believing that, should something happen to me, the wife and DDs would be taken care of. We have a few friends here that are in a similar passport situation as us. After more than a year of warnings from several of them which I had dismissed, I did some investigation. I'm sure Mr. W knows much more about this than me but I found that inheritance tax exemption (which could expire at any time depending on who gets elected) does not apply to foreign wives of US citizens.

While I had not previously been all that concerned about my mortality, given this new information, it began to trouble me greatly. The things that concern me are, in no particular order:

1) natural causes
2) living where I am told we just took over top spot in highway death rate (WooHoo!)
3) the occasional wayward power tongs
4) H2S
5) what we shall euphemistically call "deviant ideologists"

So both gemela and I talked about this for many weeks. She no longer had her green card which I am certain is thoroughly covered in this thread so I won't go into that. In order for gemela to apply for US citizenship, she has to physically reside in the USA for (might not be exactly right here) a minimum of 186 days for either 3 or 5 consecutive calendar years before she can apply to be a naturalized US citizen and qualify for the inheritance tax exemption. The 3 or 5 years depends on what company you work for. US based companies only need three. Technically I do not work for a US company. Well I downloaded all the forms and we applied for a new green card.

Where I work, I am on family status which, among other benefits, pays the education costs for the DDs. In order to qualify for family status, she must physically be here at least 180 days every calendar year. Adding 180 and 186 presents a bit of a challenge to try to meet both goals. We formally applied for an exemption from the company which was later denied. We had already gotten DD2 accepted to a school in the USA and the plan had been for gemela to stay with DD2 while putting in her time for citizenship.

About two weeks before school was to start, gemela got her green card interview. It was denied. I was actually relieved in a way and gemela was too although it didn't resolve the inheritance tax issue. We were going to cancel the whole plan. DD2 was upset but it was what it was. Then, as mentioned previously, SIL decided she would send her DD to the same school in the USA and she moved there with her DD and started school. Because of her visa, she was not legally able to stay there by herself for the entire school year. SIL convinced gemela to have both girls attend school together and the moms would do a tag team. So yes this is where the tail wagged the dog. Both gemela and I felt like we were trapped. As much as I did not like the idea, gemela did go with SIL.

Nothing has been achieved. We are no longer working toward citizenship and we are keeping family status just barely. What seemed like a good plan in the beginning all went terribly wrong. Both gemela and I agree on that. In five more days, the nightmare will be over but doesn't diminish the experience. I discovered that I am not a very pleasant person to be around. I know that because I have had to be with myself 24/7 for several months and I have not enjoyed it.

Another of the things I learned only recently. We changed houses last year to have a better environment. Overall it has been a good change. About two months ago, I got up to make breakfast, get ready for work and, as I was leaving, I noticed a small swarm (let's call it about 60) of bees attacking my kitchen light. I left quickly. When I got home, they were gone. The next morning as I was making breakfast, another swarm on the kitchen light. I got ready to leave, sprayed them and ran out the door. In the afternoon I found dead bees all over the kitchen. Next morning, more bees, spray and death. Pest control came out to investigate and found a bee hive that already had five cones in the plenum space of my house so the bees were confusing my kitchen light shining through an AC duct with sunlight from the hole which, for no explainable reason, is in the side of my house. The hive location made the situation complex. I coexisted with the bees for several weeks. During that time a learned some things about bees. First, never shine a flashlight on them. Let's just say the result will be bad. But I also learned there is such a thing as guard bees. I always thought there was only a queen bee and drones. Guard bees are different. I don't know if they take turns being guard bees or it is a career. The guard bees position themselves around the nest and will attack anything they perceive as a threat before it can get to the nest. I have the photos. Really quite amazing.

So this is the story. Now, in case any questions might come up:
1) why didn't I just quit and move to the USA? Well DD college expenses weigh heavily on my mind. Denial of green card made it impossible.
2) why didn't we just let SIL sort out her own mess? Unfortunately I don't have this answer. It would certainly have caused a big problem for gemela wit SIL and DD2 was desperate to leave here which influenced the decision.

I have another serious concern and I was ToddAC were here to discuss it. Massive solar flare. In the event of a large CME hitting the earth, I think it is very unlikely I will ever get to see any of my family again. Commercial aviation will stop. Communication will stop. Sea transport may be the only option so there is that hope but that will not be easy. I am thinking I should buy gold coins to have on hand in case of emergency. There are always things that can happen but nothing can be done about the CME. I've read estomates that it could take years to have power back on in the USA. Maybe never in 3rd world countries. I really miss you ToddAC.

I forgot to mention. Our company does not allow inheritance to go to a trust. We explored that option. Inheritance must go to an individual. I have to confess that I thought about giving up my US passport. Ultimately I chose not to do that and will not but, for the people who have done so, I totally get it. I don't think it is acceptable in all cases. That FB guy who moved to Singapore should have had to pay taxes IMHO. So benefitting from the US and then quitting just to avoid taxes is not right. Having inheritance tax exempt for only US wives of US citizens is not right either. But that is where the second American lie comes to play.

And one other last little thing.

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility of our future. GBH. I think he gets quoted alot by my brother from another mother Todd.

BTW, one night i bought a MM in your honor. Could not finish it. Made me react like T&L to a bison burger. My actual bison burger was not that bad but, like McD, I didn't want to go for another.

Hi Pio,

There are so many options to pay for college these days that I do not understand why you are twisting yourself into knots living as you have been. Granted you can't change what has already happened but your life seems very drama filled because you allow it to be.

As for being concerned about the taxation of your estate in the event of your death...you are still putting a lot of focus on finances. I can understand your concern but again a lot of drama. Why don't you purchase a life insurance policy to help offset some of the taxes? You can have a Trust as the policy owner and the Trust as the beneficiary. And of course, you could live for another 30 years so this would all be moot anyway.