Someone has just been reading my very first post.

Should I be concerned?

[In all seriousness] What on earth are you talking about? BTW, I removed "anonymous" from my profile a long time ago. You will know where I am. I am not sure if I removed "private" but I definitely removed anonymous. I think I removed "private" too though.

I'm talking about someone "Anonymous" reading my very first post.

Why would someone do that? Why would they find it and why would they want to read it?

What am I going to do about my colleague?

Go check who's online right now. It ain't me.

I just looked. I am still private - but not anonymous.

I didn't say it was you.

Seriously, you guys know about management. What am I going to do about my colleague?

I am her manager. She applied for the job and I got it from outside. For 2 years this has been going on and it's reached a head right now. She thinks she should have equal status with me but no one wants to give her that because she has no people skills and it takes her forever to complete ANYTHING. She doesn't understand the way we use computers now and she FRUSTRATES the heck out of me.

She is constantly complaining about her role and took Friday and Monday off at the start of semester.

I AM GOING TO WIN THIS.

That, IMO, is your mistake. This is not a contest. There is no such thing as a perfect employee. You manage what you have to the best of their abilities. Her problems are a result of your inability to manage her properly. If frustrating the boss were a sin, I would be unemployable.

If she cannot properly use the computer, training solves that. You don't have to like your employees (again - I would be unemployable). You just have to learn to get the most out of them.

People who are unhappy in their jobs always complain about money. It is never about money. Why does she complain about her role? You, as her manager, should make it your responsibility to help modify her role so that it is a better fit for her.

Maybe part of the problem she has is she might feel a certain level of antagonism. If she feels you are there to help her and support her, maybe her attitude would change too. I don't know the whole story here. I only know what I have read in your last post. But, IMO, the failure may be yours - not hers.

What does she want out of her job? Don't tell me the answer is your job. It should be. Ambitious employees are generally a good thing. What else does she want out of her job?

You don't have to be her friend - just her mentor. Don't try to be her friend. Friendships create more problems than they solve in the work place.

It is true, I have tried to be her friend. I started on the back foot because she had been there a long time and knew everything when I knew nothing. Now I know everything about the job, I can see where she goes wrong. You are quite right you know, she does complain about the money but she really doesn't earn that much less than me.

I have tried to keep her involved but that is probably the problem. She feels devalued. I have tried to make her feel valued. But I do tend to take things over because it is quicker and I know it'll be done right. She complains about her role because she feels demoted. She is just not up to the role. It involves people skills she doesn't possess and will never possess.

I haven't been in a management position before. I was in a "sole" role at my last job. I do let her ride over me because I'm not authorative enough. I need to enforce boundaries but let her know that her role is important and valued.

She has the computer skills but won't use them because that's not "how she did it" before I arrived.

Wow, writing all that I can see how you are SO right. I WANT to get the most of her, she does have valuable skills and institutional knowledge. I try to support her, I praise everything she does right.

She wants to be valued. That's what she wants out of her job. But, she has to learn that I am going to be the one attending finance meetings etc. It's part of my role and we can't both do it.

I agree she was passed over and it hurt. But, it's been 2 years now.

Okay she was passed over. That is not your fault. You owe her no apologies for it. Now prove to her that your boss was right in the decision he made.

So you have boundaries. Good. How can she get the most out of her work within her envelope? Praising everything she does? That sounds hollow. If I were her, I would feel placated. Praising everything means nothing she does is special. Maybe you are exaggerating. But I think you get my point. Don't try to be something you are not. She sees through that. We all do.

I have had bosses that were complete AH's. But they were consistent AH's. That is good. It is the vacillating boss I hate the most.

Do you understand the implication of what you just wrote? Sit and mull this a bit. You are making her feel devalued.

I wrote a bunch more but just deleted it.

Well, I have to be liked by everybody including her. I don't praise everything but I praise her when she has done a very good job.

I don't vacillate. I'm pretty consistent in backing down. LOL.

Yes, prove to her that their decision was right. It was, you know. My own boss is very, very happy with my performance. She needs to feel valued and just as important as she perceives herself to be. I'm not alone BTW, she gets everyone's backs up immediately. She is doing postgraduate study and I support that and encourage her. The only thing I don't do is set very firm boundaries. I can be very firm. I pride myself on being firm and fair. Just not with her.

Make her happy with her role. That's my task. Quite a job but it can be a challenge and not something I have to win. I want a champion for the Department not a detractor.

Yes, I read that and I know as a management skill it sucks to take things over.

What do I do though when she makes errors that reflect on our administrative team?

I don't want to micromanage her. I want her to get it right first time.

Why?


But she is not everyone's problem - she is your problem. How would you even know that if you weren't complaining to others about her? Why would you complain to coworkers about an employee? If someone made a complaint to me about one of my employees, I would jump down their throat.

You can transfer her or fire her but, by doing so, you are just passing your problems to someone else.

There ain't a man that can't be throwed and there ain't a horse that can't be rode.

Stop getting throwed.

I was warned about her in my first meeting with my manager the day I started my job. That's how I know about the "problems". At my interview they said I had a "difficult" colleague to deal with but didn't say much more than that.

I don't complain about her, people come to me and ask what they've done wrong to upset her and how to get along with her.

Employment laws here mean it's extemely hard to fire someone. She has been told that she can easily get promotion in another Department. She has told me she doesn't want to move. It's been suggested that I should look elsewhere. Well, I'm not moving either. When the registrar of the Dean's office pats you on the shoulder and says "you deserve a medal working with "her". you know you're up against something more than just a difficult colleague.

I will stop being throwed. Seriously, she could be a wonderful employee if she'd just get over herself.

Sorry, that remark was not very management inspired either.

So your boss is happy with your work but he is not happy with your employee's work. And you are a manager. Hmmm...

My boss thinks I do nothing. I do make my employees look very good. I also make my boss look very good. That is my job. Making others look good. I am somewhat good at it.

What if she doesn't get over herself? Or what does she do until then? I expect she can still be a pretty good employee now.



And did you chuckle or politely rip them a new one? Employees are like family. You don't air your dirty laundry in public. I don't care how you feel about her personally, as long as she works for you, you need to defend her. Lie if you have to but by God stand up for her.

You think you deserve a medal? Just talk to MY boss! You have no clue how lucky you are.

Wow, stand up for her. I've never done that. I've always looked heavenwards and said "well, you know how it is...."

You know that would probably make all the difference.

A united front and keep reinforcing what she does well. Because there's a lot she does very well. Holmes, I think you've solved the case. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you.

BTW I have to be liked by everyone because I die inside if someone doesn't like me. Men, in particular, don't seem to get that.

I'm sure your boss doesn't thing you do nothing. Don't sell YOURSELF short. I don't spend a lot of time making myself look good. I spend a lot of time supporting the people I'm meant to. The academics, the students and the teaching assisants. That's all I want from her.

Also, don't forget we're talking university here, not corporate world.

Heads of Department (I think you call them Chairpersons) are brilliant academics but haven't been trained in management. Wishy washy management is the best way to describe it until we received our new incumbent HOD who is charismatic, has people skills and seems to understand management.

Anyway, thanks again. Lot's to think about.

As George Bernard Shaw said: "those who can, do. those who can't, teach. those who can't teach, coach". Or I like the line from Ghostbusters that went something like "it's tough out there in the real world - they expect results!".

People don't have to like you to respect you. In fact, in the work place it is often counterproductive.

Needing people to like you is something you need to work on. It is not helping you be a better manager. There is nothing wrong with employees liking their boss - it is just not a requirement. Don't be overly friendly. University notwithstanding. People still need the same basic guidelines regardless of the setting. Your rules are no different.

KiwiJ,

If you have never seen the movie or have not seen it in a long time, go rent the movie "Gung Ho" (1986) with Michael Keaton.

P & T,
Thanks for making my laugh with all the geekspeak! I think KiwiJ. has something with the tinfoil...

Can't see how you can make paperclips aerodynamic...you must be a real Criss Angel

Don't have a real appreciation for physics or organic chemistry so I can't get to any complex solutions...I think if everything were packed with the foodsaver (vacuum packer)life would be simpler...no waste of anykind let alone space

Seriously, the vacuum saver bags that come in all sizes are great for packing clothes and linens etc...lots of space left in your luggage/closet etc

Todd...author of award winning fiction or suffering delusions of granduer or could the books be 747 building for dummies...

I'm scared...NASCAR, roller blades, cowboys...definitely southern...how did the fireman part fit in? May I ask what the Nobel was for????

KiwiJ.,
Management issue advice...detach any emotion/friendship just be professional and pleasant like you would with any employee. Give her some paper work to complete that list: "How do you feel about your job? What is going well; what are you having challenges with; how could you improve; how could your manager improve; what are your expectations of your manager. Have her give this to you prior to an appointed date/time for you both to discuss current situation. During scheduled appt sit downand review your job expectations as well as the form she has completed...have it all in writing, discuss the job expectations, have her spit it back at you so you know she understands and have her sign it. Have her develop a written plan to get back on track if she is really far gone off the path of expectations...if mild just have her write down 3 goals with time frames and sched follow-up for midway to see how she is progressing.

You may not need to change your behavior based on her expectations of you but at least you will be able to see what she thinks and if it is realistic or not.

You can do all of this in a manner that is not demeaning and is more of peer review environment but she probably won't digest any better regardless of sitch since it seems that she is bitter about you being her boss. She may never get over it but that's not the point...as long as she performs to her job description and realistic expectations she can feel however she wants. Bottom line is you don't have to like each other you just have to work together and be productive.

If she feels all is well and is aware of her responsibilities you may have to give her a project and let her fall on her face with it...yes, more work for you but generates documentation for your use later once you get yourself a nice little paper trail going you could take more action in resolving the issues.

If you have already gotten mixed up in the whole trying to be friends thing then it will be akward so give her the whole this is business not personal chat and let her know your goal is for you to work as a team and be successful and the whole there is no "I" in team. A good book to read would be Kouzes and Posner's The Leadership Challenge.

I used to think all of the pettiness in sitches like the one you describe was a woman thing until 2 years ago I had the same exact sitch with a man who was bitter that I got a position instead of him and ended up being his supervisor...it was a long struggle but I learned tons. Some common attacks in these kind of sitches are: Union complaints, equal opportunity and discrimination complaints. They hold these like wild cards and throw them out in desparate times just to mess with your head. Not saying that these issues don't occur in reality but be sure to avoid any issues/discussion/situations that could put you at risk for accusations in these areas that would make them valid complaints.

Wow, sorry I got carried away thinking about what you were probably dealing with...good luck!

I need to get back to the paperclips and hairspray...much lighter and more fun.