Sam Spade: Well, if you get a good break, you'll be out of Tehachapi in twenty years and you can come back to me then. I hope they don't hang you, precious, by that sweet neck.


Brigid O'Shaughnessy: You're not--


Sam Spade: Yes, angel, I'm going to send you over. But chances are, you'll get off with life. That means, if you're a good girl, you'll be out in twenty years. I'll be waiting for you. If they hang you, I'll always remember you.

Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican girl.
Night-time would find me in Rosa's cantina;
Music would play and Felina would whirl.

Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell.
My love was deep for this Mexican maiden;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.

One night a wild young cowboy came in,
Wild as the West Texas wind.
Dashing and daring,
A drink he was sharing
With wicked Felina,
The girl that I loved.

So in anger I

Challenged his right for the love of this maiden.
Down went his hand for the gun that he wore.
My challenge was answered in less than a heart-beat;
The handsome young stranger lay dead on the floor.

Just for a moment I stood there in silence,
Shocked by the FOUL EVIL deed I had done.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was to run.

Out through the back door of Rosa's I ran,
Out where the horses were tied.
I caught a good one.
It looked like it could run.
Up on its back
And away I did ride,

Just as fast as I

Could from the West Texas town of El Paso
Out to the bad-lands of New Mexico.

Back in El Paso my life would be worthless.
Everything's gone in life; nothing is left.
It's been so long since I've seen the young maiden
My love is stronger than my fear of death.

I saddled up and away I did go,
Riding alone in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow
A bullet may find me.
Tonight nothing's worse than this
Pain in my heart.

And at last here I

Am on the hill overlooking El Paso;
I can see Rosa's cantina below.
My love is strong and it pushes me onward.
Down off the hill to Felina I go.

Off to my right I see five mounted cowboys;
Off to my left ride a dozen or more.
Shouting and shooting I can't let them catch me.
I have to make it to Rosa's back door.

Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
A deep burning pain in my side.
Though I am trying
To stay in the saddle,
I'm getting weary,
Unable to ride.

But my love for

Felina is strong and I rise where I've fallen,
Though I am weary I can't stop to rest.
I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle.
I feel the bullet go deep in my chest.

From out of nowhere Felina has found me,
Kissing my cheek as she kneels by my side.
Cradled by two loving arms that I'll die for,
One little kiss and Felina, good-bye.

You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning

You got a lotta nerve
To say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on
The side that's winning

You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it

You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You're in with

Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it

When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it

No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them

And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you

Rob and my song and Todd stop it.

If I could make a wish
I think Id pass
Cant think of anything I need
No cigarettes, no sleep, no light, no sound
Nothing to eat, no books to read

Making love with you
Has left me peaceful, warm, and tired
What more could I ask
Theres nothing left to be desired
Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak
So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep

Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe
And to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe
Yes to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe

Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak
So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep

Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe
And to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe
Yes to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe

Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe
And to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe
Yes to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe
And to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe
Yes to love you

Pio, tomorrow's the day. How are you doing?

What happened to this thread while I was out? Soppy love songs. Hahahahahaha

Hey guys, we celebrated d-day plus 1 year on the weekend.

Pio,

It helped me a lot that you allowed me to express my points of view to you.

I was way too wordily, wanted to say too many things at the same time and the dial-up connection was not helping. I was not able to post fast enough in a more ping-pong way.

I want to thank you for your patience, openness and respect last night.

When you arrived here your story got my attention because of G nationality. I was very impressed with the clarity and decisiveness you had.

You were a man with a mission.

You were focused, enforced NC and wisely kept G with you during those painful months of affair withdrawal.

I like MB tools and the way they can detangle very painful and complex marriages problems, specially the approach to give power and hope to BS’s.

I don’t know about marriage counseling theories or tendencies but I have the impression that MB is the only one that ‘tells’ the betrayed spouse:

‘You don’t have to lay down in pain and anguish until your WS decides to come back or leave you’. ‘You can recover your marriage and grow as person and spouse in the processes’.

Because you had applied so well the first part of the plan I couldn’t understand why you and G were not in recovery.

I felt a little sad to see you in pain, justified of course, I wondered
¿Why is MB not working in Pio’s marriage recovery?

My explanation is because, although you understand very clearly that there needs to be

NC for life and you have love and drive to fight for your marriage and family, you have not followed the whole steps and you are not using all the tools specified on SAA.

My opinion is that the only think you need from G at this point to start to recover is that G decides to stay in the marriage and express a desire to work on it and the NC
letter.

I have the impression that during the days of enforcing no phone contact, you started to loose focus of the other things you had to do. You are a man of action and objectives or at least that is the impression I have.
Maybe you hadn’t read the SAA or the articles in this page or you didn’t want to follow them or couldn’t follow them. Without a program your taker took charge, you needed answers, you need to be relieved of the horrendous pain that G affair has inflicted you.

You lost track of the strategies and concentrated on what you want and need and in all the ways G and her affair have hurt you. You know what you need from G but you don’t know how to get it.

What does SAA says?

BS, this is the ride of your life, it’s not going to be easy, it will require all your efforts, patience, intelligence, compassion and self control.

Because recovering will require so much of you, instead of focusing on your natural emotions and real pain, put your eyes on the objective. A restored marriage and intact family.

At the same time that the affair is finished and NC established the BS has to work on filling at least the five main emotional needs of the WW. SAA book and this page have the information of what is considered and emotional need in the context of a marriage and more clarifying information about how to fill the forms.
If the WW doesn’t want to fill the questionnaire the BS tries to identify them.

The BS identifies and stops Love Busters, disrespect judgments, angry outburst. This work starts since the WS knows her WW is having an affair and keeps going it during recovery and keeps feeling emotional needs and minimizing Love Busters as a recipe to maintain the love and a healthy marriage.

The only two decisions that the WW has to take are compressed in the NC and the NC letter. The WW decides to finish her affair and stay in the marriage.

During withdrawal the WW is not able to work on the marriage, is not able to fill the BS emotional needs but the BS has to keep working on filling needs and ending LB because those are the strategies that are going to make the WW realizes that she can be in love with the BS and that he can fill the emotional needs that she thought only the OP could feel.

How do the BS makes the XWW understand his pain, accept responsibility for her actions?

It’s a process. At the beginning the XWW feels mostly sorrow for herself, for the end of the affair, for being caught. Some ask forgiveness and expect to be forgiven and be able to go on with their lives. SAA gives the BS tools to talk to the WW to discuss the affair, to explain his feelings of pain and betrayal. It also teaches the BS how to ask the XWW to fill his needs for honesty. SAA gives a format of talks to keep each disclosure session, controlled and respectful.

Both partners get to understand how affairs work and how to protect the marriage from them.

Pio, if you are still reading, lol. This is my understanding of how MB works and what is the plan outlined in Surviving an Affair.

I think the only answers you need from G to start recovering your marriage are:

Do you compromise yourself to no contact with XOM ?
Do you want to stay married to me?
Do you want to work on our marriage?

Once you have those answers you can start to work on both of you learning the tools of SAA to create a emotionally safe environment to have disclosure sessions. There are also session where you will be able to say what you feel, to describe your pain, and to request what you need to make it less. SAA and MB teach you to create a safe environment for you to expose your pain, and you need compromise from your wife and it will teach her how to love you fulfilling your needs. It will give you tools to negotiate so that you don’t feel that your needs or plans are no taken in count and will make both of you able to say what you want and need from the other.

I think the amount of remorse you need to see from G will come in time. The honesty and openness will come thought several sessions. I use the word session to describe the times in which both of you sit together for and accorded time and talk through your issues using SAA tools and maybe work book.

I think I get repetitive and get lost in what I want to say because I had never written so much in English. Sorry. Thanks for your understanding all kind MB’rs readers.

Pio, this is my point of view. All the material is mostly in this page. I have not seen the workbook but I have heard that some people work with them as complement to SAA.

You have gone through unbelievable pain and betrayal. I understand your need to get authentic, meaningful answers from G. I think it’s reasonable to expect her to compromise completely to the marriage and to stop doing the annoying habits that bother you. I don’t think G would be able to do it on her own or with a therapist. A therapist is good for each of you to work on your issues but to recover a marriage hit by an affair, I’m convince MB through, the plan contained in SAA has the best approach and guaranties you that your marriage will be improved.

Why did I write to you about this, I guess I needed to resolve in my mind what had happened in your case and why MB seemed not to work for you after such a great Plan A. This is just my opinion. You need what you need and only you can now which is the method that you want to follow.

hi y'all,

Kiwi I hope your S is getting well.

I liked a lot the tolerance and understanding you and Todd showed the other night to me, thanks both.


Lunamare,

Sorry if I ignored your comments I was a little bit wrapped in little finger.

Frida Kalho has some nice things about fruits. Her painting is more personal and reflexive. I wouldn't say it's depressing per se because she had a fighter personality. I live like 8 blocks from her family house she was born there and later was her and Diego Rivera house. Now it's a museum.

Voce e gallega menina? Eu se portugues brasileiro. Vi que escreveo en italiano mas Io non lo so.

Hey Todd,

How are you doing, did you feed your two mouses?

Thanks for sharing the lyrics.

I only new the first verses.

Hi L,


....actually....what 'hit' me the most about the bio of the painters I quoted seeing (Khalo, Rivera, Dali and Pollack) was not so much their art (as I was familiar with their works)....but rather their 'lifestyles'!

Pio,

I think one of the reasons it is recommended to not stay too long in PLAN A is because our 'Taker', being suppressed somewhat during PLAN A, could take over at any time...and make a big mess!

That may be what's happening in your case given some of the exchanges you have cited between yourself and G.

Have you made G. feel that she will be 'welcomed back with open arms' should she to choose the M, even though it will be hard work?

Todd,


.....I suppose you saw the last film on him....what did you think of it? Recommend it, or not?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Hope you find strength and relief today.

Todd,

I thought you might be interested to know (if you have not already heard) that a Pluto interest group is suing the International Astronomers Union.

"The IAU isn't the end-all, be-all for the solar system," said a public relations spokesperson for Pluto, appearing on CNN's Larry King Show. "You can't just un-designate a planet without giving folks on the planet an opportunity for due process, and the right to be heard, and to challenge the facts upon which the decision is based."

I, for one, feel proud to live on a planet where people are willing to expend the time, money and government resources litigating critical issues such as these.

No. Females are Super by nature. No need for comic fantasy characters. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes you are correct in that I need very little from gemela to start recovery. It would be IMO a very small step for her. I hope that on her return from Mexico that we will either begin recovery or begin divorce but I think that choice is hers unless she does something extremely stupid - and she is capable BTW.

We are leaving for the airport in an hour. I feel little emotion. I am not happy. I am not mad. I am not sad. I just feel like I have been shredded inside and I am not sure what is keeping me together. I feel like that for the first time in a long time I am finally getting what I need.

And yes I agree that women are the superior beings.

Now, now. I didnt say SuperIOR....just Super.

My husband, for example, is superior to me in many ways. (Did I mention he is French! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> But that's not necessarily the suprerior part....)

The stuff keeping the shredded part of you together is called integrity.

Courage to you.

Well, I am sitting here with my eight month old Toshiba notebook, staring at a screen that is about 8% viewable. And that is with a Jorgensen fast action spring clamp holding in hte upper left hand corner. Without the clamp, nothing.

I have having difficulty typing or seeing what I am typing so please...

Nobody wanted to talk Superman last night and frankly I was a little hurt. Hence the lyrics. I figured I would at least entertain myself.

larousse, what were you hanking me for exactly?

ahuman, I could read all of your post. Please tell me you didn't defend France again!

Pio, big day. Sorry. I wish you the best, whatever form that takes.

luna, what? Oh Superman. Have not seen the newest movie. I don't go to movie theaters anymore. Everytime I go, the same high school couple sits behind me and talk the entire movie. When I challenged a 17 yo to take it out back, I knew my theater days were over.

Anyway, bash France.

Boycott French products.

I just used my xray vision to scan the transistor arrays in my screen. I see the problem. A diode at J2354 is installed backwards hence current is attacking the transistors backwards!! No wonder. And with no heat sink in place, well, my friends, the transistors that power the screen had no chance.

Hey, did I see that BigK is back. I think I read this is your one year DD anniversary? Hope you are okay.

Hey BigK, wanna talk about Superman?

Does he like Superman?

Doubt it, how would the French know about Superman?

Well WW's flight leaves in about 30 minutes. I was a little sad this AM but otherwise OK until we left the house. Leaving the DDs at home was definitely a good call. But DD1 was so upset that I got upset and it always makes me so furious when the A is affecting and hurting DD1 that I hate gemela in those moments. The ride was quiet but we sat down after she checked in and before security. I am sure I gave her a few DJ's but I told her that I expected her to take time and decide what she wants and I will accept either decision as long as she stays away from OM. If she contacts him at all, our M is done. I told her that it would be very easy for her to come back. I told her that all she had to do was leave the A behind and tell me she was totally committed to try to make the M work and then bust her butt trying. She asked why I had told her before that she might want to take a week holiday (screwfest) with OM in England on her way back and now I am telling her she can't. That just made me mad. She complained that I am being inconsistent. She never realized that I was being sarcastic when I mentioned the one week holiday. I think she is simply clueless.

I just need time to settle down and start trying to allow myself to heal. I don't even want to think about gemela right now. I did tell her that I thought it was unfair of her to expect me to put the A behind me when she refuses to put it behind her. If she really were over the A, she wouldn't keep a scrapbook of it. I decided not to say all the things I really wanted to say because I knew I was angry. Let's see how time apart helps.

I told her I either wanted a happy marriage or a happy divorce but that I was miserable how we are living now and I deserved much better and would accept no less. Now I have a splitting headache from stress.