Pio,

Just wondering.... do you intend to be in 'contact' with G. while she is in Mexico...or are you going to go into PLAN B etc etc.

I have told her that I want NC except for emergencies. I have said she should talk to the DDs via Skype every day if she wishes but I really don't want to hear from her. If I were to talk to her, it would pretty much defeat the purpose of her going. This is not really a Plan B and was not intended as such. This is just to try to help us get off the fence and also to allow me some space to breath and to try to stop some of the bleeding. I am sure she is just looking at it as a vacation with the family so I doubt she will get much true benefit from it in terms of the M. Maybe I am making her sound shallow. I don't want to. If she really were that kind of person, there is no way I would want her back. I think she has no clue what she has done to me though. She is not interested in helping me heal so I will do it alone.

There is just a wire broken in her head and she needs to get it fixed.

Brilliant !



She is clueless, that is why I think you have to lead the recovery explaining her the kind of relationship and commitment you need from her.

Sometimes we think that the other person has the same point of view about what's acceptable and what's not.

I think that you need to help her to get a picture of what you expect from her. This 'sentimental education' would be indirect if you use MB concepts or any other 'guide' that you choose for recovery.

Both of you study the concepts and agree to follow them in your marriage. That way you don't sound like you want to teach her, because both of you would be agreeing to guide your marriage under those principles.

It's understandable that you expect her to have more moral sense or empaty and compassion towards your feelings and needs. You have the option of resent her for being clueless and maybe one day, divorce her or you tell her precisly what is expected and needed from her.

I know it may sound unromantic or shocking to have to tell your partner how to be a partner to you. I tend to think too much, if you have not noticed, and to me it was such a liberation to know that I didn't have to resent my partner for not doing what I needed from him. Instead of the approach -If he loved me, he would do this or that- I take an active attitude by telling him my needs.

He has the options to say no for whatever reason but because I'm also offering to listening clearly to his emotional needs and other needs, he may be more inclinated to satisfy mines.

I don't know what kind of education and family formation G has.
I was absolutely clueless about how relationship worked and it took me a long while to discover how to deal with emotional conflicts.

Maybe what you believe that is a moral flaw or a personality flaw is instead the result of her upbringing and the permisibility with which media in Mx tends to see affairs and the babble nonsense of telenovelas that equate infatuation to love and promote the vision that love infatuation is the most important thing to have in the life of a Mx girl.
Most don't think like that, I hope, but I guess the message stays some how.

At what time does G arrive? Is she going to stop in D.F.? Do you want me to go to the airport and give her two soft slaps with a copy of Surviving and Affair: 'Here you clueless, welcome to the real world'. Would that be a Disrespectful Judgment or an Angry Outburst? Now I'm confused <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Todd,

How are you doing?

I'm very worried that you keep sending your inalambric mouse under the bed of the room besides yours. Poor thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I danke you because I think you were cool... that night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

During the 60's and 70's, to fight the 'American cultural imperialism, appeared in Mexico 'local versions' of US's heros. The first one was 'Los Supermachos' and it was a hilarious and satirical comic of Mexican culture. I could never see Superman in the same way <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

larousse,

I am not ignoring you. I had not been able to cry since last December. I have been crying silently ever since I left the airport. I can't let the DDs see me cry. Maybe tonight I can be alone. Even so, it feels really good. The funny thing is I have no idea why I am crying. I am not crying because I miss gemela. I just cannot identify why I am crying.

I'll go back tomorrow or the next day and read your posts. I just can't right now at this moment.

I feel your pain.


(((((((((( Pio ))))))))))))

Could it be that your cry for the whole traumatic experience?

It's been a year and a half, two years?

You know I was thinking if the affair the discovery of it, the tiring discovery of new betrayals and new details, has not caused you PTSD...

You remain in charge of everything and colected under very painful and emotionally circumstances.

I wish I could tell you to let out your pain, your distress, your sorrow...

but there are the little DD's that need you.

and then Kiwi will reprend me for lending you my kleenex box.

((((( Pio )))))

DDs are doing great. When I got back, they were engrossed in DVDs. We went out and got their new bowling balls drilled to size. We bought them Zebco 202 fishing rods and are going to rent a boat and go fishing tomorrow. Every once in a while they say that they miss mommy and we talk about it. I remind them that mommy loves them and misses them too and they will see her soon but that right now we all need to help mommy. I tell them it is okay to miss her and that I miss her too. Now I am going to put together their fishing rods and teach them how to cast - once I find out where the power lines are NOT.

I don't feel like I am feeling sorry for my self. I don't feel like a victim. I don't know what I feel. I think it must show. Everyone is sooo nice to me. The people in the stores, restaurants, bowling alleys - everyone.

A word of advice - never buy a children's bowling ball off the internet. It costs more to drill it than it does to buy it. If you buy the ball in a pro shop, they drill it free. Course knowledge. I tried to find a pro shop and discovered that most bowling alleys don't have them any more. I forgot about the yellow pages. Google isn't the answer for everything.

I don't think you cry for self pity, not at all.

Maybe you cry because it's sad that things had come to this.

I don't know why you cry I'm just trying to be here.

The comment about the kleenex is because Kiwi hates to see us in sad mood and then will bombard us with more Monty Pyton.

I know nothing, I just care. (( Pio ))

I'm glad DD's are doing well under the circumstances.

I bet you are going to bond even more with them during this time. It's great that you teach them to fish. Wow. That's cool.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Is this the first time you and G are appart for more than work or vacation?

Pio, of course you'll want to cry. Women know this. You SHOULD cry too. You can use as many kleenex as you need.

{{{{Pio}}}}

Now, that's doble standard, Pio can cry and I can not?

That's so unfair.


:P

Gemela and I have never been apart under any circumstances like this. Part of me wants her to come back and part of me doesn't. The part of me that doesn't is struggling with the happiness of the DDs. DD1 has mastered spin casting. DD2 saw an ant and ran inside. She was doing okay with casting before that though. We'll get through the fishing okay. Yes I am very sad that things had to come to this.

It bothers me that gemela would ask about getting to go to England for a week. She told me she didn't say she would do it but she asked about it. Why would she even ask about it? It seems to me that she does want to spend time with OM. Unresolved issues? Doesn't matter. If she goes to him, I will never ever have her back. I know now that I don't need her. I could love her again under the right circumstances but it seems to me she wants the A. If she comes back to Saudi, it will be for the wrong reasons - her duty to her children - not that she wants the M. That is my opinion anyway. She has never talked about it one way or the other so I am only guessing. Anyway, that choice is all hers.

Pio,
Perhaps you cry for loss, grief, frustration...you have moved to another milestone in the infidelity adventure...some never get this far and others bypass it along the way. I'm sure you are grieving the loss of what your marriage was when it was "good" or the normalcy of preA life...this is yet another reminder but you at least are making progress...although I'm sure you feel you are emotionally still in limbo. I can relate...I just want to be able to set my radar in one direction and quit all this vascillation feeling like working on M one day and definite D the next. It is psychological warfare at the least. I can't seem to find a happy place to just focus on me and the kids so I can't advise. I can say the time away from H was a great escape from my past year of reality.

We can make our own reality and that is what I have difficulty with and sounds like you do too...it is one thing to know cognitively what you should do or how things should go but another to feel oppossing emotion or instability. I know you have been so strong and supportive for the sake of your DDs so I bet G's leaving gave you the opportunity to be human and feel the intensity of what you have been bottling up. I'm sorry. You can turn this time around to a special time for you and the DDs that they and you will always remember for positive reasons...it is all up to you:) I think it is good for them to see you experess your emotions, children get validation for their own emotions from their parents. If they never see you cry or be sad they may begin to feel it is wrong for them to experience these feelings...

Hang in there!

Todd,
My H is a huge superman fan so sorry, just couldn't go there!

Hi to Kiwi, BK, Believer and the rest of the TKO club.

Pio,



It's part of the rollercoaster ride.... you had to 'rein in' a lot of emotions....its good to let go of tension....the stress of it all!

Look after your DDs but make time for yourself as well...focus on the girls and YOU!

...been there...like many here.... you will be OK....as you know....just give yourself time....

(((((((((((PIO)))))))))))))

Pio,

Sorry for what you're going thru.

I am always here when you need me.

Bought a new computer today so back in the swing of things.

Hi 2Much - how are you? Recovered from accident?

Roll Call