One thing I remember so clearly is ex looking at me with such a blank expression on his face. No remorse, no understanding of the devistation he caused, no sense of responsibility, no love , no empathy. on & on.

Made me want to take a giant board with nails in it & wack him with it.

Todd,
LOL on WW as LL...I do agree that with her statements she sounds like a mental breakdown is almost guaranteed. Did she fabricate stories pre-A? Does she have any medical history of depresssion or bi-polar?

I am sorry for your pain. You know full well what you being your own Kryptonite means...why so humble? I think the radiation treatments recharged you and now you are ready to move on to something better.

No one asks for cancer or infidelity...you were doubly challenged...thank goodness for treatment plans and advanced technology...you have exhausted your options for your physical malignency now you need to work the plan for your psycho-social malignency...can't let them team up on you.

You are wise and have all the ammo you need...everything in life is about timing and opportunity...when the time is right seize the opportunity. You have plenty of support here no matter what direction you choose. Has your wife ever had IC or did you ever try IC/MC?

Probably the first symptom I noticed during her affair was the fact that she lied about everything. She lied to her friends when a lie was not needed. I guess it was part of the lie-laden fantasy world in which she lived and she got to the point where she couldn't distinguish between what is real and what is imagined.


Humility has nothing to do with it. While I don't know what Bigger meant by his comment, you can be reasonably certain it wasn't a compliment nor a light-hearted comment. When I first arrived on the scene after DD, everyone coddled me and gave me cyberhugs; not Bigger. He grabbed the nearest 2x4 and whacked me upside the head. It did me a world of good and we became instant friends. Later, he introduced me to Pio and our friendship was sorely tested.


Interesting thing about a brain tumor. The future one faces in binary: either 0 or 1. Infidelity creates a vast wasteland of decision trees and emotional trauma. That is the reason why I have always maintained that my WW's infidelity made dealing with the tumor easier. As crazy as it must sound, it is true.


No, she refused to go to IC or MC. She labels therapists as "crazy" themselves. She thinks everyone here at MB is crazy and the same for all the other infidelity websites.

There appear to only be three people who are not crazy. Her best friend, second best friend and OM. Maybe OM2, but I don't know that. Both friends desserted their husbands and kids to go "find themselves" and "get happy"; both are alcoholics; both live lonely and quiet lives of desparation and deal with the guilt of kids who don't feel the love for a Mother as they should. These are my WW's role models. They were both enablers of her affair. They have assured her over and over that her affair was justified. As for OM, well, he is her soulmate so naturally, he is sane. Of course, he tried to commit suicide a few years ago. My gift to him will be an instructional video and some stiff rope.

I took myself to lunch and am sitting here in this wireless cafe LOL with people thinking that I am crazy!!!! I love your gift idea...perhaps you should market a webshop of dark gifts for dark occassions!!! I am still LOL...maybe just slap happy but I sure needed that so thank you.

I understand your philosophy about coping with cancer after infidelity. If it is any comfort my H would volunteer lies for no apparent reason...I wasn't even asking questions...he'd just throw some fiction out there every now and again...says it was guilt induced...not sure if it is still happening as I try not to pay much attention to words and focus more on actions.

So Bigger is a tough love advocate...always good to have a friend like that who will keep you grounded and give you a good boot every now and again...still think he meant the Kryptonite as a compliment and will think so till proven otherwise...I'm stubborn and love to be right...one of my few character flaws <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

So how are you keeping yourself occuppied and stable today?

I thought first of a Smith and Wesson .357 magnum. Then I figured: nah, too quick. I thought of everything under the sun: poison - could call 911 and get his fat stomach pumped; persuade him to sky dive and I pack the chute (that idea got an honorable mention); and teaching him how and when to lie horizontal on a railroad track. In the end, hanging was the obvious choice: once you kick the chair away, no turning back. Well, unless someone happens to walk in and cut the rope in time. I will be guarding the door.


This became my motto shortly after DD. But I have trouble sticking to it. Like last night when she said that DS's and I do not have to worry about OM; there is a new OM in the picture. So, let me be sure here and count with my fingers: he is OM3.

Delightful isn't she?

So, what is her reward? I am buying her dinner tonight. DS3 has verbally pounded me for two weeks to go to dinner with WW. It is the only way I can get him off my back. WW did call back late last night and apologied and then said the unpardonable:

I want to get back together.

It proves the point that both Pittman and Shirley Glass make: the WS always returns to the BS. Uncanny how they know, isn't it?


Tough, yes. Tough love? Not so sure. I can tell you this: when he introduced me to Pio, it had nothing to do with love. Obviously, I had wronged the Bigger in some way and he introduced me to Pio for retribution.


DS1 picked me up and we had lunch. Mexican again. Then I got a much needed haircut. Then to the ATM to get money. Exciting, huh?

I love how you burried the land mine amongst all the other responses...WOW, WOW, WOW...were you expecting that? I am soooooo interested to hear how dinner goes. I hope for your sake WS is cordial, kind and considerate of you...you really are a good man...you are taking a risk and footing the bill; quite noble of you!

Where is Pio to throw his .02 in...probably sleeping off the jetlag by now. I don't envy him all the flying and trying to keep the DD's happy...that my friend is a challenge of it's own.

My advice to you...pick a restaurant with great ambience, excellent food and many escape routes:) That should cover all your bases...even if the company is lacking you can enjoy the rest and if you need to jump ship you have many options! Oh, look dashing too...if you need to wear your superman gear under your clothes feel free...whatever it takes!

Well I am back home but as a single parent. I am enjoying it so far. Regreted asked how I felt about WW. I don't know how I feel about her except for anger. I am definitely glad she is not here. I am not checking up on her and will not check up on her. It is time she grew up and started making adult decisions - whatever they are. If she wants OM, good riddance to her. I am going to not think about gemela for a while and see what good that does. I still can't get over that she is asking permission to see OM. She doesn't need my permission. She didn't the first time - why now? Anyway, I have not slept in 34 hours and I am very tired. I am going to bed.

Oh and if you are thinking of making a connection through Europe, do NOT fly British Airways. For all their threats they have zero enforcement of their strict new carry-on baggage policy but they make you miserable in the process.

I am thinking that Air Chance - I mean Air France is looking better.

Welcome home! Sorry you had a rough trip back but at least you can now relax. But...How can you sleep...what about Todd's news...no opinion, advice etc??? Have you already conversed via email? BTW, how are the girls?

No, it came out of left field. What had happened during our eight different phone conversations was that whenever she lied like "I never had an affair" to screaming about the sting of expoure to saying the affair was "my fault", I would simply hang up. Finally, late last night she called and was a changed woman. Apologetic even.

Of course, I realize that I am digging a hole for myself. I may placate DS3 by meeting WW for dinner but trust me, I know where he gets his resolve and persusively powers; he will not rest after dinner tonight.



There is no way to predict her bahavior during dinner. In part, it depends on the last thing he two friends tell her. We are having dinner at an English pub one block from my abode. If she starts screaming or lying, I will simply call the server over, hand her my credit card and announce that I am in a hurry. I will sign the voucher, walk out the door and walk "home". Dang, hate calling this place home.

I'll be thinking of you and keep'n an eye out to see how it went...

Don't you know that home is where the heart is...overused terminology but absolutely true. Some of my happiest times were in places I had never dreamed I would be...say like a one BR furnished apt for transients...were they my vision of "home" no but it's what I gained when I was there...a few more pieces of me.

Have some spirits for me...a chocolate martini would be really good, but I'd settle for a cognac.

Welcome back Kotter.

How are DD's?

Well, while your WW plots her fate with OM, WW told me last night she has moved on to OM3.

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world...

Todd,

I feel speachless in front of the amount of pain and betrayal you have endured.

At the same time, I want to tell you something and I don't know if it's so small compared to what you have experienced.

What do you think about not calling your WW la puta? It's a very strong word. I think no woman accepts that name for herself. Insults and anger make the recipent of them to close fast to all comunication and to search for justification to their actions.

Of course you are entitled to be told the truth and it's your right to leave the table if you feel you are hearing lies. Maybe it would help you if you explain to her that you need the truth to heal. That you can keep the comunication open as long as you know in the other side there is a real person...

After a clear statment from you about your position it would be up to her to talk or not with openess. Althought your anger is justify, hardly any one will speak openly to an angered, insulting person.

I know it scks.

I hope you have not such a hard time.

Hi larousse,

Thank you for your post.

I know the term la puta is severe. That's why I used it. I know she doesn't like it. I will reconsider using that word again. I only use it when totally frustrated and hurt.

Thank you.

wow, you answer fast as real Superman would do...
Wait are you the real...

I wanted to add something about what Latinas want or need...

Of course I don't know what they want or need but I was thinking about some comments you and Pio have made of what a latina wants in a man...

You know if they wanted a Latino man the would have looked for one in the first place, don't you think?

I haven't dated Latin men in while for different reasons, in almost 12 years. I wouldn't like a no Latin man behaiving in a 'latin' way he thinks I need him to be or to behave or deal with me.

Stepping in the risky waters of stereotypes I would say I like of my boyfriend that we can talk about many things without his pride getting in the way. I like that he speaks to me and keeps speaking to me even when he doesn't like my answers. I like that he doesn't feel pressed to enact a psycodrama of love or anger or all the sentimental education of latin telenovelas. I want and need him to be him.

Oh, sorry Todd just thinking loud. I feel your situation is so complex there's little I can say. I mean no offense at all.

Anxiously waiting to see how dinner goes.............

Me too, waiting news <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

If he left her speaking to some lonely Englishmen he would be here by now, wouldn't he?

Oh wait, I think Pio wouldn't appreciate the meeting place <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Could you hurry Todd?

I've no nails left to bite on my right hand.

Huh 2Much - I was empathising - but BOTH are true. IE he isn't doing his part yet either.


I do think 2Much that he's still so far off in La La land he doesn't yet see how ridiculous this is to you yet. Frankly, if his lips are moving, I'd assume at this point without hard evidence to the contrary that he is lying.

You won't cut through all this until he is done with withdrawal.

I'm not helping much am I?

Well ToddAC, you have been busy. I just can't leave you alone for a day. Denies the tunor? I think we discussed that about 4 or 5 months ago. Your WW is really slow.

My best suggestion for you right now just from what I have read is to maintain NC. I am finding that, in my own case (and I have only been NC for about 3 days), is that contact during anger is ugly and I am sure that if I stay in contact during this time that D will be the outcome. WW and I have each to work through our issues and come to a conclusion. We will get together after a time and see if those conclusions coincide or not. Continued contact during this separation, for me, engenders compromise which is no longer acceptable at this point.

I just think you need to leave your WW in the oven a bit longer. She isn't quite done yet.

Oh, BTW, I really hate travel to and from the US any more. Bush is enacting rules and regulations to make it very unpleasant to travel. I think that is intentional. No Americans traveling = no potential problems. The USA is trying to be isolationist although very subtly. One rule I hate is that you cannot lock your suitcase. I took a long time to get through Bahrain immigration last night so my suitcases were already off the band when I got there. The place was very crowded such that you could barely walk. I left DDs in a corner with the trolleys and brought back the cases one-by-one. I found the first three with no problem but could not find the fourth. I was afraid it was lost. Finally after looking and relooking, I saw some things I recognized inside a large plastic bag. I looked closer and found that one of my suitcases must have come open like a jack-in-the-box vomiting its contents like an erupting Vesuvius and, somewhere along the way, somebody wrapped it up and taped it in its slightly open position. If I could have locked the suitcase, it would not have happened. Even so, my other suitcases - the Samsonites - survived just fine. It was only the Delsey that failed. Delsey is French in case you didn't know. Yet one more French failure. If anyone needs a Delsey suitcase, you can find one sitting on my curb next to the garbage can.

Sometimes I think that WW's remind me of a character that John Lovitz played on Saturday Night Live - the one who always ended everything saying "yeah, that's it - that's the ticket". Live the fantasy too long and it becomes the reality. The fantasy dies and reality has to be created.

ToddAC just made up that brain tumor. Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket.

WW needs to find a way to explain the fact that she is living "alone", you are away hosing down French peoples' UPS packages. My fear is that fairly soon the GWTW dolls will start speaking to her. At that point, I would fear for my life.