Thanks KiwiJ.! Don't hold back if you do have advice though, the more the merrier.

HHHmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...doesn't sound like it was very comforting...can I suggests some tools to bring to the next mtg??? How about a power saw to amputate dead wood? Maybe a jackhammer to dig a hole for her to jump in or to bury all the lies and old baggage? Definitely need some earplugs!!!!

Sorry, I know I am not very encouraging but I just don't have any good advice...doesn't sound like she is ready for transparency eh? My guess is she will come around and admit you were correct with your accusations but it will be in her time and on her terms. My H is always good for saying that he would have told me on his own if I would just have given him time...I found out some new info about his EA from 2002-2004 just a few weeks ago...guess our time frames are a bit different.

2much,

I could elaborate but it is midnoght and here is the reader's digest version:

Shut off the radar. Don't snoop. Snooping stresse you. Do you know what is worse than finding something? NOT finding something. I gave up sbooping a long time ago and it made a huge difference in my attitude. I simply assumed she was guilty and left it at that.

The other things is that by continuing to snoop, you still make the A exciting for him. If you let it go, the excitement goes.

JMO but if you really want to kill this thing, go deaf, dumb and blind.

No different than repairing the deck really. We'll get around to it. It's just a "guy" thing. There was probably football on or something so he just forgot that he meant to tell you.

Todd,

I'm so proud of you. Great attitude. You may not see the results soon but it's great that you stood up and voiced your requirements. Let her win her way back to the marriage. Something tells me that she'll respect you more after this.

were you by any chance wearing pink shorts?



Hey buddy, that is absolutely clear coherent thought. She is spot on. You should consider this one. I give her high marks for that comment.



Yes but he is not a baby. He is a grown man dealing with grief. He will get over it with time as we all do. Remember he had been imbibing as well.

I should perhaps introduce the two of you and you can team up and bash me???? HAHAHAHA He is not your typical man...not a sports fan...doesn't do "man" things...that has always been his rationale for having so many female friends.

I will try your see no evil, hear no evil speak no evil along with the rest of the deal for the 4 weeks...I admit I am much happier not snooping it seriously sucks the life out of me.

Good night and thanks

Todd,
I agree with Pio on the comment about not thinking about those things during the A...she indirectly admitted to the fog!

Post deleted by piojitos

Hey well I thought it was funny. I'm off to bed.

Can anyone tell me for certain whether regreted and "lagrima" are the same person? I really want to know this because I see differences in BH behavior if they are the same person and I think it is significant. If they are not the same person, I'll just ignore it.

Based on BH behavior, I think they are different people or else BH has changed drastically.

Wow Pio - can you please try that question again in english?

There was/is a poster called "lagrima" [the spanish word for her english screen name]. I used the spanish equivalent so her BH could not search on it in case she wanted some anonymity. Later there was a poster of a different name that seemed like the same person. Now there is a poster named "regreted". I have some confusion. I have followed most of all those threads but got a little lost at one point.

There was a question as to whether those were two or three different people or just one person. I thought larousse would know. I ask the question because I have not been following regreted's thread closely. Why this is important is this: if regreted and "lagrima" are the same person then there have been some significant changes in BH behavior (for the better) which would be very hopeful. If they are different people, I need to try to keep those two BH's separate in my mind.

It is a bit confusing because one or both posters have not always been entirely honest. I hope that makes sense. I remember lagrima's BH was abusive, started drinking, locked himself in his room and wanted nothing to do with DD. Regreted's BH now seems to be Mr. Mom. If those two are the same, I see that as very positive. But they may not be the same so I don't want to talk about it with regreted until I know one way or the other.

I am reluctant to say too much because both(?) live in constant fear that BH will find their threads.

Pio, yes lagrima (wow, I translated that without knowing Spanish - see my English education which included the roots of words wasn't entirely wasted) and regreted are the same person as far as I know. I think there was a post on it somewhere. There is another persona as well. The one you thought was offering you cialis.

Okay folks, I have a new theory. I believe everyone in this thread is one person. It's almost like the trilogy implied in Asimov's "The Gods Themselves" which delves into particle physics. Yes, we are one. Yes, we are the people. Yes, we are a Coke commercial. Yes, I am drunk.

Thanks - that helps a lot. That being the case I will go through the new thread in more detail but from what I saw last night, there are some very positive changes - and some setbacks.

I believe that too, Todd. I have to consult a dictionary before I change into my Pio persona and I have to become very clever at physics when I change into my Todd persona. When I'm being BigK I have to talk with an Aussie accent and say "mate" a lot and when I'm being Larousse I have to speak fluent Spanish.

When I'm being 2much, I have to wear army boots. I'm sure I've missed people out, sorry, if I have.

And when I'm being me I just have to be cute and charming and throw in the odd big word to keep up the pretence I'm intelligent. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sheesh, it's hard work.

actually larousse IS the dictionary.

LMAO.

I suppose you are going to ignore my comment about I am Rob. I am Superman. ?????

And Pio's SA comment.

Do you know who Steve Irwin is/was?

Do you have Coca Cola in NZ?

How about Home Depot?

Crikey I meant to watch my Crocodile Hunter movie last night but fell asleep. I woke up to National Geographic and some guy was chasing down pythons in Uttar Pradesh. I immediately realized just how good Steve Irwin was. Crikey what a loss.

I am going to say crikey all day in his memory.

BTW KiwiJ, I am not joking. It makes me so sad.