WOW Nams - he was in contact with OW for that whole year I'm guessing? ie the affair never ended?

grownup,

I think you are about 90% right. My M and my relationship is definitely dead but I feel that is a good thing and not a bad thing. Creating a new relationship from scratch rather than trying to put bandaids on an old one is where we would be.

I have tried to give gemela a safe place to be for a year. I have said this before but sometimes I think I may have been too nice to her. There was never any real downside to her A behavior for her. She never had anything to lose. That has taken its toll on me. I don't hate gemela in the least but I would say I am as close to indifference as I could ever get.

I have been reading Pittman and it seems to me that the A was a response to miving to Saudi. Gemela has self-esteem issues that were always answered by being in Dubai. Saudi gave her no real outlet to feed her need until she ran across the attention of a pool boy. Okay that's it for my psychoanalysis. The anatomy of her A is simple. The underlying cause is not.

I asked for five months of separation initially and she said she wanted to come back before Halloween. We settled on 6 weeks. I do want that time alone to think. The DDs are doing fine. Yes they miss mom but only around bedtime. Most of the day I can't see that it affects them that much although I am sure it is there somewhere.

Unless gemela starts contact again or, worse yet, flys off to the UK for a fu**fest (bigger's word), I hope I will be open minded. I don't want to make a final decision until she comes back for the sake of the girls.

I dod want NC and I don't think I am vacillating. I had a few technical matters to set straight before shtting down completely. I have travelled more than 2 million airmiles in my career and I have never ever seen anything like what is going on in Heathrow terminal 4 right now. I don't think there are any other matters to discuss with gemela now.

I know I made mistakes in our M. I guess my biggest mistake was always trying to make her happy. If you read my original thread, you know what I mean by that. The good of all this is that I have a great relationship with my DDs and it is getting better all the time. They know they can trust me to take care of them and love them. Sometimes I am the meanest dad in the world. Last night, for example, I was a terrible dad because I did not let them have a sleepover. They make decisions with their friends and then just expect us parents to make it happen. When we don't, we are mean and nasty. Five minutes later I was the best dad in the world though. Kids.

Basically I have kept this M going or together for a year all on my own. I am willing to keep trying but not on my own. If gemela is not willing to step up to the plate, I'll call the game.

BTW I just want to thank believer for pushing me to the decision to make the separation. As a BS, that is a fear. Now I realize there was never anything to fear. I am glad we waited to separate and that we did not do it at first. I am totally happy that i am where I am at the moment.

Can I ask why there is a third star on the thread. Will the responsible party please remove it? If you leave that third star there, ToddAC will be expecting a free continental breakfast every morning and I don't have the budget for it.

You can bet your sweet bippie that I didn't put it there. I tried to remove a star on Sunday but no go.

Pio - I hope that you don't send Gemela bundles of money. I would send her enough to live comfortably on (my roommates send $60.00 a week for a family of 4), but not enough to live lavishly. Your funds should be saved for the family.

You are bitter and angry...sucked dry...you definitely need the time apart to prove to yourself that no matter what, you can be happy and be a single parent if that is what it comes to...once you are at peace with that and with the fact that you can decide whether or not you want this M and have equal right to make that decision as much as G ...only then will you be able to move on to whatever the next step is...

From all of your history and posts I truly feel like despite your "indifference" you still have feelings for G...I think it is your pride and stubborness that cause you havock in your decision making...I think that G needs lots of TLC, nurturing and affirmation of her beauty and femininity...maybe this is the characteristic of hers that she feels is most positive...maybe there are other characteristics that you could affirm to minimize her focus on the material and superficial???? I don't know I am just throwing this out there. Did you ever do the EN questionaire? What were G's greatest needs? Have you focused on them? Worked on the love bank etc?

I think you have a bit of stormtrooper myself friend...

JMHO

As usual, believer makes a good point. You don't want WW's standard of living to fall off a cliff and for her to come back to SA for purely economic reasons and given her standard of living for the last x years, she should be given the opportunity to continue that, but on economic equivalent terms in Mexico.

Geez, that's a long sentence. I must watch my syntax.

Hmm... reminds me of an e e cummings poem....

I can only agree with everyone else. g needs to know that you're not always there to rescue her. STOP doing it. STOP being her freaking father.

I also don't think for a minute she'll stop in London or go anywhere else in the UK.

It wasn't my bippie that put the extra star there either.

Glad you had the nerve to say this; I didn't. But pio, she is right.

2much,

There is no question I am a stormtrooper. I have this way about me. I don't know what it is. Even in my work - when there a problems, people come to me rather than the manager. I can't explain why. Years ago I was struggling with my motivation and I was about to move from Dubai to Muscat. I really felt I had nothing left within me. I struggled with this for a while and I reasoned out a strategy that, at the time, I named "excellence theory" and I have never renamed it. It just became me or I became it. Since that time, I have always been the "go to" guy no matter where I was or what job I had. It is still that way but now it is inconvenient.

I am also a "dream warrior" and have been since I was about 31 or 32 years old. It took me about a year to become one but it has stuck.

Yes I agree I have feelings for gemela. If I did not, I wouldn't be angry. I know I am angry because I still have a dog in this fight.

I have not read HNHN yet. I am finishing off Pittman and going to TRLT and FBTRLT. I read them years ago but I want to read them again. Then I will go to HNHN. As long as gemela is in Mexico, HNHN is not a priority.

I don't think stubborn is a good word for me. If I am wrong, I am the first to admit it. I think steadfast is a better fit but that is just my opinion. If I believe a goal is worthy, (to quote Mr. T) I pity the fool who gets in my way. I also pick my battles.

I have never tried to be her father. I just have a strong personality. If I were her father, I would have cheated on gemela with everything female that walked on two legs. Who knows how many affairs he had? That was just his way of life.

Have you ever known KiwiJ to be shy about saying anything?

Not HER father and you know very well what I mean.

I would like to see KiwiJ go up against Myrta. That would be good pay-per-view don't you think? I wouldn't know who to bet on though...

We've already done that. I can't remember who won.

Gemela has always been the submissive one. She is a twin. Her sister wore the pants in that duo.

I think it was a draw.

I was my father's little princess - my childhood was one privilege after another. I went straight from home the day I got married to my own home with Rob. I've probably spent one night in my whole life away from family. It was when I was with my parents visiting Australia. They were on the plane before mine, my flight was cancelled and I spent the night in Sydney on my own.

When Rob threatened divorce just after d-day three years ago he told me there was NO way I would ever survive on my own. I didn't think so either. I've never had to test that. It probably would have done me a heck of a lot of good to see if I really could stand on my two feet. Please don't misunderstand my meaning either. I DID NOT stay with R because I didn't think I could make it on my own. I stayed with R because I wanted desperately to make my marriage work.

It could be the making of g to finally have to clean up her own messes.

What do these mean Pio?

Hmm. I might put my money on Jen I think. Certainly entertaining pay per view though

No. You stayed with Rob because you have an affinity to pink shorts.