I thought so. That is a common misconception that most Yankees share.

which was just what I was going to say. Here, we call sweet potatoes Kumara (their Maori name) and they are DELICIOUS. Yams are little knobbly things.

The cat is a true story BTW. Back in 1991 I had a $3,000 cat that I bought for $15. I was moving from London to Abu Dhabi and put my cat in a carrier to check on the plane. I got to Heathrow Terminal 3 because I was flying Gulf Air and before the ticketing, everything gets X-rayed. Well the security guy was at somewhat of a loss but he made me put the cat on the belt and it goes into the X-ray machine. He didn't tell the screener at the monitor what it was. Well the screener sees something I am sure she has never seen before so she stops the carrier in the X-raye and just stares at it. She still can't figure it out so she ups the dosage - nothing. She throws it up to full power and I am starting to get worried because the cat has been in there over a minute. I look at the screen and I see this fuzzy shape of a cat and it looks like every single hair is standing out. Finally she looks at the other guy and he just says "it's a cat". Well finally my cat comes out of the machine and it's eyes are glazed over, it's whiskers are all curled up and it is smoking - yes - smoking.

That's awful.

Yeah. But not as awful as your poor daughter not wanting to talk to her mom.

We have a similar situation going on at our house when VD calls to talk to the children. They NEVER want to talk to her or go home.

Breaks my heart into a million bits.

I'm so sorry Pio. More than you know.

- Kimmy

My cat was worthless BTW. The $3000 is what I had to pay in quarantine fees to get it into the UK.

Now, to make matters worse, there were two Gulf Air flights leaving that morning about an hour apart. The check-in lady told me she wanted to keep the cat up there until the first plane had departed so that there was no confusion. So I sat with my toasted cat for two hours until the first plane had gone and then they sent her down the chute. I get to Abu Dhabi and no cat. The first plane had been delayed and - yes - my cat go on the wrong plane and, in a strange twist of irony (I'm not joking) went to QATar and then on to MusCAT. Imagine that. Well I finally got the cat in Abu Dhabi much later that same day and it was near death. Cat survived though and, after a week of nursing it, it was none-the-worse for wear.

Man, a week? I bet you were sore!

Thanks Dealan-de, there aren't any words for it.

ToddAC,

You are indeed one depraved individual. You should be so ashamed.

Thanks.

Hello TKO group,

.....I am still trying to 'catch up'....so I am sorry but not quite sure what everybody is up to yet...and hope that no one is in 'crisis'.....if so...sorry for the t/j

...but you'll soon know why...been busy painting and recuperating from it!

...in the meantime....just posted the following for comments in my PLAN B thread (which has a very low traffic....in no time it ends up on page 10!).....

...so I thought I would pass it by this group for comments.... the more the merrier!




Just for your information....my WS would very much like to see the two of us do 'friendly co-parenting'..... and hopes that 'time' will do the trick.....and not have to give up OW!

My position is actually the opposite...as you know.... as long as OW is in the picture.... I am in PLAN B and am slowly learning how to manage 'without him'.....and continue to remove myself further and further away from the triangle....

I think the fact that I am learning to be 'independent' even with the handywork....and, since he can now receive emails, my info. messages previously done via phone messages have now switched to email messages only...

...I wonder if WS is starting to realize that....things continue to NOT go as he planned?

..and I have not finished.....

...I have also decided that on OS's 16th birthday this December (he has been asking me when would he be able to just stay with me since WS moved out)....I will give him the choice to reduce going to his dad's place to every other weekend (right now we alternate one week each for both boys)....inspite of it all....I know that WS loves the boys very much.... in fact....if one day the fog lifts... I think that will be the hardest to accept... the enormous damage and sacrifice his 'selfishness' has cost the boys!

...and come next summer.....on the 2-yr anniversary of WS moving out....if I don't have a clear 'sign' from WS that the fog is clearing.... I will be looking into moving into a plan D!

Hey lunamare,

I am glad that he is now on emails. In my short separation, I have found that not even hearing the voice of gemela is a good thing.

I don't see any problem with him doing the painting as long as you are not beside him. Are you planning on alternating shifts so that you have zero contact when he comes over to paint?

On the downside, him painting might make him feel that you still can't get along on your own. So I would think just consider which message you want to send to him. In my way of living life, I would never let gemela touch a brush but, as we all know, I am a bit of a different kind of person. I would do it myself and get a hot tub. Twice the satisfaction.

I don't like reading Plan B threads because I am not in Plan B. cc46 had one and I never read it either. I never feel like I can be of much benefit since I have no experience.

Non-toxic co-parenting is definitely the goal and if you do go the D route, you might even want counseling for that if you cannot do it on your own. I would think though that you would want to draw up a strict set of boundaries that you both can agree to and follow.


This is the only thing that troubles me about your post. If you are in Plan B, you need to stop this kind of thinking. Don't try to manipulate behavior into WH. Make the separation as difficult for him as possible but try to pretend he is dead. Practice that every day. Detach yourself completely from WH. When you do that , you will stop wondering anything about him.



But what if that doesn't happen? You (like me) want some sort of retribution or vindication. It very likely may never happen even if you do R. What will you do in that case?

It is great that you are in Plan B. I used to fear Plan B but now I embrace it as the very best and purest principle of MB. I am glad that you are able to create a better Plan B - i.e. emails instead of telephone, etc. But that is mechanics.

The true power of Plan B is between your ears. I think that is where you need to spend a lot more effort. Keep in mind, I haven't read your thread. I am only inferring that from your post.

Plan B means no contact. You remember that, right? Stay dark.

b, so what does one do if WS contacts you and will not stop calling? And, btw, continues to spew lies.

Next "misunderstanding" about being a potter..."Is it like you see in the movie Ghost?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

sheesh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

less time thinking about yams & sweet potatos & more time in art galleries would do Todd & Pio a world of good.

"b, so what does one do if WS contacts you and will not stop calling? And, btw, continues to spew lies."

Let her leave messages, then delete them.

Hi Pio,



Ideally in PLAN B, an 'intermediary would go even farther....they're just hard to come by...



Except for a a couple of 'unplanned' sightings....I have not 'seen' WS for over a year...... communications between us are limited to the 'boys' and 'finances' (except for a PBL 'reminder' at a one year mark)...I may now have to add 'maintenance' issues until a division of assets legally takes place...so...no....I would not be 'beside' him...



Actually...I think it's more to alleviate his 'guilt' and to have a sense that he is still 'acting responsibly'..... he only jumped on the 'wagon' when he saw that I initiated the 'paint job'.....to the contrary....I think WS may be worried that I will do just fine 'without him'.....



...well...I certainly appreciate your comments....


Pio....thanks for catching it....you are totally right....I should stop 'thinking' about what WS is 'thinking'..... waste of time... need to focus energy on what I need to do.... it is probably what I did too much of in M..... meaning.... 'reacting' to WS....his moods...his needs.... his wants.... and either 'neglected' or 'avoided'..... taking inventory of ME! This is a BIGGY for me to work on....



...don't know, Pio...I will have to think about it....

...it's not so much the 'retribution or vindication' aspect of WS's ever realizing this that I think is important... but rather...in case of R...were WS to acknowledge damage.... it may help or motivate WS to 'protect his weaknesses' and in turn 'protect family'... otherwise.... S remains vulnerable to A if 'damage' done as a consequence of A is not recognized but is denied or taken 'lightly'.....

...and if not, a bigger price to pay, is that a WS has to somehow keep believing a 'lie'...making any kind of 'internal' harmony and peace impossible.....


...I am 100% with you.....and you are right, I may have a lot to go still....but believe me, Pio, you don't want to read me a year ago.... I was a pathetic paralyzed basketcase....who truly 'tested' some vet's patience......I still can't read 'myself' and don't think I will for awhile, yet.....

Hi B,


Thanks for the reminder!

Returning to 'regular programming'....

Which scene?


And bashing the French. You forgot that. Hey, don't blame us. Idle minds are the devil's playground.

Well we all have to cope. If your WS comes back to the M, you can place conditions on it or not. I think you have earned that right. But I don't think you can dictate coping behavior. We are all a little different.

I don't disagree with what you are saying. Yes it is a "would be nice". But at the end of the day I think you just need to let this one go too. JMO. I say that because I struggle with this one too. I don't know where I will fall on this one. Time will definitely tell though.

OK, French bashing can be considered a cultural event. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Which scene? Pahleeze! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Time for bed. I spent a boring evening at an opening watching people not buy my work & it was exhausting. All the smiling, shmoozing, talking about my role model Demi Morre (sp)...

I did have some good cookies though.