Didn't Swazey have a mullet?

Now really...a mullet? He couldn't possibly be taken seriously. She-male fits quite nicely.

Bigger,

If you are around, I have been thinking about that end-of-season blockbuster and its imminent world premier "One Flew into the Cuckold's Nest". I don't know much about it other than it has an all-star cast. Have you heard any previews?

I guess I don't want to know the ending before I see the picture But I was curious how it started. I understand the picture has not yet been rated. It is not yet clear whether it will get an R rating or not.

pio, tod,

Hi guys, I want to ask you something about your male perspective...
How a man can be feel that his wifes shows respect?
Obviously when I had my A I didnt respect my H...
What happen when both spouses are dominant?
My H complains about I havent shown respect, and I dont know how I shoul do...
Of cours, be faitful, and let him take his own desicions, but what else?
Do you know is there is a man here (latin), I wish to ask this to him also...
thanks..

Well today we went bowling, we went out to eat because it was near the grovery store, went to the store, went to the pool and now we are making cookies.

I need some help with recipes. The maid can cook but everything is curry and, believe me, you do NOT want to try curry pancakes. So I get the pleasure of feeding two finicky DDs.

Tonight we are making tuna/blueberry muffins with celery sprinkles. I could only use chunk light because solid white is hard to get here. Does anybody have some good recipe ideas for small children?

It has been a long week due to the jet-lag so I have a really big treat in store for myself after the DDs go to sleep. I am going to exfoliate my feet!

Hey regreted,

I am sorry because I can't answer the question. For me showing your H respect is not this issue. What I am concerned with is that gemela does not respect my feelings. Examples:

She took off one morning to go to the mall and didn't tell me she was going. It obviously upset me. All she had to do was call and tell me she was going to the mall. I felt she should have known that it would have upset me but didn't respect me enough to care.

The morning DD1 was sick and I had to pick her up from school, I called home because WW should have been home. She wasn't. Maid told me she went to an apartment. [I later found out that the maid was trying to say appointment]. Naturally I suspected the worst. Naturally it started a fight. She could have told me she had an appointment. She didn't respect my feelings enough to do it.

IMO you just need to second guess everything you do and try to think about it as how your H will perceive it. If you want to save your M, you are going to be a prisoner for a long time. What I mean by that is all the freedoms you feel are yours - are no longer. You gave up your rights when you had the A and then decided you wanted the M.

For me respect is gemela putting my feelings before hers. That isn't unfair though because I should put her feelings before mine as I need to respect her too.

I don't think I would consider gemela licking my feet as respect. It would probably even be a bit embarassing since I haven't exfoliated yet. I'm glad it worked out for you though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Do you know what your H's EN's are? Gemela doesn't know what mine are. If she made an effort to find out, I would view that as respect.

Maybe if she always walked exactly three feet behind me with her head bowed? Dunno.

One thing that annoys the heck out of me is that she always asks me what we should have for lunch the next day. She gets mad if I don't participate. She just cannot think what we should have. If she would just stop asking me, I would see that as respect. Instead she wants to call her mother and have her tell her what to make.

I would also see it as respect if gemela could plan a grocery list and make one or two trips a week to the store instead of once or twice daily. In her defense, I believe this is a cultural thing. Refrigeration in Mexico is not as widespread and markets tend to be within walking distance so I think she just grew up that way. I hate it though.

I don't view respect as any certain behavior (e.g. feet licking). I view it as gemela thinking enough of me to consider how her actions will affect me.

For any single fatehrs, here is a great time-saving tip I just discovered. Leave the kids in their clothes when they take a shower! Both kids and clothes get clean at the same time! Women are such time wasters. I am also saving water and helping the environment. I also learned it is a good idea to put a pillow in the tumble dryer when you dry the clothes - otherwise they bump their little heads. Also dry on low heat or they cry alot.

THANKS pio, I got it,, I need to put in my shoes H (no liking anything)... and try to be in his place...
Before the A I always let him know where I was, and if I would arrive late to home.. now after D day, Im more than ever, I let him know where I am... At the begining of this process I was refused to do this, but I want that he be in calm, and no suspecious about anything..

But what about no to be agree with him in somethings? is this a way to show no respect?
FOr example, my H since time ago wants to buy a van, and I have not been agree because we are paying our house... and I think our cars are working fine... and maybe for he is important to have a van, because most of his coworkers has one...!!! (hombre macho pues...!) and for him to have another "deuda" is not a big deal... but for me it is...
Do I need to say yes to this, even Im not agree with?
He complains that in our M all big decisions are taking by myself.. I always ask him but finally (according to his words) I decided all...
????? what do you think?

pio
about your comment of G decisions to have lunch for next day, have you ever told her about you dont like to be involved in lunch decisions?
Im from Mexico and I do the super, once on weekend.. I havent time to go to a market (mercado, tianguis) where you can find fresh vegetables or fruts) so I go to the supermarket..
Have you think that G asked you because she wants to cook food that you like? Every time I can I ask my H about this.. I try to cook food that he likes...
And maybe G gotting some bored at home and thats why she went to market severl times per weak..? just maybe...
Talking about daughters, my 4 years old, helped me yesterday to peel champiñones, chicharos and to espulgar lentejas... she was happy for helping mom, and she wants to do it again..
You are doing great pio, I think you are enjoy your D maybe more than ever... Congratulations!!
I want to asked you another thing...
In your M who was the father tender, and who was the stricted one? (el que consiente y el que regaña?)

Ever heard of stunt men?

He stil looked girlie to me in Roadhouse. Plus, he can dance. Now what *man* can dance? I mean really....

regreted, I have this funny feeling that your above quoted statement is either part of the problem or is the problem.

What happens when both spouses are dominant? The one who had the affair becomes less dominant at least until some critical BS healing has occurred.

The worst thing my WW can do is to lie, something she has spewed in abundance of late. For example, she now claims there was no PA, only an EA. I know better. I simply sit quietly and let her lie. Because in those lies are usually some gems of truth and one never knows what he might learn. So, if your BH asks you about your A, your whereabouts, schedule, communications, etc., be totally honest. Sometimes a WS thinks that they are sparing their BS feelings by lying or withholding. Wrong. It is the worse thing you can do. I know when my WW is lying. I am betting that your BH knows the same.

Accept that it will take time. Deceit in the form of infidelity is the worst hurt a spouse can give to another. I don't remember when your DD was but give it some time.

You are a sick man.

TOd
Im afraid in my case I cannot be totally honest..for my H a PA is the worst.. I did OS to OM..inside a car!! we never made love, but my A was PA no just EA.. My H suspects something about PA, but he had repeated to me that if I made love with OM our M is finished....
For he is more importat physicall contact that the fact that I felt in love with OM!! He is a mexican macho...So I hide the hole truth.. and as you know I was involved with another guy before OM.. (online affair, having sex by internet) Im so regreted about that.. and this is so embarrassed...
Well I cant tell hole truth.. believe me.
My D day was on March 21, and my H got violent and started to drink and he said he had suicide thoughts...!!

Pio - I have some wonderful recipies for small children. Mine are a bit too old for them now but they can be fun. I'll share them with you. BTW, keeping the clothes on while showering is genius. My youngest thinks sleeping in his clothes is a time saver, just get up & you're ready to go.

OK, here are the recipies:

Two small children (girls are more tender) chopped into bite size pieces. This can be messy so do it outside
Roll in beaten egg
Roll in seasoned flour, use plenty of curry
Fry (this is an American dish after all) in hot oil until crispy & the crying has stopped.

The other one is around here somewhere...

regreted,

I recall that BH got physical with you. As Pittman says, honesty is the best policy but if a WS encounters a drunk BS with a machinegun, it may not be the best time for truth.

I will tell you, on DD, I went beserk. I never have hit or touched my WW in anyway and didn't that night. Instead, I went from room to room throwing my fist as hard as I could into the wall. Since then, I am calmed considerably and WW knows she can tell me the truth. She is lying to help protect OM so he can repair his relationship with his son. That irks me the most.

You will have to judge when the time arrives to share with your BH some truths about your A's. A marriage built on a shaky foundation - and a foundation of lies is shaky - will soon fall.

As for SF bothering BH more than feelings of love, that is not uncommon. Shirley Glass points this out. And it is not all Latino machismo either. I feel the same way. If my WW had an EA only and loved the OM, it would not have affected me nearly as much. Why? SF is something that should be exclusive. When you or any other WS has an affair, you gave away to another person something that should belong only to your spouse. It is a huge transgression. It will take time regreted. Abandon all your thoughts about Mexican macho. Any man would be hurt in this kind of situation.

Pio,

I don't know when your weekends are or even when your days and nights are. Or even where the heck you are. I tried following I-10 to the east to see if it connected with SA, but no, Yahoo ends it just before the Atlantic Ocean. Maybe I will try Mapquest.

Anyway, you have an email.

Regreted,

I am not sure I understand your question but see if this answer works for you. I have always been the stricter of the two of us regarding the DDs but I have almost never ever had to discipline the DDs because I have always been very consistent. Gemela is less strict in that she will let them do things unless it makes her mad. Gemela has always been inconsistent letting them do things at some times and not others. Gemela has always been one to punish. She gets angry and hits them with shoes, she even sometimes slaps them. She never does that in front of me but I hear it and DDs tell me. During the A it got so bad that I did threaten WW and told her I would do anything to her that she did to the DDs. She stopped being abusive AFAIK.

On the other hand, I have always been the one to let DDs try things. If they want to do an activity and I see that it helps build their imagination, I let them do it. Gemela, OTOH, will say no if it means getting the floor dirty, for example. I let them do it and then I clean the floor because creativity is more important. I also let them do "riskier" things as long as they are safe. Gemela is just like her mother. "Don't rollerblade in the house because you might lose your balance and have to grab hold of the refrigerator or oven to keep from falling and, in that exact moment, a lightning bolt will hit the transformer outside sending thousands of volts through the house wiring and you will be electrocuted - and BTW, thet plastic wheels on the rollerblades will likely melt and stick to the ceramic tiles making them impossible to clean.

I swear her mother could have written those "Final Destination" movie scripts. She is a genius for cause and effect. I say rollerblade in the house as long as you have your helmet and pads on. If I hear thunder, I'll let you know, okay?

I was always distant from the DDs. There are a lot of significant factors for that. One is just to look at my own childhood. I had a drunken, philandering father, a cruel and abusive stepfather and a vacuum in adolescence where I had essentially no parents. I was the ultimate latch key kid. Add in the fact that MIL came on board and took over the raising of our DD1 and, to some extent, DD1 and gemela wasn't really a mothe either. The DDs were more like Barbie dolls for her than daughters.

Since Dday, I have tried to change that and now I am very close to my DDs and, IMO, have a much healthier relationship with them than gemela does.

As far as decision making, some of that is cultural. Yes IMO you have every right to help decide whether you buy a SUV or not. You need to learn POJA and both need to learn to apply that in your marriage. You will both respect each other more if you do. In our case, I don't necessarily mind that gemela spends money on occasion. What bothers me is that she does it secretly, hides the purchase and then lies about it later "oh I bought that years ago in Muscat. Don't you remember? You never take any interest in what I do!". Diversionary tactics.

ToddAC,

I am currently 9 hours ahead of you. To make it simpler for you, look outside. If you see the Sun, I see the Moon. Our weekends are Thursday and Friday.

Hi all,
I think I may have been lost on I-10 as well, or maybe it was all the Swayze talk that mesmorized me but I missed a day or two and spent the past 45 minutes greatly amused...thanks

Todd, it appears you have regained your quick wit and geekspeak twofold since your microwave treatment...loved the pot comment to Nams...also, I agree with you about number #1 LB=lies...I feel like Regretted should set up a safe environment where she can tell BS the entire truth so that she can move on...otherwise she will live in fear, and be constantly worried about his reactions to the bits and pieces...if a counselor or clergy were able to be present and then she could have a separate place to stay while he reacted or she could contract with him to tell the truth but he would have to abide by certain conditions to include being alcohol free and avoid any physical violence...I know it sounds much easier than it would be but at least life could move on in the direction it is meant to...JMHO

Pio,
Here is a link for kid recipes http://kid.allrecipes.com/ the site also has many other quick, easy recipes. I usually get my 3 kids input and bring them grocery shopping with me. Their top 10 favorite foods:

1. salad of any kind esp. seafood salad
2. shaved ham
3. mac-n-cheese
4. spaghetti
5. any kind of cut up fresh fruit
6. carrots/broccoli with ranch drsg
7. chicken (nuggets, fingers, legs, boneless breasts, grilled)
8. corn on the cob
9. mashed potatoes
10. white rice

My DD1 is now cooking some on her own...try making pancakes, waffles, omlettes together...we have a blast except for clean up.

Kiwi, can't remember why but LOL to your recent comments

Speaking of all the food I must run and feed my soccer players before practice...catch up with you all later

I'm sure you missed my ramblings...not!

ToddAC,

Okay yes I did have mail. The answer is no. I replied so you should have mail too.

regreted,

I have said it before and will say it again. I cannot agree with you witholding your A's from your H. Yes OS is sex plain and simple. But that one incident is not what I am talking about. Your secrets run far deeper than that. ToddAC is right. If you do somehow get H to engage back in the M and somehow put all this behind him, your M will be a house of cards and one phone call, email or candygram from OM will bring it all down.

It is your decision to tell or not tell. I am just repeating that you are making a bad decision. At the end of the day, it is your decision to make - not mine.

nams,

you are quite right. I forgot to mention the sleeping in the clothes. I just make sure they tuck the shirts in tight and it saves the need for ironing.