Hi Nams,


...Sorry if I don't offer any advice, Nams....I don't feel I have a 'grasp' of your situation, yet....



...but then...we seem to have our 'resident' superman who may have suggestions for you to consider....as soon as he gets over last night's supper!


....I communicate with WS via email re boys and finances as nothing 'legal' is in place yet....with my PLAN B, I have made it clear to WS that I will not 'see or talk' to him until OW is out of the picture and that he wishes to recommit to M...right now he is choosing not to...and I will respect that .....so...anything he does...will be done while I am not around!

Yes..we own the property together.... were we to sell it, we would both lose financially.... don't think I could afford to 'buy him' out and vice-versa.... ...and would have to consider 'moving'....I am not there, yet......so some 'creative' solutions will have to be worked out.... and as our boys will 'eventually' inherit what we have....that will be taken into account at some level.....

..but for now....my main focus is to create a 'stable' homelife for the boys and myself.... and am doing pretty good in that area..... financial and legal stuff will have to follow at some point.....and WS is being 'respectful' about my PLAN B even though I know he can't figure out where I am going with this.... but then that's his problem.... I know I like PLAN B..... because he can't 'talk me' into believing such things as..... that meeting OW was fate....as she is his 'soulmate'.....and he could do nothing about it.... and so he had 'nothing' to do with the whole A happening!

....WS respected my opinion in the past... so....I do believe my NOT buying into his 'plan'..... seems to be a 'big' thorn on his side!....

In the meantime, while WS is in fogland, I am doing by best, after 20-yr marriage, to learn how to function on my own, learn about myself, etc etc....although it's not what I would have chosen....I AM trying to make the best of a bad situation.....

...BTW, Believer is my 'model'....

Todd? Are you OK?

Hope it's not too serious.....

First of all larousse,

I will book mark your post and look into it later. There is a lot of truth to what you say but, for the moment, it is moot. I say it is moot because, for all I know, WW and OM may run off into the sunset and start a pool cleaning business and live happily ever after. I have no idea if gemela will even come back so I don't want to spend my time and effort think about "what ifs". I did want to get lemonman's input and I will bookmark that to if he posts but, after that, it is back to reality.

I was so tired yesterday from jet-lag (still), nightmares (not mine - DD nachtmares which naturally take up the rest of my nacht), execrise schedule, etc. I was beat when I got home yesterday. DD2 and I finished her homework and then I had to lasso DD1 and get hers. Being the first week of school homework, the teachers fel the need to send War and Peace sized instructions home. I have all these forms to fill out, etc. I felt like I was cramming for finals. Finally DD1 got finished and then, of all the nerve, they wanted dinner. I mean they had just had lunch a few hours earlier. I am tired ot coddling these kids. When I was a kid, we were lucky if we ate once a week and we were thankful for it but these girls expect to eat three times a day? I was sleepwalking. Did they eat anything? Oh, yes - spaghetti. Now I remember. Then I had to hog tie them to get them into the shower. They wanted to bath themselves last night (sometimes they do - sometimes they don't) so I laid down while they were in the shower and I don't remember anything else until they started arguing over who got to watch Mermaidia. The answer turned out to be neither one. I made them their respective milks (one chocolate one strawberry), got down their blankets which the maid, for some unknown reason feels compelled to put in the closet every night, tucked them in and then tucked myself in. This is the most I have slept in 2 weeks. The maid thinks she can break my will over the blankets but she has no idea who she is dealing with. We did have one showdown yesterday. When I got home and went upstairs to change, I found my alarm clock flashing. I asked if the power had gone off. No. I showed the clock to the maid. Apparently she decided that outlet was the most convenient to plug in the vacuum. She won't be doing that any more. So I got the time and both alarms reset after calling 963 to get the time because our time and the rest of the world's time almost never coincide and unfortunately our entire city operates on our 963 time.

So being full-time single dad takes a lot of hours which is okay because my job allows me to do it. I don't like being supervisor of my unit because I don't want any responsibility but at least it gives me the luxury of dumping all my travel requirements on others. If not, I would have to leave the DDs here with the maid alone for periods of time and I don't want to do that.

Right now I am not going to waste a lot of time thinking about gemela or a possible future. I may never see her again so why bother? If she ever does grace our doorstep again, I will follow every MB principle and see where it goes. Right now I have to go see the schedule and see who has PE today, get snacks readym put homework back in backpacks and then go lie down a few minutes before exercise time.

Thanks for taking the time to post all that. I do appreciate it and have read it a couple of times but now will file it away until some future date and go back to forgetting about gemela.

lunamare,

Do you watch Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report? Those are my two favorites on the comedy channel. I think they run back-to-back.

OMG I was putting all the homework in their proper folders and in their respective backpacks and just checking to calendar to see if it is PE day (which I see it is) but I saw a note that DD2 has to wear yellow today - and green tomorrow! OMG!

Ugh. The Mariachi made it worthwhile.

Note to self: stay away from the pico de gallo.

note to ToddAC: Stay away from the beer

Hi Pio,



Sounds like a good plan...and besides...I see that being a full-time dad is keeping you busy enough!


You're ma man.....talking the same language! Just love those two! ....stuck with re-runs right now...can't wait for their 'new season' to start....in the meantime, re-runs will do...I don't catch everything the first time around, anyway!

Hi Todd,




...or at least...avoid a combination of the two!

Whuh???? Are you insane? Can't be done!

Luna,
You crack me up...I too will do most anything to avoid housework but it is always waiting for me no matter how I try to hide from it. I have mastered the laundry mountain and have been living off of it for 2 weeks...keep washing, drying and piling and then play needle in the haystack for specific clean clothes...broke down and bought 4 more laundry baskets to sort the clean mountain, iron and hang. I am 1/2 way there!!!! Cheers, the wave, standing O

Kiwi,
Wish I was good at baking, just not my niche

Pio,
Happy B-day...least G was away...I turned 40 right in front of my H's eyes and never got a greeting card let alone anything else...sad thing was there was no one to remind my kids and buy a gift from them for me or have a cake...my 5 year old asked weeks later why we never celebrated Mommy's b-day:(

All TKO folks,
In a nutshell...I have been sticking to my deal with Pio and not snooping and being cordial regardless of the fogdriven behaviors of H. He spazzed at me last night when after he had gone out to a friends he came home and crawled in bed and then asked me if I was going to sleep...b/c as I could have predicted...he was going back out if I was going to sleep. He came in at 1030 pm and talked to the DDs by that time it was 11pm...he stated he did not want to watch TV...hhhhhmmmmm, he couldn't come up with anything else to do...we started talking and I asked him a financial question and he went off, temper tantrum and yep, back to the friends house.

So today, he comes home from work at 6:30pm...eats, showers and dresses in nice clothing...I ask if he is going out and he gets pissed...now folks, he doesn't dress like that to sit around the house...I'm supposed to believe he is dressing like that for his friend...whatever you say pal.
I ask why he treats me like that and we get into a discussion where basically he says he still hasn't decided if he wants to be married...he says he cut out all the OWs and now has a few male friends that are his new support system...he has no desire to spend time with me (his statement) and that he doesn't want to be around the kids b/c I am a part of that package. I tell him he could always take the kids out and do something...he says I wouldn't like them being around his friends...I say he is right and ask why he can't do something alone with his kids...he says his friends ask him to bring the kids out to play ball but he doesn't want me coming b/c "I don't like you".

I at that point said I was going out.. in the past hour had 2 foul texts from him asking if I was going to get some XXXX and then asking if I had any luck...if so to send photos...I haven't responded to either message

I am so at my whit's end. Before I left he said that nothing is ever enough...he cut out OWs and is only spending time with male friends (of whom I have never met). I said I didn't have a problem with him spending time with his new buddies but that if we were working on our M he needed to make some time for me...that was when he said he didn't like me.

Ok, sorry for the novel but I need your help...if I had a sidearm there would have been injuries!

My first reaction is that he is testing you.

Testing me for what...

I texted back and asked if that was what he really wanted...

His response was "that would be great,see what you can do"
I texted back, "Sorry, there is only one man I want"

Testing your resolve. What you describe is beyond cruel. A WH with that attitude is not on a fence - he is out the door. You have recently implemented a major paradigm shift. He could be trying to push every button he can to see if you yield. My suggestion is to keep doing what you are doing. First of all, it can't do any damage (except to your ego). If your M is to have a chance, I recommend you stick to our deal. I did it a long time and I remember how much it hurts. I am sorry for that for you. But even so, you will still be happier if you don't let him lead you around and take you where he wants you to go. He is confused enough on his own. You confused him more with your attitude change. JMO.

The other answer is that he is just a sick, cruel monster. I doubt that is the case or you would not be trying to save your M.

Do you know what this thread reminds me of? Did any of you ever see the old Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Christmas special narrated by Burl Ives (as the snowman)? Outside this thread are people recovering the marriages, recently past Dday, formulating plans, trying to save marriages. We are the Island of misfit toys. Remember the "Charlie in a box"? The wagon with square wheels? All hoping that some day Santa will come and rescue us. Oddly enough, that is my favorite part of that whole show - when the toys have finally given up in despair because of the storm. They have decided that they will wait and hope for yet another year - and then they hear jingles...and see a red light...

So where do I fit into that story????

I scrapbooked a couple of my wedding pages today. I went upstairs with a pair of scissors and cut some of the lace off the hem of my wedding gown to put on the pages. It was all yellow with age (32 years is quite a long time) so I sprayed it with stain remover and handwashed it.

The pages are beautiful, even without the lace, which will go on when it's dry.

Thanks Pio...

I do love the original Rudolph as well...and yes, I feel like a misfit toy...irony is I look better than I have in 10 years...aside from my real age, I am back to looking like I did when I was 28...ok, gravity has taken it's toll but otherwise, at least in clothing with some Victoria Secret assistance I am hot...this makes me livid b/c for years I felt inadequate next to my H's best "friend" a size 2 marathon running beauty.

I wish that I did not love him or the idea of what he used to be...it would be soooooo much easier. My kindness and persistance is killing him. Prior to my deal with you I called him on his crap and asked if he was just trying to push everybutton to make me tell him that I want the D...of course he never acknowledged this strategy as one he was employing but I really feel it is. He is just messed up...has alot of past repressed issues that he has never dealt with and spends his life running away through escape. Things are way too close for comfort for him...I thought almost loosing all of us instantly would have been a revalation for him but that hasn't made a bit of difference.

I wish he would just disappear and leave us alone...we could be happy and move on with our lives. We actually have a lot of fun without him and when he is home he doesn't participate...he only says mean things to make us feel bad. DD1 is on to him big time and it won't be long before it becomes irrepairable for him. She is afraid to tell him how she feels and I don't blame her. I told her I could listen and comfort her but that I wasn't covering for dad anymore...told her she would have to talk to him herself if she had a problem with his behavior or lack of...it is soooooooooooooooo heartbreaking:(

You and bigK are the jingle and the red light. The two of you can decide which is which.

It does take its toll. Sooner or later, one of you will break. In the ieantime, the withdrawals from your love bank continue to increase exponentially. I still think you need to be on your best Plan A before you go to Plan B.

2much, I don't know how you live like that.

Rob would have been gone so fast I wouldn't have seen his dust if I had behaved even ONCE after d-day like your H is behaving.

That is endearing...

I was thinking of burning mine but now with your creativity maybe I'll wait...there are lots of uses for pieces of wedding dress...ok, now I am thinking more in the Fatal Attraction mode, I must return to sipping my wine here in the cafe and deep breathe!!!

I feel like a toy with a stomachache.

Daddy,

What can I take for a stomachache. Presently ingesting Maker's Mark. Seems to help.