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I refuse to acknowledge Stph20. Stef I know.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Who is bigKahuna? Who is ToddAC? Who is piojitos? Who is each of us? These questions cannot be answered by MB principles.
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Stop changing the subject dammit
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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BTW, that was an attempt at Haiku while we await the ode from Todd
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well I'm hoping we have staved him off doing that. Where is he anyway?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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ToddAC, I'm sure, is working on a masterpiece.
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Well I'll miss it till tomorrow. I'm outa here. Nite Pio.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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the plan for today,
to post only in haiku...
let's see how it goes
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to tell you goodnight?
quite a challenge this presents -
constrained by this rule
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I just had the thought:
months without Justuss edit -
new record for me!
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Poor stef, she's destroyed by a WH then she has a new name forced on her. stef, it's simple & it's incredibly complex this saving of a marriage. The simple part: you do what you can to become the spouse your H wants to have. You're both open & honest with one another & you both work to save the marriage. If you have this, especially the commitment of the two of you to work to save the marriage, you're doing REALLY well. The complex part: There is not one blue print that works for everyone. People bring their own stuff into the recovery business. People are unpredicable, their emotions are unpredicable, their behaviors the same. What you want, what you think is fair, what should be just don't factor in here. It's a day to day process with no defined outcome. Emotional strength is a must. 2much, as a person who lived with then h for a time knowing we were going to D I would advise against it. My hope at the time was by having him in the house I would have another chance at recovery. Wrong. All it turned out to be was torture. The day he moved out such a burden was lifted from my shoulders I felt physically lighter. No more walking on egg shells, no stomach sick with tension, no more working a plan A with no chance of it working. This because he worked with OW & didn't admit to infidelity. This pedestal idea is interesting. Here's a bit of a twist on it. ex saw charteristics in me that he lacked but sorely wanted. IMO he felt I could give, maybe bring them out in him, those characteristics just by virtue of being married. He was disappointed because it was an impossible task & one I wasn't even asware I'd been assigned. Similar to a pedestal? BTW, one student for my pottery class only. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Formerly nam
here since 07/31/03
coastal, CT
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BTW, one student for my pottery class only. But you did get to work on your own projects too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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larousse,
Muy bien, gracias
¿Qué hubo?
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Stef, look at your new name this way: Life's much easier with vowels in it, ask the Scandinavians. Nam, thanks for sharing your comments about affection. What was first the potter or the vassel? Todd, I know I shouldn't do it but... I was thinking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Harley mentions a lot romantic love on his radio interventions and I was wondering if you could benefit from dating your WW. Just dates without relationship talk. Simple things that fill your and her romantic love bank and could motivate both of you in different ways but with the same objective in mind. If you date romantically or a little romantically your WW, she may feel motivated to come clean and compensate you for the affair, accepting to become transparente, change friends, NC, etc. If you date her, you may discover you could fall in love again with her. This is a horrible generalization but maybe Latin women do need more sense of romantic love in their marriages. What do you think? Do you like the birdies? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by larousse; 09/26/06 11:00 AM.
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Todd, I know I shouldn't do it but... I was thinking. You see Harley mentions a lot romantic love on his radio interventions and I was wondering if you could benefit from dating your WW. Just dates without relationship talk. Simple things that feel your and her romantic love bank and could motivate both of you in different ways but with the same objective in mind.
If you date romantically or a little romantically your WW, she may feel motivated to come clean and compensate you for the affair, accepting to become transparente, change friends, NC, etc.
If you date her, you may discover you coiuld fall in love again with her. larousse, thank you. This is exactly what I tried to do the first time we met for dinner. Things were going extremely well and then she decided that she had to let me know how shw felt about exposure. In her mind, exposure is worse than her affair. Do you see the "logic" I am dealing with here? Nobody in her family will drop anything. She and her sisters still feud about things that happened years ago. They are like bulldogs with an elephant's memory. However, this is what I will continue to do, is to see her and "date" her. I do my best to keep things positive and light and to have fun. My goal is to continue to be the man she fell in love with and to recreate those romantic feelings. We'll see. This is an horrible generalization but maybe Latin women do need more sense of romantic love in their marriages.
What do you think? Here is what is so interesting. I am the romantic one. When I would arrive home from work, I would find her, grab her and try to kiss her. She would pull away and say, "we cannot act like newlyweds all our marriage". I have asked her countless times to hold an evening open and let's have a candlelight dinner at home, followed by dancing, etc. She never did. Our anniversary is three days from Valentine's Day. I sent her roses on our anniversary and then also sent roses on VD. She was livid. She told me that the women at work were so jealous of her and make snide comments all day and embarassed her. She will never have to worry about that happening again, I can assure you of that. Anyway, I could go on and on and on. A big problem with her from my standpoint is the telephone. When she is on the phone, time stands still. She will talk to a sister or friend for hours - yes hours. And I don't mean a day here and there, but almost everyday. I have told her that it takes away from our time. I in no way want to smother her or be smothered, don't misunderstand me. I enjoy my alone time as much as the next guy, but when she comes home from work at, say, six, runs and then comes back and talks on the phone for three hours and then says, well I am tired, I am going to bed, there is not much in life with her for me. The telephone has been an issue for over three decades. She doesn't see or acknowledge the problem. OTOH, I hate talking on the phone. I spend so much time on the phone at work that when I get home, the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. But, occassionally, I will talk to one of my friends and catch up. A friend called me one night and needed to talk. We talked for over an hour. She was aghast! You sure were on the phone a long time. Let me translate that to English: I couldn't call my sister because you were on the phone. Do you like the birdies? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Do you mean the owls? If so, yes. I am the white one in case anyone is wondering. The taller and prettier one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
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FWIW, Dr. Jeckyl was lurking about earlier in the day - posted and then immediately deleted.
I just saw Mr. Hyde is now lurking about. Let me know if anything exciting happens. If you see a post, quote it for me.
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Well now Mr. Hyde logged off and logged back on as Dr. Jeckyl. This should be interesting. KiwiJ, I was wrong.
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Who is Dr. J and Mr. H?
Do they live south of Tejas?
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curly17 was the other name I never could remember. Wow! I didn't realize there were 5 OM's. Wow. Do you have a question? Is TEAR your H?
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I dont know how to beggin our story... but I know if I dont do it right now, tomorrow I have been cobard as usual..
You can read some tear post in order to understan my situation now..
Writing this is dangerous for me,, I dont want to my H reads all this, because if I dont kill him with this truth he is going to killing me...
My terrible story began some time ago.. I started to email, with a coworker that lives in another country and I never met him in person just by webcam..
Our friendship become so close for me and I thouhgt I was "too much interested in him"
In that time my life in house had its problems, but not so big.. my main concern was sexual affection, my H and I just make love once per month,., I asked my H why and he said, because he was so tired and that all..
This coworker (that lives in another country) was as a "master in sex" and he invited me to have sex my webcam.. I denied at first, and I tried to be distant from this coworker, but it was just time.. and I failed,, and I did it by webcam,. it was a new experience and in that time I enjoyed it... and I repeat it several times..
Then things go worst, and we use phone in order to "do it" , this is so embarrassing, but I need to write all this crap that I did,...
I live in a society machista and I had my first sexual relation in my weeding night with my H so I havent know any other man in that way.. I had never show my body to another man than my H until this by web cam. I regret about this but I did it..
After this events,, I felt so bad, and my selfsteem was decreasing, and decreasing.. I was so stupid, and I got involved with this coworker, in a sentimental way.. I was afraid to say him no... about his demands of "doing by phone or webcam" and sometimes I could but sometimes not... I found this website in order to look for help and I got it.. (I was culry17 in that time) and thanks to this site I could realize that this first OM was filling my sexual need.. even he never touch me or I to him.. I had a PA right? and my H doesnt now all this...
This OM1 told me that we are just having fun and that our spouses never gonna now about this... and he told me.. you can have that you dont have at home wih me but in a safe way, because we haven touch... (I was like obsessed with this OM1 and I tried several times to finish that "friendship").. OM1 challenge me to "taste" some other ways to get sexual "affection" getting in some sites in the internet.. I had told him that I feel something more than desire for him, and he told me I was wrong.. and he invited me to proof another situation... to "make it" with a strange in internet... I regret at first but I did it..
I started to chat with some men in internet... and a man with 42 years old keep my attention.. and we started to chat... and I told him my problem with OM1 and that I need to live this OM1 away.. and proog myself that any other man could fill the need that OM1 did.. Obviously, this "gentleman" offers help me with this,, and "did it" just chating, without any camera... this time I like his tenderness and I prefer OM2 than OM1 in virtual sex.. and I started to stop "contact " with OM1...
OM2 and me got closer, and maybe because his age, but he respected me when I said him No cameras.. and I never show my body to him... this OM2 lives in same country but in another state... and I met him once that he came here because his bussiness, and he just went to lunch,, and nothing more...
OM2 realized that I dont wanna to do somethin in real life.. and just in fantasy... (Am I sick right?, am I a pervertive woman? or something?)
OM2 couldnt get in line frecuently so , I found another "friend" OM3 (with had 43 years old) and similar story... and for me he was the master in "virtual sex",., but this man, said, that he was getting interested and that he didnt want to hurt me or my marriage, so we were agree to stop our chats... and we did it... but meanwhile, I found interesting a chat from a man just one year older than me and he was near than me as he lives in same city..
This OM4 was the worst for me.. because he was charming,, and he suggested how to stop my "virtual sex" with OM's.. at the begining he told me that he just want to help me to leave this mess away.. and to be "clean" in main.. of course at the begining I didnt believe anything... and he just chat a few times...
MB members adviced me that I should told my H all the truth, but I was afraid, and cobard... now I know that I should follow that advice... and I havent done things worst...
OM5 as he lives in same city, you can guess what happened, well it was just time,, and I met him and in our first date he asked me permission to touch me in ... an private place.. and I got angry and I asked him never look for me again.. I told him I thought we are just friends and your question about masturbate me botters me"" and I leaft the place.. It was a parking place,, OM5 started to send me emails, phone calls, and did everything to keep in contact with me,, and at first I denied,,, but then I started that frienship again.... OM5 said welll I can with the fact that we never gonna have nothing in person just by internet or phone... I told OM5 about all OM's and I share with him severl secrets that I never share with anyone.. I was so stupid!!! and this OM5 was a good listener, and as he has same profession than me,,, we had severl things in common..
I never lied my H about a place where I go, but I hiding that in some appointment, OM5 went with me... once OM5 went with me to some physical analisist... and nothing wrong happened..
OM5 went to my house to review a computer that was broke, and I told my H about this visit... and nothing wrong happened...
OM5 went to my house a second time and I told my H also, and then my H got angry why "that friend" always go home when he wasnt there.. at that time. my frienship with OM5 wasnt in another sense.. (well we had had virtual sex") but in person nothing... we got closer and closer friends.. and our "intimate encouters, were longer than before",, (all by internet) and this OM5 never asked me to show him my body by webcam and I felt more comfortable than with all others OM's...
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