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Just a quick thought for you Todd. In reading the differences you're finding with your WW & given the fact they seem substantial, what do you see in her that makes you want to save the marriage? Do you think since SF is your top EN & perhaps you're missing that, this is influencing your desire to stay married? Do you ask that because I have chewed all my knuckles off or because I take 14 cold showers per day? The key phrase is "desire to stay married". I am not at all convinced that I want to stay married. Until DS3 played cupid, I was content to concentrate on my health and file once I know the verdict. I am no longer in love with her, I know that. Can it be rekindled? I don't know. I have my doubts. After being married to a person for more than three decades, you know them. She will not change. She will never agree to IC/MC or transparency. She will say she agrees to NC but will never send a letter to OM. Whether she sends a letter or not, I will never trust her again. Trust and honesty are huge issues for me. WW has always told me that I am "too honest". How can one be too honest? She doesn't mean that I tell someone their hairstyle stinks or anything like that, just that she knows she can trust me completely and she can. I am corny. I am a one woman man. She is at least a two man woman, maybe a four man woman. I can never trust her again. I will give it a good try. I will tell her the conditions for us to R. She will reject and that will be the end of it. Then I have to face DS3. I do not look forward to that. Not one bit. How does any of this matter if your WW won't acknowledge, much less work on the fact, she is an alcoholic? No disrespect intended. None taken. Well none of it matters as long as she continues her drinking. The problem is, she doesn't admit that she has a drinking problem. I don't know the offical definition of an alcoholic but I use two working defintions. One is if a person "has" to have that drink. She does. A bottle of wine per night. That is a lot of drinking. The other is, does the person undergo a basic personality change when they are drunk. She becomes an absolute monster. She will not accept my pleas for her to cut back on her drinking. I like Pio's suggestion in this regard, i.e., to cover this in MC. The only problem is, I don't see her agreeing to MC so......
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No chat buddies? Time for bed.
Formerly nam
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Drinks a bottle of wine each night? Be thankful she hasn't discovered box wine.
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What confusses me Todd, is that you're going to try to reconcile when you don't love your WW & don't see any hope for change in her behavior.
How do you think your son will feel when he sees you stay in a loveless marriage?
Formerly nam
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coastal, CT
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My son will get the band together for you. He's a professional musician (and a very good one). Great! What instrument does he play and does he sing? And he has to be good-looking. We want to charm the....the....errr...socks off the ladies! And what kind of music does he play?
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Oh please Todd, charm the SOCKS off the ladies?
Formerly nam
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Well actually I have always been plagued with delusions of mediocrity. Some day I hope to achieve them. You have a good shot at it. Hey, do you know the difference between a neurotic and a psychotic? A neurotic builds castles in the sky and a psychotic lives in them.
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Well I think Stef is giving her WH SF. Nothing else takes this long. You will all be proud to know that I did not give WH SF tonight. In the end, our "visit" was...interesting. Better than I had hoped (even with no SF involved...amazing!).
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Well I think Stef is giving her WH SF. Nothing else takes this long. BigK!!!! LMAO.
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BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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What confusses me Todd, is that you're going to try to reconcile when you don't love your WW & don't see any hope for change in her behavior. Ah but that's the beauty of Harleys plan. You don't have to be able to see the end from the beginning. You merely need to start the journey.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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OK, NOW it's time for bed.
Laughing my a.s off = LMAO
Formerly nam
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She tried a box of wine one time at the suggestion of OMXW. She didn't like it. No, she buys the good stuff. I earned a very good living and her wine habits are rather expensive. I would estimate her drinking to cost $600 per month. At least she doesn't smoke.
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Well BigK you don't need to see the end but you do need to feel the love. Otherwise isn't it just an exercise?
Formerly nam
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Ah but that's the beauty of Harleys plan. You don't have to be able to see the end from the beginning. You merely need to start the journey. Yes, it was this kind of feedback from the BigK that has me thinking maybe R can work.
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$600 a month in wine bills. Yikes!
Formerly nam
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coastal, CT
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Oh please Todd, charm the SOCKS off the ladies? Sure nams. What is your favorite song?
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IMO BigK assumes love. Lost for the moment amidst the betrayal but still there. You, Todd, describe a marriage that sounds like love has been missing for a long while. Toss in some serious differences & the HUGE factor of alcoholism well.....
Formerly nam
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coastal, CT
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Can you please talk to DS3 for me and explain this to him?
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Just a stab here but maybe you don't like to lose. You've built up a family, a marriage, you've worked hard & kept it together for 30 plus years. WW throws that out the window as unimportant. It's a challenge to get back what you thought you had.
Do you know any Alejandro Sanz songs?
Formerly nam
here since 07/31/03
coastal, CT
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