Pio,

What I need from WW in order to forgive her is to see genuine remorse and regret for her affair. I have not seen anything close to that. When she has done that, I will forgive. If that is not forgiveness, then fine. I don't really care. It is the way I approach it and it works for me.

Okay let's just think about the situation where WW never expresses remorse. WW blames you for the A the rest of her natural life. WW thinks you are the devil incarnate.

Are you willing to live with the bitterness until your dying day?

As I have said many times before, we have been given the ideal example of forgiveness. We all know it. In that case, there was certainly no remorse.

I'm just not a good enough person to not be able to forgive. There are two issues: what WW did in the eyes of God. That is none of my business. Then there is the sin that WW did to me. Adultery is not that sin - that one is between her and God. So what am I forgiving or not forgiving WW for?

What you are asking WW for is repentance. Fair enough. As a BS it would be nice to see because it is recognition that WW believes on some level that affairs are wrong and, more importantly, may be less inclined to repeat the behavior in the future.

BigK,

I am dying over here. Is there a male equivalent of the rabbit or at least a vibrator? And also, I saw the Sybian demonstrated on the Howard Stern show. It was pretty interesting.

That was for larousse - not you. Go back and read it.

What I want to know is why BigK is such an expert on vibrators but I didn't want to be the one to bring it up. Is it GPS positioned or something? I'm missing something.

Did you remember to poke holes in your head first? I think that's what believer said.

There is always a presumption that an act of not forgiving leads to permanent bitterness. I am telling you that folks are different and process events differently. I know myself in this area from experience. Things were done to me in my childhood, not by my parents BTW, that I have not forgiven, and will never forgive, and guess what? No bitterness whatsoever about it. I never think about it until a discussion on the relative merits of forgiveness surfaces and only then to use it as an example. In the forgiveness industry, one size does not fit all. Bathrobes, yes.

I thought the hearing channels would suffice, I guess not.

Todd, I bet thousands of inventors have tried to create a Sybian like for straight men... Admit it, we're not imitable.

Well, in that case, I was taking up for larousse. The band knew the song instantly although there is not doubt that my Anglo tongue butchered the pronounciation. And they accepted the money so all is well that ends swell.

So true. And I wouldn't want y'all to be. Hey, that reminds me of a joke. It is very funny. No, wait, Pio and BigK will bust my chops so I won't tell it.

Todd, I think Pio is playing with the words 'divinas' divine and adivinas, like someone who knows things just by guessing them, sorry about my vocabulary.

Todd does your wife have other complains or 'resentements' against you besides exposure?

Nam your work is great, I feel like a playful-sensible spirite in it. I like the colors and the Mastery of the 'cooking' is very impressive.

Todd you can call your art representation busines Art Bossa.

larousse, do you mean before or after DD?

Before

Just to cast my answers in their proper light, it is important to know that most of my WW's opinions about our marriage and me come from her two best friends. As a reminder, both friends are divorced, abandoned their kids and are alcoholics. With that in mind....

1. She complained that I should cook my own meals. Okay. For twenty years, she was a SAHM with our three sons. She cooked for the family. I would occasionally cook to give her a break but honestly, nobody like the food when I cooked. Except pancakes. This is was especially true after we became empty-nesters which I can understand because it can be difficult to cook for just two. I told her fine, quit cooking. If I needed dinner that night, I would cook it or go get it. So, if I decided to not eat one night, she would storm into the kitchen and cook a meal, usually with me not being aware of it. In her mind, she couldn't see me skipping dinner. To me, skipping dinner was no big deal.

2. She didn't like the way I cleaned. When she cleans the kitchen, she washes the dishes and then loads them into the DW. I load them directly into the DW without washing them. It sounds comical but it was a big issue that I didn't prewash the dishes. I never gave in to the lunacy of pre-washing. Could I have done more around the house? Should I have? Yes to both. But, in my defense, I played with the boys every night. Either board games, card games, wrestling, etc. My youngest Kevin, got a doctor’s kit for Christmas one year and I kid you not, we played doctor every day for months. Many days I was so tired and stressed from work I couldn’t think straight, but I played along. I also gave baths to my sons and read a bedtime story every single night. Still, I admit I could have and should have done more.

3. That I tried to control her. This came directly from her friends. I in no way tried to control anything she did. Let me give you an example. She would go shopping and be gone for say, five hours. We had a date to have dinner that night. She called and said she was going to have dinner with her best friend and her boyfriend. I asked her what about our plans? She angrily retorted: you can't control me! That came directly from her BF, trust me.

She went out with the girls, took vacations with female friends, shopped anytime and as long as she wanted (and spent as much money as she wanted) with no complaints from me.

4. She complained that I was mean to her sister. This is very true. Her sister has tried from the beginning of our marriage to break us apart. Why? Because she has had three failed marriages and if we fail, it normalizes her sitch. My first job out of college, I had to travel. Before I accepted the job, we discussed it and she agreed she was okay with it because it was such a good position. Her sister started telling her that she used to get hit on her by married men who traveled and that ToddAC is cheating on you when he travels. I came home from my very first trip to accusations and a court martial. I could go on and on about this sister, but you get the idea.

5. She wanted me to be more sociable. This one was always funny to me. When we went to parties, I was not to leave her by herself. I am always at ease in any social situation. What she really meant was she wanted to do more with her two BF and their then current boyfriends. I cannot tell you how many different boyfriends I have met. And the lifestyle of her best friends was completely different from ours. Ours was very family oriented (my definition of family) and our life centered around our kids, probably too much honestly. Her friends always wanted to meet for drinks, and even when meeting for dinner, all they wanted to do was drink. So, yes, valid point. I did not want to socialize with her friends.

Todd,

thanks for your replay to my question.
I have two more:
What attracted your wife to you?
What things in your marriage your wife found, finds, positive about you?

Well one more:
How's your son, is he surviving without XGF?

Do you mean XFGF?

I hope I'll explain better the word's game Pio made between the words divinas and adivinas.

divinas=deity like,
adivinas=fortune teller, used metaphorically to reffer to the ability of 'sense' something or the called 6th sense.

We had the name of the song right, thou.

Yup