stph,

Let's just cut to the chase: did you or did you not engage in SF with WH?

What part of "don't listen to his words but his actions" do you not understand? You ask for advice and have been given excellent advice and you chose to ignore it. At some point, you must quiz yourself as to why you are asking for advice. Is it that you hope to hear what you hope to hear? If so, you are wasting time and energy.

Yeah, I kinda see what you mean...I hadn't looked at it that way before. I did find out last night, that they are without a doubt still seeing each other...I felt like I had been hit by a freight train when it stared me in the face the way it did.

I want to woe him back to me somehow, and I thought I was doing that by Plan A and I thought it was starting to work. I had hoped he would have told me last night that he wanted to work things out, but I didn't expect him too. But, I was a little disappointed when he didn't.

I hate this.

Good for you 2much. If you stick to your guns, a change will occur. Don't know which change but it should end the status quo.

No, I did not have SF with WH. We just flirted...that was the extent of it and I felt bad for even doing that.

I don't think I'm ignoring anyone's advice, but I want to fully understand what I'm doing and why...I didn't think that was too much to ask. I have done everything everyone has told me, albeit, maybe not when I should have, but I have done it and will continue to do so. I just have a need to understand why and what it's going to do and my mind doesn't always wrap around the ways of a WS; because I'm not one.

Sorry.

The above quote stph, depicts where you listened to WH. He wasn't after anything? You bet your bippy he was after something. What? Who knows? It could have been to make sure you were receptive to him or to alleviate his guilt, assuming he has any. When you print on these pages what WH says to you, it is an unmistakeable admission that you are listening to his words. Let his words be like water off a duck's back. He is as foggy as the rear window of a fastback car on a dewy morn. His words are meaningless. Don't try to assign meaning or even make sense of his words.

stph20,

.... expectations and a WS don't go together....

...but if you need to, you're welcome to re-invent the wheel...

stph20... and what is the message you are sending him?

Whuh?

yes...boundaries and consequences...

Ready for dissolution if WH refuses to comply with deal breaking boundaries...won't continue to enable or be lied to...done

I'll keep you posted

2much...sounds like you mean business... please don't back down if you want to be taken seriously!

Yes,
that is where I always loose it...in business I can be as cold, hard, calculating and completely and totally hold someone accountable and responsible with a series of consequences...it is amazing to me that I am so much of a wimp when it comes to my personal life

I am already hearing the manipulative babble to try and get me off track but I need to find my business self and apply it here at home...so what if he gets po'd he spends half the time bickering over nothing just to make sure we stay on shakey ground in the hopes I'll be too scared to ask questions or rock the boat...I know all the tactics and can identify them...I just need to respond consistently and appropriately when they rear their ugly heads

He has threatened to move out...I have neither encouraged or discouraged this option...it is all babble

I may need lots of coaching and hugs over the next few days but am sure you can all throw out some for a fellow TKO'r...feel free to add in 2x4's and insults...I wouldn't know how to act without them <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Orchid isn't around....but I bet she would suggest 'practicing' out loud, in front of the mirror, what some of your replies NEED to be!

Good luck...and, yes, we will be here for you...

2much... Do you also have your own thread? If not, you might want to start one....giving it a specific title based on the kind of help you will need...and reach a wider range on the Board

Hi, busy as usual around here.

The forth graders were loud, surprise, & there were a couple of a.s kissers in the group, surprise again, but they drew me pictures & one told me I was the best. I only made one boy cry though. I didn't give him a sticker for being particularly well behaved today. That's because he wasn't. Oh well, day's over.

So stph has shown up & managed to stay away from SF with her WH. Good job on that front.

Good for you 2much in instituting boundries with consequences when WH tries to overstep. Of course you'll keep us posted.

Hi Todd, hope you're well.

What else is new besides Pio's box of goodies?

Oh, it's Wednesday. Mexican night in Atlanta, that's one down 'til later.

Hi nams,

Doing well.

Tonight was to be Mexican cuisine but DS1 called me and we had Mexican for lunch. So, perhaps a healthy dinner again tonight. Ugh!

I thought you might have run off to the early bird special.

I was given about 8 bags of chips today from a friend whose H owns a grocery store. My boys practically wet themselves with delight when they saw me walk in with them. Now we all feel sick from junk. Not that Mexican food is junk of course, happens to be one of my favorites, but the chips...

I think I'm too tired for a marathon TKO session like last night. Some of you guys were here to the wee hours. I need my sleep. That's another benefit of being down the road from all the D crap, I sleep better.

I have a question for any medical professionals (ToddAC clears throat, ahem) in this thread. Periodically when reading a post, a line or two will appear as red font. Any clue what could be causing this?

No. Is it really red or just appears to be red to you?? If it's just your perception, it's probably another one of those weird side effects. Some people have auras before migraines where they look down and see purple grass as opposed to green and the like, and you have to charge it off to the brain going a bit hay-wire.

What color was the pico de gallo today????

I'm not a medical professional but where in the thread Todd? Maybe it is in red & not related to your illness.