OMG FC - no wonder you are in agony. OMG

I am beginning to get peace and to regain my former reasonable mind-set. Just the reasons for my A have become apparent to me from reading on this board and I can deal with most anything I can understand. If I asked why once, I must have asked a million times. I thought I had it all and had no need for an EA and it was truly a mystery to me why the OM had become so important to me.

You asked what my agenda was and I really have none other than to continue to get better and if there is some way I can prevent one other soul from undergoing the pain that I have then I am willing to talk until I am blue in the face.

I appreciate your non judgmental attitude towards me.

Uh oh FC, hold on tight, you're in for a ride.

Good morning!

I will have no children other than my own to make cry today.

I have let a million little chores pile up that MUST get done. They are waking me at night, no more procrastination!

Todd, I'm happy to hear you're calling your Dr. I'll talk with Sandi today to see if she experienced any of the visual side effects you have. I hope you slept well.

Pio, obviously I've missed the discussion of the cable tie "issue" you seem to have. Do you have all the cords in your house cable tied together & the ties are color coated to match the cords?

This would frighten me.

Hiya Nams - It's so funny being at the other end of they day. Today was a beautiful sunny day BTW.

FC - Thanks for sharing. It's great that you feel comfortable enough with us here to do that.

Nams, I have been on this ride ( withdrawal) for 2 years and all toll for 4 years. It's just beginning to slow down. Things are finally turning a corner for me. I finally have hope that I will be "normal" again some day soon.

I'll see you all again in 8 hours - MrsKahuna will be home soon.

Have a lovely day folks.

I'm in a cable tie crisis and all you want to do is talk about infidelity. Fine. If that's the way you want it, I'm going to the hardware store. And I might happen down the cable tie aisle. We'll see what happens.

FC,

You said you can see now why you had the A. Is it anything specific or just a gradual breakdown of boundaries? If it is specific, I'm not asking what that is, I'm just wondering why you are so sure you know why it happened. Almost a clinical diagnosis.

Thanks BigK have a good evening.

It was a sunny day here too. Imagine that.

Hi Pio, there were many things wrong with me and also in my marriage. But because of my stubborness and my H's we never realized that things were not right. We were busy raising 3 kids and he fighting against injustices in his career and I guess we just lost one another in all the chaos. I have poor self-esteem and that was a huge contributing factor and also I have abandonment issues that I had never worked through. Never had even admitted that I had them. I have had some very good counseling from people on line ( lay people) and they helped me do all this without my having to expose myself or even seek counseling. I am a pretty intuitive person, but was truly naive about my own motivations. Once illuminated, I could readily see them.

Before all this, I didn't even know what an EA was. Had absolutely no idea something like that existed. I thought all A's ended up in a bed. Wrong. Big mistake. I could have recovered from an inappropriate PA more readily than I could have this close intimate association with someone.

Pio, you would love my H. He has every tool known to man and probably a thousand different cable ties in every color known to man and every size too. Very handy man, has saved us thousands with his mechanical ability.
We even have a car lift in his garage.

FC, I'm glad you're feeling better & gaining some understanding.

So many people come here, the infidelity site in general, & don't own up to the fact they made the choice to cheat & it's theirs to own. You see a lot of weasle talk, that's when the "MB ride" get rough. That & not telling the spouse about the affair. Two biggies. That's what I was referring to when I said hold on you're in for a ride.

Are there any other MBers in SA? If so, PLEASE stage an intervention for Pio. Do it at the hardware store, not in front of his precious, sweet daughters. Do it right in the cable isle. Bring restraints, just make sure they aren't cable ties I think he'd like that far too much.

Yes, nams, I knew that if I told that I hadn't disclosed all to my h that I would probably take a severe bashing. That's one reason that I lurked for so long before posting. I think I can take that now without losing it and so here I am.

I have two problems completely unrelated to M, D or infidelity. Maybe y'all can help shed some light.

My dog has become frightened of something in the main living part of our house. She seeks out far corners, hides under the beds, won't sleep in her favorite spots. I have to drag her out to go to do her thing & her eating is sporatic. This has been going on for two days. Any ideas?

Second problem is my fridge. It beeps every couple of minutes. I actually wondered if this may be bothering the dog because it is a high pitched sound. The fridge is working fine. It is about 8 to 10 years old & has done this before & stopped on its own. I wonder if it's some kind of alarm & if so for what.

Noms, I don't know. I have never had a fridge that beeps. Mine always die unannounced. That would be a job for my handy H to trace the cause of that. I am the mechanically challenged one in this household.

And as for the dog, no telling. Call that pet psychic lady. LOL

Sorry, but I have no great insight into these things.

My story is a bit different from most here who have dealt with in fidelity. I can only tell you how I see how lack of fessing up affected me. You are in a far different place than I am or was so it may not be relevant but there may be something in it for you.

Just got a call from school a forgotten binder has to be rushed over but I'll be back.

fraidy cat,

We are misfits. That's already been covered. All we ask is that you be honest with your H. That is not to say that you have to tell him about your EA. But if you continue your EA or rekindle your EA and don't tell H, you will be in for a severe bashing like you can't imagine. You sound committed to your H and your M. You sound like your A is over and you have suffered the worst of withdrawal. Okay.

Well I have very few boxes left. The garage is a mess but I did get an agreement with the DDs to sell their jeep. DD1's only requirement is that we sell it to a four year old. She estimates that is the ideal age for the jeep. That will free up a lot of space. I have been working all morning on a plan to mount a spare tire on the gold cart. All was going great until I realized that the spare would only have about 1" of ground clearance. Now I am thinking of removing the front center headlight and seeing if there is space there. Gotta go take some measurements.

I have a fridge that has a battery in it to sound an alarm if the temperature rises above normal. When the battery is getting low, the fridge beeps to tell me that too. Mine has a 9V battery at the front bottom on one side.

About the house, I don't know. I lived in a haunted house in Mexico. I didn't believe in haunted houses until I lived in one. I should have gemela tell you about it. We had some really strange things happen. Before I got married to gemela, I used to go into the house really quickly and lock myself in my room. Gemela had far worse problems than I did with the house.

Take the dog to the vet. Could just be something simple like a UT infection. Animals behave strangely when they are sick.

No, there is no chance of a rekindling of the EA or even a continuance. And there is also no chance that my H will ever be told of it. Not because I am afraid of the consequences, but because i cannot hurt him in that manner. He's had a rough last 10 years professionally and I am not about to pile on with more garbage for him to deal with when it mostly resulted from being my problems anyway. He's been a very good H by most standards and the problems mostly were of my doing. I did not want to fall out of love with him. But for a number of reasons I did. I am now beginning to rekindle that love and that's where I belong now and have always belonged. I have know him for a total of 46 years and that's a pretty strong tie to someone to be able to break. I guess you could say, I took a short detour but now am back on the proper road.

Pio, you sound so energetic. Share your secret.

Hola

FC, maybe I've been on MB too long for my own good, at least one year before my registration date. Your story sounds too familiar to the story of a member who had several nicks. The only other poster that comes to my mind in the main thread of that poster is Owl.
The poster with the several nicks had two EA's or one EA and one PA. The last one sounds exactly as yours with a man who finally had a real relationship and left the affair.

I hope you are not her, sadly your personality comes too close, if you are not I beg your pardon sincerely.

What I can't understand is why OW and former OW find it suitable to post on a thread where two men are obviously in pain for the affair of their WW's. Todd and Pio. I can't imagine the pain and triggers they may feel everytime that an OW and or a former OW comes and justify her affair or affairs and the reasons for not telling the true.

Believe me when I tell you that I have nothing against you but I candide believe in MB guidelines and I agree with the definitions of abuse of Dr. Harley, one of which is lies. To lie or to hide the true from a spouse is abusive and controlling and I would add it's narcisist because the person that lies is thinking that knows better than her BS.

I wish I could welcome your story with a lighter attitude but I can't. It sadest me to no end the triggers Pio may get and I hope he doesn't and I hope he remembers he controls the effect that other stories have on his own.