Did you think you found a place that would support trickery and fraud? Apparently you aren't too "open minded" to opposing "truths," are you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Larousse, it feels like deva vu'! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Is dat you, Sarie?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Phew, ty Melody, I thought I was going nuts, more nuts I mean.

FC,



You do have a place here...just don't ask us to support LIES!

If you really want to R your M....maybe not now, but at one point, you will need to consider taking down the wall of lies between you and your S.

...try as you may....and you seem keen on doing THAT!... you will have to put your cards on the table to be able to regain the intimacy of your M...or continue to live a façade.

I am sorry if it may not be what you want to hear, FC....

A lie is a lie...no matter how you sugarcoat it!

Your BS cannot speak for himself....because he DOESN'T KNOW.... I would like to speak on his behalf...being a BS myself!

Dear WS (because that is what you still are, FC!)... you have no right to withhold information about my life because...

...in so doing, you are not allowing me to CHOOSE what I want or do not want in my life.....

...in so doing, you are taking away from me what is a fundamental right for everyone else....

...in so doing, you are only trying to protect YOURSELF from the consequences of your actions

...in so doing, you are NOT loving ME!

Melody, I am not going to fight with you over this. YOu can paint me with the broad brush of judgment, that's fine, I understand why you are bitter. But your truth is not universal and in this case it simply doesn't apply. And by abuse, I meant your disrespectful judgment of me.... someone whom you don't know and circumstances that you do not understand. You cannot understand them as you have not been told the whole story.

My obligation is to my H to make my behavior appropriate, not to this board. It is not always one size fit all.

I have received a lot of insight concerning my behavior on this board by lurking, and I am not so sure that that isn't what I should still be doing. I don't need to be accused of things which do not apply to me.

By reading for 2 years and lurking and having my experiences there is one thing that I have found, and that is we are all unique entities and our situations are unique in many respects. We may have a lot of things in common, but there are untold permutations of this age old relationship problem and i am striving for an objective look at my sitch and those of others.

I am not asking for your support of lies. I am simply telling you that this is the only way that my sitch can be handled. I am telling you that I have determined that this is the only prudent course of action for me to take. I know better than you that it's not optimal for the sake of my M but it will have to do as it's the best thing I can do.

And for the record, I do not consider that the life I am living now is a lie in any way. I will not deny that it was, but it is no longer the case. My A as it becomes more clear to me wasn't about loving someone, it was about loving how someone made me feel. I have discovered a lot about myself and I feel that I have made progress. Please don't try to tear down the very hard earned progress that I have made.

Fc, you may not be who I think you might be but too many coincidences.

In your first post you said you had something to solve with someone here.

You know a little of cancer. The poster I keep thinking on when I read your posts voluntered in a hospital and knew OM1 when he had cancer and was going to die. He didn't and the poster kept and ongoing affair EA for years.

The poster lived in a semirural area.

Ages match, justifications match.

If you are not her, great. I'm no one to tell anyone to go or to stay.

As a matter of fact, Pio....I didn't!

Thanks for the tip....I will try to remember it the next time a need to plug a 100 ft extension cord... as a matter of fact, given this HIGH a risk.... I may find a way to never ever have to again...LOL!

fc, it is NEVER appropriate to lie and defraud someone. Anyone who can "judge" right from wrong knows this. One does not have to be "bitter" to understand that simple truth. You can dress up a pig, but guess what? You just have a HAWG in a dress. And no one here is fooled by your rationalizations. There is nothing "unique" about lying and trickery, we see it on this board every day.

You obligation is to tell the TRUTH to your victim, not to TRICK him with continual LIES and this fraudulent pretense at "being friends." What an abhorrent, manipulative act of disrespect to your husband.

No one is accusing you of anything you have not done. You know very well it is the truth and that you are being dishonest and cruel. Your silly, self serving rationalizations might ring true in your own fogged out mind, but they will not work with sane people who are in touch with reality.

Larousse, I am not her ....whomever she may be. Sorry..... it may be a stunning coincidence, but I am only what I have represented here. I don't know how to prove a negative. For now, I guess I will just have to trust that you all will figure out that I am me and that's all.

Also for the record, I am a medical professional, and have had lots of experience with cancer through losses in my family. That's my only experience with that. OM is still alive and kicking and has had no cancer.

And Pio, I feel like I have been electrocuted. Wish I had seen the warning tags.

But would your husband agree with this reasoning? This is all very nice and self serving FOR YOU, but what about his best interest? Would he agree that it is in HIS best interest to be lied to and tricked like this?

Since these are facts about HIS life, shouldn't he have a say in all this? How is it that you, the rapist, feels qualified to make that determination for him? You see, fc, not telling him is cruel and manipulative. It makes his life a LIE. You are keeping him in a marriage based on a LIE.

And don't think that just stopping the affair and pretending to be friends changes anything. It doesn't. Because every day you don't tell him is another LIE added to the list of crimes. And believe me, he will see it like that. You have stolen this man's life by lying to him.

And to add insult to injury you allow him to be around the OM without knowing what he has done with his wife. That is very, very cruel, fc.

Ahh, side stepping the above for now...

I HAVE SOLVED THE PROBLEM OF THE BEEPING FRIDGE!

I called Whirlpool, first the person on the phone says I must have a counterfeit Whirlpool because I don't have the model # on a silver plaque in the place she INSISTS they ALWAYS are. I suggest I look in the frezzer for the plaque with the model number she says "No, it's NEVER there" Ok. So I look & there it is, the model number, not on a silver plaque, so she may be right I just may have a counterfeit Whirlpool, it's on a sticker with all kinds of pertinent information.

She's quite suspicious of me at this point but decides to "check this out" for me anyway. Three or four crappy songs later she's back to say no one has ever heard of a fridge "beeping", making other noises yes, but not beeping. She tells me the controlls might need to be reset. Unplug the fridge for a few minutes then plug it back in & all should be well. If not she gave me a repair center name. Quite helpful even though she's snippy.

OK, I unplug...I STILL hear the beeping. I think maybe there is a battery as Pio suggested. I search, no place I can find. I listen, the beeping may not be coming from in the frige, maybe on top. I check, nothing. I wait,...beep!

I check the drawers next to the fridge...there is a smoke detector with a battery that needs to be replaced & that's what's been beeping. I wn't tell you for how long <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />. Ahhh.

I have to see if the dog will want to come back into the main parts of the house again now that the scary noise is gone.

Honesty is the FIRST STEP in recovery. You have not taken even the FIRST STEP. There is no progress here at all. Not only do you continue to deceive your victim, but you are dishonest with yourself. Honesty is the SOLUTION to adultery, not more lies, fc.

Melody, let's consider a scenario. Suppose I was Todd's wife. And I realized that what I had done was wrong but instead of denying what I had done and distancing myself from my H who was having his own troubles, I was able to ensure that he never find out. I could support him, make his life comfortable, go back to loving him, solve my marriage problems without having to hurt him. Which choice do you think would be the more loving choice. I have lived in silence with this for 4 years, it never dawned on my H that there was a problem and I don't want to make him feel worse or downgrade his quality of life. It's not a justification for my remaining friends with my exOM. It's a necessity for not hurting my H. He's had quite enough to contend with and I am recovering nicely and things are improving, why would I want to inflict this upon him?? So I can have a perfect marriage?? Thanks I'll suck it up and pass. He's happy. He has no idea. I owe him more than that. I feel it would be cruel to pull the rug out from under him and destroy his illusions.

Just tryin to be "open minded" here............. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nam <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey, Todd has a wife, sort of, still.

And Melody, quit making fun of me with the little smiley faces. I can see your point and I understand it, it simply isn't the best course of action for me given my H's troubles and his personality. I can make this a good marriage, it was for 33 years and I have faith that it can be pretty dapq good again. I have every reason to want it to succeed. Three wonderful kids, 2 grand kids and it was my problem not his. There is no longer any type of emotional tie to OM, we are on our separate paths, but we still have to be friendly to one another. It was never love, it was always friendship, I just mistook it for love.

I just hate to sit idle. I was able to assemble the lamp while getting a soothing foot massage and watching North Shore (except for the parts I missed to: make the strawberry milk, get the DVD player working for DD2, vcuum all the styrofoam balls off the floor from the lamp packaging, get DD1's bike out of the garage, fight with DD1 to take a shower (I'm the worst dat again and she hates me), brush her hair and make her a peanut butter sandwich). At the very end Jason got in a car and it blew up only minutes after marrying Nicole. I'm guessing it was a season finale.

I did strim the hedge and corkscrew the trees this afternoon on gemela's garden. That doesn't mean anything, does it?

fc, it is cruel - and MANIPULATIVE - to have affairs and deceive people about their own lives. Let's consider another scenario. Let's consider that your H might feel like HE is a grown man and HE should be the one to make decisions about his own life based on the truth. Because illusion is right.

And your rationalizations are self serving bullcrap. Your H has already been hurt by your affair and is being hurt with every passing day that you continue to decieve him about his life. You are the last person who is qualified to determine what is best for your H. You are the one who inflicted the harm.

You are keeping him in a marriage based on a lie. You are manipulating him into staying with you.

People are not happy living lives based on illusions. What you are saying is incredibly disrespectful and assumes that your husband cannot handle the truth.

Honesty is the solution to infidelity, not more LIES. You owe your husband the TRUTH, not more lies.