BigK,


See what happens when you are not there to keep us in line?...LOL!

'xcuse me....that would be 'overday' for this part of the world!

Okay Noodle, you're right. I am worn out from all this today it's not worth it to me to undergo this, I didn't ask for any of it I made the mistake of being honest with Big K and it went from there.

I am a terrible, selfish person, I am dishonest, I disrespect my H, I have manipulated him and I have no common decency. Now are you happy? BTW there is no hope for me to recover my integrity, I never had any in the first place. I hopped into bed and slept with my OM, I never questioned the morality of it, I turned my back on a dying husband, I lied continuously, I still lie and I have perpetuated the affair to this very day. I have torn apart the very fabric of my family and i am not trying to fix any of my own problems. NOT. Just who in the world do you think I am? I am not any of the above. I am just a convenient person for to take your anger out on. I guess you have no appropriate person to take your bitterness out on. I am sorry for you. Why don't you and Melody open up a board for bitter women who aren't healed or happily married and think they are. Both of you need a dose of your own honesty. I have a very realistic take on my sitch. I am not bashing people who come here to learn. Nor do I say I am completly happy in my recovery or marriage. And I do not, above all, think I am the only one who has a right to an opinion.

I see that both of you have been here in excess of 5 years. It tells me that you are not moving forward with your own recoveries very well. I'd think by now, you'd be more interested in finding happiness than in bashing others.

Mel, I agree with you.

I know that this thread is now causing distress to people who have come to view it as their safe haven.

I respectfully ask you, FC, to take this from this thread and start your own thread.

Fraidy cat..

No amount of foot stomping and posturing and speculation about my own recovery will change the fact that you are choosing to be a liar in an attempt to protect yourself from the consequences of your choices.

If you don't like it..if you can't look at your behavior without rationalizing it...change it to behavior that you CAN be proud of.

It is too bad you can't see that people are trying to help you understand that by confessing to your husband you have a chance to create a more intimate marriage than before your A; that you can live your life with more integrity that you are at present. I don't see how your perceive that as bashing.

Like I suggested earlier: Listen to the radio program from today. Click on the Marriage Builder's Radio Live button on the top right of the page.

Actually, during an A that is exactly what you are.

I can admit that and I'm an FWW. Why can't you?

Anyway, as I said, this is causing distress to people who don't need any more distress in their lives right now. (Not me BTW).

Just for the record, I am totally OK with Stef flirting - I WANT her Husband to want her and flirt with her. Stef's Plan A is kicking [censored]

Erm, you said you hadn't "got the chance" to sleep with the OM. Which is it?

OK Now that is flat out almost the most hilarious thing I have read on this thread.

LMAOPMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kiwi, I am admitting it. I am mea culpa'ing as fast as I can. I am also apologizing for the hurt that I brought to this thread, it was not my intent. I did not mean to invade anyone's safe haven, nor did I mean to make it an unsafe place. I answered a few questions truthfully and look where it got me. All I can say is I am sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut, I knew better but thought that I might be perceived as a sincere person. Obviously that's not going to happen.

Just so you will know Noodle, I never asked for help. i didn't want to reveal my situation because I knew that there would be bigots here who wouldn't understand. But I do want to make it clear that I have the highest respect for the MB principles and especially for a few of the people who are on this thread.

No, I never slept with anyone. I was a virgin when I entered this marriage and I have not had any type of physical relationship with anyone except my H. Period, end of story. That was sarcasm, I thought you all would have caught it.

Alright, BigK...SIGH!...just think it's a bit playing with fire...

...OTOH...as you all know...I have been 'out of that game' for a while...LOL!

...uhmmm....BigK....even though you weren't here....your name did come up a few times....

Not bigots FC. Hurting people and people who have been through this and come out the other side.

Keeping your mouth shut would have enhanced the dishonesty and, like all dishonesty, would have reached the light of day eventually.

Yes, people have been hurt by this being brought to the thread. People you profess to respect.

All I can say is I am sorry. That's the very best I can do. If you don't accept my apology I cannot make you.

Kiwi...I am glad, though, it came out sooner rather than....later!

Liar---->"A person who tells lies"

Bigot--->"A person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion."

Well I am admittedly intolerant of liars...utterly even.

So it's a fair assertion and one I stand behind proudly...can you say the same?

Are you proud to be a liar? Is it your opinion, creed, or belief that liars are admirable people?

I am proud to say that so far, my marriage has not sustained the kind of damage that most have around here. I am not proud of my behavior or of my solution and I am not an admirable person. I never professed to be any of the above. I merely professed to being human. I am sorry if it offends you. I was being honest and I am still being honest.

You all can have a field day. I have to go somewhere and I am sure that it will be the sport de jour to continue hashing this out. I am too tired to fight with any of you any more. This isn't why I came here and I didn't want to hurt anyone.

See now FC - I do not appreciate this at all. This is an attack on this group and is very disrespectful.

We all offer advice here - you get what you pay for. Stef, for her part, has to weigh the advice she receives but at the end of the day it is her decision whether or not to act on it. Stef has followed the advice for the most part and she is changing and her husband is responding. She will never get her [censored] kicked for not doing EXACTLY what anyone tells her and I resent your implications otherwise.

For my part, I chose not to engage with you on the issues raised by others because it seemed to me you were pretty closed minded about doing what anyone told you contrary to the best available MB advice. I don't throw pearls before swine - if I know someone will not listen, I am not going to waste my time with them by telling them what they already KNOW they should do but steadfastly REFUSE to do.

In a nutshell, it is my contention, and I have posted such here many times, that without NC 100% inviolable NC, recovery from an affair is impossible. Not telling your husband is a violation of Radical Honesty. You are wrong FC IMO but it doesn't do me or you any good by my saying it.

I don't know if indeed you are Sarie/Blessed Time/IWRA or any of her other nicks. Time will tell.

I don't want to fight Big K. I guess I just don't understand what is expected around here. I didn't ask for advice, I was learning plenty without causing problems for everyone. I am sorry if you think that I was attacking the group. I really didn't intend to be doing that. I was just trying to defend myself. Obviously, there is no defense for my behavior according to everyone around here.

I just felt that such an aggressive approach wasn't helpful to me and I didn't appreciate being called names.

I will admit that i am a swine, a rattlesnake and every other insulting appelation that you all can think of and I will also say that the principles of MB are pearls. What more can you ask of me?

there's no point in causing this much trouble for anyone on this board.

Hi.
Is anyone there to give me advice?
I went through WH cell phone bill of September last night and I found 5 phone calls to OW (NC since June, he was saying). I confronted him. he said it was just business that was unfinished and after "fight" promised to send another NC letter and not be in touch with OW.
Now I saw that in August he was also calling her. How can he lie so much? Our recovery was going pretty OK. Or I guess not. I don't know how to handle it. Please help.
Should I tell him it's over? What should I do?