These are more excuses. Try again.

Call it what you want it is the truth and nothing but. The entire family wishes he would seek professional help for his depression, but he will not do it. I cannot make him want to be better and I certainly don't want to do anything to make him worse.

FC you are incredibly disrespectful to your husband. Do you not even see that?

My friend told me when I hadn't told Rob about the A that Rob may well get so down when he heard about my A that he would kill himself. She said, you know he adores you, this may be the last straw especially as he's been so depressed.

Instead he chose to fight like a dog for me.

You HAVE made it worse by having an affair, so spare me the rationalizations. It is NOT the truth that he "will commit suicide," that is an exaggerated hypothetical that you have manufactured as an excuse to continue to defraud him. Try again.

My H had to deal with the fact that 6 MONTHS after his father died I was having an A.

TRUTH is the solution, fc, not more lies. Your H senses something is very wrong and can't quite put his finger on it. He is probably starting to think he must be CRAZY because he can't validate his suspicions. I would wager this subterfuge is contributing to his depression.

It's funny because I do exactly that for the DD's all the time. I don't tell them the whole truth about many things in order to get them to do what I want them to do without a big fuss. I think they are too young to be given all the facts and then POJA a decision. I have never done that with gemela. Sometimes I wish I had and I was severely tempted. She didn't really need to know the whole truth because the outcome was unavoidable but I told her anyway.

All I know is I don't want a marriage based on an illusion. I only want to stay married of that is what gemela truly wants. I don't want to be second choice. I can do much better than that. Being alone is better than that.

I became a BS because I was lied to. Gemela's affair didn't happen as a ONS. Every step of the way she could have been honest with me and possibly even avoided the whole thing. Maybe not. I agree with Todd (you have no idea how much that hurts to say!) in that honesty is priority one right now in my sitch.

Shock, horror - you ACT LIKE A PARENT with those poor innocent little girls.

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At least two people did.

Done, I am serious those are my reasons and my whole family knows that he is in a fragile state. I am not going to be the one to push him over the edge. You see, I love him. Believe it or not. I would like nothing better than to be able to tell him and not have to worry that it would precipitate a horrendous event for him. But we have all pleaded with him for years to seek help and he refuses. I know my H like the back of my hand. I have know him for 46 years and been married to him for 37 of those years. We have a wonderful family, the kids are so good and the grandkids are a delight, why would I want to ruin all that for him or them. It's not me I am so concerned about. I would obviously be devastated if he died by his own hand upset about something I did. But i don't want to rob anyone in our family of what we have managed to have. All for my lousy self-esteem. I don't think so. And even though it sounds awful to you, it's pretty good by most people's standards.

Ahem, Pio, I hate to bring this up but I've warned you before about t/jing this thread.

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Pio is so right. The lies are the worst part.

You're right Pio. But why make others hurt. I feel that would be very selfish of me.

Ooh, I'm glad you mentioned "H". For a minute I thought you were talking about me. I think you pretty much summed me up there.

You're a very nice man Pio.

Those are just more excuses for cruelty. I have been here for 5 years and have yet to hear of a BS who tried to commit suicide when told the truth. You are doing nothing more than manufacturing excuses. Rather, they were very grateful for the truth because it allowed them to validate their suspicions and save their marriage or end it if they chose.

You are denying your H the right to make that choice about his own life, fc. You are manipulating him into staying married to you based on a lie. That is not LOVE. No wonder he is depressed.

You are not being honest and you not being loving to your H, fc. I am convinced you are only interested in saving your [censored], because you are not truly interested in your H's best interest, that much is clear. Try again.

As it turns out, I have quite a lot of experience with this. Do you want it to be over? gemela keep up her calls to OM on and off for a long time (5 months at least). I was advised to not make an issue out of it. It is important that NC be established but you cannot force it. Don't make any rash decision and definitely don't get in a fight about it.

I think most WS's violate NC and especially given the opportunity. It doesn't mean your M is over. Only you decide that.

FC, it's more selfish to not give someone control over their own life.

BTW where did you get the idea that Pio is a very nice man. That hasn't been my experience.

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nurse, maid and nursemaid - medical attention, house cleaning and SF all in one bundle.