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She did live in France for a while after all. Just to set the record straight.... I never lived in France..... although I probably wouldn't mind.... if only not to upset you, Todd... (Kiwi, are you listening???? ....) BTW.... I thought members were not allowed to send private emails to members of the opposite sex.... is that right, Kiwi?
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Only the 2 oldest boys - one with me, one with my wife..... Ohhhhh...love the pics, BigK.... How many kids do you have in all?
XBW
DS16 & DS22
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Sorry BigK....
Just noticed your signature line.....
XBW
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Edited by larousse (10/08/06 02:31 AM) Now, Larousse.... that's not fair!
XBW
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...or I am going to lobby the moderators to change some rules...... so that deletions of posts be delayed by at least one day....or until LUNA has read them...LOL!
XBW
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I have joined Stph20 in the no SF... actually, 2much.... you're in a bigger crowd than you think! ...and I won't name names...LOL!
XBW
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Am I the only one thinking why can't my spoude be like BK, Todd, Pio, Kiwi, Nams, Larousse, Luna and all the other wonderful people here...how did I get hooked up with the king of disappointment??? Sorry but I am the king of disappointment and I am not aware that I abdicated. I think gemela has it far worse than you.
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...or I am going to lobby the moderators to change some rules...... so that deletions of posts be delayed by at least one day....or until LUNA has read them...LOL! Well I have this thread on my favorites toggle and in My Profile, I have the option selected to receive emails of posts to my favorite threads so I get all the original posts with no edits. Just FYI. It is far easier than fighting with the mods.
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Hi Luna,
I know that you have never lived in France but it makes a good story line and I will stick with it.
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Am I the only one thinking why can't my spoude be like BK, Todd, Pio, Kiwi, Nams, Larousse, Luna and all the other wonderful people here...how did I get hooked up with the king of disappointment???? My thoughts on this, 2much... is that when we married our spouses they were not WS.... Both myself and WS, initially, were totally committed to having a family, kids, etc. etc. Both had/have the potential to become a WS..... The one difference I notice between a BS and a WS..... is that a BS is better at protecting the 'weaknesses'...and better at respecting the committment to M and family I find a WS may not be as aware of 'weaknesses', or does not consider them too seriously, or may be too proud to admit to them, may have problems with boundaries (and this may be due to 'baggage' that required some 'work' which was not done)..... until it's too late.....and faced with the hard work of fessing up to bad choices and repairing the damage.... chooses what at first seems to be the 'easier' road.... and avoid the WHOLE MESS! ...but I also see a WS who does not want to do the hard work....choosing to go down further and further down the path of denial, selfishness, lies, chaos, shame, regrets (to name a few) I also know that, even though I am not a BS by choice.... I have learned a lot about myself through the process of surviving an A... and have had to dig deep to find the strength and courage to first, stay afloat, and then to continue to fulfil my responsibilities towards those I that I care for..... and this has set me on a path of self-discovery ...and, believe it or not, I care about my S very much.... and I strongly believe that PLAN B, if it is at first and foremost a choice to protect me from the self-destruction path WS has taken, I do believe that as a secondary benefit, it is an action that will also help WS 'face' the consequences of his actions... and hopefully to realize that a healthy R cannot be maintained with attempts to justify one's actions with excuses, lies, denial and rewriting of history, etc. ...which is why, given a choice, I would rather be a BS than a WS... ...if only to be a part of this terrific group! ((((((((((((TKO))))))))))))))))))
Last edited by lunamare; 10/08/06 04:00 PM.
XBW
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Just FYI. It is far easier than fighting with the mods. Thanks, Pio. ...I wasn't really serious about this.... ...I also should have known that I could count on you...
XBW
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I know that you have never lived in France but it makes a good story line and I will stick with it. Good to hear....I was worried that your memory may have been playing tricks on you and didn't want to say it!
XBW
DS16 & DS22
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My thoughts on this, 2much... That is the nicest post you have ever written.
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First I look and say, WTH is a "spoude"...great spelling on my part...maybe a new name for WH?????
Luna...thank you...you made my day and yes I agree about the journey of self-discovery, I'm just frustrated and emotional today...I am plagued by the PMS hormones which always like to wreak havoc on my stormtrooper emotions and prove I really am a marshmallow on the inside...hate to face the truth myself at times...ok always...confession...I detest confrontation as much as lies and game playing which of course is why this sitch has gotten to this level...DEFCON 3...I must now step away from the keyboard and regroup
post later
hugz all
church and soccer bound...
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That is the nicest post you have ever written. Thanks, Pio.... ....did you miss the one about my inner conflict of SF while in PLAN B? ....if you ever consider PLAN B.....let me know...I will try to dig it up for you! ....I am glad it was a 'temporary' phase....to all of you wanting to send me to take a cold shower on a regular basis.....are you listening?
XBW
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....to all of you wanting to send me to take a cold shower on a regular basis.....are you listening? Of course not.
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First I look and say, WTH is a "spoude"...great spelling on my part...maybe a new name for WH????? Hey 2much. How are you? Don't feel badly. I typed bride for bribe and completely changed the meaning of what I had intended. There is no shortage of those in this thread seeking to capitalize on Fruedian slips. I never understood fully why Frued wore slips. I guess to hide his legs.
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....did you miss the one about my inner conflict of SF while in PLAN B? Yes I did. Just like you have never seen the post about my dream which has been the single most significant event of my adult life. I doubt anyone could find it now. It is long buried here in another thread.
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Actually, Pio...here it is.... ...seeing that my philosophy is, more or less, that there is only a very thin line separating a BS and a WS...and that we are all vulnerable.... and that the best defense to NOT having an A really lies in self-discovery.... and that a WS may just be taking the long way home by losing his/her way.... ...I realize that I work with images..... and I do see our lives as a land filled with beauty but also mines... that will explode in our faces if not detected.... the sooner they are located....the better we can deal with them! ...I also think this might help you to see G. as someone who needs help... who has taken a wrong turn.... but, bottom line, who wants the same things as you....cares very much about you....her beautiful two daughters...her family.....but she has JUST lost her way and right now can't figure out how to get back on track..... ...maybe...if you could keep this thought in mind.... you will see G. more as a 'lost soul' rather than an enemy of your M and little family out to harm you..... and see if you can it find in your heart to give her another chance (even though she may not be deserving of one), give her the time and patience (given the major error in judgement she has made) and the space to try to make it up to you (even though she knows very well she can never fully do that).... ...how to do this..... while at the same time 'protecting' yourself and the father of your two daughters from harm.... is what I consider to be the challenge you are facing... ...and you know what Pio?.... I think you will rise to the occasion, one way or the other... your family needs a 'hero'... and I think you are MA MAN! ((((((((((PIO))))))))))))))))) I will need to catch up, again….but thought I would start the day with this post to you all (before I forget what I want to say)!
The ‘moment’ has passed…and thanks to you all…without toooo much damage done!
I intend to stay on course and ‘stick it out’ as I promised myself…the two-year mark before getting a D paper….that way, I will be at peace with myself, no regrets, knowing that I will have given S a chance and enough time to ‘resurface’ should he want to…..
…which is why you are all getting a big cyberspace hug from me
(((((((((((TKO group))))))))))))
(in particular, you Todd, …are you listening Kiwi???…LOL!)
Had you not all been there…for me to come to…and put myself ‘out there’ FIRST…I would not have seen what I saw…and could have gotten myself into a lot of trouble!
What I saw… was a person on her way to ‘losing herself’…no more no less…getting herself on a path that I now believe…a WS may initially take….and DOES get lost, and that is: justifying acting on IMPULSE… (or even worse, acting on impulse then needing to justify it….as would be, I think, more true to the scenario of a WS)
When I heard myself asking you all, and myself: Why not?? WS has moved out… WS has chosen to be with OW…. WS has dumped me… my needs are not being met and they should… and the cruncher: a D is only a piece of paper, AFTERALL!
I heard a little voice in me telling me: OK, kiddo…if a D is only a piece of paper, then first get it…. before getting involved with anyone else…in ANY WAY!
…to do it any other way…would mean compromising my standards!
As a responsible adult, I need to take care of myself, my boys, and the wider circle of all those ‘I care for’….. and in particularly, my boys…because, if before they had two responsible adults in their lives…now one of them has taken a wrong turn (hopefully temporarily, or not!) and is taking the long way back home….or may stay lost…
The pressure is on, for me, to not lose my head as well!
When I saw myself lowering my standards for SF….. when throughout my life, for me, it only has meaning as an expression of a ‘special connection’ with another person…. I saw myself starting to take a path that could ‘spiral me down’…… because sex without a true ‘connection’….I believe is harmful to the soul…and will leave you lonelier than before…. and comparable to ‘prostituting’ my body…. trying to fill the hole that is in me right now……knowing that nothing, really, can fill it…..
For my own respect, and the respect of any other future person in my life….. as hard as it is…. I will have to continue on my path to ‘closing’ the door to one person…..before opening it up for another…..
It’s just the way it’s going to have to be!
As far as SF being fulfilled….it will just have to wait…. or take up suggestions made by Larousse, BigK, Nams, Todd, and others…..
Again, thank you, my friends, from the bottom of my heart….. I will forever be indebted to you all… because of you…I caught myself in the nick of time…. and was able to take the ‘shorter’ path HOME!
...one mine disactived....where is the next one?
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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