I thought she said her challenge was PMS so I guess I will give that a miss.

Can't put the URLs in the sig line - it rejects me.

....OR.... are you draaawwwwnnn by the subject....by magic!

luna, I'm sorry to hear about your father. Mine is 85 & has been hospitalized a few times over the past year for heart related trouble. I was lucky enough to see him today. He lives 2 hours away, nothing compared to a day's drive. My family does the exact same thing to me. I usually find out my father is having problems a few days after the fact. I know they mean well but it's annoying...

Thanks Nams...

you're prolly right luna!

gotta go be back later.

Nams,

about 2much's challenge....and your own questions....

...the first thought that comes to my mind...bottom line... is that ALL is somehow related to some FEAR.....

...fear of being alone
...fear of losing our family
...fear of not being loved
...fear of not being accepted
...fear of not realizing our dream

...and so the question becomes.... how to better FACE our fears..... overcome them.... and not be manipulated by them.....

...and the only answer I come up with is: to dig deep down to find the strength and courage to do what needs to be done....INSPITE of the fear.... inspite of the urge for 'flight'.....

Good morning everyone. Thanks for all your nice words.

Pio - Try making the URL's shorter or the descriptions shorter. 500 characters doesn't go very far.

I rest on the Bart Simpson defense:

I didn't do it.

Nobody saw me do it.

You can't prove a thing.

Nams, as I am sure you know, I am currently struggling with my own reactions and inability or unwillingness to NC with my WW so I am not sure I can offer any insight. But I will do my best.

The problem with infidelity is that a spouse takes something that is supposed to be exclusive and shares it with another. Discovery of an affair is such a great insult to the senses and emotions that one cannot help but come away from DD feeling insecure and tentative about the love their spouse has for them.

At the same time, BS love for the WS just doesn't simply melt away because of an A. The feelings of insecurity and loss can make the BS needy, even more needy than before DD. Hence, I believe it is natural for the BS to stay with the WS, at least initially. Also, I think most people believe in forgiveness and letting the ideals of marriage survive regardless of the impositions placed on them.


Were you following MB and Plan A at the time? If so, then that explains it. If not, again, you were severely damaged by the one person who vowed to protect you and honor you. Who is best suited to repair the damage? The same spouse who brought hurt to you, hence one develops an unrealistic reliance on the likelihood of WS withdrawing from the fog and returning to his "good sense".


Are you a giver? That would explain part of it. My observation has been that most marriages consist of a giver and a taker. Perhaps a better sitch is to have a giver and a receiver, with the two playing both parts at appropriate times.


Again, most people want their marriage to work and it becomes a habit of sorts. Continuing with a bad or unhappy marriage is the path of least resistance; getting out of one is extremely hard.


Inertia. A body in motion, or in a marriage, tends to stay in motion, or in a marriage.


I read an article which claimed that the typical defense of “staying for the kids” is usually not accurate, that a spouse will stay in a marriage for various reasons, i.e., fear of the unknown, financial difficulties, fear of being alone, of scorn of ridicule of others who are still in marriages, etc. I used to believe that a couple should stay together for the sake of kids. I still believe that a couple should take extraordinary measures before D, but I also believe that there comes a time when D is the right answer as sad as it is. Hmm…..I just got off the phone with DS3. I need to read this paragraph over and over.


Yes

No.

Hi Luna,

I am so sorry to hear about your Father. I guess I can understand how a man's reaction to a disease can be so different to a woman's. Men, or at least myself, want to be invincible for their family. Be a good husband, good Father, good provider, teacher, etc. When disease strikes, it is such a setback to all of those things. My first reaction was: how do I tell my sons? I have been their Superman, almost literally. I have such a great relationship with my sons that I did not want to disappoint them with news of my tumor. I truly viewed it as a weakness on my part and I never wanted them to view me as weak. Since I have sons, I wanted to be the perfect role model for them.

Luna, if I can offer any advice, please let your Dad know that it is not his fault, as obvious as it may sound, and that you love him despite anything in the world. I know this is obvious to both of you, but trust me, he will be better for hearing it.

I just tuned in to the last 15-20 minutes of "Forest Gump". I saw the scene where Jen-nay tells Forest that he is the Father of little Forest. Instantly, Tom Hanks' eyes dart, then fill with tears and he asks as he steps away from Jenny: Is he like me or is he smart?

What an actor! I watched Cast Away last night and absolutely incredible acting. Anyway, just trying to get the thread back on topic.

On Topic? What be dat?

Off topic is anything to do with infidelity so on topic has a wide berth.

Thanks bigK. I shortened them and they fit. I was counting characters and could not see how I had gone over 500 but I just deleted enough so that it finally accepted it. Obviously larger size is higher video quality (bigger is better).

Should I buy flowers for tonight or not? I'm perplexed amd want opinions. Would that send a wrong message?

Buy flowers Pio.

Loved the video too.

I would not buy flowers. Wrong message considering the circumstances. And I am a buy flowers kind of guy.

Hi guys,

Thanks Todd, for taking the time to consider my questions. I came up with pretty much the same answers you did & felt, still feel, they aren't satisfactory. They seem pat.

I guess I was expecting something more revealing, something that said more about me than I didn't want a difficult change. That's kinda what it boils down to.

Pio is talking about flowers, does that mean G is due home tomorrow?

If so, I agree with you Todd, no flowers.

Todd...I knew the news would be hitting 'close to home' for you...

...and, yes, my dad took great pride in playing the role of the provider and protector... this must be hard for him to face that it may no longer be so....

he's not good with words...but, when I think of my dad, I think of the man who patiently waited in the car when he came to pick me up after work when, as a young student I worked part-time (worked a few nights a week and on weekends)... even if he had to get up early and was tired at night, he never ever missed ONE time from driving me to work and then coming back to pick me up..... he did this for YEARS.... this for me is the image I carry with me of a 'devoted' father...