It's your fault - you keep switching threads yourself.

Yes - you can go to bed - you've been good.

Goodnight Kiddo.

Yeah - I'm fine Todd - Thanks for asking. Had a lovely time out with my wife today.

Are you OK?

Thanks for your help tonight BigK. If nothing else, you got laughs out of me!

Feel free to post to me again on my thread, I just replied. I'll be back in the morning.


How are you doing Todd?

Stef I consider it an honour reaching out and helping you and others. All the crap I've been through has to have some meaning right?

Is that the KiwiJ version of a cyberhug? I agree. I need to get my head out of my a**.

Good morning Todd,

Just caught up with all the posts from tonight. It was heavy traffic - guess it was peak hour.

It didn't sound like it was a pleasant phone call for you.

Are you okay?

BigK,

That thread is a loser. It clearly demonstrates why BS and WS should not cross post on the same thread. Everyone else has always been discouraged from doing it yet these two persist. If each would get their own thread, I could see much benefit to all. It isn't always what you post. People who come here are generally not very emotionally stable. One wrong word can have a huge impact even if it was not the intent. Things are often taken out of context. But just to be safe and since you are clearly a troublemaker, I have not put you on my ignore list just to be safe.

BTW, Yes I am not happy and yes it is true that I also have no bananas today. If you don't mind, I really don't want to spend a lot of time talking about my lack of communication with gemela at the moment. I think I need to be patient and give this some time and just plan on being unhappy for a while. If I discuss it a lot, I will lose patience and will likely try to force the issue. That time will necessarily come but I don't think it is today.

I need to go back into pain-endurance mode for just a bit. Please try and understand. We all knew she was not in Plan B and she did not come back with a change in heart. Let's not rewrite history and pretend she did. I am working out again. I have a little more time for that so I am happy about that. I can lift heavier (anger?) thinking about my sitch and my unhappiness so that is a positive.

I am just being me. I am not worrying too much about gemela. I am not generally planning my activities around hers. I help her where I can and definitely when she needs it (heavy/hard/high stuff).

We are just nowhere near recovery plain and simple.

That's cool Pio - but keep posting here because it's cathartic for you and good for all of us. I just wanted you to know we have seen a change in you since G came back and Kiwi noticed it too. I guess we are all concerned for YOU first and then your marriage if that makes sense. Thanks for not ignoring me - I would be getting quite a complex!!

LOL

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anyone? Did BigK say something? Darn "ignore" filter! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Correction: I have NOW put you on my ignore list just to be safe. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL Pio.

Troublemaker? You would have many more posters in your ignore list. And I thought not having a vowell was enough. I'm touched you have created a whole new category for me.

I hate to disillusion you but lemonman created the category and remains President. Not that I respect you less - he just has tenure.

Is that DS3? Just remember to decide what you want. Don't let someone else, no matter who that is, decide it for you. Nobody should have to put up with what you do. You don't owe anybody anything.

Okaaaaayyyy....

Pio,

I think poolboy is a non-issue. That's all he is and all he'll ever be - poolboy. She lusted after him, did him, and now he is done. He is not even in the ballpark with you.

The way you feel is perfectly normal. "False recovery" may be a koolaid phrase but everyone can agree that it sucks and is very painful. If she is not there with bells on to earn your respect back, IMVHO, she should not be there or her mere presence will be he11 on you - as it is. Do not let her use you for a convenient and very comfortable meal ticket.

I hope you get that IC. You need two plans: one for the two of you if you decide to continue with the marriage and one for how you two are going to live two seperate lives with the girls. Please don't wing this as it comes. Are there any attorneys you can talk with so at least you are prepared if it goes that way? What country would Gamela live in if you divorced? Would you stay in Saudi? What about the girls?

S.

Hello everybody,

I am up to date...just been lurking...I guess I have been mentally preparing myself for my trip back home...

It will be the first time in 20 yrs that it will not be done as a family...in my new status of a separated spouse... doing literally the long drive by myself... much more pleasant and less exhausting when shared..I am glad though that the boys are coming with me! ...creating new history! ...and unfortunately...at the other end there is my dad...who is recuperating from an operation and who will start a six-month treatment this very week or in the next few weeks (waiting for wound to heal)...

I do expect it to be a physically, emotionally and psychologically draining trip... and I do know that when I expect the worse it never really is THAT BAD!

I know that I will be OK... after having had to face so many challenges this past year...

...but still...not looking forward to the 'rollercoaster' ride....I guess I have had enough of it this past year to last me awhile...

Anyway...just thought you should all know that you are all taking the trip with me... as you are all in my heart...and I will be thinking of you all!

Take care. I will be back in three days.

Let these me my last words:

I feel lucky to know you all... and am proud to be part of a group who tries to face the adversities of life...with integrity!

I love you all. Bye.

I would plan to remain in Saudi. She says that if we divorce, she is going to do her best to get me fired from here so I can't live in Saudi. So she is threatening me. I asked how she would do that. Would she have more affairs and create a scandal? Would she have car accidents (I'm held responsible for her tickets and accidents)? She is just threatening. I have told her I am unhappy now that she is back and I was happier with her gone. I told her that she can stay through Christmas and then we should separate permanently. She says she won't go. She says she decided to try to work on the M. I said that was typical. She decides what she wants to do and I have no say. She decides to have an A and does it. She decides she wants to go to Mexico and does it. She decides she wants to come back and does it. I have a choice too. My choice is divorce. She doesn't make me happy and continues to blame me for her affair. I want to get on with my life and move forward and do it without her. I refuse to let her hurt me again. I would rather be alone.

I told her she can blame me for breaking up the family. I will never tell the DDs she had anything to do with it - it was my choice and my fault. She can go without a guilty conscience - she just needs to go. I told her I'm tired of all this and I am tired of her. I tried for a year with no help from her and now I am done.

She says she has been wanting to talk to me but has been waiting for the right time. Right. I told her we will pretend to be all happy and smile until after Christmas and then she has to go. Period. We do need to agree on visitation. Living in separate countries makes joint custody an impossibility. No lawyer would ever attempt it. I'm not giving up the DDs.

Funny story about "stuff". When I was promoted/transferred to Boston, the whole family went up one July. It was raining and 46 degrees F in the People's Republic so we sat in the hotel room watching television. There was some show in which a teen age girl was being interviewed. She was asked to tell a little of herself. She said blah blah blah, and I live with my Mom and stuff. Immediately, I said, who is stuff, their dog?

Well, a few years later, we got a dog. Guess what we named him? Stuff. The kids remembered the comment and said let's name him Stuff. Different but true.

Okay, he appears to be twelve or so. That little kid really pisses me off. He is waaaay too young to be that good.

JK, he truly is amazing. Wow.