If I had a nickel for everytime I have told that story.... What happened over the years is that people would ask what's your dog's name? Stuff. Stuff? How in the world did you pick the name stuff? So, there goes the story again. Some people looked at me so seriously and said: no I think the girl just mean "my mom and stuff" as teen slang. No hock, Sherlock.

Our most recent dog was named Cedar. That invited all the requisite questions about the reason for his name. When he was a puppy, his fur was the same color as a cedar tree in our backyard. DS2 is our resident tree person and he so named him. The other choice was Marley because the dog was a CockaPoo but basically had those cocker ears. He was a black dog so his floppy ears had the look of dreds. But then I thought: hmmm... too close of an association with drugs, so no, let's stick with Cedar.


I am not sure how to answer this. What do you mean?


No. I hate that DS3 is so upset about the breakup of our family but in the end, I will do what I think is right for me. He is just tough to deal with, that's all. He is very headstrong; not sure where he gets it.


Not at all. WW is zero help with my condition so it doesn't play into my decision at all. If anything, she is a counterweight because she is in such denial.


I am not sure what I have said to give you the idea that I am a selfless man. Nothing could be further from the truth.


I agree. I have doing the limbo much too long. My back is sore. The goal tonight is to get me out of limbo. And I am not concerned about which way it goes. I am indifferent.


Thank you 2much. I agree of course but after tonight, it will be resolved one way, or the other.



Cognac is really warm going down isn't it? They must sell 90% of all cognac during the fall and winter because it mates well with cold weather. Glad you enjoyed it!

Good morning all! Another beautiful fall day! I love it!

Another day filled with kid stuff & some chores, but those I'll do with a good friend so we just enjoy the time together.

2much, how funny (?) your ex said he'd considered driving off a bridge. Here I though because ex had such difficulty communicating his emotions, much less recognizing them, he was sincere. Silly me. A year or two after he'd said he'd thought of driving into a tree I thought I should apologize for having responded the way I did. Nah...as you hysterically pointed out it was all an empty promise. I still feel a bit naughty though. Must be the good girl in me.

Hi Todd, 2much, Pio, Kiwi, absent sweet luna, BigK, stph, larousse, to those I missed a big ((()))

2regret, your post was heartfelt & beautifully said, good morning BTW.

I remember in the begining when ex said he wanted to D I kept thinking & asking what about the promise we made to be there for each other? What about the commitment? I truly though I could always count on that. I guess the characteristic to be there for your partner was something I attributed to him that he really didn't possess.

Nams,

You are not silly...suicide threats should always be taken seriously...I had this experience with H1 and almost didn't go through with D b/c fear that he would actually carry out the threat. Once I realized that whether it was manipulation or not it was his issue and my staying wouldn't really be a factor in his overall happiness I was able to move on. Orchid stated in the past that if the WS makes such threats the BS should treat it seriously and notify authorities/suicide hotline etc if suicidal ideations/gestures/threats.

Todd,

To sum all your q's up...I think you are self-less b/c of the things you write about making sacrifices for WS and DS's...maybe I'm wrong but the impression I get is that I am on track...as far as looking at things from a different perspective...

if I were staring a brain tumor in the face I would have an entirely different perspective on life vs. general population...my accident gave me a better perspective and new appreciation for life that is a double edged sword for me...
I try to live each day as if it were my last and make the most of every moment...I am less anal about meaningless task (come check out my house:) spend more time with kids, try not to over-react as much and try to be more forgiving...OTOH...I also feel that with the limited time we all may/maynot have we should do what is within our control to create an environment of happiness and not dwell in chronically miserable situations...

BUT I am also reminded that the less we are concerned with our own happiness and plans and look more toward pleasing God and following his word the happier we will be in the long run...it's all very confusing to me and at times contradictory...I didn't mean to get into all of my religious beliefs and my internal chaos over confusing my plan and Gods etc...sorry

Those were the kind of discussions/debates I enjoyed with WH back when we were first getting to know each other...I sure miss it:(

My kids are ready for church an hour early...RED FLAG...I am sure we will be late b/c this NEVER happens!!!

I'll be thinking of you guys and praying for all of us.

Well, given all the lecturing and yelling you do to me...tell me again how that makes you upbeat??? You sure know how to bring me down!<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

(I am just kidding, BTW).

2much,

I have my bouts of selfishness just like anyone I suppose. Just try to keep a balance.

As for life perspective, when I first came home from the hospital last August, I was all about making every moment count. It is still important but the intensity has worn off. I am confident that some of it eroded on DD. I have heard people say, oh make every day count, go skydiving, hangliding, swim with the sharks, etc. Not my idea of making every moment count. To me, it means to spend time with those I love and enjoy being around. It means refinding lost hobbies, buying as many clamps as I can corner the market on (smile) and enjoying life's everyday little blessings.

I have always tried the see the melody of life. That doesn't make much sense. I will give you an example. My WW had a college professor who told his class that most people don't really observe what is going on in the world around them. As an example, he said that he pulled up to a four way stop sign intersection behind a VW beetle. The old one. The cars sitting at the other three stop signs were also VW Beetles. That was a treat to him. You see, it would have been to me too. It was nothing but sheer coincidence to be ignored or appreciated for its simple and perfect grandeur.

I find the little everyday occurences in life much more enjoyable. When DS3 called to say he and his W were building a house and did I want to go see their lot, I said absolutely. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. That will the first house in all likelihood to house the first ToddAC grandchildren. Of course, I want to see the lot.

I am a slow learner in many ways and one of the things late to roost in my brain is what makes me happy. It's the little things. The big ones come and go and are faint memories. I have so many friends who go to Europe and watch the Guard, take a million pics of Big Ben, same with the Awful Tower, etc. I want to go to a pub in Essex and discuss global politics. I could care less about Big Ben or trying to make the Guard laugh. I don't think I need to voice an opinion on see the Awful Tower.....

Anyway, I don't feel sharp today. We were up late and not much sleep.

You're such an inspiration Todd.

Good luck with WW today, I'll be thinking of you.

Hi everyone,

I wish I could write as fast as you all seem to manage plus how on earth do you reply to all the different posts like you do? By the time I read one reply another ten have appeared. Hopefully I will get the hang of it as I feel badly for not doing more posts. So often there is something I want to say to a poster but by the time I get around to posting you have moved on another 10 topics !

I seem to be always posting to you Todd and I guess that has a lot to do with our health situations. On a post a few days back you said that you would refuse chemotherapy.
Why do you feel that way? Just to let you know that yes, I did have chemo. It is not nearly as bad as it once was, yes I lost all the hair on my body - but it grew back. I just don't want you to discount that alternative if your only reason is the horror stories.

I also know so well what you mean about appreciaing those special moments in life. Each time I see the sun rise or set over the ocean I stop and enjoy the beauty now and no longer take it for granted. Each time my children hug me there is a new intensity. A beatutiful bloom is so much more precious, finding a special sea shell on the beach with my young son is a moment of joy. Yes, the small things are the most precious.

I wish you the best for your discussion tonight. I hope it turns out to be what is best for you and what is in your heart.

Beth

Monday morning again.

NOW I'm depressed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Goodmorning Jen.

It is Sunday afternoon here but the song "It never rains in Southern California" does not apply today. We have had so much rain that some areas of town are flooded. I envy you your trip to summer while we quickly approach winter.

I hope you don't mind a quick question - I have a friend whom is flying into Aukland for a couple of days late this week. I told her I would ask you for any site seeing "Musts" while she is there. I do not know where you are located in New Zealand but if you have any idea would you mind letting me know ?

I hope your Monday is pleasant.

Thanks, Beth

Auckland - One Tree Hill is famous for some reason.

Hi again, it's quiet on this thread this afternoon - am I the only one home alone on a wet Sunday afternoon? I have a pot of soup on simmering and the house is filled with it's wonderful aroma and my mood is mellow. It is a pleasant afternoon.

When I was much younger and supporting my H while he studied for the BAR I opened my first clothing store/boutique. It was such a giddy time of great trepidation and excitement. My best friend gave me a framed print to spur me on my way. Today I would like to post it for you in the hope it will have a positive impact on even one person. Is posting this called "Doing a Todd"?

Follow Your Dreams

If while pursuing distant dreams
Your bright hopes turn to gray,
Don't wait for reassuring words
Or hands to lead the way.

For seldom will you find a soul
With dreams the same as yours.
Not often will another help you
Pass through untried doors.

If inner forces urge you
To take a course unknown,
Be ready to go all the way,
Yes, all the way alone.

That's not to say you shouldn't
Draw lessons from the best;
Just don't depend on lauding words
To spur you on your quest.

Find confidence within your heart
And let it be your guide.
Strive ever harder toward your dreams
And they wont be denied.

Bruce B Wilmer.

Beth,

Luv the poem...made my day...I was feeling aggravated by WH who I expected home about an hour ago but he is running late...I planned to go out alone and study and work on a paper due...I got so furious as I had spent all day doing kid stuff, raking leaves, picking pumpkins and polishing them to a shine, making the house and yard look like fall. It was excellent bonding time and I had fun with the kids. We bought ski bibs for snowplay, some other odds and ends that we came across for the up and coming cold weather. They are all now surrounding me reading their books...they love Geronimo Stilton books...my Asperger's son reads aloud so it is hard for all of us to concentrate on our own reading but it will be great memories for the future for us to chuckle about. My youngest is upstairs singing to her favorite CD with "I'm a Barbie Girl"...I could go the rest of my life without hearing that song again but know that in later years each time I hear it I will fondly smile and think of DD2.

What kinda soup you brewing? I am a huge soup fan and love both making and eating it. I think perhaps some of the infidelity diet may be wearing off...that is a bad thing...I am at the perfect weight and would prefer to stay here...I'm sure I am no where near the end of the rollercoaster ride so maybe it is not nearly over...who knows.

I have my military physical fitness test tomorrow so think of me as I will be up early doing push-ups/sit-ups and running my buns off!!! I will fuel my running with good anger management songs like Christina Aguilara's "Fighter" and Alanis Morrisett "You Ought to Know"...that always gets me charged...

I am trying to keep up with the housework/yardwork/schoolwork/kidwork...it is never ending but in a strange way more challenging than any job I've ever had. I hope to look back at this period in my life with pride and a sense of strength and accomplishment...I don't want to be embarassed of my actions or feel like I was a wimp.

I can't imagine what you have been going through battling illness alone...I'm sure you and Todd have much in common. He is superman you know...he may not have mentioned that to you yet but it is public knowledge so I am not really exposing. Perhaps you can join him in the superhero category...any favorites? He seriously loves superman...

Beth,

Don't sweat it. This thread doesn't even have a topic!! Don't be worried about replying 10 pages back if you want to.

Morning everyone. Hope you're all doing well. Hope the chat went well with WW Todd. I'm thinking of you.

I loved the poem Beth.

Thanks for sharing.

I have a "date" with WH tonight. Hope all goes well...

Good morning to you BigK!!

Good Morning Stef - Now you are switching on me. LOL

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keeping you on your toes!

Good morning, I hope you are headed for a pleasant day. I heard you have had fires over there already which seems early for you. I hope it is not going to be a bad fire season. When I was there several years ago Sydney was surrounded by fires. It was terrifying but prepared me for our own a few years later.

I have a question for you. One of my friends is on her way to New Zealand and Australia. It is business but she is managing to spend a couple of extra days in both countries.

We were discussing her trip to Brisbane and we totally disagree on how to pronounce Brisbane. Is it Brisbun or Brisbain ? I wont tell you which one I went for but there is $10.00 resting on your reply!

Thanks Beth

Well it's got one up on No Trees, Texas. That reminds me of the movie Back to the Future when Marty agrees to meet Doc at Twin Pines Mall, goes back in time, runs over one of the trees and, when he returns back to the present, the name of the mall had changed to Lone Pine Mall.

I wonder how much money is spent keeping that one tree going in NZ. We have an oil well here. First oil well producer ever drilled in the KSA. The locals believe that as long as that well produces, there will be prosperity in the Kingdom. It still produces. We drilled four oil injector wells around it and we pump oil INTO the ground just to keep that first well going. Nobody else on the planet would ever consider doing such a thing. It is kind of like the ravens at the Tower of London. Superstition.

one tree hill