Brisbun.

It is early for fires for sure. We live near Sydney. We have been evacuated a few times over the 15 years we have lived up here.

Hope you are having a nice weekend Beth.

Hi Piojitos,

I always love your stories. I have a sister living in Dubai with her H at the moment. I worry about them with the troubles in the middle East but she says she is probably safer there compared to me walking the streets of the USA!

Piojitos I was thinking about your situation and if your wife is staying until Christmas anyway, why don't you tell her exactly what she would need to do for R and just see how it goes? Nothing ventured....

2Much,

To me you sound like a Supermom. How on earth do you manage to do everything? How many children do you have? What ages Etc.? I have long admired your perserverance with your WH and I certainly wish you happiness.

The soup I made today is Tortilla soup. It is magnificent and if you would like the recipe just let me know and I will send it to you. I make the chicken broth from scratch so it is very healthy as well as an incredible taste sensation. My boys all love it. I too adore soups and find them the only redeeming feature of winter.

Steph.

Hi and have fun on your date this evening, just be yourself and enjoy. Where are you going? I hope you fill us in later on how it goes.

I must admit my thoughts are all with ToddAC, I guess he is at dinner as I write. I have my fingers and toes crossed that his wife will regain her senses.

Time to eat soup so I will catch up later.

Beth

Hi BigKahuna,

I will share the $10.00 with you !

Where do you live in Sydney ? I have a friend that lives in Dee Why. I hope I spelt that correctly.


Talk to you after dinner.

Beth

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh We lived in Dee Why for the first 10 years of our Marriage. Moved to the Central Coast 15 years ago - it's around an hour north of Sydney by car - or 60km, 37 miles.

Hi Beth, I live in Auckland, have done all my life.

One Tree Hill has an interesting story behind it. Auckland is built on 40 or so extinct volcanoes. Nearly every suburb has "Mount" in it. One Tree Hill is set in a very beautiful park that was gifted to Auckland in the 1880s by a founding father of Auckland. There is a memorial on top of the hill that had one tree planted beside it. You could see it from all over Auckland. The park itself has lots of trees but the one tree at the top of the hill stands (stood) out against the skyline.

One night, a few years ago, the tree was cut down by a Maori activist (long story but we have ongoing treaty disputes with the native people of NZ. (Not indigenous, they came here from various Pacific Islands about 1,500 years ago.)

Now no one can decide what tree to plant - whether it should be a native tree or an imported tree. So it is now No Tree Hill but we all still call it One Tree Hill. U2 wrote a song about it.

We turn away to face the cold, enduring chill
As the day begs the night for mercy love
The sun so bright it leaves no shadows
Only scars carved into stone
On the face of earth
The moon is up and over One Tree Hill
We see the sun go down in your eyes


You run like river, on like a sea
You run like a river runs to the sea


And in the world a heart of darkness
A fire zone
Where poets speak their heart
Then bleed for it
Jara sang, his song a weapon
In the hands of love
You know his blood still cries
From the ground


It runs like a river runs to the sea
It runs like a river to the sea


I don't believe in painted roses
Or bleeding hearts
While bullets rape the night of the merciful
I'll see you again
When the stars fall from the sky
And the moon has turned red
Over One Tree Hill


We run like a river
Run to the sea
We run like a river to the sea
And when it's raining
Raining hard
That's when the rain will
Break my heart


Raining...raining in the heart
Raining in your heart
Raining...raining to your heart
Raining, raining...raining
Raining to your heart
Raining...raining in your heart
Raining in your heart..
To the sea


Oh great ocean
Oh great sea
Run to the ocean
Run to the sea

Hey BigK,

My goodness I can't believe it - I only know about two towns in Sydney !! We stayed with her on our trip and Dee Why was so beautiful. I am pretty sure we went to the Central Coast. We went to a place called Godsford(?) and we had a crazy, funny night at a Soldiers Club there. We drove all around the area, such beautiful beaches and such lovely bush areas.

You are a lucky man to live there.

Back to finishing dinner, I got so excited when I saw your reply I had to post right away.

Beth

Shouldn't that be Dee Woy BigK. (ha ha kiwi joke again).

We used to go through Dee Why every time we visited my sister who lived at Avalon. You will know where that is BigK. They lived right on the cliff top.

Yes Jen - I know where Avalon is.

Beth - you are thinking about Gosford. Wow. I can be in Gosford in 10 minutes from my house. If you ever come back to Aussie and are up this way again let me know. Wow. The Aussie MB get together.

I stood in front waiting for WW to pick me up. When she pulled up, she was on her cell. I got in the car and she continued to talk like I was not there. We sat there for several minutes while she was lost in her conversation. I could tell by references that it was one of her sisters. I gestured my hands and shrugged my shoulders like let’s get going. She drives off. To my surprise, she pulls into a restaurant a few blocks from where I live. She parks and we sat there as she is still talking on the phone. We sit there for several minutes or so and I get out of the car and go and stand by the front door. She finally gets out of the car and walks back and forth in front of the restaurant while she continues her conversation. When I catch her eye, I motion to the door, then open the door for her and she motions with a finger to hold on. The conversation is about nothing. Just a sisterly concoction of news, updates and family gossip. I have had enough and walk into the restaurant by myself. I head for the bar and order a drink. Finally, a few minutes later, she appears. She sits at the bar and wants to order a glass of wine. I told her no, we are getting a table. She knew I was pissed so we got a table.

We had been sitting at the table for no more than a couple of minutes when her cell beeps signaling a voice message. Another sister had called while she was on the phone. To my shock, she dials that sister and they talk for several minutes. Finally, she gets off the phone and starts telling me about the first conversation. Her sister had started a service to organize people’s homes. She had been to a home yesterday and had the first meeting. She was sharing her excitement with WW. Then WW tells me that the husband of the couple that WW’s sister met with yesterday has a brain tumor. But as WW put it, his is much worse than mine. He had to have surgery. Also, he almost had a seizure and his eyesight was affected. WW told me that at least mine was not that bad. I stated at her not so much in disbelief but in awe. She is able to completely put things into neat compartments and lock them away from any recall or senses.

Then, with no fanfare or salutations, she launched into her “unconditional love” speech. That if I truly loved her, I would love her unconditionally, regardless of what she has done or what I think she has done. She added that she is not interested in “partial love” in which I pick and choose when to love her and not love her. If I love her, it must be complete no matter what happens. She quickly piggybacked by expressing her disappointment at being exposed. Our marriage should be between the two of us. There was no reason to bring our sons, friends or family into our marriage. You just don’t do that to a person. I asked her what she thought was worse: her affair or my exposure. As you would probably guess, my exposure. I should have kept our problems between just the two of us. I reminded her that we had been through this mill several times and that if she so strongly believed that we should keep any problems in our marriage between the two of us, why did she bring OM into our marriage? She said that was different that she thought I was dying and OM was there for her when I wasn’t. He truly loves her and gave her the attention she needed. Finally, she was honest.

At this point, I had zero interest in continuing any sort of discussion with her. She continued her lecture and I looked directly at her but my eyes were focused approximately a foot in front of her eyes. I shut her out visually and auditorily. She babbled about this and that forever and I never heard more than a few words. I was done but after she seem to weaken her batteries a little bit, I told her what I had to say. I told her that I will not move forward without complete honesty. I told her I knew she had a PA and a EA and have several points of proof. If she wants to have any chance at R, it is time to be honest. She said that she didn’t have an affair. I told her fine, do not call, do not visit, do not email and do not relay messages through DS’s. We are done. I am not playing the WW is perfect and ToddAC is El Diablo. She said fine.

She drove me back home and I got out of the car without either of us saying a word. So, the result was exactly as I had predicted although the process was not what I would have preferred. I am done. I will not live in a marriage full of lies. I will not R with a woman who believes she can lie her way through every problem that comes up. As DS1 said yesterday, is WW doesn’t learn from this process, she will find a new OM one of these days. I have had enough hurt at the hands of WW to last me a lifetime.

{{{{{{{{{Todd}}}}}}}}}}

Todd,

I am sorry your WW is braindead but you are the one with the tumor! I am happy for you that if nothing else limbo is over, you can move on with your life and spend your passion, creativity and humor on someone who will appreciate, reciprocate and treasure you...you deserve it...we all do...you just get to start your adventure a bit earlier than some of us!

I hate that she wasted lots of time proving that she is still a WS...but you have grown and gotten stronger over this period of time...unfortunately you haven't mastered cooking skills so you should explicitly seek a woman who either will take cooking classes with you or will be sure you are well fed...cooking classes could be fun don't you think? Shoot, anything could be fun with the right person...recover yourself and then you can begin your search...try to get some sleep...I bet the weight of the world is off your shoulders

gnight and hugz

(((Todd)))

Todd - you have a brain tumour that will get better. There is no cure for what she has.

[color:"red"]((((( Todd)))))) [/color]

[color:"blue"] I'm so sorry Todd. It's sad and scary that 'The Talks' with your WW seem to be like the same script, different restaurant.[/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


[color:"green"] Please take care of your health.[/color]

Hi 2much,

Well, if I take cooking classes, the fire department will have to standby. I am not so sure the weight of the world is off my shoulders. I wish. With my sons, I have always tried to live an example for them, not merely lecture or teach. This week I will meet with them to let them know the timeline and what all my efforts have been. I want them to understand you don't simply throw a marriage or family away when the going gets rough.

I have enough confidence that I feel that everything I undertake should be successful. It is always a setback when I am not, even if it is beyond my control.

Thank you.

ToddAC,

I'm a little surprised you didn't walk home.

You really should do more cooking. I can live weeks without heat. The vegetable and fruit section of the supermarket is great for meeting women. Just shop for things and look perplexed (no act since we men have no clue how to buy these things). Women will always come to your rescue. My thing is cilantro (coriander) . Why in the world can't they put cilantro all by itself so as not to confuse? But noooooo! They have to stick it in among all sorts of other leafy things so I invariable get anything but cilantro. And the bins are NEVER properly marked. Cilantro is where the Chinese parlsey should be and the Chinese parsley is where... Oh don't get me started! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

My basic breakfast is two cans of tuna [packed in salt water] (drained) mixed with extra hot picante sauce and diced habaneros. It doesn't need to be heated - it makes its own. Don't let it set too long before consuming however because it has been known to spontaneously combust.

I'm sorry your WW seems to be so thick in the skull. I really think absolute NC is your only option - even if you want Plan D. Just stop talking to her and get the D. Remember that D is not final. There is still chance of R after that but something has to get through to her.

My story seems to be taking a different turn. I am dead set on D and WW is dead set on R. I told her we still need to have that talk she mentioned. I don't think the fight we had the other night quite covered things. I told her I still have "issues".

(((((TODD)))))

Sad.

But it sounds like you fought a good fight. If this is how she is going to be, there may be more peace in your life if you let her go.

Sad.

On the other hand, the peace from trying hard can get you through some tough things.

Pio - Is this kinda a reverse psychology thing for you? I mean you do have a plan here I presume?

There is a new thread right now that has MelodyLane's knickers in a twist. I have been reading that thread and I am convinced it should be on MP rather than MB (MP = Maury Povich).

OTOH, sometimes I think I should be on Maury Povich. I used to watch that show with WW (pre-A). I can't watch it any more. I feel so sorry for all those BS's whose Dday is filmed in front of a live studio audience and shown on national TV. What is wrong with WS's that would allow them to do something like that to their spouse? I can't confess to you in the privacy of my own home but I can on syndicated TV? OTOH, Maury does have bouncers. Maybe that's a plus. Hey maybe that would be a good service business to get in to - Dday bouncing. Employ big guys to go to a WW's home so she can confess her A to BH - maybe even rent the folding metal chairs as part of the service - I think I'm on to something here...I need a good catchy name...

No. No plan. I realized I was much happier without her than with her. I'm not happy she is back and I have yet to figure out anything she does to make me happy. I'm really struggling here. I'm not saying I refuse to try to R but I have yet to hear what her plan is and what she thinks R is about. I am interested to see what she has to say. I am just totally detached from her. I go through the motions of being a good husband but I have zero feelings for gemela. She could be anybody in the bed next to me (except that I won't cheat on her). I guess all I can do, assuming she really does want to R, is give it time and see if I can find a way to love her again. She isn't unpleasant to be around.

Hi Todd

I have been thinking about you much of the day and saying a quiet prayer for you. I do so admire your spirit. I so wish my H was half the man you are. I know the evening had to be very disappointing as it is human to hope. But, I am so glad for you that your decision has now been made. It is time to pick yourself up and shake yourself off and face the wonderful world that awaits you. Your footsteps will no longer be faltering but placed firmly in front of you.

Regarding cell phones, my H will also take calls at restaurants etc. in fact I cannot think of anytime he will not answer his cell - it was even beside our bed. Have you ever been in the middle of making love and had your spouse take a call? Yes, that has happened to me. I will not tell you my reaction but I think you can guess. I have a cell phone that is strictly for emergencies with the family. I guess you can understand my probably misplaced dislike of cell phones. My H is a pompous [censored].
The other habit my H has is to imperiously hold up a finger to get you to wait while he takes a call. One day I will bite that damn finger off.

Boy, that was a great vent. Didn't know just how much I hated cell phones.

Try and clear your head of thoughts tonight Todd and get a good nights sleep. You must be exhausted.

Beth