Good luck for tomorrow Todd. The collective mind of TKO will be thinking of you. Does that mean we're all "group thinkers"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

stph, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings with by saying your H is using you. I know how is sounds & it is harsh. But he is in an incredibly selfish place at the moment & is putting his wants above all else.

I'm not saying part of him doesn't want you, he certainly seems to, but he also wants to spend time with the OW therefor, I say he's using you to make himself feel better. When he needs a fix of stph he comes to you & gets some familiar comfort. This may not be a conscious effort but it is still his behavior.
((((stph))))

((((Beth))))

I'm sorry your H seems so committed to keeping his head so far up his [censored].

Gawd, when you said your H told you he hadn't sufficiently sowed his wild oats I had to laugh. ex said the same to me. When he moved out into what was his first place by himself ever the boys & I went to visit. He met us at the door with a great big smile & asked if I wanted a beer. He was so happy to be on his own he was like a giddy 20 year old. Idjiot.

{{{{{Todd}}}}}

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow & sending my most positive thoughts your way.

Er....good plan, Todd... good luck... do they allow 'group' support? Would we all fit in the room? If not, just 'imagine' us all there with you....right behind your handsome sons, of course....family first!



Thanks, BigK.....you made my day!



What way didn't you mean it, Todd??!!??


Shoot!



You're my kind of girl, Beth!



I am sooo sorry to hear this....Beth, have you thought of talking to Steve?....you could really use a plan and it seems to me you could afford his services...I think he would be really helpful in getting you to think in terms of having a PLAN... of some sort...to protect yourself...

Are you up on the Harley plans? If not, that would be the first step.....

Your WS is showing the classic signs: entitlement, selfishness, total lack of consideration for BS... and you will be reaallly hurt if you don't have a plan! ...take it from us!

Beth....you know that you will be OK? ...maybe not right now....but you will be....it's just another battle to fight!.... take it from me (and for some I will sound like a broken record) I personally was at one point classified a 'basketcase' BS..... and I don't think I am anymore (...although some may disagree!)

(((((((((((((BETH)))))))))))))

Also, to reach other MB members with experience...you might want to consider (like stph20, 2much and others) starting your own thread....(or do you have one already?)

What are battery heads?

Luna - How did saying that make your day?

Well I may have mentioned that we had a bit of a blowout a few nights ago. I can't remember exactly how it started but I think I posted the major content. I told WW a couple of days ago we needed to talk and that our fight had not counted. So I got home from work day before yesterday and we started the DDs making brownies with the Amazon maid and we went off to the jebels to talk.

I was surprised that, as the talk began, I was able to convince myself that divorce was again the action of choice. It was not my intent before the talk but it is pretty much where the talk was heading. I told her too much had happened for us to just play nice and pretend that this would all somehow go away. She said "everyone" told her the best thing to do would be to never talk about the A. I got made and asked who "everyone" was? Her mother? Her sister? I said that was [censored]. What she had done was beyond cruel and she had ripped my heart out and I needed to talk about it....then I calmed down. Okay Cliff's Notes version. She wants the M. She does not want D. She knows what she did was wrong and stupid. She says she was happy before the A and can't begin to understand why she did it. She knows I don't trust her and she will do anything to help re-establish trust. She knows one more "incident" and she is out the door. She will maintian NC for life. She will do anything to keep us together as a family. She will stop buying clothes and shoes. She will dedicate her life to the family. She will be completely transparent. She will be totally honest and answer any question I ask even if she does not think it will help me/us. She will go to IC to try to get to the root of her AA behavior. She knows she never loved OM - it was the A she loved - the excitement - the newness. She now believes it was never real - it was all fantasy just like everyone was trying to tell her all along but she had refused to believe.

I told her I didn't love her any more. I told her that didn't bother me too much because I had loved her once so I had faith I could learn to love her again. She was my wife and I had made her a promise to honor her and I told her I would continue to honor my vow until we were divorced. I said I had feelings for her but I don't understand what those feelings are. I like being around her - she is pleasant to be with. But I am hurt. She has seriously damaged my self-esteem and I never want to be hurt like that again.

I told her that the M would only work if we both fought to make it work. If she was not interested in that, we should just D now and go our separate ways. She insists she wants the M. She says she can't imagine being with anyone else for the rest of her life.

Now, she said the "right" things. Almost too good to be true. But I know her very well. And I think she is being sincere. But the proof if the pudding is in the eating. And if I catch her in one lie she is history. I also told her that I don't like her giving me all her cahs all the time. She says she wants to show me she is not buying phone cards. I said it is not a husband's job to prevent his wife from having an A. It is the wife's job to simply not do it. I refuse to live my life worrying whether she is having an A or not and when she gives me all her money, she is telling me that she is not responsible for her actions and I am. I told her to stop. I can't prevent her from having an A and don't want to try. She knows the consequences and she knows she cannot lie forever.

I said we need to stop being conflict avoiders. We need to make our M better if we can. I made it a requirement that we both read HNHN. Basically she agreed to everything on Todd's laundry list and more. She wants more than anything to prove to me that I can trust her. So that is where we are. I told her I still have bad days. She says she wants to help.

On that battery "head" issue, since luna gets so easily confused by french, I am wondering if she is not confusing "tete" with another word that is spelled something like that but far more descriptive of the parts in question.

It's OK nams, you didn't hurt my feelings, I just didn't see it as him using me, but I see where you're coming from now and I understand why you said it. I don't think I totally understood what you were getting at before, but I do now.

((((nams))))

Pio,

It sounds like a grand-slam to me. Actually one better: an inside the park grand-slam. Of course, the bases must still be run and the umpire needs to see the runners touch home plate, but I have a good feeling about this. My guess is that MIL reamed G a new one and set her head back on straight.

I believe that you do still love G. Your belief that you don't is likely a coping mechanism the existence of which is very easy to understand and appreciate. She knows this is her last opportunity to prove she wants the M and her family. I encourage you to accept what she said as gospel and open your heart up to excellent possibilities. I feel really good about your marriage all of a sudden.

Pio - She is offering to demonstrate transperency. It isn't your responsibility to check up on her - it's her responsibility to prove she can be trusted. She wants to do that This is good.

Pio - you have a shot and it scares the he11 out of you. Embrace this.

Yeah Pio, listen to Todd and BigK! This is good (is it just me or is that BigK's favorite sentence?!?).

I'm not really in a position to give advice, but it does sound positive if G willing to do whatever it takes and it sounds like she's ready for that.

Thank you everyone for tomorrow's well wishes. I don't expect to hear anything until Friday but hoping for tomorrow. Trying to keep my head level and not get expectations too high like last month. Anyway, thanks again and I will report as soon as I hear.

Did I read this right? So, he is a pompous, self gratifying j-s and he makes socially acceptable choices. And, that is why he is having an affair?

And this is logical?

I'm not following his logic.

Todd - after you finish the MRI, maybe they can give you a mammogram to help you feel better.

They tried to give me one last time but I wouldn't remove my training bra so they refused the test.

OMG the mental picture. My eyes, my eyes.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Pio, I was going to say exactly what BigK has said.

So, just reread his post and you'll have heard exactly what I was going to say.

Thanks Jen.

Todd - I am thinking and praying for you.