Hello all,

Todd...I have completed the tests

All...nothing really new...told WS I want D 3X this week...he slept somewhere else over w/e to give me "space" since I told him I did not want any contact with him....

we just had frank conversation and when I told him the only thing keeping me from packing his bags and finding him an apt was my DS (since my DD's would be ok with D) he left and said he needed to go for a ride...he told me tonight that he had ugly fights with 3 of the OWs since they all felt they had the right to ask him personal questions and put conditions on their Rs...I asked him why they would think that, how did their relationships get to that level and why all of the sudden is it crashing down on him...he is a mess, depressed, bitter, angry...I feel sorry for him but have reached the point of detachment and he is painfully aware...not sure where this is going and how fast but if I don't play hardball I will be stuck in this cycle forever...

On a lighter note, I had a good glass of Chardonnay followed by a hearty helping of Remy all before our talk...sat around the fire outside after the Trick-or-Treaters faded out

I feel the need to be honest and direct with WS even if he isn't with me...I know it upsets him to hear the truth but I don't see the point in pretending...if we ever are to move from this horrific place it should be based on truths...if it ends in D at least I know he had all the facts

I can totally understand Pio cuz I am at the same point although our sitches are much different...I am basically handing him his get out ticket and he is adamantly refusing but won't do anything besides refuse and spin in circles...he says that is how he feels...exhausted and spinning with no direction...he needs IC but won't do it on his own

Anyway, enough of that mess

Todd...are you going to post the interpretations so I can see how crazy I really am???

Luna checking in.

Don't want to be a 'downer'.....but I haven't been feeling so hot the last few days.... been trying to figure out why...but maybe there isn't any answer....just part of the rollercoaster.... thought it might help to 'put it out there'.....

...wondering if 'subconsciously' I am already anticipating the holiday season.... major trigger overall.... you know....family stuff... when I feel I no longer have one.... yeak! ...not looking forward to it...that's for sure!

Sorry...

Rogers and out!

2much,

Did you ever read the Dobson excerpt that believer posts from time to time? Maybe she can post it for you again. I found it to be so true and it sounds like what your WH is doing as well. It is funny that some waywards will try anything to get out of the M. Then when you finally hand them the ticket, the backpeddle like crazy and will do anything to avoid having to go. In my case I literally had to force gemela out the door. I think it was the best thing I ever did. I finally gave her everything she thought she wanted. She realized she didn't want it.

So WH had fights with 3 of his OW's. How many is he still on good terms with? I am amazed that he feels no guilt about telling you all this. Wow.

Forcing WH out may be the key to saving your M. Unfortunately for you (as was the case for me), you are no longer interested in saving your M. My biggest struggle right now is forcing myself to take an interest in gemela and the M. I am starting to do it (I hope) but it takes a lot of effort.

I don't think you should hold out till spring. You need to go to Plan B or Plan D ASAP. Stop your Plan A. Still avoid DJ's and LB's. If you are truly detached, that shouldn't be hard. If he remains in the house, go completely 180 on him for as long as he is there.

{{{{{luna}}}}}

Have you gone to SF already? If you have, that might explain the downer. It would certainly depress me!

Luna,
I think you are spot on...I have been having same type of thoughts and am dreading the upcoming holiday season...I am trying to psych myself up for the kids sake and since kid laughter and excitement is contagious I have figured if I can spark them then I will be able to feed off of it for a while <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

sorry you are having a tough time; I feel your pain

I know Todd will have the perfect RX for you...Todd...Todd...are you there Todd????

Uh oh...Pio may reply in Todd's absence and that can not be good...he will definitely RX some insane chemical formulat that must be ingested while positioned in a certain angle at a particular time of the day when the earth is at a specific axis...I bet you could remedy it yourself with some chicken noodle soup, a nice big Godiva chocolate and polish it off for good measure with your LOC (liqour of choice)! Solves all the worlds problems for me...not to mention monthly miseries <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Pio,

I stopped plan A the moment my promise to you ended the first week in Oct...I have basically 180'd which is what triggered all of his accusations of me having OM...

I know I have love for him but at this point don't feel it is worth the effort until I see some type of evidence/committment on his part...he is well aware of how serious I am and knows I will do anything I need to do to help him get out of here

I am torn to pieces over DS reactions and halted my follow through b/c of this...I know he will adjust no matter what but he's my special guy and I hate destroying his world...with his special needs he requires routine, consistency, predictability and any transition to change is intense and draining on all involved. I don't know if I have it in me now...it may be easier on the kids if the separation happens at the same exact time as the relocation...only problem is I don't know if I can hang that long...time will tell

Good luck on digging deep and finding those lost feelings for G...makes you feel so vulnerable I bet...always wondering in the back of your mind if there is an ulterior motive etc. I think you need to squash all that crap even though it is natural to think that way. for the sake of trying to save anything worth saving and to create a spectacular new relationship you are going to have to do what BK said and suck it up and pretend for a while until the real thing surfaces...it will...it just takes time and trust...you can do this, so don't even try and act like you can't...you are just being difficult and rebellious and letting your taker out for a breather...keep it up and my combat boot will have to come down hard right on your pink shorts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />YES I DID

Not yet, Pio....going in about a week....that will be good (why would it depress you...you mean, coming back?)....but when I am back...it will be sort of demanding.... birthdays of my two boys (plus WS's) will be happening....and will continue with xmas holidays and new year.... just for a moment I wish it was already January... to avoid the rollercoaster ride of emotions...did I tell you D-day for me was during the xmas holidays? ....yeak...yeak...

...might as well admit it....I will have to come clean sooner or later....this saturday is my birthday... getting a chance to see again how A has affected those around me

....I am very touched to see my friends wanting so badly to make me feel 'special' and 'appreciated' and not be 'alone' that day... am actually embarrassed by all the attention... and am also feeling anger towards WS for having left a void (read: responsibility) that they are so very hard wanting to fill...

It's OK....don't worry.....as you and I know...it will pass...like a lot of other moments...like the waves of the ocean...just have to wait it out...we all have survived worse!

I can easily buy some time and put 'it' off at least until after my trip to SF! ...now...that sounds like a good plan to me!

2much...you didn't do that...your WS's choices did!


uhmmmmm....Pio....better do as she says....don't think your Pink Shorts could survive a licking from 2much's combat boot! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

2much,

Once I made up my mind to get gemela out, I was desperate to get her out. I counted the minutes. Your Plan A had its effect. Your WH still remembers that. Now that his safety net is disappearing, he wants it back. The sooner you can get him out, the better it will be for you and even for your chances of recovering the M. The only thing you gain by delaying is more resentment. If you still have some feelings of love, kick him out now. Each day he kills those feelings a little bit more. I held on way too long. I see it now but didn't then.

I didn't get a mental image of a kick. I got a mental image of someone squashing me in the nether region and grinding the heel in. Ouch.

Checking in. I didn't take th etest but Todd isn't waiting for me anyway.

Signing out....need to get some 'beauty sleep'....

...see you all......uhmmm.....LATER in the day!

.....just realized I forgot to click the 'OK, submit' for theabove...

sooo...this the before and AFTER the 'beauty sleep' posting....

HEELLLOOO everybody!

Luna,

You just totally confused me. Have you kept the thread on hold that long???

Now Pio...I KNOW I am no computer know-it-all like you (as if you hadn't noticed....LOL!)....but...I do know for a fact that by not clicking the 'OK, submit' button only puts a hold on.....MY POSTING! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

and how are you....uhmmm...this DAY!

...be back in a little while to find out....gotta go!

(((BigK))), don't worry Todd still loves you.

Hello TKO,

DS1 surprised me with a late night visit last night. He ended up spending the night. His photo lab is a mile from here so he comes to this area often. Woke up to a bloody pillow, bed, face, chest, arm and shoulders again. Hmm... how much blood does the human body have?

I guess everyone who plans to take the "test" has chimed in. BigK is abstaining and Luna is, well Luna seemed to stay awake all night so she will presumably sleep instead of taking the test. I will put the answer analysis in the next post.

I get lab work done tomorrow and then see my endo next week. His goal is to check my hormone levels since the tumor is shrinking and determine if I can stop taking hormone supplement. I guess he will check all the other stuff too like cholesteral, etc. For whatever the reason, my cholesteral is chronically low, averaging 138. We'll see where my testosterone, cortisol and thryoid are. Meanwhile, I am chewing my knees off today.

BTW, did I talk about electric motors and generators and perpetual motion machines yet? I know I posted something the other day, but there was yet another MB snafu. Takes the fun out of posting to this joint. I know there is pent-up demand for more magnetism discussion and I will not disappoint. I love magnetism. I think it holds the key which will unlock the secrets of the universe.

Okay TKO test takers, here is how to interpret your test results. BTW, this test was given by my psych professor to our class. Do not take it too seriously. Still, if it offers you insight, great.

Each of the five characters represents a facet of life. When you read the story and arranged the characters in the order you like them, it was essentially your subconscious at work. Here is what each of the characters represents:

A – Power & Money
X – Reality
B – Philosophy & Wisdom
C – Morality
D – Heart & Home

The second test asked you to arrange the above five facets in your preferred order. This process used your conscious mind to do so.

What you should now do is to write the above facets next to each of your responses in the first test and then compare the order of ranking of the two tests. It is rare to have complete congruence but it does happen. You are looking for a pattern that suggests whether your conscious and subconscious minds are “aligned”.

Not sure I explained this very well. If any questions, please ask away.

Please feel free to publish your results. Hint: the longer we discuss this, the longer it will be before the next discussion of magnets and electricity.

Yes I do nams, but shhh.... don't tell Pio; he may break up with me.

When I was a teen, I always had the fantasy of………whoa, wait a minute, I just got off track. I don’t think I should talk about that here. Oh, I know what it was: the fantasy of driving across country. When I am well enough, can see well enough, get my driver’s license back and get a car, I will make the trip. For some reason, I have driven through the midsection of the country including Tehas, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, etc. Also, have driven the Pacific Northwest including Washington, Oregon, Northern Cali and drove to Victoria from Port Angeles, Washington. What are left are the west and the northeast. I hope to do both next year in two different trips.

Speaking of Cali, Luna, when you go to SF, there are some must dos. How many days will you be there? If you like Chinese food, you must go to Chinatown and eat at least once. It is the best Chinese food presumably east of China, HK and Taiwan. Of course, ride the streetcar. I highly recommend the one named “Desire”. Drive across the Golden Gate Bridge. Notice the painters who paint the bridge year round. It takes them that long. Then there is Alcatraz, Fisherman’s Wharf, etc. I am envious frankly. I love SF. Chuckle.

Hmm.... must be time for a poem. Researching...