booka,

I have no opinion as to whether your offer is fair and equitable or not and I don't care. My only point is that you cannot sharpen your pencil and come up with what you think is the best for both of you and expect her to just say "yes". I am betting she won't. Lawyers also don't trust people and especially divorcing people. If you make a great offer, the lawyer wants to know what you are hiding.

You said your W works. What kind of retirement benefits will she get from her company? My guess is that her lawyer is not going to be too excited about leaving you with 100% of your 401K and especially if she has no retirement from her own company. I don't think she will qualify for SS benefits from your account. Since you have already been served D papers, you may be somewhat limited on what you can do at this moment.

I think if you lay out a perfect plan for the easiest way out of the M for both of you, she and her lawyer will muck it up. Why does she need to know what kind of house you intend to buy, where and what your mortgage will be? It is totally irrelevant to your situation and information that she can only use against you. Divorces are ugly things. They tend to bring out the worst in people. Make all your plans. Just don't tell W about them.

stph20,

I guess in simple terms, if you decide you are no longer interested in the M because you don't feel it is what you want, you are effectively applying a double standard.

You are saying to WH that it wasn't okay for him to abandon the M because he felt like it but it is okay for you to do it. Somehow doesn't seem fair does it?

Tummytuck - a small point of order.

Kiwi and Rob did originally expose to OM'sW. Rob has tried to contact her again after the renewal of the affair this year. In short, totally different to Suzer_ in every way.

BigK,

While that may be technically correct, I'm not sure it is relevant to TT's question directed at me. If she has a criticism of my posts, I think I need to answer them on their own merits (assuming I can). I think you should let TT's questions stand as they are regardless of whether the situations are similar or not.

BigK is correct in his summation of the situation as regards me.

Pio, I don't know if you're aware that TT and I are very good friends - we IM each other a lot. That doesn't make any difference to what TT asked though.

All I care about right now is seeing my darling daughter again. She emailed today to say they were going to the Knicks game in NY for their final night in NY.

Hey Pio, Heartsore's thread has FIVE stars.

I've tried to give this thread five stars but because I've already submitted a rating it won't let me.

I want this thread to have five stars because I know it will p*** you off intensely. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I want to p*** you off intensely because you keep t/jing this thread and you are WELL aware that is not allowed.

Well, Pio is the winner of the Let's Make Steph Cry game!

You have no idea how much your post touched me...and yes, it did make me cry. I've printed it out for future reference and strength. I'm going to need it.

WH told me tonight that he was still confused about what he wanted.

I'm afraid Plan B will have to go into action this weekend, assuming I can find somewhere to go. I just can't do this anymore. I can't be afraid that he's going to get mad at me every time I freak out that he's going to see her, and I can't be afraid that every time I have a bad day and get a little crabby that he's going to regret his decision for coming home. It's not fair to me, none of this is fair to me and I can't do it anymore. I thought I was strong enough to handle this, knowing that he was going to be seeing her at work, but trusting that he was committed enough to our M to get over her. But I'm not this strong. I thought I was numb, but it hurts too much.

I don't think Plan B is going to work for me. He says he doesn't want me to not love him anymore, so I can only assume that he wants to cake-eat still. I think if I move out, it will be permanant. I don't know what else to do. We haven't learned anything while he was gone. I've learned a lot, but he hasn't and neither of us have learned how to be married to each other. Maybe it's just better if I go now and don't look back.

Stef - He's confused because he still has contact.

HE MOVES OUT - NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

((((Stef))))

And Stef - Plan B will make a HUGE difference. It will cause OW to meet all his EN's - something that is impossible for her to do.

OMG 2Much - I only just caught up. WOW. {{{2Much}}}

Hi also to Lunamare and Larousse, Beth, Jen, Todd, Pio. Sorry if I missed anyone.

Booka - this is a garden variety affair mate. Those women on EN's have caused your brain to go soft. You need to deal with this like a man.

Thanks for replying Pio.I don't know all Suzet's history but I know it must be a real worry having a court case hanging over your husband's head, going through infertility treatment and being the breadwinner of the family in a depressed economy.

TT - I just noticed your location is LaLa Land. We should have coffee. Apparently I'm there too. LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

TT,

I am in total agreement. Suzet as a tremendous amount of external pressure at the moment and all out of her control. All of those things could make her even more vulnerable to an A. That is why anything and everything to avoid contact with OM in this case is so extremely important. Didn't Suzet even make that observation herself when the emails exchanged recently? I'm not completely sure about that so don't quote me but I thought she had made a comment that all of the stress was contributory.

OM is the wild card. He can do anything he wants. If he begins another round of emails, it will just be that much harder on Suzet. Regardless, her decision is made so any discussion is moot. I hope OM leaves her alone. She doesn't need more problems.

Without wanting to offend but I don't know whether it is Suzet or H that has the problem with fertility. If it is H, that puts even more strain on the M IMO. I don't know Suzet but I can imagine a woman wanting to get pregnant, biological clock ticking away, H unable and OM who she has feelings for who is ready and willing. Keep in mind I am not talking about Suzet. I am talking about a generic woman in a situation that might not even apply in Suzet's case. I am thinking more along the lines of that old Heart song. What was the name? I'm sure Todd knows it.

edited to add------

This song: "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You"

Hmm...any of these Pio?

"Who Will You Run To?"

"This Man Is Mine"

"The Woman In Me"

"Surrender To Me"

"Sleep Alone"

"Barracuda"

"All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You"

"Crazy On You"

I really like "Crazy on you".

I like "Barracuda" because it reminds me of you...

I got on here this morning, read all the posts since my last only to find I'd been ignored. Well! So I go looking for my post & it's not there! WELL!!! How does that work?

Not like it was filled with witty & insightful comments but I did manage to say hi to everyone & address lots of individuals.

Here's the short version:

Todd, very happy to see you're feeling better. Did you find out where that chunk of money went?

Pio, sounds like you're near the top of the roller coaster, most of you anyway.

Kiwi, how nice to know you'll be seeing your DD soon.

{{{{stph}}}}

{{{{booka}}}}

To work so hard without the other person fully on board is draining & kills love.

Hey larousse, have your heard from xbf? How are you? Here's the link to some pics of my work. More to come.
http://www.msnusers.com/namspotteryphotos

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Luna! Sorry it's belated.

I had very good results from my latest firing. I'll post some pics. soonish

Aw, Todd & Pio, you two are cute!

Hi nams,



It is well known on MB that if a post is ignored by enough people, it will disappear.

Actually, Bambi is cute.