Hmm. Does the neighbourhood cat still look hungry?

Pio,

You have cast your marriage as something you will endure for the sake of DD's. You have made yourself a martyr. How could you possibly ever be happy with WW when you are staying with her for reasons other than your love for her? Staying for DD’s is a noble act. Unfortunately, it will ensure your unhappiness.

You need to recast yourself in the role that you stayed for your M and for your love for WW. Even if you don't really feel love for G - and I suspect that you do, that have employed the protective heat shield of a coping mechanism - remember one of the lessons of TRLT is to change the way you face an issue and replace negative self-talk with positive. The alternative, my friend, is a stark existence in grey twilight.

Pio-

I may not know much, but I know that your happiness is as important as your DD's.

If you act in love, no doubt, in time, you'll be in love.

Take that FWIW.

Thanks Beth...I've tried to get on here as often as I could. No, I don't have a generator. I'm not staying at my house though. I haven't since Thursday night/Friday morning. It's way too cold at night for that. I even got my pets out of the house last night. I was worried about them being there alone, in the dark, and so cold. Now they're warm and safe, so I'm happy.

We had an ice storm Thursday night that knocked all the power lines down. Our whole town and surrounding towns were without power for a while, and some areas still are. My mom lives 3 minutes from me and she got her power back Sunday afternoon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Anyway, that's my story, but we're OK.

Hi Pio...yes...I am concerned about you...so...thank you for sharing... and since you are...I will also assume that you are 'open' to getting feedback...

Now...I know I have no experience with M recovery...but I am getting some in 'personal' recovery...since I am in PLAN B and I have a lot of time on my hands...and I do believe personal recovery and M recovery go hand in hand!



Stop right there!....wedding anniversary??? That's as big a 'trigger' as you can get, I think!

...now...you may have already read this article...but this is what I have found very helpful when it comes to 'triggers'... because..the similarities of my being in PLAN B and you wanting M recovery....have one step in common...grieving the loss...of what WAS! ...and be able 'manage' the loss on a daily basis...

(Pio...trying to locate the article....but won't hold up post...will post when I get it...it's been mentioned around here a few times...maybe you already have it?...anyways...stay tuned... will get back to you about it EDIT: Thanks to SAG06...here it is: http://www.drjoecarver.com/) , select Articles: Emotional Memory: Dealing with Trauma Memory



It sounds to me, Pio...that you have put UP a big wall... a defense mechanism...to protect you, no doubt...(can't blame yea, man!) and at one point you will have to decide whether it's worth staying behind it...ALONE but SAFE....or take it down, reach out to connect, but at the same time become vulnerable and expose yourself to being hurt again!

...it will be your decision....OTOH...if deep down you might feel you don't have the tools yet to risk anything...but you would really like to take the wall down...please consider getting some 'professional' help with it!



...that brain 'file' was out too long....and you experience the emotional pain again with the same intensity as the first time!


Don't bother asking her Pio...look at what she DOES! ... even you are prepared to admit that she is TRYING!....

...she cannot GO BACK and change the past....she cannot GUARANTEE the future....work with her in the present... if she is making any efforts...sounds to me....it's not because you are helping!

...how would your efforts compare to Harley's Rules of Recovery?



Pio...are there no resources in SA for you to consider to help you guys out with this?... sounds like neither of you feel 'safe' to be honest about your feelings to each other....


...you just have! ...and it makes sense!... because you are not ALONE in having those feelings!



You are doing it, Pio....being honest and vulnerable... without wanting to always 'fix'.... nothing to fix until you know what's broken....



Nope! Next question...



But you are...and as far as I am concerned...it's a step in the right direction.... learning to get out of your 'comfort zone'....being honest...you got nothing to lose with us, right?

...anyways, can't hurt to 'mull over' some of the things we say....at the end of the day...you will decide what you want to do!

Your DDs welfare is a good 'starting point'....a motor... but I don't think it can sustain you long-term....

I am sure you have been involved in 'teamwork' on the job...well.. a M is the same... G. failed at it in the past... but now, in the present, are you IN or are you OUT? ...are you contributing to achieving endgoal or doing some sabotaging?

((((((((((PIO))))))))

Sigh....BigK??....do you know why you and Ark are my idols?

Alright...the fish is biting...what the heck are you two talking about? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi Beth,



Thanks....uhmm...I knew there was something more to it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
now...what's the 'left side' of our brain responsible for? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Geesh...sorry to hear about the fire, Beth...

Posted this song on my thread....thought it might have a 'larger' distribution by posting it here!

Michael Buble has recorded this song, but I first heard a excellent version sung by a Canadian Idol finalist last year - Rex Goudie....a real cutie-pie! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

People, I wouldn't leave me in charge of the thread for tooooo long...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

...anybody know what's up with Larousse and 2much?????
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

...before I report them to the Principal's Office???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


FEELING GOOD

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom in the tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Yeah freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

Hi Luna,

I called my girlfriend this morning and there is some good news. The Santa Anna winds have died down and they are getting control of the fire. The Santa Anna winds are warm and we have had temps. in the low to high 70's here on the coast and in LA it has been over 80. Don't think I will tell Steph. that though!

Todd,

How are you? It's been awhile since you updated us. Hope you are doing well.

Today I am heading out to start my Christmas shopping. I am going to try and get it all done in one day, so wish me luck. Hate the crowds though so may end up doing it all on the computer yet.

Hope everyone has a good day.

I have NO idea!!! (But thanks)

It's a mexican stand off - each of em trying to stare down the other. Whoever blinks first loses.

I agree Luna - It's the principals office for Larousse and 2Much. Nams hasn't been around much either.

Morning Beth.

I don't think you should be reluctant to post Pio. Your emotions are up & down & confusing but you have articulated more about your feelings here in a couple of post than my ex did over a 21 year marriage. If you think I'm exaggerating, I'm not.

Here's something that made me mad & sad this week that ex did.

My middle son's Spanish teacher wanted to see us on conference day. We talk about son not doing all the work he should & finding ways to get him to do it. The conference is over & ex asks the teacher if middle son told her we lived in Spain for almost a year. The teacher is surprised & says no. ex goes on to say how great it was, WE all enjoyed it, WE all had a great experience, it was a great experience for ALL of us.

He's right, it was all of those things but it hurt like he!! for ex to refer to how happy we were knowing how he seemingly walked away from that so easily.

Also, today I get an email from ex saying how great it is we can share Christmas gifts for the kids saying what a good example it sets.

I've been getting a vibe from him lately I don't like. It's like he thinks we're friends & the past is simply past & we're moving on, no hard feelings.

Pisses me off. And it brings me to tears.

I don't intend to say anything like: Listen up ex, you & I are NOT friends. I will co-parent in the most cooperative way I can that will benefit my boys. I do NOT want to sit around & joke & reminisce about the old days as if we'd mutually agreed D was best for all.

Why would you NOT say that Nams?

Is the Spanish teacher a woman? Sounds almost like he was chatting her up if it is a woman. Personally I like staying in those parent-teacher conferences about as much as I like staying in a dentist's chair. Get me out of there as quick as you can. No way would it EVER occur to me to chitchat.

Hi BigK, I wouldn't say it because there'd be no point in antagonizing ex. I'd rather he made the effort to get along & be friendly than pull out the passive aggressive chit he seems to like so much.

His acting as though this marriage of ours is so far behind us seemed so insensitive. No clue.

Yes, Pio, I prefer the shortest possible time spent in conference with the teachers.

ex LOVED Spain & considers himself to be a long lost Spaniard & will chat to anyone about Spain.

I'd Plan B the ex if it was me Nams. Why put up with the abuse? Just my 2c

Ya let the cat out of the bag Beth! Thanks a lot...go off running to your hot little beach...I'll stay here and freeze to death....no problems! LOL. I'm kidding. But I am slightly jealous. Our high temp. for Thursday is 21!!! Tomorrow's high is in the 30's. After that we should warm up to 43. Can't wait!

I still have no power at my house. I went home today and cleaned my house sparkling clean in the cold. But at least it will be nice to go back home to a clean house. I love that feeling! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


((((nams))))

Well I have been fighting the computer for the last 40 minutes. The mouse pointer was frozen on the screen. No matter what I did to move the mouse, it would just "jitter" but not move. First I tried replacing the batteries in the mouse. No luck. Then I tried to reconnect with the cordless receiver. No luck. Then I rebooted. No luck. Then I did a diagnostic on the USB port. Nothing. Then I uninstalled and reinstalled the drivers with the latest version. Have you ever tried to do that with only the <Tab> key? I am really angry about now because even after all I have done, the mouse cursor just flickers but won't budge!!!

Then I notice that the pen had fallen over on the digitizing tablet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I woke gemela up this AM and told her that I was sorry for how I have been the past few days and can only guess it was the anniversary. I told her that I can't fault her for the effort she has been putting forth and I appreciate all she is doing. I also told her that I really enjoy getting her calls at the office. Every time the phone rings, I look up in anticipation hoping I will see our number in the display and am always a little disappointed when it is not. I told her she didn't deserve the way I have been acting.

Here are some other reasons I won't tell ex to get his head out of his [censored] & consider the impact of his words. He is my ex, not my H, I have no say in or no control over what comes out of his mouth.

More importantly, ex has HUGE difficulty understanding his emotions & even more difficulty expressing them. The fact that he "opened" up enough to say what he did, as minor as it is, is a big step for him.

I'd feel cruel to step on that. Besides, it'd be an easy way to get an F.U. aimed at him but I'd feel bad if I did it. Kind of like taking advantage of a weakness.

Feeling this way also pisses me off & makes me sad.

Thanks for the hug stph. {{{stph}}}

The reason I can't plan B ex is because I don't want my boys to ever feel put in the middle. If we can maintain civility & cooperation my boys benefit.