uh...wouldn't that be HAMSTOR?

Todd,

I was at my absolute best when WH strayed the first time...we had only been married 4 months and I was 3 months prego at the time...I have to say I was in excellent physical, mental and spiritual shape...I had not time to have caused anything and was in NO WAY responsible for his choice to stray. I was not the cause of any of his remaining "bad choices" either. Obviously our marriage had issues due to how it started.

Nams,
I agree with Pio...probably NMNK was OW at least once. I had the pleasure of sitting nearby 2 NMNK's at a local coffee house and listened as they described their torid love lives complete with descriptions of "his girlfriend doesn't know anything about me...I was so hurt he spent the w/e with me and went right back to her and wants to act like nothing happened..." Who knows if the guy is married etc but these young women spoke as if this were the norm...the kicker was the guy had same name as my WH and same profession...chances of that????

Also with NMNK's I feel like it is the same as a Pediatrician without kids giving you advice on parenting...no offense but text books and clinical experience cannot replace the real deal.

Stph...hello!!!!

gotta run to watch a Christmas show with kids...be back later

That's very interesting. So what you are saying then is that there may be a correlation between choice of profession and propensity to cheat? Has that ever been studied? That thought had never occurred to me before. Hmmm...

Hi 2much, hope you are doing better.

So, does the above mean that to give SF advice, one has to be a porn star?

Here is the construction:

Hamsters Against Malicious and Sadistic TrEatment of Rodents

Hi 2much....I hope you're doing OK.

Enjoy your Christmas show!

I have known my best friend since the fourth grade. The kicker of this story is her parents divorced when she was little due to infidelity, so she knows about the hurt it causes kids involved...but she doesn't have a clue of the hurt and pain I've had to endure and doesn't understand me still wanting to be with WH. She supports me, but she hasn't been where I've been.

Nobody has a clue of what BS's go through until they've been there themselves.

As much as I love my RL friends and family, I would not have made it this far without MB and talking to people who have been there, done that. I found myself resenting anybody who tried to give me advice on what to do (or not do) when they haven't had to go through this. Am I alone in this thinking?

oooooOOOoooohhhh....

stph,

I'm going to go a little further than that. nams has one person among all she knows who says she has anger issues over the A. This friend is NMNK. Now I don't know this friend's age but I am guessing well old enough to not be NMNK. In fact, in my home state, I am guessing she would have been a spinster four times over.

So this friend has a keen interest in nams (nams'...nams'es...ok how do you write that anyway???) situation. It is like having a mole within the "enemy" camp. She wants the BS (any BS but nams is convenient) to see the lighter side of the A. She wants that because of guilt/fear within herself and she fears facing the full wrath of the BS in her sitch if she is ever found out.

Okay I admit it is a stretch but not much of one. I think that is why Todd and I are on the same page with this - we both see the same thing. Or am I wrong oh mighty one?

But how can nams have anger issues over the A, if she's not even SURE IF there WAS an A?

And, FWIW, nams, I don't think you have any anger issues at all. You seem to have it together pretty good and have moved on, as much as possible.

I'm not saying nams has anger issues. I am saying NMNK friend is projecting.

BigK,

It is the weekend and I'm not on email at the moment. When you have a chance, could you give some thought as to that question that WW felt compelled to ask me? It was very nearly non sequitur. She could have asked many things - or asked nothing at all. Why was that so important to her. Also, do you think I made a mistake in answering the way I did? I have an opinion as to why she did it but I would really like to hear yours. I'm going to ask Todd the same and I would like to compare the two. If your answer agrees with my opinion, I see that as a very positive thing. More later.

Pio,

If there is an adult NMNK in your state, it obviously means she has no brothers.


You are correct Grasshopper!

Or she can run faster than they can.

In fact stph, to be quite honest, the evil/sinister side of me might even suspect NMNK friend of being nams' OW and doing damage control. One way or the other, NMNK definitely has her own agenda.

I'm going to put this in an edit rather than a new post but I have been thinking the past few days about something and it has now occurred to me. Right now I think the biggest danger to my M is that WW, through her actions, has forced me to come to the realization that she is not necessary and, if need be, replaceable. I never would have even thought about that pre-Dday. I was "married for life". Same in my work. I find a company I like and I stay there. I've never been one to job-hop to get ahead.

Thanks everybody. I appreciate the comments & insights.

Interesting to think my NMNK "friend" could have been an OW at one time. Not with ex though, the timing of that is off.

I do believe she has an agenda though I can't imagine what it is.

What's odd is she will bring up ex & say things like "Oh, people change, & life is different than it used to be" as if that's a good reason to give up on a marriage. She will also talk about ex's gf in a positive way. ex, ex's gf was laid off recently, NMNK commented on how strong & brave she was & that she deserves credit. As if I want to find reasons to be sympathetic towards her. Don't think so.

These things don't usually remain a secret for long, so, though I'll be distancing myself from her, I imagine I'll hear something in the no too distant future.

Thanks guys.

You know Nams, I was happy to see you put "friend" in quotes. While my best friend can in no way appreciate what I have been through, and while he was/is supportive of R, he does it in a way that emphasizes the positives of marriage. If he took on the characteristics of your "friend" he and I would have a hard time remaining friends. But friends - real friends - have the instincts and care not to do that. Stick with your other friends who are supportive.

As I said nams, I don't know the circumstances. I do believe given the right combination of factors she could be guilty of something. Something is not right with her. I think she is a "duck".

As it happens Pio, I totally agree. LOL.

Plan A is supposed to show the BS as a viable alternative to the OP IF the affair ends - that's all - it isn't magical.

But that is why there is a carrot and a stick - the stick ends the affair, the carrot shows the BS as an alternative.

If the affair is ongoing throughout all of Plan A then Plan B is needed to break up the affair. Many times Plan A does end the affair as it did with my wife - It was exposure that did the trick. It wasn't so much fun when she saw how sleazy she looked in our childrens eyes.

I could not have said it better myself. It's natural for a BS to take the blame on D-Day but eventually, hopefully, they wake up.

Great post Stef.

Pio - you are being a bit cryptic but if you are referring to the question I think you are referring to then I think she is afraid that she is losing you because you have not re-engaged with her and she thinks maybe there is someone else. She does not know what else she can do to be a good wife

Hi,

Can't sleep... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Talked to a friend...whose family is still 'intact' and with whom we did activities together...when I HAD a family...

Big trigger...guys...hurts like ******! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


...me, too.



Thanks, Nams....didn't want to say it...but I figured just as much, too!


Nams......I am with Todd and stph20...so there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You may have noticed at the top of my thread....a 'trigger' got me here..... a BS's days are filled with trigger-mines... sometimes....they're hard to navigate.... and MOST people that do not share the experience will have a hard time understanding the reality of a BS's day.....



Yep...I agree.... (and sorry for sounding like a parrot!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



Geesh, Todd....being the busy man you are....I appreciate the time you took to furnish me with an explanation...luv you! ((((((((((((TODD))))))))))))



Stop being so picky Pio!



....this sounds suspicious....are you holding out on us, Pio?


...now this is DEFINITELY suspicious! ...not sure she would remain 'my friend' for long! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Hi BigK.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />