Can't help but if Pio or ToddAC were around they would set us straight in a heartbeat...PIO PIO PIO PIO...TODD TODD TODD...anyone...Bueller???? Are you there????

Rocker Ted Nugent on Hunting:

Nugent, an avid hunter, was being interviewed by a french journalist. The journalist asked, "What do you think the last thought is in the mind of a deer before you shoot it?
Is it, "Are you my friend?" or is it "Are you the one who killed my brother?"

Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the french."

ROTFLMAO Pio!!!! Bwahahahahahaha!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Glad to see you posting again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Pio,
Welcome Home! Now we just have to round up Todd and Larousse...perhaps they are drinking Tequila without us????

I am so glad you have made a cameo...I am a wreck and have been quite calm about it actually. Limbo is getting to me. If I at least knew where I was going to be going come summer I could start some realworld planning...

I don't understand anything remotely with WH and despite some strange mixed signals I began the online paperwork for plan D and it is now 75% complete...I need the rest of info from WH and then it will be ready to file...

How's life treat'n you Pio? We are all pretty lost without the sarcasm, humor and dry science. We were wondering how the hamster breeding was going? What became of all the gingerbread houses??? Have they become the new hamster residences? Have you heard from Todd?

TODD, TODD, your wonder twin has surfaced...SUPERMAN, are you out there???? Maybe he is visiting Beth??? Hope she is recovering...

as we hang by threads awaiting info...the tiny crowd becomes restless, grumbles are heard and a scuffle begins, the takers rise up and demand some give...INFO, INFO, INFO, the tiny crowd chants...

Welcome Back Pio. Yay

I don't feel so thick now. It seems nobody understood the maths question, not even PIO!!

Well I don't know about the math thing since I didn't post it but the first thing that came to mind was the number of sheep you count before you go to sleep. Then the connection became tenuous.

Hey Pio! Glad to see you back!

Love the Ted Nugent story!

2much,

What do you want? Don't concentrate on your WH's current behavior which looks a bit panicky. He has proven himself to be a good manipulator & he is now trying to manipulate you.

It appears he is feeling the pinch of the loss of the family. Is that enough for him to change his behavior? Doesn't he need to demonstrate to you some understanding of the destruction he's caused? Doesn't he need to agree to & meet the conditions you set for returning to the family?

Oh, stay away from sex with him. It certainly won't help you think more clearly.

You are right, my gut says it isn't enough to make him change...he just wants both and thinks that he can get it b/c in the past he could. It is so strange though, we are closer now in some respects and yet miles apart. He says he loves me but apparently not enough to even try to change...I would put $ on the fact that if he were asked he would say that he is intentionally distancing himself and trying to detach for my sake b/c he knows I deserve better...he would say he wants to come home but knows he will fail to live to the expectations that I set with my conditions of O&H, transparency etc...all the things that you would expect of a marriage from the onset.



Right again, I thought I could detach and it would be purely physical but I could not separate the emotional aspect and it set me back. That's right Nams,BK,all you MB experts you are wise to advise no SF for MANY reasons...I will do my best not to succumb again...another reason for plan B I guess.

I am torn between LSA with plan B and plan D...most of the D paperwork is done...I am miserable, weepy, frustated, aggravated and mad at myself for even letting myself get back in this cry-baby rut. I see the benefit of plan B and just need to be able to explain to my children why there will be mom family time and dad family time and they cannot mix. I need to find my backbone again, pull on my boots and get to marching in the direction that is best for myself and the kids.

Let the 2 x 4's fly along with any advice on how to explain to the kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

{{2much}}, how about just the truth? That right now interaction with dad is hurting mom.

FF,

Thank you. I am sure that answer would suffice since they are so concerned about Mom, constantly asking if I am sad, crying, happy etc.

Truth be known, if you follow Life2Short Thread I am in the same boat...choosing to be "stuck", wishing that I had that relationship that "could be" but never really was...taking a few steps forward and backsliding in fear...looking for any excuse not to take action

I just need to push myself to keep moving ahead and get the paperwork completed and filed. If he miraculously chooses to change I can cross that bridge then.

I feel like I lost my best friend but I really lost him years ago and just avoided grieving the loss...it is all catching up with me now

I am having to address my own codependent behavior and boundariless life that all stems from my childhood...although I can be extremely agressive and direct in business for whatever reason I allow my personal life to react as if I were still in a dysfunctional home...to this day I have not raised my voice or had a constructive disagreement with my mother...she violated any boundary I ever had and the way I dealt with it was to move far away and limit visits to infrequent and short time spans

I had the same sitch in my first M where I allowed things to happen that I was not comfortable with, did whatever I felt I needed to in order to keep H happy and prevent him leaving although he treated my like a doormat...

I have been excellent with keeping my children to my boundaries with them...it is only with those the very closest to me that I let the boundaries erode...why do I do this???

Ok I have REALLY gone all out here with the purging...

Anyway, thanks FF...I needed that!

This gives me indigestion. WS's are totally selfish and think of nobody but themselves. There is no possible way your WH could exhibit any kind of altruistic behavior. If he is distancing himself, it is because he no longer is getting what he wants and is trying to appease any deep seeded sense of guilt he might have. He may say he is doing it for you but the reality is that it has always been about him and it remains so.

I wish I could help you with ideas on what to tell the kids. That is tough. I suggest you get them into IC for a time. If I were in your place (and I once was), I told my DDs the absolute truth. I told them that mom left us because she no longer loved me and wanted to be with someone else. I assured them that mom still loved them very much and that I was the problem - not them. I'm not sure they entirely understood that but I couldn't think of anything else to say. I believe that if you lie to your kids, they will see through it. That doesn't help build their trust. Their world and everything they have known has been shaken to the core. They are trying to reestablish themselves in their new environment. You have to be rock solid for them (their anchor - so to speak).

Quote:

"I would put $ on the fact that if he were asked he would say that he is intentionally distancing himself and trying to detach for my sake b/c he knows I deserve better..."

Manipulation plain & simple. He knows what you will listen to & uses it.

What to tell the kids?

Decide what you're doing first. Is it plan B, is it filing for D, what?

Once you've made the choice do it. Tell the kids what they will understand. Keep it simple & on their level. Reassure them this is between you & their dad. Tell them you both love them & will always be there to care for them.

Don't give the kids too many details about what's gone wrong. keep it more about what you need to do for yourself & them to feel in a better position to be strong.

Well...it's been awhile since I have to 'catch up'.....

Hi 2much,



That's why you need to be in PLAN B....you WILL have a hard time resisting his charm....and WS is nowhere nearer to committing to respecting your boundaries.... why should he?



...2much...by not being in PLAN B....and being dark.... you are basically telling him....he doesn't have...to see you!



....sounds like you have explained it well to them...just need to ask them to respect it...

I know you feel guilty about moving away....but your children can see their dad as much as they want....and just that YOU will not be in the picture....

If you want to still give this a shot...and your WS is NOT giving you any reason to...before moving away...is a perfect time to allow your WS to see how 'reality' will be without YOU in his life....and PLAN B him....go dark....as it is how it will be once you move away....

2much.... YOU need to respect your own boundaries!

...and I KNOW what I am saying is not easy...but why should your WS or your children respect your boundaries if you yourself aren't?

((((((((((((((((2much)))))))))))))

You know that I know that going dark is scary...so?????

Hi TT,



...well...the last time I checked.... 'x' is a letter!

Ok guys, I think Luna nailed it...I know what I have to do I just don't want to have to do it...how can anyone respect my boundaries when I enforce them like the weather...I have to be consistent...I don't want to babysit the WH anymore, I don't want to worry and wonder and try my [censored] off to trust someone who hasn't shown me any attempt at working to reconcile and thinks charming his way back will work since it did in the past. I am a conflict avoider in my personal life. I should get the paperwork completed but go into plan B now...

Thanks for the reality check folks...

You got great advice from FF and Pio regarding the kids 2Much.

(((2Much)))

Well I guess you didn't do very well in algebra then. For the record, "x" is not a letter - it's an independent variable. The number of sheep can be represented by "x". Now, if you want to consider the decline in population of "x" sheep due to old age, for example, then "x" becomes dependent and you would need to take the derivative of "x" with respect to time.. If you take the second derivative, you should be able to determine the time at which you would have no more sheep (i.e. x = 0).

PIO!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So glad you're back. Hope all is well. You were missed.

{{{{Pio}}}}

Hi Pio...long time no see!

Good thing I am not....french!